Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!

[Silverblade5]

12 minutes ago, Mestiv said:

This should really go to some authorities... I feel so sorry for her

Her parents were discussing going to the cops on her cutting. For her, anything about cops would equal her  being removed from school to go a proper hospital. In this scenario, she'd end up completely cut off from me, which would have a high potential of making me very sad. Bringing up cops would put something like this in her mind, and would be a bad idea.

12 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

Great Noodly One. I'm not sure there's a smiley that accurately describes my emotions here, but suffice it to say that if I knew her parents personally, I'd tell them off. 

Right now, it's more important that you be there for her than ever. I know it's all you CAN do, but that doesn't mean it's not important. Seriously. If I'd had someone I could talk to back when I was going through a similar thing with my parents, it would have made all the difference in the world. 

Does she like music? I could recommend some songs that have helped me. 

She enjoys depressing music. 

[Assassin in Burgundy]

I've been staring at the rubric for a book report that's due tomorrow. I haven't started it and I barely know what the book is about. Help. Need motivation. 

EDIT: @Silverblade5, I would make a list of the good things about your friend ad then show it to her. That's worked in the past for me. 

Edited October 24, 2016 by Assassin in Burgundy

[Kaymyth]

2 hours ago, Silverblade5 said:

Well, her parents found out. She went down for a nap and forget to cover the scars. They went through her texts, but thankfully missed the ones mentioning the gdoc. When she tried to tell her mom why, she laughed, and said that she was just seeking attention. She told that she was worthless, that no one could ever love her because of this(I actually mildly do) She was told that this was the last year she'd do marching band, one of the few things that can make her smile. My school does this thing where every other day, students are guaranteed an hour where they can get help from teachers. This will no longer be allowed for her. She was told she'd be put on antidepressants. Last time she was told this, her parents never followed through. I'm very scared for her now. 

...

OK, now let me get this straight.  These parents' reaction to finding out their child is self-harming was to:

1. laugh

2. invade her privacy

3. accuse her of seeking "attention"

4. tell her she is unlovable

5. revoke access to teachers who provide positive support

6. take away an activity that she loves, thus removing yet more positivity from her life.

My question is: What in the RUSTING hell is wrong with these people?!  What they are doing is going to push their daughter further into despondence.  They've already destroyed her trust in them; are they that callous in their disregard for the young human they created who depends on them for love and support?  I just...I am going to sit here and ragefroth for a while, because I absolutely cannot with this people.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

7 minutes ago, Kaymyth said:

...

OK, now let me get this straight.  These parents' reaction to finding out their child is self-harming was to:

1. laugh

2. invade her privacy

3. accuse her of seeking "attention"

4. tell her she is unlovable

5. revoke access to teachers who provide positive support

6. take away an activity that she loves, thus removing yet more positivity from her life.

My question is: What in the RUSTING hell is wrong with these people?!  What they are doing is going to push their daughter further into despondence.  They've already destroyed her trust in them; are they that callous in their disregard for the young human they created who depends on them for love and support?  I just...I am going to sit here and ragefroth for a while, because I absolutely cannot with this people.

Best guess? They had no idea how to respond, and so they did everything you're NOT supposed to do, because they wanted to feel like they were in control and are also terrible people. Worst of all, even if you sat them down and explained precisely where and how they went wrong, they'd brush it off with some bull about "we know our daughter better than anyone" and "don't try to tell us what's best for our child." Some parents can't be reasoned with.  

@Silverblade5, does she listen to Skillet? "The Last Night" might be a good song to introduce her to. And if she hasn't heard "Famous Last Words" by MCR yet, she needs to. 

[Kaymyth]

5 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

Best guess? They had no idea how to respond, and so they did everything you're NOT supposed to do, because they wanted to feel like they were in control and are also terrible people. Worst of all, even if you sat them down and explained precisely where and how they went wrong, they'd brush it off with some bull about "we know our daughter better than anyone" and "don't try to tell us what's best for our child." Some parents can't be reasoned with.  

@Silverblade5, does she listen to Skillet? "The Last Night" might be a good song to introduce her to. And if she hasn't heard "Famous Last Words" by MCR yet, she needs to. 

Yeah, they are...beyond horrible people.  What I'm seeing here is neglect and emotional abuse.  CPS needs to get her out of that house ASAP.

[soyperson]

5 minutes ago, Kaymyth said:

Yeah, they are...beyond horrible people.  What I'm seeing here is neglect and emotional abuse.  CPS needs to get her out of that house ASAP.

