Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!

[+Sorana]

*hugs*

I agree with Silva. As long as you take a look at your actions, and question what you do, you have control over what ideas you really execute, and what stays in your imagination.

[AonEne]

On 3/23/2019 at 11:20 PM, The Forgetful Archivist said:

This will be somewhat lengthy, a little bit rambling, and possibly quite petty. almost a year ago I decided I liked a certain girl, she was funny nice and I had introduced her to her first Sanderson book (the Emporer's Soul) a few months later I asked her if she wanted to attend the Skyward release party with me that night we decided to start dating. I find that she is more often than not factoring into my longterm plans and I into hers. Now you might be saying "TFA, what part of this is bad news" well it's not, yet. Unfortunately, I have a beef with her family. As a rule, I strive to expect honor from those I interact with as well as giving them a chance to live up to it. On several occasions he had ignored her when she wanted to talk in favor of a video game, he imposes ridiculous and nonsensical curfews that range from 8:00 PM to 2:00 AM with no apparent pattern or reason. She is an adult who lives at home who has acted out once 8 years ago. However, I trusted his judgment and trying to remind myself that he was just doing his best, that he was just attempting to shelter her from a cruel world. But yesterday he asked me not to see her for a week. Now a week isn't long but the idea of him trying to control her really bothers me, she is an adult, admittedly one that lives under his roof, but still. I cannot see control as honorable it is against a lot of stuff I believe in but it seems her sister and her father is always trying to manipulate her through her unconditional love towards them. The last thing I want is to come between her and her family, I don't want to be the person that drives a wedge between them but I find it increasingly hard to respect him. 

I tend to think of life as a game of chess, every move is important (some more than others) and sometimes when one focuses on a few pieces one gets outmaneuvered and into trouble. It's better to separate yourself and look at the whole board and make calculated and informed decisions that move you towards goals or protect me from others. But more and more I find that view him as an opponent, one whose goals clash with my own. I find myself weighing moves to outmaneuver him, all while protecting myself from potential offensives. I know this is as nonsensical as an 8:00 curfew on a Friday, perhaps more so, but I can't seem to help it. This piece of me scares me, it sees friends, enemies, and strangers as pieces to be manipulated. It is coldly calculating and Machiavellian. I don't think I want to be that person though. I am constantly questioning who I am and how I factor into the world. And more importantly, I can't help wondering if I'm secretly a villain in disguise. I worry that when I am an immoral scumbag who masquerades as a paragon (or at the least a practitioner) of ethics. There is a quote from Hamlet that comes to mind, "That one may smile, and smile, and be a villain" I wonder if this describes me. 

No.

What they said, also, cause it's true and great advice, but no. That is not you. You're a good person. You yourself have shown honor to me. You're one of the good guys, TFA. I believe in you.

*hugs tightly*

And yeah, her family's actions don't make sense. I'm sorry you have to put up with that. Can you still contact her? Maybe you can pass the time by texting or calling.

[Draginon]

This happened to one of my coworkers, not me.

Its state testing time at work so we're having to get the test booklets and answer documents separated by group, grade and campus. This coworker is at the high school and is Nigerian. We were getting one of her testing buckets packed when she got a call from her son's school. He got in trouble because another student was bullying him, assaulted him, called him ugly and used the n word (she actually said it since the majority of Africans don't make as much of a big deal of the word but she knows the context in use)

As you can tell she was furious and said that she will be pressing charges against the other student. I've never met her son but I was angry as well since I hate bullying (was a victim of that throughout my schooling days in Texas from 5th grade onwards) and knowing her and her husband that her son is most likely a sweet kid who wouldn't resort to violence.

When she left for the day I told her to tell her son that he's beautiful and give him a hug. She did appreciate that since she needed it and I'm sure her son will as well.

[Draginon]

The exploding mailboxes stoke again!

