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Posted

Taking a page out of Chaos's book...

Oathbringer:

REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED

Posted

Prince of Thorns:

Spoiler

Edgy McEdgyness the Fourth makes an entire book out of a chess metaphor.

Bands of Mourning:

Spoiler

A shopping trip for some pretty bangles goes awry when two groups both want to buy the same set.

Stormlight Archive:

Spoiler

In a war between some crabs and some mammals, the real winners are the insects.

 

Posted

Bands of Mourning

Spoiler

A man claims to be a long-dead, quasi-deific mythic figure from the distant past; in the end, he turns out to be a completely different long-dead, quasi-deific mythic figure from the distant past.

 

Posted
Spoiler

A kid's brother dies, so he turns emo, goes insane, and develops superpowers, saving a guy who has hallucinations occuring exactly with these rainstorms. Based on his hallucinations, they go to the center of an absolutely destroyed wasteland to get slaughtered by these weird crab guys.

SA-

Posted

The Final Empire:

Spoiler

A guy convinces his friends and a homeless girl to steal the empty vault of god. Then kills himself and blame the others for the theft.

The Well of Ascension:

Spoiler

The homeless girl tries to save the world guided by a guy with a drum. She actually dooms the world but becomes an empress in the process.

Warbreaker:

Spoiler

A girl struggles because she have to give birth to a god's son. The god doesn't know where babies come from so she read him a storybook instead.

 

Posted (edited)

Stormlight Archives 

Spoiler

Lighteyes:

Spoiler

Descendants of mythically bad leaders are still in charge of the people their ancestors betrayed. I think magic swords are involved.

Gambling:

Spoiler

Predicting the future is the work of demons, but the weather is ok.

Meanwhile, "demons" can't predict the future but Can predict the weather.

Ardents:

Spoiler

The hand tools of dead demigods are held with revelie; however the holy objects of this legends are used as weapons of war.

Safe hand:

Spoiler

Women 'symbolically maim' themselves because priests during the Dark Age thought left hands were sexy.

 

 

Edited by Sheridan_rd
Posted

I’m not sure if this has been done before but I thought it’d be funny. So like the title says. Explain a Cosmere plot badly.

Inspired by this meme.

 

1CFB8D2C-F5EA-4E81-9374-59677C02BD3D.jpeg

Posted

Codex Alera (series)

Spoiler

The entire human race is almost wiped out because two children went to go pick some mushrooms.

(alternate)

Spoiler

A little boy pricks his thumb, and suddenly it's the end of the world.

 

  • 1 month later...
Posted

Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief

Spoiler

A boy goes on a long dangerous quest to retrieve a mystical object, only to discover it was in his backpack the whole time. Also, a friend turned enemy tries to kill him with shoes.

 

  • 1 month later...
Posted

The Hero of Ages:

Spoiler

An atheist priest saves the world by becoming god.

The Way of Kings:

Spoiler

The world is at the edge of extinction, so a guy complains about government, a man gets addicted to VR and a girl eats jam.

Words of Radiance:

Spoiler

A war ends thanks to a bit of rain that wasn't in the forecast. Meanwhile, a guy spends several months deciding whether killing is bad or not and a girl almost gets killed by a stick.

 

Posted

Perfect State

Spoiler

So brains are now supposed to have sex and no one knows why? Okeh.

Oathbringer [Obvious OB spoilers, watch out]

Spoiler

I'm warning you, this is a big spoiler.

Spoiler

When everything is going downhill, a guy makes everything go right by clapping his hands.

 

Bands of Mourning

Spoiler

When you search everywhere in the store for the perfect jewelry set and it was on display at the main entrance the whole time because you weren't looking hard enough.

Snapshot

Spoiler

If this won't give you cravings for mustard-filled burritos, I don't know what will.

 

Posted

Steven Spielberg:

Spoiler

Duel:

Spoiler

"Mom, this truck has been following us for the past five miles."

"You're just imagining things, sweetie."

"NO, MOM, I'M SERIOUS!"

The Sugarland Express:

Spoiler

Hello, Officer, you're under arrest.

Jaws:

Spoiler

It's all-you-can-eat tonight.

Close Encounters of the Third Kind:

Spoiler

John, we'll have you score the music first, then we'll edit it to the score! Won't that be COOL??

1941:

Spoiler

Congratulations, Steven! Never make a comedy again.

Raiders of the Lost Ark:

Spoiler

From the brilliant minds of George Lucas and Steven Spielberg......Han Solo on Earth.

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial:

Spoiler

You're going to love this alien, no matter what he does! (Like getting drunk)

The Temple of Doom:

Spoiler

"Sorry, Steven. This movie's way too whacked up. It needs an R rating."

"Whoa, wait, how about we make a new rating, so it only allows thirteen and up? We could call it....PG-13!"

"......Sure. That'll work."

The Color Purple:

Spoiler

I won't try this one, or I'll sound racist.

Empire of the Sun:

Spoiler

A young Bruce Wayne's parents have been killed, and he has been imprisoned. This only assures his transformation.

The Last Crusade:

Spoiler

He chose......wisely.

Always:

Spoiler

Ha ha ha ha.......Steven, uhh, I said no comedy stuff.

Hook:

Spoiler

I LOVE THIS MOVIE!! Wait, everybody else doesn't?? What???

Jurassic Park:

Spoiler

The park goes south because a fat man put embryos into shaving cream.

Schindler's List:

Spoiler

Great film, Steven! Do it again sometime!

The Lost World: Jurassic Park:

Spoiler

How on Earth did you make the San Diego sequence feel like a different movie?? HOW??

Amistad:

Spoiler

What a great movie!......Ah, dang it, now it's a history lesson.

Saving Private Ryan:

Spoiler

This one's for you, Dad.

A.I. Artificial Intelligence:

Spoiler

It's Stanley Kubrick's brain-child, but Steven just gave it plastic surgery.

Minority Report:

Spoiler

You may not have done anything, but your hand was almost to the cookie jar.

Catch Me If You Can:

Spoiler

Another comedy, Steven? I thought I........Never mind. It's good.

The Terminal:

Spoiler

"This guy's been stuck here forever! He must be a terrorist!"

War of the Worlds:

Spoiler

So.....Tom Cruise killed Tim Robbins because he might've been a threat to his daughter?

Munich:

Spoiler

Wait........Steven directed this?

Kingdom of the Crystal Skull:

Spoiler

YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID NO, STEVEN! JUST SAY NO!

The Adventures of Tintin:

Spoiler

From the creators of Indiana Jones and The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, comes exactly what you would expect from the creators of Indiana Jones and The Lord of the Rings Trilogy.

War Horse:

Spoiler

People love horses! Who wouldn't watch it?

Lincoln:

Spoiler

No words can describe my shock of awe.

Bridge of Spies:

Spoiler

Where's the bridge? All I see is spies.

The BFG:

Spoiler

I'm friendly, but I kidnapped you anyway!

The Post:

Spoiler

John Williams. You gave up scoring Ready Player One to score this? Why?

Ready Player One:

Spoiler

Just warning you, Steven. If it isn't like the book, you're going to make so many people furious.

 

 

Posted
2 hours ago, Captains Domon said:

The Temple of Doom:

  Hide contents

"Sorry, Steven. This movie's way too whacked up. It needs an R rating."

"Whoa, wait, how about we make a new rating, so it only allows thirteen and up? We could call it....PG-13!"

"......Sure. That'll work."

? This movie is PG.

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