A lot of my friends have parents like these. The way I see it, if you're not willing to put the child before you at all times, you shouldn't be having children.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

9 minutes ago, Kaymyth said:

Yeah, they are...beyond horrible people.  What I'm seeing here is neglect and emotional abuse.  CPS needs to get her out of that house ASAP.

 

2 minutes ago, bleeder said:

A lot of my friends have parents like these. The way I see it, if you're not willing to put the child before you at all times, you shouldn't be having children.

Would they be willing to side with her, though? From what I've heard, CPS usually only takes action if the abuse is physical. 

[Kaymyth]

3 minutes ago, bleeder said:

A lot of my friends have parents like these. The way I see it, if you're not willing to put the child before you at all times, you shouldn't be having children.

Agreed.

Just now, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

 

Would they be willing to side with her, though? From what I've heard, CPS usually only takes action if the abuse is physical. 

Given that there is very clear evidence of self-harm, failing to put their child into therapy could be construed as neglect, which CPS will absolutely do something about.

Furthermore, her teachers and guidance counselor are in a position to document everything they are privy to.  That level of documentation is enough to get CPS to step in.  And every employee of that school is legally obligated to report any evidence of abuse or neglect.  It's called being a "mandatory reporter" and it's something that teachers are supposed to take very, very seriously.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

2 minutes ago, Kaymyth said:

Agreed.

Given that there is very clear evidence of self-harm, failing to put their child into therapy could be construed as neglect, which CPS will absolutely do something about.

Furthermore, her teachers and guidance counselor are in a position to document everything they are privy to.  That level of documentation is enough to get CPS to step in.  And every employee of that school is legally obligated to report any evidence of abuse or neglect.  It's called being a "mandatory reporter" and it's something that teachers are supposed to take very, very seriously.

Good. I asked because if CPS is called and they don't get her out of there, her parents will make her home life a thousand times worse in retaliation for "making them look bad." So if she's going to get CPS involved, she needs to know that they're absolutely going to take her side before she makes a move. 

[Kaymyth]

1 minute ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

Good. I asked because if CPS is called and they don't get her out of there, her parents will make her home life a thousand times worse in retaliation for "making them look bad." So if she's going to get CPS involved, she needs to know that they're absolutely going to take her side before she makes a move. 

Really, it's not up to her to do it.  She needs to talk to her guidance counselor; it's up to the school administration to contact CPS, which they will do if they have sufficient evidence that it's necessary.

[Silverblade5]

6 minutes ago, Kaymyth said:

Agreed.

Given that there is very clear evidence of self-harm, failing to put their child into therapy could be construed as neglect, which CPS will absolutely do something about.

Furthermore, her teachers and guidance counselor are in a position to document everything they are privy to.  That level of documentation is enough to get CPS to step in.  And every employee of that school is legally obligated to report any evidence of abuse or neglect.  It's called being a "mandatory reporter" and it's something that teachers are supposed to take very, very seriously.

Here's the thing: a lot of it started when her biological father left (he was arrested) Yes, they're terrible people, but I don't how losing two stable things in her life. If CPS does get involved, I think the report needs to come from her. 

[Kaymyth]

Just now, Silverblade5 said:

Here's the thing: a lot of it started when her biological father left (he was arrested) Yes, they're terrible people, but I don't how losing two stable things in her life. If CPS does get involved, I think the report needs to come from her. 

Reports to CPS almost always come from school administration/teachers or other adults in a child's life. It's very rare for a child, even a teenager, to have access to the necessary resources to make a report themselves, and they're much more likely to take it seriously if she has adult backup.

[Delightful]

7 hours ago, Quiver said:

...guess I'm going to bite the bullet on this:

I've been feeling like a failure recently. Nearly three decades on this earth, and I haven't notched up any successes to my name. Sometimes it feels like I'm just... counting down the clock until it runs down. 

I'm always worried that saying this sounds like I'm suicidal or something, so to clarify: I'm not. But I do often think about... if I were to disappear, or whatever, I don't know if there would be any... 

I don't know. Reaction? It wouldn't be a huge loss or anything since, like I said, I haven't done anything. I don't know. I'm sort of rambling. But... yeah. I just... kind of feel like I'm sort of useless lately. Like I'm not worth very much. And then I worry that posts like this make me seem... whiny or immature. Sorry. 

You don't have to "do" or have x status symbol degree/job/car to be a worthwhile human being. You're awesome as a person not as a collection of capital a Achievements. 

@Silverblade5 to some degree, tell her how you feel about her. Let her know she *is* loveable. 