The street I live on the mailboxes keep getting hit with at least every single one getting destroyed at least once. Me and my mother had gone out and when we were about to turn into our street we saw police cars and a car that appeared to be in our yard. Thankfully it wasn't in ours but our neighbor two houses down lost her mailbox for the fourth time, will give the city's 'preventive measures' at the end, and pieces of her mailbox and the car were in her yard, the neighbor between us and ours. She's an older woman, I think in her 60's, and me, another neighbor and the tow truck driver spent over an hour cleaning all the debris out of the three yards. The lady was so grateful for our help since she would've had to do it herself.

The driver apparently was a early 20 year old girl and she hit the mailbox because she dropped her phone. Her punishment? Her parents are buying her a new car! Our immediate neighbor said if that had been her child she would've made them clean the mess up.

Also our neighbor was lucky because she was at the store and had gotten a minor delay, something like 5 minutes, and the car was already there but not the police meaning if she hadn't been delayed that little bit the car would've hit her car and injured, or worse killed, her and her two young sons.

Now onto how the city tried to 'prevent' this stuff from happening. 1. They installed a speed limit sign that flashes a small white light. 2. They put small bumps along the gutters that are practically gone because the mailtruck is going over it so often it's broken into pieces. Everyone on the street wanted them to put rolling speed bumps and install additional street lights, we only have one total and this street has an s curve, but apparently that was too much to ask. To show the priorities of our town: they fix up the street going into the high school stadium, build a brand new high school no one wanted and approving the 50th Mexican food restaurant while 80% of the streets, most are residential, are pockmarked with potholes, the downtown area is becoming a ghost town because no business can stay very long since they only want antiques and lawyers down there and businesses that would be great to have they don't want so everyone has to go to the other towns just to go to those establishments (for me I have to go two towns away, or to the other side of Dallas, just to go to a bookstore since we no longer have one here)

[AonEne]

That sounds...awful. I'm sorry. *hugs your whole town* Hopefully the people in charge can get their act together soon.

[Draginon]

18 hours ago, AonEne said:

That sounds...awful. I'm sorry. *hugs your whole town* Hopefully the people in charge can get their act together soon.

My mother talked with one of the neighbors down the street and he said the council won't do anything to help us. Heck they want all of us to pay out of our pockets to install extra streetlights, that's City property as far as I know.

Also with this it makes 33 mailboxes that have been destroyed and that's more mailboxes than there are houses on the stretch in question.

It's so maddening how accident prone our street is but the council's attitude is "not our problem" so I'm to the point I want to find their houses and destroy their mailboxes just so they can feel how we are feeling. Yes I'm mad enough to consider property damage.

The only way I can possibly see things changing is if some young blood gets injected since the entire council is filled with old farts who don't understand anything past the 50's.

[+Ark1002]

It's my spring break.

But I have to spend three days babysitting...

[Ammanas]

Got bitten by a neighborhood dog on my walk today. People never keep their dogs on leashes and say they wouldn't hurt anyone, but they do and it's happened to me before and other family members. It's so frustrating. I didnt approach it or anything...just walking on the sidewalk. It barely broke skin, and its up to date on all shots so I told the owner I wouldn't press charges but will call animal control if I see it roaming free again. Please all dog owners keep your beasts under control and stop letting them roam free in public places!

[AonEne]

2 hours ago, Ark1002 said:

It's my spring break.

But I have to spend three days babysitting...

RIP. Are they good kids, at least?

1 hour ago, Ammanas said:

Got bitten by a neighborhood dog on my walk today. People never keep their dogs on leashes and say they wouldn't hurt anyone, but they do and it's happened to me before and other family members. It's so frustrating. I didnt approach it or anything...just walking on the sidewalk. It barely broke skin, and its up to date on all shots so I told the owner I wouldn't press charges but will call animal control if I see it roaming free again. Please all dog owners keep your beasts under control and stop letting them roam free in public places!

In the defense of dogs, some are good and wouldn't hurt anyone even without leashes. Others would, for some reason or another that we humans usually don't understand. Maybe it was in pain or something. I'm sorry you were bitten, and I hope the more aggressive dogs where you live can be calmed down.

