Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

4 minutes ago, Kaymyth said:

Well, this week is not off to an auspicious start.

Got an email from a company today, asking if we could let their client do <Thing That Is Illegal>.  No.  No, we cannot.  Because it is, as it happens, illegal.  And I said so in about as many words with a (very thin) veneer of politeness.

Seriously, this is so mind-bogglingly stupid I can't even think up a good Redacted, Inc metaphor story to explain it.  You'll just have to trust me when I say that just the fact that this person asking me to do the thing gave me a momentary overwhelming desire to smack them with a cricket bat.

You could always do this:

 

 

[marsoupial they/them]

1 hour ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

SpongeBob Coworker is back.

Ouch. Back at it again with the incessant whistling?

[Kaymyth she/her]

14 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

You could always do this:

Nah.  I'm not a lawyer. 

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

10 minutes ago, bleeder said:

Ouch. Back at it again with the incessant whistling?

Can't say for sure yet. Today was the first time I saw him. Though I'm sure he hasn't changed much during his absence. 

But now there's apparently some sort of training for my department? And now I'm on the "oh no, did I do something wrong and cause this training" spiral.

[Orlion Blight he/him]

54 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

Can't say for sure yet. Today was the first time I saw him. Though I'm sure he hasn't changed much during his absence. 

But now there's apparently some sort of training for my department? And now I'm on the "oh no, did I do something wrong and cause this training" spiral.

There's always training, that's natural! What's unnatural is if the training is useful 

[Mestiv he/him]

18 hours ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

And now I'm on the "oh no, did I do something wrong and cause this training" spiral.

I think you're overestimating yourself  You'd have to burn a shelve full of books to make them invest in a full training for staff just because of you

[Delightful]

I need hugs and reassurance please.

Last night I had a nightmare that involved me being insane in a clinical sense - something like extreme anxiety, heightened fear sense but not quite a panic attack, no one believing me, I was in a classroom and starting trashing the place and was still ignored till my mum picked me up from school and took me to a dr. --followed by layers of dreams in which I couldn't figure out if I was awake and what was real. I woke up covered in sweat.

Today, I was bullied into buying expensive shoes I don't like with money that was a gift that I was going to buy something nice with - that something being shoes I needed but the point was to walk away happy.

I walk into this small shoe shop, I ask how much their shoes cost in general.
"Pick a shoe and I'll tell you."
"Ok. How much is this one?"
"What size are you? What colour?"
I answered. She brings a box. "But how much are they?
"Here, try them on, what do you think?"
"How much are they?"
"x shekel"
Wait those don't fit try another pair.
"here this pair is better. they're orthopaedic. Good boots!

They're ankle boots, really nothing spectacular, they do seem to have a decent sole but maybe the high price is being all confirmation bias-y. They cost very slightly more than my present money but I figure I can spend a little more for good warm boots. I'm aware this whole time that she's being pushy but I thought I was aware enough not to fall for it.  

"I don't like them, I think they're too small. Do you have the next size up"
"Sure-wait no we don't have it. It's leather it'll stretch"
"Ummmm they're still tight I don't know...."
"We can stretch them for you!"
A guy working in the shop pulls out this contraption and stretches the leather a bit.
"It's still too tight."
"What are you talking about you have plenty room in the toes! We'll stretch it some more!"

At this point there are three shop workers, I get the impression they're owners/family, all doing this passive aggressive bullying thing. I'm talking to a  friend in English so they keep asking if we're immigrants, where are we from, how am I settling in, small talk.

I'm wearing the shows trying to figure out if they're comfy and the lady takes my sneakers and puts them in a  bag i.e. I'll wear the new shoes out the door when I haven't decided I want them yet!

They're stretching the shoes, I'm trying to decide if I actually want them. 

"So how are you paying, cash or credit? You should smile, why do you look like that? smile!"

More umming and ahing from me.

"I'll make you a deal. 330 shekel."

still above my budget but less. I talk to my friend. I still think at this point that I'm independently making the decision because I'm aware that they're being pushy. 

"Ok....I guess I'll take them!"

"Titchadshi" which means something like wear it in good health/enjoy the new thing.

I hand the guy 350 shekel. He gives me ten change.

"You said 330"
"Really? I thought I said 340."
friend: "you said 330"
He takes back the change and gives me a 20.
"I said 340 but for you I'll make it 330."

I walk out the shop in the shoes. It's wet outside. They do have good grip on wet stone but they're plain and boring and really not what I had in mind.