[Mistrunner]

4 hours ago, Silverblade5 said:

Well, her parents found out. She went down for a nap and forget to cover the scars. They went through her texts, but thankfully missed the ones mentioning the gdoc. When she tried to tell her mom why, she laughed, and said that she was just seeking attention. She told that she was worthless, that no one could ever love her because of this(I actually mildly do) She was told that this was the last year she'd do marching band, one of the few things that can make her smile. My school does this thing where every other day, students are guaranteed an hour where they can get help from teachers. This will no longer be allowed for her. She was told she'd be put on antidepressants. Last time she was told this, her parents never followed through. I'm very scared for her now. 

That's absolutely horrible. I'm so sorry for your friend.

I can see people not understanding why their children self-harm, but laughing? Saying they're seeking attention? That I will never understand. Even if it was an attention-seeking act instead of deeply-rooted psychological issues, if someone's hurting themselves, they need support, not ridicule.

I don't know what I'd do if I was told I couldn't be in marching band- music, in one form or another, is just about the only thing keeping me going right now. There's no possible reason for them to say she can't be in it. It's a good thing to do.

Being a Stupid Teenager™, I don't have any ideas on how to help other than to be there for her, which you seem to be doing an excellent job of.

[Delightful]

1 minute ago, Mistrunner said:

That's absolutely horrible. I'm so sorry for your friend.

I can see people not understanding why their children self-harm, but laughing? Saying they're seeking attention? That I will never understand. Even if it was an attention-seeking act instead of deeply-rooted psychological issues, if someone's hurting themselves, they need support, not ridicule.

I don't know what I'd do if I was told I couldn't be in marching band- music, in one form or another, is just about the only thing keeping me going right now. There's no possible reason for them to say she can't be in it. It's a good thing to do.

Being a Stupid Teenager™, I don't have any ideas on how to help other than to be there for her, which you seem to be doing an excellent job of.

I have to object to Stupid Teenager™. You don't know what to do in this particular instance but that don't make you stupid! 

[Mistrunner]

41 minutes ago, Delightful said:

I have to object to Stupid Teenager™. You don't know what to do in this particular instance but that don't make you stupid! 

Aw, s'just a phrase.  Perhaps Lacking-the-Responsibilities-and-Resources-Granted-Those-Who-Have-Reached-Adulthood Teenager™?

[soyperson]

6 minutes ago, Mistrunner said:

Aw, s'just a phrase.  Perhaps Lacking-the-Responsibilities-and-Resources-Granted-Those-Who-Have-Reached-Adulthood Teenager™?

Accurate.

[Jondesu]

8 minutes ago, Mistrunner said:

Aw, s'just a phrase.  

Really thought you were saying it's just a phase (also accurate).

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

1 hour ago, Mistrunner said:

Aw, s'just a phrase.  Perhaps Lacking-the-Responsibilities-and-Resources-Granted-Those-Who-Have-Reached-Adulthood Teenager™?

What about Adult-In-Training? Adulting Apprentice? Adulting Padawan? 

[Silverblade5]

Status report: She just told me that she's feeling numb. No happiness. No saddness. No emotion. A conversation we just had:

hey. I know I'm in a terrible mood and something just isn't right because I didn't smile at all during practice. Seriously

 

Was anything different about this one? Quality, the way people were treating you?

 

No nothing that's what's bothering me

 

Maybe it’s just end of season stress.

 

That's not it Alex. I usually am smiling even when I'm under Stress at guard. I love it and I'm numb and I was unsure until now but now I'm sure. I'm numb. I feel no happiness I feel no sadness

 

I really can’t think of a good response.

 

I don't need a response!!!!! I need you to understand that!!! I need to just talk to someone right now about this…. I'm numb and I don't know what to do.

 

I’m sorry. Giving a response is my standard method for keeping a conversation going so that you’re more likely to say everything that you want to say. I’ll just listen for now.

 

Thank you.

 

I don't know what to say. Honestly. I want to scream and cry at the same time but I can't. I want to believe I'm not numb that I'm just not feeling an emotion right now but I am. I wanna scream but can't. I wanna cry and just break down but I can't. I'm stuck Alexander!!!!!!! I wish my life wasn't so difficult.

 

K, NOW you say something Alex.

 

I have an idea. Probably a stupid one though. During access, I’ll be in the commons. Meet me there, and just let it all out. Cry. Scream at me. Direct everything at an easy target(me)

 

I wish I could… that sounds so easy but I can't I'm busy during access I have an extra color guard practice

 

In that case, would you be able to get there at 7:30, as if it were a Blue day?

 

Nope moms dropping me off at 8. I'm not allowed to go to access anymore because of the whole cutting deal thing.