[Ammanas]

28 minutes ago, AonEne said:

some are good and wouldn't hurt anyone even without leashes.

Every time its happened the dog owners are completely shocked and say nothing like this has ever happened before and is completely out of character for the dog...and yet its happened to me before, my wife, and my son; all different dogs in different states. What all of the situations have in common is that it happened when we were minding our own business and a dog was off a leash. I have owned dogs before (not recently) and have always kept them in a yard with a good fence or on a leash. However thank you for your other kind words.

[Shallan&Pattern]

My bestie just decided that Way of Kings is boring. She's on chapter 4. I mean. Come on. Stormlight spoiler

 

She was at the part where Kaladin was on bridge runs! How is that boring?

Edited April 15, 2019 by Shallan&Pattern

[Wander89]

On 15/04/2019 at 9:39 PM, Shallan&Pattern said:

My bestie just decided that Way of Kings is boring. She's on chapter 4. I mean. Come on. Stormlight spoiler

  Hide contents

She was at the part where Kaladin was on bridge runs! How is that boring?

Does she usually read fantasy books? My first readthrough was a slog and I DNF'd it about a third of the way through. I seen the light after reading Mistborn and giving this another shot though.

[Shallan&Pattern]

1 hour ago, Wander89 said:

Does she usually read fantasy books? My first readthrough was a slog and I DNF'd it about a third of the way through. I seen the light after reading Mistborn and giving this another shot though.

yes.

[TheGirlWhoLookedUp]

On 4/15/2019 at 2:39 PM, Shallan&Pattern said:

My bestie just decided that Way of Kings is boring. She's on chapter 4. I mean. Come on. Stormlight spoiler

  Reveal hidden contents

She was at the part where Kaladin was on bridge runs! How is that boring?

I had the same problem with my sister. It took her eighty-six days just to read the Way of Kings! The funny thing is, she really liked the series, just got bored with Dalinar.

[Wander89]

7 hours ago, Shallan&Pattern said:

yes.

Some people just won't be able to get into it, which is okay too. At least they gave it a shot!

[Shallan&Pattern]

Okay, so I have a sanderfan in my class, and I was talking to her. I was quoting stormlight characters and doing impressions, we made a little game. Then one of my non sanderfan friends hears. All she knows is that Syl and Pattern are both spren. So she ships them together. She shipped Syl and Pattern together. Honor Spren and Lie Spren. I mean, come on. It makes zero sense. I told her that their species kinda hate eachothers guts. She still goes around saying Syltern.

[+Doomstick]

On 4/19/2019 at 5:50 AM, Shallan&Pattern said:

Okay, so I have a sanderfan in my class, and I was talking to her. I was quoting stormlight characters and doing impressions, we made a little game. Then one of my non sanderfan friends hears. All she knows is that Syl and Pattern are both spren. So she ships them together. She shipped Syl and Pattern together. Honor Spren and Lie Spren. I mean, come on. It makes zero sense. I told her that their species kinda hate eachothers guts. She still goes around saying Syltern.

*dies*

[Darkness Ascendant]

Bad day...more like bad life...

Skipping through everything up to the past year and a half which have honestly been the worst part of my life (Already gone through the other aspects of my life here). I was going through a lot of crem last year, which translated into me as a person being pretty toxic. I spent most of my time in a state of extreme distress and paranoia and lashed out a lot to the people I loved the most. Whenever I was "lucid" which at times lasted months, I'd do everything in my power to set things straight. Except, nothing was ever enough and I'd end up feeling extremely disillusioned and suicidal and in retrospect talking about how I felt that way to them only served to distrust me even more (Whenever I'm hopeless I become extremely nihilistic and cynical and say stuff like "Oh you wouldn't care if I died" etc). 