A couple hours later I'm sitting here thinking, of course they gave them to me to wear outside in the wet and the dirt. Now they're dirty and even harder to return. And I don't want them. I from perspective I can now see I was bullied the whole way through. So I have a friend who's a Hebrew speaker I'm gonna ask to come with me and yell at them and see if I can get my money back.

I am not a happy camper and I'm annoyed at myself because I thought I didn't tolerate bullies and I just got caught by three. And I'm mad at them for being bullies and I should have just walked out of the shop.

Can I have assurances that I'm not dumb, I didn't deserve that and there is hope for humanity?

 

Edit: I know this isn't a perfect comparison and I mean no disrespect but - I think I understand some people who say yes to a guy and then claim rape the next morning. I know this is just shoes and its not comparable. But I said yes. I handed over money. And I absolutely did not want those shoes. I was pushed and coerced into thinking that I did and I thought it was my free will but it wasn't. and now I feel violated and I'm not quite sure how to deal with that. I thought I knew how to say no. 

Edited January 31, 2017 by Deliiiiiightful

[Oversleep]

30 minutes ago, Deliiiiiightful said:

Can I have assurances that I'm not dumb , I didn't deserve that

You're not dumb. It's very clear from what I've seen that you're an intelligent person. But being intelligent does not make you resistant to psychical pressure. The situation you got in was messy and hard to resist.
(I can relate - I'm a person who hates preorders on principle and claims they're evil. And a person who is against buying games before at least year have passed since its release. Still I got tangled into advertisement and almost preordered the next game in a series which I had still three to go through first. So yeah.)

If you want advice, a good tactic is to say that you're just trying them out today and not buying. You can still bargain all you want but if you decide you're not buying today they cannot pressure you into doing it. Usually buying things in the heat of the moment is bad idea.
Don't try to explain like "I don't brought my wallet" or anything because you'll get into discussion. You want to just state that you're not buying now.

30 minutes ago, Deliiiiiightful said:

and there is hope for humanity?

That I cannot vouch for, I'm sorry.

Edited January 31, 2017 by Oversleep

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

@Deliiiiiightful You're not dumb, and you didn't deserve that. Not tolerating bullies and resisting them are two different things. The former is a stance you take, requiring moral decisiveness and a strong opinion. The latter is something you have to train yourself to do, requiring a strong spine and a willingness to be seen as rude. When you're bullied as much by societal convention as you are by the bullies themselves—as you were in this case—it's especially hard to stand up for yourself, because doing so means you have to be rude, which is something most people are cautioned against from the time they're small. (And with good reason, but that's another topic entirely.) 

36 minutes ago, Deliiiiiightful said:

Edit: I know this isn't a perfect comparison and I mean no disrespect but - I think I understand some people who say yes to a guy and then claim rape the next morning. I know this is just shoes and its not comparable. But I said yes. I handed over money. And I absolutely did not want those shoes. I was pushed and coerced into thinking that I did and I thought it was my free will but it wasn't. and now I feel violated and I'm not quite sure how to deal with that. I thought I knew how to say no. 

Like I said, saying no in that instance means being willing to be seen as rude. It's something you have to coach yourself on. If it makes it easier, try saying no as politely as you can: "I'm sorry, but I'm really not willing to part with my sneakers until I know for sure I'm going to buy these boots." "I would appreciate it if you would stick to the original price you quoted me." It really does take practice, and you're not going to get it perfectly the first time, but you can learn. 

Can you return the boots? Even for a partial refund? You'd get some of your money back and get your point across. If not, can you sell them online? 

[Quiver he/him]

57 minutes ago, Deliiiiiightful said:

I need hugs and reassurance please.

Last night I had a nightmare that involved me being insane in a clinical sense - something like extreme anxiety, heightened fear sense but not quite a panic attack, no one believing me, I was in a classroom and starting trashing the place and was still ignored till my mum picked me up from school and took me to a dr. --followed by layers of dreams in which I couldn't figure out if I was awake and what was real. I woke up covered in sweat.

Today, I was bullied into buying expensive shoes I don't like with money that was a gift that I was going to buy something nice with - that something being shoes I needed but the point was to walk away happy.

I walk into this small shoe shop, I ask how much their shoes cost in general.
"Pick a shoe and I'll tell you."
"Ok. How much is this one?"
"What size are you? What colour?"
I answered. She brings a box. "But how much are they?
"Here, try them on, what do you think?"
"How much are they?"
"x shekel"
Wait those don't fit try another pair.
"here this pair is better. they're orthopaedic. Good boots!

