When Reading a Book Goes Horribly Wrong

[Briar King he/him]

I can't say for sure it's been yrs since I put it down. I remember just not being able to take anymore of Linden at the time. I think she was just starting a sea voyage from Seafome?

[Kaymyth she/her]

I've already ranted about my distaste for Anne Rice elsewhere on the forums, so instead I'll take a stab at a sci-fi classic.

 

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, I am looking at you.  And oh, is that look such a side-eye.

 

Frustratingly, there's a good story buried in there somewhere, but it takes some serious slogging to get to it, because the narrator is a scientist who is obsessed with fish.  There are entire passages that are just lists of fish.  And not just their normal names, no, they're all named off in the Latin to ensure that nobody knows what he's talking about so that Verne can sound all fancy and knowledgeable.  Fish, fish, fish, fish, fish, sharks, squid, fish.  Oh, and there's some fish!  And seaweed!  And oh, yes, just in case you forgot, fish!

 

And this might be down to a bad translation, but it took me most of an exciting action passage for me to figure out that the thing they were fighting was a hippopotamus.  Because they kept calling it a "dudong", a word that is both 1) obscure, and 2) capable of bringing out the inner 12-year-old boy in anyone's sense of humor.

 

There's also the weird constant fawning of the narrator's manservant all over him.  I find this goes down a lot easier when I substitute the rampant Victorian classism with "but he's in luuuurve".   So, hooray for headcanon!

 

But the worst, most egregious thing this book does is really quite unforgiveable.  And...OK, this is going into spoiler tags, because even though this book is over a century old, this does sort of give away the end:

Just when the action hits, things start getting interesting!  There's a backstory for Captain Nemo!  He has a reason for doing what he does!  And oh, a storm, and oh, escape plans!  The climax of the novel!  Oh...wait.  Ah-hahaha, you were expecting those questions to be answered?  Nope, the narrator and his dudes escape, nobody knows what happened to Nemo and the Nautilus, the end.

 

Seriously, if it hadn't been my Kindle, I'd have thrown the book across the room.

 

From what I hear, all of that stuff is actually resolved in the sequel, but just like 20,000 is stuffed full of lists of fish, The Mysterious Island is stuffed full of lists of plants.  Finding out what happened just isn't worth the suffering.

Edited August 18, 2015 by Kaymyth

[Zea mays she/her]

Psst, friend Kaymyth, the image of a submarine battling a hippopotamus is truly epic, but a dugong is a marine mammal, a cousin species to the manatees of Florida. You are correct, of course, about the tiresomeness of the seemingly never-ending recitation of latinised sea fauna.

 

[Kaymyth she/her]

 

Psst, friend Kaymyth, the image of a submarine battling a hippopotamus is truly epic, but a dugong is a marine mammal, a cousin species to the manatees of Florida. You are correct, of course, about the tiresomeness of the seemingly never-ending recitation of latinised sea fauna.

 

 

 

It really was hard to tell for sure what they were doing.  I never did look the word up, I just worked it out by context.   It's hard to imagine a manatee relative putting up that much of a fight, though.

[Orlion Blight he/him]

[DanTheSeamonster he/him]

I always finish them. 

 

Always. 

 

I feel cheated if I don't for some reason. (I know, it doesn't make sense to me either   ) However, if it is a book in a series, then I usually just won't finish the series. That way I don't waste too much time on it. 

Edited August 22, 2015 by The Crooked Warden

[hopefulmorning she/her]

 

Did you all know there's an actual term for this? It was invented by the Sword & Laser Book Group (they have an audio podcast, are active on Goodreads, and used to have a show on the Geek & Sundry channel). Here's the definition from their wiki:

Lem: "The term 'Lem' means to not finish a book and abandon it. This term comes from when the Sword and Laser (audio podcast) was reading Stanisław Lem's Memoirs Found in a Bathtub. Veronica couldn't make it through the book so just gave up reading it."

Since learning this term, I'm happy to say that I've lemmed several books - - very useful terminology. 

 

I didn't know this! That's awesome! I'll have to incorporate this into my vocabulary now.

 

 

 

This link made my day. I have a close friend who's a marine biologist and I sent this to her, which resulted in much cackling.

 

 

I always finish them. 

 

Always. 

 

I feel cheated if I don't for some reason. (I know, it doesn't make sense to me either   ) However, if it is a book in a series, then I usually just won't finish the series. That way I don't waste too much time on it. 

 

I can understand the feeling cheated part. What starts to happen to me is this war between feeling cheated if I don't finish the book, or feeling cheated by wasting my time on something that could've been spent reading a much better book. 

