Explain a Plot Badly

[Asrael he/him]

WoR
 

Spoiler

After surviving a traumatic slave experience through sheer force of optimism, a one armed man becomes a one-arm-and-a-nub man through sheer force of more optimism and determination.

 

[btcannon]

Stormlight:

Spoiler

A medical school dropout learns that the real world isn't all that great. He can't even get the tattoo he wants.

A forgetful war veteran reluctantly pursues a relationship his brother's widow. He is also Iron Man.

A patricidal young woman overcomes the odds to become an accomplished pathological liar. She also joins a cult.

 

[Crucible of Shards he/him]

Steelheart

Spoiler

An obsessed teen convinces a terrorist cell to let him join by pointing out how predictable they are.

Firefight

Spoiler

An obsessed teen's hormones save thousands by pushing his mentor over the edge of sanity.

Calamity

Spoiler

An obsessed teen destroys a being of chaos and destruction by convincing him that people are innately good.

 

[Faceless Mist-Wraith he/him]

Elantris

Spoiler

After 2 failed marriages, a princess marries a god.

Warbreaker

Spoiler

A princess marries a god who's the strong silent type and her sister learns how to breath on things.

 

[Archer he/him]

Steelheart: 

Spoiler

David goes on and on about guns, then makes you cringe by calling analogies metaphors.

Firefight: 

Spoiler

Megan and David flirt a lot.

Calamity: 

Spoiler

Prof is salty about his city.

 

Edited September 25, 2017 by Archer
Hid potential spoilers

[Taliax none (name only)]

@Archer - might want to spoiler tag those.  Great bad explanations, though!  (lol at the Prof one... XD)

Mistborn Final Empire:

Spoiler

Girl with trust issues learns to trust from a group of people who make a living out of lying.

 

[Eluvianii he/him]

Elantris:

Spoiler

A girl destroys a kingdom's structure before marrying a magical zombie

 

[daanan]

Some really good ones out there, so I'm only going to do a couple.

The Emperor's Soul:

Spoiler

A girl, who is about to be executed for being really good at counting rocks and convincing everything to be something it wasn't, escapes jail by writing a book and carving a couple of rocks.

WoK:

Spoiler

A guy with incredible self-control who chooses to have no control over his life chooses to kill everyone except for the guy who turns out to be murdering a hospital full of innocent people.

A really depressed guy is convinced by an apparition not to commit suicide when it gives him the poison he was going to commit suicide with months earlier.

A man, convinced he is going mad, decides that now is a good time to hit it off with his dead brother's wife.

WoR:

Spoiler

A girl falls in love with a fashion-obsessed nobleman and his stuck-up bodyguard who killed her brother, joins the cult that is threatening her family and almost killed her, and saves the day by turning her invisible friend into a magical sword-key.

A woman who is killed spends the rest of the book being dead until it is announced that she is actually not dead. (Don't let gut wounds and drowning convince you otherwise.)

 

[btcannon]

@daanan, your Szeth summary is hysterical. Lots of funny stuff. Well done!

[Nathrangking he/him]

WoR

Spoiler

Mystical swords of legend slay rocks and save the day.

 

[Steeldancer he/him]

OathbrinNO SPOILERS YOU FOOL OF A TOOK

 

[Modal Seoul he/him]

Napoleon Dynamite:

Spoiler

My life.

Nacho Libre:

Spoiler

How did Jack Black get deported? He's not Mexican!

School of Rock:

Spoiler

I'm not a substitute. I've been exploiting your talents for my personal gain. Welcome to the real world.

 

[Necessary Eagle she/her]

On 8/21/2017 at 11:58 PM, Extesian said:

The Silmarillion

  Hide contents

Someone plays the wrong note in a symphony. The world sucks for 4000 years.

 

Spoiler

Dysfunctional family goes on a trip together.

-or-

A man's insecurity about his family jewels has unforeseen repercussions.

-or-

A talented musician quarrels with his band manager, sinks into a spiral of delinquency.

 

And now for some Sanderson ones:

WoR

Spoiler

Odium rains.

Edgedancer

Spoiler

An entire city is complicit in the crime of lying about pancakes.

Secret History

Spoiler

One's a dead Survivor, one's a broken god: together, they fight crime Ruin!

 

Edited September 26, 2017 by Necessary Eagle

[Faceless Mist-Wraith he/him]

Mistborn

Spoiler

A felon teaches an orphan how to throw metal, and she steals jewelry from an old man.

 

[ThirdGen]

mother!

The "Mysterious Stranger" sequence from The Adventures of Mark Twain.

[Faceless Mist-Wraith he/him]

Way of Kings

Spoiler

A girl switches a broken magic glove for another broken magic glove.

An old general tries to get everyone to read a book he really liked.

A soldier tries to bridge the gap between himself and the old general.