They're ankle boots, really nothing spectacular, they do seem to have a decent sole but maybe the high price is being all confirmation bias-y. They cost very slightly more than my present money but I figure I can spend a little more for good warm boots. I'm aware this whole time that she's being pushy but I thought I was aware enough not to fall for it.  

"I don't like them, I think they're too small. Do you have the next size up"
"Sure-wait no we don't have it. It's leather it'll stretch"
"Ummmm they're still tight I don't know...."
"We can stretch them for you!"
A guy working in the shop pulls out this contraption and stretches the leather a bit.
"It's still too tight."
"What are you talking about you have plenty room in the toes! We'll stretch it some more!"

At this point there are three shop workers, I get the impression they're owners/family, all doing this passive aggressive bullying thing. I'm talking to a  friend in English so they keep asking if we're immigrants, where are we from, how am I settling in, small talk.

I'm wearing the shows trying to figure out if they're comfy and the lady takes my sneakers and puts them in a  bag i.e. I'll wear the new shoes out the door when I haven't decided I want them yet!

They're stretching the shoes, I'm trying to decide if I actually want them. 

"So how are you paying, cash or credit? You should smile, why do you look like that? smile!"

More umming and ahing from me.

"I'll make you a deal. 330 shekel."

still above my budget but less. I talk to my friend. I still think at this point that I'm independently making the decision because I'm aware that they're being pushy. 

"Ok....I guess I'll take them!"

"Titchadshi" which means something like wear it in good health/enjoy the new thing.

I hand the guy 350 shekel. He gives me ten change.

"You said 330"
"Really? I thought I said 340."
friend: "you said 330"
He takes back the change and gives me a 20.
"I said 340 but for you I'll make it 330."

I walk out the shop in the shoes. It's wet outside. They do have good grip on wet stone but they're plain and boring and really not what I had in mind.

A couple hours later I'm sitting here thinking, of course they gave them to me to wear outside in the wet and the dirt. Now they're dirty and even harder to return. And I don't want them. I from perspective I can now see I was bullied the whole way through. So I have a friend who's a Hebrew speaker I'm gonna ask to come with me and yell at them and see if I can get my money back.

I am not a happy camper and I'm annoyed at myself because I thought I didn't tolerate bullies and I just got caught by three. And I'm mad at them for being bullies and I should have just walked out of the shop.

Can I have assurances that I'm not dumb, I didn't deserve that and there is hope for humanity? 

I can't guarantee the hope for humanity. At least in the long run.

But you are not dumb. I have nothing to say that Twi and Oversleep didn't...except to add this one thing:

The fact that they asked if you were an immigrant.

If these people didn't try to get more money out of you afterwards, if they were less pushy, I'd have said that it was just them being friendly. Coupled with that part, though, it does sound like they might have been trying to take advantage of you, at least to me.

Other than that...yeah, I have nothing to add, except for saying I'm sorry fir what happened.

[Delightful]

Generally here everyone is an immigrant or the child or grandchild of an immigrant so usually if someone asks it's so that they can be more helpful, hand out blessings, and/or be encouraging. (G-D I love this place). And because even when I can sound fluent in Hebrew my accent gives me away. But yeah. They are a bunch of poop heads. I'm going to sleep and work out what to do in the morning. 

*group hug*

[ShadowLord_Lith he/him]

1 hour ago, Deliiiiiightful said:

I need hugs and reassurance please.

Last night I had a nightmare that involved me being insane in a clinical sense - something like extreme anxiety, heightened fear sense but not quite a panic attack, no one believing me, I was in a classroom and starting trashing the place and was still ignored till my mum picked me up from school and took me to a dr. --followed by layers of dreams in which I couldn't figure out if I was awake and what was real. I woke up covered in sweat.

Today, I was bullied into buying expensive shoes I don't like with money that was a gift that I was going to buy something nice with - that something being shoes I needed but the point was to walk away happy.

I walk into this small shoe shop, I ask how much their shoes cost in general.
"Pick a shoe and I'll tell you."
"Ok. How much is this one?"
"What size are you? What colour?"
I answered. She brings a box. "But how much are they?
"Here, try them on, what do you think?"
"How much are they?"
"x shekel"
Wait those don't fit try another pair.
"here this pair is better. they're orthopaedic. Good boots!