[nerdgir1 she/her]

I started reading the Game of Thrones series but could not get past the SUPER BORING beginning. Now, when I go back and try to re-watch the TV series I get the same feeling and have to start a few episodes in... lol

 

My 6 yr old son and I listen to audiobooks at night and we recently started on the Harry Potter series, but he said the beginning of book 1 is "too boring" so he doesn't want to finish it. WHAT?!?! BLASPHEMY!! lol... we'll come back to that series and try again in a few years... on the other hand, he's all about the Magic Treehouse series right now and is on book 17 - I can't get into this series enough to even finish a single one (and they're very quick reads)... so what does he know? haha... I am very thankful he at least inherited my love of reading - even if he has terrible taste in books jk jk

[Dunkum he/him]

I can see what you mean for Game of Thrones. I liked the setting and characters enough that the rest didn't bother me, but it does start pretty slow. As to Harry Potter, I'm afraid I have to agree with your son. The first couple chapters of each of the books (the parts before the magic starts) were all really boring

[nerdgir1 she/her]

I can see what you mean for Game of Thrones. I liked the setting and characters enough that the rest didn't bother me, but it does start pretty slow. As to Harry Potter, I'm afraid I have to agree with your son. The first couple chapters of each of the books (the parts before the magic starts) were all really boring

 

lol... I do have to give him (and you) some credit there... I actually said out loud, "... but you haven't even got to a part where Harry can TALK yet!! He just got dropped off on the doorstep as a baby. Way better stuff is coming... there's a snake that talks, and an annoying kid gets a pig's tail magicked onto his bottom, and there's even flying car! you'll love it!" nope. he wasn't havin' it. Harry didn't talk during the first chapter when he had a chance, so he's kicked to the curb. boring non-talking infants. hahaha

[Kestrel she/her]

WHEEL OF TIME BOOK FIVE

Opened it wanting cute Perrin/Faile scenes

Or even Lan/Nynaeve or something cool and platonic with Lan/Moiraine

I'm very disappointed like what is this.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Where the Red Fern Grows taught me to stay far, far away from any book with an award and a picture of a dog on the cover. 

[RippleGylf she/her]

Where the Red Fern Grows taught me to stay far, far away from any book with an award and a picture of a dog on the cover. 

 

We had to read that in 4th grade. Why the English curriculum is solely focused on depressing books, I'll never understand.

[Edgedancer he/him]

We had to read that in 4th grade. Why the English curriculum is solely focused on depressing books, I'll never understand.

Obviously because school is evil and doesn't want you to be happy or something like that.

[+Slowswift he/him]

Obviously because school is evil and doesn't want you to be happy or something like that.

 

Someone who isn't American just perfectly summed up our school system.  That ain't a good sign.

Edited November 30, 2015 by Ookla the Ineffable

[Delightful]

Australian books are mostly depressing too. I guess cause they're more meaningful or whatever.

[Quiver he/him]

Australian books are mostly depressing too. I guess cause they're more meaningful or whatever.

 

So we can add 'books' to the list of 'things in Australia that want to kill you'?

[Delightful]

I mean some of what were forced to read isn't necessarily Australian.....animal farm for one, lord of the flies for another, secrets in the fire......

I did once read an excellent Aussie book about legitimately scary vampires invading a coastal music festival. The author got the tone perfect IMO.

(Not for school. For school I read one about a young girl with arthritis. Everyone reading the book was convinced we also had arthritis for that term or semester or whatever it was. Human psychology is weird. )

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

We had to read that in 4th grade. Why the English curriculum is solely focused on depressing books, I'll never understand.

Obviously because school is evil and doesn't want you to be happy or something like that.

Australian books are mostly depressing too. I guess cause they're more meaningful or whatever.

 

Well, the human brain subconsciously associates negativity with intelligence. In one study, students were shown the same film and divided into two groups, then told to write reviews. Half the group was told to sound "warm," while the other half was told to sound "intelligent." Those in the "intelligent" group pointed out more flaws than the "warm" group. 

 

I believe that when it comes to assigned reading, this bias causes teachers to select books with a more negative worldview or that end in negative outcomes, because they subconsciously believe that the more negative books are more "intelligent." It probably leads them to see more negative books as better-written, more complex, and more stylistically innovative than positive books, even if the positive books are every bit as masterful as the negative ones. 

[Oversleep]

I read 'Game of Thrones', thought it's fine, then "Clash of The Kings" also was kinda good, "Storm of Swords" was pretty good, but I have to admit I skipped sometimes just to know what happens later with Jon Snow, and with all this build-up I slammed into "Feast of crows". And that was the end of the series for me. As long as plot was somehow progressing, I could not pay attention to all those flaws of Martin's writing, but 'Feast of Crows" bore me to death.
And seriously, I don't understand all that love for ASOIAF. It's pretty mediocre, at best, because author is scared that his characters might actually accomplish something and he would have to worry about sticking to their plots. It's easier to have them fail constantly and then die when he can't make out more failures of them. Also, as far as worldbuilding goes, the only interesting part would be North and the Wall. I love the Wall.

Did you all know there's an actual term for this? It was invented by the Sword & Laser Book Group (they have an audio podcast, are active on Goodreads, and used to have a show on the Geek & Sundry channel). Here's the definition from their wiki:

Lem: "The term 'Lem' means to not finish a book and abandon it. This term comes from when the Sword and Laser (audio podcast) was reading Stanisław Lem's Memoirs Found in a Bathtub. Veronica couldn't make it through the book so just gave up reading it."

Since learning this term, I'm happy to say that I've lemmed several books - - very useful terminology.