 

Lunch?

 

Ya… but the whole point of my being numb is that I CAN'T cry. CANNOT scream. It's a weird feeling. I wanna just get rid of all this miserableness.

 

I could always try provoking you into feeling something...JK

I’m not that mean.

 

K… but you thought about it for a minute. I mean you had to in order to even say it. I'm curious. How would you provoke me?

 

In the past, I’ve had a history of being very blunt, and that sometimes ended with someone feeling scared, angry, or sad, as I would never hold back what I was thinking. That’s why I said that I wouldn’t do that, as those are all negative emotions that people don’t normally want to feel. That being said, those are emotions at all. However, it’s normally spontaneous, in the moment, and can’t be planned usually.

 

Oh. Ya I already do that to myself. I'm way to blunt with myself usually. I can cry because of something I said to myself. I don't need a memory of someone I care and trust saying that stuff to me. So…. not a good plan.

 

I don’t know if this will be helpful, but because I believe it, I’m going to say it anyways. Alexandra, you are an awesome person, and you should feel awesome.

 

Now I'm positive I'm numb because not even THAT made me happy…

I'm sorry. There's nothing you can do I don't think…

 

I can keep doing the same thing I’ve been doing for the past week. I can support you, and try to be there when you need someone to talk to.

 

Ya you are pretty great at that. I guess so… I don't know anymore… I'm scared. 1 single emotion. Scared. Of my own thoughts. Of my own actions. Of myself.

 

Ya you are pretty great at that You just made me feel good about myself. Yay!!

 

Glad someone's happy.

 

Glad A very good emotion to be feeling. And you just caused it.

 

I don't know what you're trying to do or say here… but okay…

 

Don’t worry about it. I’m just supposed to be listening here. If something I say doesn’t make sense, just ignore it.

 

Lol okay whatever

 

 

Can I just not exist? I want to be gone. Help!!! Theses are the thoughts I'm scared of.

 

I’d rather you keep existing. You existing makes me happy.

Do you have headphones with you?

Ya duh. I'm listening to music while I chat with you

 

 

I was recently talking with some friends, and they gave some good song recs. I can link them if you’d like.

How about no?  I don't know… kinda just REALLY FREAKING right now

 

Alright. What are you listening to right now?

 

One direction. They are really really good. I like some of their more deeper meaning songs.

 

Nice. I haven’t heard them, but I’ve heard they’re good.

 

Have you ever heard of a band called MCR?

 

My Chemical Romance. I know like only ALL of their songs!!!!!!!

 

What's the name of the band? Chances are I've already heard them

 

EDIT: Greatly improved formatting. Her responses are in blue. Mine are in black.

 

Edited October 25, 2016 by Silverblade5

[Mestiv]

@Silverblade5 you deserve a medal for your support! Some of your responses were just perfect IMO.

 

[Silverblade5]

Just now, Mestiv said:

@Silverblade5 you deserve a medal for your support! Some of your responses were just perfect IMO.

 

Huh? COpy and paste relevant passages?

[Mistrunner]

1 hour ago, Silverblade5 said:

Huh? COpy and paste relevant passages?

I thought your overall handling of the situation was admirable. Listening, letting her drive the conversation; letting her know you're there, but not being pushy about anything. I'm really glad you're there with her for this- it sounds like she's got a lot against her right now, and you're being the kind of person she needs on her side.

[Darkness Ascendant]

13 hours ago, Silverblade5 said:

She enjoys depressing music. 

Like some of my friends then. In that case I reccomend Jon Bellion. His music....is very emotionally envoking. Even I like his songs, and I like to say I can control my depression, to an extent at least.

[Claincy]

13 hours ago, Silverblade5 said:

Well, her parents found out. She went down for a nap and forget to cover the scars. They went through her texts, but thankfully missed the ones mentioning the gdoc. When she tried to tell her mom why, she laughed, and said that she was just seeking attention. She told that she was worthless, that no one could ever love her because of this(I actually mildly do) She was told that this was the last year she'd do marching band, one of the few things that can make her smile. My school does this thing where every other day, students are guaranteed an hour where they can get help from teachers. This will no longer be allowed for her. She was told she'd be put on antidepressants. Last time she was told this, her parents never followed through. I'm very scared for her now. 

...just...it'd be difficult to handle that worse. Even if someone is cutting themselves for attention (I know that's not what's going on here) they've definitely still got serious psychological issue/s and need help/love/support. I think shutting down emotionally is a pretty natural response to that :'(

I don't really have any advice that hasn't already been said and I don't know if/what you believe in, but I'll be praying for both of you.