They're ankle boots, really nothing spectacular, they do seem to have a decent sole but maybe the high price is being all confirmation bias-y. They cost very slightly more than my present money but I figure I can spend a little more for good warm boots. I'm aware this whole time that she's being pushy but I thought I was aware enough not to fall for it.  

"I don't like them, I think they're too small. Do you have the next size up"
"Sure-wait no we don't have it. It's leather it'll stretch"
"Ummmm they're still tight I don't know...."
"We can stretch them for you!"
A guy working in the shop pulls out this contraption and stretches the leather a bit.
"It's still too tight."
"What are you talking about you have plenty room in the toes! We'll stretch it some more!"

At this point there are three shop workers, I get the impression they're owners/family, all doing this passive aggressive bullying thing. I'm talking to a  friend in English so they keep asking if we're immigrants, where are we from, how am I settling in, small talk.

I'm wearing the shows trying to figure out if they're comfy and the lady takes my sneakers and puts them in a  bag i.e. I'll wear the new shoes out the door when I haven't decided I want them yet!

They're stretching the shoes, I'm trying to decide if I actually want them. 

"So how are you paying, cash or credit? You should smile, why do you look like that? smile!"

More umming and ahing from me.

"I'll make you a deal. 330 shekel."

still above my budget but less. I talk to my friend. I still think at this point that I'm independently making the decision because I'm aware that they're being pushy. 

"Ok....I guess I'll take them!"

"Titchadshi" which means something like wear it in good health/enjoy the new thing.

I hand the guy 350 shekel. He gives me ten change.

"You said 330"
"Really? I thought I said 340."
friend: "you said 330"
He takes back the change and gives me a 20.
"I said 340 but for you I'll make it 330."

I walk out the shop in the shoes. It's wet outside. They do have good grip on wet stone but they're plain and boring and really not what I had in mind.

A couple hours later I'm sitting here thinking, of course they gave them to me to wear outside in the wet and the dirt. Now they're dirty and even harder to return. And I don't want them. I from perspective I can now see I was bullied the whole way through. So I have a friend who's a Hebrew speaker I'm gonna ask to come with me and yell at them and see if I can get my money back.

I am not a happy camper and I'm annoyed at myself because I thought I didn't tolerate bullies and I just got caught by three. And I'm mad at them for being bullies and I should have just walked out of the shop.

Can I have assurances that I'm not dumb, I didn't deserve that and there is hope for humanity?

 

Edit: I know this isn't a perfect comparison and I mean no disrespect but - I think I understand some people who say yes to a guy and then claim rape the next morning. I know this is just shoes and its not comparable. But I said yes. I handed over money. And I absolutely did not want those shoes. I was pushed and coerced into thinking that I did and I thought it was my free will but it wasn't. and now I feel violated and I'm not quite sure how to deal with that. I thought I knew how to say no. 

I can attest to the bullying. I have a friend who had been very thoroughly convinced she was worthless and that she deserved the small things that the bullies were doing to her. I actually saw them throwing things at her when they thought the teachers weren't looking. They got more of a chewing out than I thought I was capable of. The people you mentioned sound a lot like the bullies I met, though yours were more subtle, and by extension, more dangerous.

 

Regardless, you are far from dumb. As has been stated by @Oversleep, you are an intelligent person:

1 hour ago, Oversleep said:

You're not dumb. It's very clear from what I've seen that you're an intelligent person. But being intelligent does not make you resistant to psychical pressure. The situation you got in was messy and hard to resist.

There is a difference between you and them though. You are intelligent in a variety of ways, and you're kind with your intelligence, often helping people and making us smile with delighted pleasure because of your writing. They, on the other hand, turned their intelligence and ingenuity towards manipulating people and convincing them that they want or need something that they don't; and they have had years to perfect those skills. You're not at fault.

As for hope for humanity, I have four points in our favor:

1. We are here comforting you.

2. You recognized the scam.

3. We can all learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others.

4. Our families prove that no matter how things may seem, love, hope, compassion, and forgiveness are always possible,

 

Finally, if you're okay with religiony type stuff, I believe that god created the earth; and that he knows everything that has, is, or will happen. With that in mind, the fact that he took the time and energy to create this world for you, knowing you would live here someday, and he provided a way for you to return to heaven, proves that you and me and everyone are worth more than this entire planet to him. Add that to the fact that he had enough faith in humanity to make the world despite everything he knew would happen... Well... It gives me hope.