 

I happen to love Lem's books and even though I haven't read that particular book, for me using his name as equivalent of "not finishing a book and abandoning it" is pretty much like coining the term 'Sanderson' with the same meaning, just because somebody picked up tWoK, couldn't make it further than a hundred pages and declared the book bad. No offence to you, of course.
Also, his 'Solaris' is pretty short, albeit very much of that subgenre of sci-fi about philosophy and asking questions about the world.
It's about scientists studying a living organism which is coating a whole planet Solaris like an superocean and they try to determine whether it's sentient and if they can communicate with it. But it's so bizarre and alien that they even can't understand it's life funtions. Also, some strange things happen with minds of those on that planet - they see their lost loved ones. Don't expect many answers, though.

And, of course, Lem's "Fables for robots" are very fun and quick to read. What it's about? Well, these are some kind of folk fairy tales, except whole universe is populated by robots. Robot dragons taking away robot princessess and so on. Try it

[Zathoth]

And this is why the world needs more Discworld. 

 

Comedy is in general looked down upon, even if sharp satire is a hundred times more intelligent than the overly dramatic stuff that goes for "great art".

 

Now you can be depressing and amazing, very few can succeed with it because with my night black sense of humor I always find the comedy in it, but it exists.

 

I think the problem is in general that a lot of comedy looks stupid, while angst looks dramatic and "arty".

 

Im not sure what the point of that rant was, but I typed it so I might as well post it.

[Charononus]

And this is why the world needs more Discworld. 

 

RIP Terry Pratchett

[Kestrel she/her]

Fires of Heaven spoiler

this book went lovely i mean moiraine died well im done

[mail-mi he/him]

WHEEL OF TIME BOOK FIVE

Opened it wanting cute Perrin/Faile scenes

Or even Lan/Nynaeve or something cool and platonic with Lan/Moiraine

I'm very disappointed like what is this.

 

The lack of romance is what makes novels good, not the presence of it. 

 

And this is why the world needs more Discworld. 

 

Comedy is in general looked down upon, even if sharp satire is a hundred times more intelligent than the overly dramatic stuff that goes for "great art".

 

Now you can be depressing and amazing, very few can succeed with it because with my night black sense of humor I always find the comedy in it, but it exists.

 

I think the problem is in general that a lot of comedy looks stupid, while angst looks dramatic and "arty".

 

Im not sure what the point of that rant was, but I typed it so I might as well post it.

 

We read Importance of Being Ernest in English 11, so not all teachers look down on comedy.

 

I'll submit my vote for the later series in Terry Brook's Shannara chronicles. Like, the "dark witch" of shannara series (the one where the Ellcrys dies again and the Ard Rhys gets trapped in the Forbidding and they're searching for new elfstones, i think that's what it's called) is just awful. The characters are all wooses, nobody does anything, and every fifth chapter is a freaking lead-off chapter*! It's got barely any plot and just...ugh. They turned me off the shannara series completely. 

 

*"Lead-off chapter" being defined as the type of chapter that ends with something like "And then they laid down in bed, and then they started kissing. And then they couldn't stop." And then the next chapter about those characters starts with something like "They woke up the next morning, still feeling warm from their night together." Or something like that. 

[Iarwainiel I she/her]

Australian books are mostly depressing too. I guess cause they're more meaningful or whatever.

 

They were making us read confusing depressing stuff back when I was in middle/high school too, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth...

 

I now theorize that the teachers were making us read things they liked, thinking that they were treating us like "grown ups," when all they were doing was forcing their tastes on us - sort of like being forced to watch movies that the critics like instead of "Guardians of the Galaxy" or "Iron Man." This is one of the best parts of graduating from school: nobody makes you read all that stuff anymore.

 

BTW, the Monster Blood Tattoo trilogy (used in my avatar & signature) is by an Aussie author. It's tween lit, but really really excellent - sort of like a LotR for a younger audience. His use of language is so creative... to me, MBT would never be on this list, but YMMV.

 

 

...

I happen to love Lem's books and even though I haven't read that particular book, for me using his name as equivalent of "not finishing a book and abandoning it" is pretty much like coining the term 'Sanderson' with the same meaning, just because somebody picked up tWoK, couldn't make it further than a hundred pages and declared the book bad. No offence to you, of course.

 

Also, his 'Solaris' is pretty short, albeit very much of that subgenre of sci-fi about philosophy and asking questions about the world. It's about scientists studying a living organism which is coating a whole planet Solaris like an superocean and they try to determine whether it's sentient and if they can communicate with it. But it's so bizarre and alien that they even can't understand it's life funtions. Also, some strange things happen with minds of those on that planet - they see their lost loved ones. Don't expect many answers, though.

And, of course, Lem's "Fables for robots" are very fun and quick to read. What it's about? Well, these are some kind of folk fairy tales, except whole universe is populated by robots. Robot dragons taking away robot princessess and so on. Try it

 

Thanks for these recommendations! And for graciously recognizing that it wasn't me who initially took Lem's name in vain. Seems like Sword & Laser picked the wrong book to read; they'd have done better with the "Fables" one.