Thing is, all I ever needed was support from my friends. I didn't immediately become toxic like that, nah I'd spent ages trying to get support from them but they always made things about themselves. I'd mention that they were bad at asking me how I was when I would always ask them how they were- so instead of it being about me needing to be asked how I was...it became about how they were bad at asking me how I was. And I'd end up spending my time trying to help them be better at that.

Ridiculous, I know. They took it real far too- they'd write "All talk no walk" on their arm each day- which I was really uncomfortable with. And yet despite all these efforts, nothing changed. I got frustrated and sometimes I would snap and rant at them about how they were inconsiderate and a bad friend. Not only was I dealing with my crap alone, but I was also dealing with their crap. Not to mention that I'd spent most of the previous year literally sacrificing my sleep, my sanity and my physical health to make sure they were okay as they were going through a bad breakup.

Regardless, at this time I was at wit's end and I'd become a ball of hate and anger, I was frustrated at the situation daily and would snap extremely easily. I regret this time immensely and I did everything I possibly could to make up for it. Except it wasn't enough and a couple of days after my birthday I lost my friends. I...don't blame them for that, just they completely ghosted me, never said goodbye. Its stormed with me every single day and I still miss them immensely.

The worst part is, is that I think they all think I'm a psychological manipulator. One of them called me a gaslighter and a manipulator and led me on this little goose chase saying that if I learnt my lesson I could be friends again potentially. I think they've talked about me behind my back and all the circles that I used to be in now feel awkward and cold. My reputation is completely messed up in those circles, where I used to be considered one of the nicest and best guys around. The fact that people think so badly of me hurts me the most, especially since despite what they've done to me I still love and miss them so much. I don't know how to move on from that.

In the time I've had since they've left I've recovered extremely well. The first few months were the hardest and I spent the entire time blaming myself- ignoring what they'd do to me (They'd ignore me for days at a time, compared me to my father's...temper...would often call me pathetic. They'd lied to me multiple times and had broken every single promise they'd ever made- in fact 2 weeks before they left they'd promised they wouldn't leave the way they did). I've made a tonne of new friends, have been focusing on my studies and have won some scholarships and had some amazing experiences. 

Life should be good except I'm still extremely bogged down. My mind is completely stormed from everything I've experienced during my life. I need a psychologist or something but I can't until I'm on my own- my parents would not allow it...long story. I'm extremely paranoid in all my relationships, have a really hard time trusting people and every night I just can't stop thinking about the past and it usually ends up with me falling asleep at 2am with a blocked nose and sore throat from all the crying. During the day its worse since whenever I'm alone my brain just wanders over to those things and I end up staring at walls or youtube blankly. All this is affecting my studies immensely and I'm falling behind on my work real badly. I really want to get into a good uni and potentially do a law/psych degree and then a doctorate in psychology postgrad. I want to be a psych researcher in the field of abuse...its something I'm really passionate about.

Furthermore, I've been having a lot of health issues lately. I'm constantly sick and have been developing nerve problems (Involuntary spasms, nerve damage etc). Last night I couldn't sleep because my entire right arm was on fire and it felt like the bones in my arm were going to jump right out of the skin. According to mum there's probably something wrong with my nervous system since it doesn't sound like something like carpal tunnel and I'm currently pumped full of painkillers. If anything happens to my right arm I'm probably just going to commit suicide honestly, I've lost enough and losing something like an arm would just be too much. Although also honestly I've told myself I'm going to commit suicide if (x) happens in the past and never had the guts to do it, just ended up bouncing back somehow. Just with this, the thought of being unable to do so many things, especially art which literally is keeping me alive...is unbearable. 

I'm not looking for sympathy or help, just needed to vent somewhere and get all these factors influencing my mental issues out somewhere concretely. Its been proven to me a million times that the only person I can truly rely on is myself, and honestly, its helped me become a lot stronger as a person. Out of all this crap the best thing that's happened is that I actually have respect and care for myself, I used to hate myself and consider myself subhuman compared to everyone else but after all this I genuinely have learnt to love myself. Only bit of light in this darkness hey.