 

/hugs/

Edited February 1, 2017 by ShadowLord_Lith

[Shqueeves]

@Deliiiiiightful *all the hugs*

[Briar King]

On 1/30/2017 at 2:00 PM, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

SpongeBob Coworker is back.

I forget...is this the guy who was hitting on you when you 1st got to NOLA or a dif person?

[Erunion he/him]

@Deliiiiiightful - hugs. 

This almost happened to me too, once. I got lucky. I was about to buy when I realized that I didn't quite have the money on me (I would have had to do some juggling with cards at the time), and was able to back out with a 'I'll think about it and come back'. 
Once I'd left I realized that they weren't what I needed at the time, and it was a bad idea. So I didn't come back. 

But they weren't nearly as pressure-ey as what you're describing. So relax. It's normal. 
I've gotten better at dealing with these things, but better does not mean good. 

Have a hug

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

3 minutes ago, Briar King said:

I forget...is this the guy who was hitting on you when you 1st got to NOLA or a dif person?

Different person. This one has….

• looked over my shoulder at my computer screen, commented on what I was viewing, and then denied doing it when I told him to stop 
• tattled on his coworkers to the supervisor about really tiny, petty things 
• refused to perform routine and necessary duties for no real reason 
• spent upwards of 20 minutes chatting with individual patrons at the desk, meaning the rest of us are down a worker for those 20 minutes 
• spent two weeks messing up stuff on my desk and in my mailbox when he was mad at me

[Briar King]

9 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

Different person. This one has….

• looked over my shoulder at my computer screen, commented on what I was viewing, and then denied doing it when I told him to stop 
• tattled on his coworkers to the supervisor about really tiny, petty things 
• refused to perform routine and necessary duties for no real reason 
• spent upwards of 20 minutes chatting with individual patrons at the desk, meaning the rest of us are down a worker for those 20 minutes 
• spent two weeks messing up stuff on my desk and in my mailbox when he was mad at me

Pts 1-4 I think most people working have an asshat like that.

pt 5 what da ****...? Did you tell and show the Sup? I've never had this done when I worked in offices. How could the Sup not reem him a new one if they re aware of it? I would prob have thought about having my desk meet a twad rockets face if they did this to me. Or be devious and bait him to do it again so the Sup could catch him in the act!

that sux you gotta put up with that.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

4 minutes ago, Briar King said:

Pts 1-4 I think most people working have an asshat like that.

pt 5 what da ****...? Did you tell and show the Sup? I've never had this done when I worked in offices. How could the Sup not reem him a new one if they re aware of it? I would prob have thought about having my desk meet a twad rockets face if they did this to me. Or be devious and bait him to do it again so the Sup could catch him in the act!

that sux you gotta put up with that.

It was all such minor stuff—moving some papers I'd already read to a mailbox one row below, moving my chair to the other end of the public desk and putting a random object on the footstool beneath the place where I usually sit—that I was reluctant to tell my supervisor unless he did something more serious. He hasn't yet, but I did make sure to document all of his childish behavior in case it does escalate and I need to prove that this is a pattern. 

[Briar King]

Notes and phone pics for sure. Better yet use vid so they can't claim you staged the pics and provided you can speak for mic without workers overhearing your narration if it starts again.

[Briar King]

Whoa freaky sight... we rarely go out on our back porch. We just open and close the main door so the mutts can run out the opening. I went out today and on my way back in I saw 7 mummified Asian and Mediterranean geckos flattened along the 1inch side of the door. Their eyeballs have rotted out. No clue how long they been plastered there. Could be months or yrs. cleaning that is gonna suck. Hope it was instant kills.

These things. Asian: https://en.m.wikiped...mon_house_gecko

Med: https://en.m.wikiped...ean_house_gecko

[Kestrel she/her]

My day yesterday started with me leaving a touch late and not being able to find a parking spot at school. It only went downhill from there.

[Shqueeves]

6 minutes ago, Kestrel said:

My day yesterday started with me leaving a touch late and not being able to find a parking spot at school. It only went downhill from there.

Ouch. The struggle is real. What else happened yesterday? 

[Briar King]

Shoulder pain has moved on from annoying to extremely annoying during certain motions.

[Kestrel she/her]

13 hours ago, Shqueeves said:

Ouch. The struggle is real. What else happened yesterday? 

A solid 24 hr mental breakdown. I swear I went through all five stages of grief except acceptance.

[Kaymyth she/her]

Found out last night via Facebook that the family dog died.

Rest in peace, Obi-Wan.  You were a good dog.  A terrible Jedi, but a good dog.