 

[Exalted]

6 hours ago, Faceless Mist-Wraith said:

Way of Kings

  Hide contents

A girl switches a broken magic glove for another broken magic glove.

An old general tries to get everyone to read a book he really liked.

A soldier tries to bridge the gap between himself and the old general.

 

That last pun is definitely groan-worthy. My compliments to you.

[Taliax none (name only)]

4 hours ago, Exalted Dungeon Master said:

That last pun is definitely groan-worthy. My compliments to you.

Somehow I totally missed that pun, wow.

[Modal Seoul he/him]

Pixar:

Spoiler

Toy Story:

Spoiler

Quick! Andy's not here! Break his lamp!

A Bug's Life:

Spoiler

Seven Samurai but with bugs.

Toy Story 2:

Spoiler

Quick! Woody's not here! Buzz takes the throne!

Monsters, Inc.:

Spoiler

Hey, Dad, switch rooms with me tonight.

Finding Nemo:

Spoiler

Why are we looking for nobody?

The Incredibles:

Spoiler

"Ooh be doo! I wanna be like yo-ou!"

Cars:

Spoiler

Rocky III with cars.

Ratatouille:

Spoiler

Wait, old Bilbo voiced the short chef?? WUT??

WALL-E:

Spoiler

Take the trash out, Wilkes!

Up:

Spoiler

HOW DID RUSSELL GET ON CARL'S PORCH!!??

Toy Story 3:

Spoiler

Quick! Lotso's not here! Time to reenact The Great Escape!

Cars 2:

Spoiler

Who left a bag of burning dog poo on my porch?

Brave:

Spoiler

This is a Pixar film?

Monsters University:

Spoiler

The aftermath of a college hangover.

Inside Out:

Spoiler

I think Practicality should be a must for the emotions. Also, Joy's a butt.

The Good Dinosaur:

Spoiler

A reverse Jurassic Park.

Finding Dory:

Spoiler

Yet another vastly inferior movie in comparison to its predecessor.

Cars 3:

Spoiler

Rocky Balboa with cars.

Coco:

Spoiler

Pixar resorts to plagiarism.

 

 

[Djarskublar he/him]

Mistborn

Spoiler

A group of heavy metal fans start the quest for immortality

AoL

Spoiler

A guy with an excellent weight management program teams up with a con artist to fight a guy with a taste for gold over a girl. (I guess that's more the character's explained poorly than the plot... oh well)

WoK and minor Edgedancer

Spoiler

Some gross 17 legged crab things stalk some people

Warbreaker

Spoiler

Evil is destroyed and there are scantily clad females

Edgedancer

Spoiler

A girl convinces an old man of his errors after discovering a conspiracy to reduce dietary variety

 

[Faceless Mist-Wraith he/him]

Mistborn

Spoiler

A man gets revenge on god by starting his own religion.

Words of Radiance

Spoiler

A girl tries to keep a magical, teleporting sword, in a safe.

An old general tries to stop some people from singing.

A soldier breaks his imaginary friend, fixes her, and then uses her to kill people.

 

[Nathrangking he/him]

7 minutes ago, Faceless Mist-Wraith said:

Mistborn

  Reveal hidden contents

A man gets revenge on god by starting his own religion.

Words of Radiance

  Reveal hidden contents

A girl tries to keep a magical, teleporting sword, in a safe.

An old general tries to stop some people from singing.

A soldier breaks his imaginary friend, fixes her, and then uses her to kill people.

 

 alternatively WoR

Spoiler

A mind controlled choir brings the apocalypse.

An idea dies and then comes back to life.

A double murderer gets engaged to to the son of a reformed sociopath.

 

[SilverTiger she/her]

On 10/9/2017 at 0:31 PM, Nathrangking said:

 alternatively WoR

  Hide contents

A mind controlled choir brings the apocalypse.

An idea dies and then comes back to life.

A double murderer gets engaged to to the son of a reformed sociopath.

 

Actually, I think Dalinar's a pyschopath.

[Foxx she/her]

The Final Empire:

Spoiler

A dude with superpowers kicks off the apocalypse and becomes a cult leader.

The Well of Ascension: 

Spoiler

There's an annoying love story, a talking dog and the cult leader's protégé makes the apocalypse so much worse. 

The Hero of Ages:

Spoiler

All your favorite people die, including the talking dog, except that one guy who becomes God.

 

[Taliax none (name only)]

8 hours ago, Foxx said:

The Final Empire:

  Hide contents

A dude with superpowers kicks off the apocalypse and becomes a cult leader.

The Well of Ascension: 

  Hide contents

There's an annoying love story, a talking dog and the cult leader's protégé makes the apocalypse so much worse. 

The Hero of Ages:

  Hide contents

All your favorite people die, including the talking dog, except that one guy who becomes God.

 

The Hero of Ages one though.  So True.