Whew, this took a while to get out- tl;dr lots of things have lead me to having bad mental and physical health issues and I'm struggling with them but I'm probably going to be okay.

EDIT: I also don't understand how my friends could give up on me like that, surely they could tell I wasn't myself right? I don't know how I could go from being a "stick willing to burn itself to warm others" and a "big cuddly teddy bear" to being someone who's "going to die alone and hated" and a "toxic gaslighting manipulator". I'm so shellshocked by how much crap has happened between us and I wish I could turn back time but I can't.

Edited April 21, 2019 by Darkness Ascendant

[AonEne]

On 4/19/2019 at 6:50 AM, Shallan&Pattern said:

All she knows is that Syl and Pattern are both spren. So she ships them together. She shipped Syl and Pattern together. Honor Spren and Lie Spren. I mean, come on. It makes zero sense. I told her that their species kinda hate eachothers guts. She still goes around saying Syltern.

I've heard that ship before...

16 minutes ago, Darkness Ascendant said:

*shortened for space*

*hugs you* First off, it can be hard to have friends like that, especially if you still love them. However, it's for the best that you aren't friends with them. People who would do what you said don't deserve you. I hope your current friends are better, and the Shard is full of great people if you're on the lookout for more.

Please don't commit suicide. Maybe that means nothing from some girl online; you don't know me and have no reason to take my advice. But suicide is the wrong thing to do. Humans are resourceful; we always find a way, so even if something happens to you, you'll figure something out. You're clearly a smart guy, from the posts I've seen of yours around the forums, and I have no doubt that you can get those degrees. Don't sacrifice all that because of the pain from your past when it's just that - the past. I, for one, would miss you.

I wish you the best of luck in moving out and finding a therapist. They do help. And you probably already have, but maybe try looking up your symptoms? Have you gone to a doctor? If you're not able, like with the therapist thing, I believe there are online doctors or numbers you can call who'll attempt to assist you and stuff.

*hugs you again for good measure*

[Darkness Ascendant]

 

 

 

1 minute ago, AonEne said:

 

Okay well thing is they could say the same no? I did treat them just as badly if not more than how they treated me.  

That's really sweet, I'm honoured that you think that. As I said, I'll be fine- just getting the thoughts out themselves is therapeutic on its own.

Yeah, I'm going to try and see if my year advisor at school can get me in touch with someone, do it behind my parents back  

[AonEne]

13 minutes ago, Darkness Ascendant said:

...just getting the thoughts out themselves is therapeutic on its own.

I get that.

But you kept trying to make amends, while they didn't and in fact purposely attacked you - at least, that's the impression I got.

[Darkness Ascendant]

7 minutes ago, AonEne said:

I get that.

But you kept trying to make amends, while they didn't and in fact purposely attacked you - at least, that's the impression I got.

The main one was going through a lot of stuff too and wasn't being themselves either. They're also the one I miss the most. I understand where they come from and sure yeah they kept hurting me but I don't blame them for that either. I was pretty messed up and well they aren't better than me. I accept my failings and I've become a better person subsequently. They haven't accepted theirs and are probably still miserable due to the way they are. I'm no longer miserable because of who I am, only because of my circumstances. I consider that a victory and I'm happy at leaving it at that. 

I have dreams about helping them sometimes but I don't think they'd ever accept me. I don't care about who deserves what because as far as I know nobody deserves anything, I care about doing the right thing. I've made mistakes and so have they but I'm still really really glad I could help them when I could. Sometimes I do wish I never helped them through their breakup for example (During the toxicness they accused me of being jealous of the other guy where before they'd simply been sweet and grateful). I know I'd do it again if the situation came up again, its just the right thing to do and I don't know what I'd do with myself if I knew I could have helped them and didn't. 

That turned a little rambly sorry  

[AonEne]

Trust me, I'm not one to judge about rambling.

[Darkness Ascendant]

1 minute ago, AonEne said:

Trust me, I'm not one to judge about rambling.

One of our many flaws  

[AonEne]