Adamir Posted July 31, 2015 Report Share Posted July 31, 2015 (edited) We've all been there. We want to write a big, dramatic scene, and decide that our characters must give big, dramatic lines to match the tone. The difference between me and Brandon, then, is that he is a published author and I am tossing out manuscripts like they've got the plague. Which is why the world was never subjugated to my bad-badchull dialogue. But even a genius like Brandon Sanderson can occasionally fall prey to the muse of bad one-liners/dialogue that slip through the editing process. I've got a few shining examples from the Stormlight Archive, but I'd like to open up with this. You sent him to the sky to die, assassin, but the sky and the winds are mine. I claim them, as I now claim your life. I would rest my case, but I feel a rant on the horizon. Picture that - starts ranting in Jim Sterling voice - go on, just picture it. This isn't a one-liner, it is a script from an early draft of Macbeth being uttered in the middle of a battle during which all the combatants stand completely still. Instead of, well, fighting in the battle, Kaladin is exchanging one-sided verbal debate against an assassin more concerned with killing Dalinar - whom he is doing nothing to protect by standing there taunting Szeth. Post the most cringe-worthy lines from the Stormlight Archive below - and please don't kill me... EDIT: I've seen some good arguments in the replies; for the first time in internet history, an internet debate has led to someone changing their opinions in a civilized manner. Edited July 31, 2015 by Adamir 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esaias Posted July 31, 2015 Report Share Posted July 31, 2015 I don't think that line is cringeworthy, I think it works quite well. I would give the honor of the most cringeworthy line in the Stormlight Archive to "We focused on making certain you were separated from Dalinar, and not on what our actions might push you to become!" from Graves little speech near the end. Actually, it's the only line I think is cringeworthy. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DreamEternal Posted July 31, 2015 Report Share Posted July 31, 2015 (edited) To be fair with Kaladin Szeth was so shocked by SUDDENLY RADIANT! That he could give a hour long speech and Szeth would only remember his job after he stoped talking. Edited August 1, 2015 by CognitivePulsePattern 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunyip99 Posted July 31, 2015 Report Share Posted July 31, 2015 "Kaladin!" Syl's voice. "Stretch forth thy hand!" She zipped around him, suddenly visible as a ribbon of light. "I can't. . . " Kaladin said, drained. Stretch forth thy hand" I cringe every time I read this. It just doesn't sound right in my head. 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Green Hoodie Mistborn Posted August 1, 2015 Report Share Posted August 1, 2015 I actually love that line with Kaladin and Szeth, I cheer a little every time I read it as someone is finally able to make Szeth fight a fair fight! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Honor Spren Posted August 1, 2015 Report Share Posted August 1, 2015 To be fair with Kaladon Szeth was so shocked by SUDDENLY RADIANT! That he could give a hour long speech and Szeth would only remember his job after he stoped talking. via Imgflip Meme Maker "And for my boon!" Kaladin shouted, "I demand the Right of Challenge against the murderer Amaram! He stole from me and slaughtered my friends to cover it up. Amaram branded me a skave! I will duel him here, right now. That is the boon I demand!"This isn't cringe worthy in the 'that line didn't quite work' way, it's more cringe worthy in the 'Oh my Almighty, why Kaladin? Things were going so well.' Way. 15 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moogle Posted August 1, 2015 Report Share Posted August 1, 2015 I don't think that line is cringeworthy, I think it works quite well. I would give the honor of the most cringeworthy line in the Stormlight Archive to "We focused on making certain you were separated from Dalinar, and not on what our actions might push you to become!" from Graves little speech near the end. Actually, it's the only line I think is cringeworthy. After some thought, I'm going to agree with you on this one. This is the only line I can really think of that just seems downright bad to me. It just seems like a line added in to explain things to the reader, rather than something Graves would actually say. I hate it when TV shows do that. I also agree with the original line brought up by Adamir in that I cringed a little reading the line. I didn't like it. Seems a little too bloodthirsty. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vaidd Posted August 1, 2015 Report Share Posted August 1, 2015 "Kaladin!" Syl's voice. "Stretch forth thy hand!" She zipped around him, suddenly visible as a ribbon of light. "I can't. . . " Kaladin said, drained. Stretch forth thy hand" I cringe every time I read this. It just doesn't sound right in my head. I'm with you. That's an awesome, stand-up-and-cheer scene...except that line throws me out of the narrative every time. Either make her say "your," or have her say "thy" every now and then during the previous three-quarters of a million words. Still, if that's the worst I can say about the books, I guess they were pretty darn good overall. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ookla the Absent Posted August 1, 2015 Report Share Posted August 1, 2015 This isn't cringe worthy in the 'that line didn't quite work' way, it's more cringe worthy in the 'Oh my Almighty, why Kaladin? Things were going so well.' Way. Oh, Kaladin. How could you ever think that would work in your favour, you storming idealist? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cem Posted August 1, 2015 Report Share Posted August 1, 2015 (edited) I'm with you. That's an awesome, stand-up-and-cheer scene...except that line throws me out of the narrative every time. Either make her say "your," or have her say "thy" every now and then during the previous three-quarters of a million words. Still, if that's the worst I can say about the books, I guess they were pretty darn good overall. I think Brandon just wanted to go traditional with this. Fun fact: "Stretch forth thy hand" is a Bible thing. Basically Jesus comes upon a man with a withered hand on the Sabbath. The Pharisees ask him if it's okay to heal the sick on the Sabbath. Jesus says "why not?" Tells the man "stretch forth thy hand" and heals him. So. Syl is Jesus. http://biblehub.com/asv/matthew/12.htm Edited August 1, 2015 by cem 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Left Posted August 1, 2015 Report Share Posted August 1, 2015 Yeah, that Syl line....throws me everytime I read it. It could be really cool....but it isn't. When I read through tFE with my sister I found quite a few oddly structured phrases, but the Syl line is the only line that's made me just wince and die inside. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParadoxicalZen Posted August 1, 2015 Report Share Posted August 1, 2015 I thought i'd commented on this but apparently not o.O For me the OP line isn't too bad but that last bit irks me, it needs to be rephrased. Each time i read Kaladin's boon request in the arena line, I facepalm so bad. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AerionBFII Posted August 10, 2015 Report Share Posted August 10, 2015 I have not reread SA for a while since every time i do for 6 months after i begin to go crazy watching the progress bar or hoping we hear a release date and silently weeping into my pillow every night that SA3 is not out yet.. but from what remember reading i mostly cringed every time Shallan tried to use 'funny' word play. For a while i would wish Hoid/Wit would sit her down and ignore Lightweaving and teach her how it is really done 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adamir Posted August 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 10, 2015 (edited) I have not reread SA for a while since every time i do for 6 months after i begin to go crazy watching the progress bar or hoping we hear a release date and silently weeping into my pillow every night that SA3 is not out yet.. but from what remember reading i mostly cringed every time Shallan tried to use 'funny' word play. For a while i would wish Hoid/Wit would sit her down and ignore Lightweaving and teach her how it is really done I find it more bearable if I go by the theory that she is just an insecure teenage girl whom people are humoring to avoid upsetting her. Actually, that could lead to good character development for her, and could lead to some interesting scenarios. Edited August 10, 2015 by Adamir Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delightful Posted August 10, 2015 Report Share Posted August 10, 2015 Stretch forth thy hand gets me every time too. "Thy"? Seriously? Bible reference kind of makes sense....unless you're me and don't get that reference. It's like Syl, Y U suddenly speaking archaic? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Honor Spren Posted August 10, 2015 Report Share Posted August 10, 2015 She didn't even say it right. She should have said "thine". Obviously. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DreamEternal Posted August 10, 2015 Report Share Posted August 10, 2015 So it was supposed to be biblical? The english translation is weird. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cem Posted August 14, 2015 Report Share Posted August 14, 2015 She didn't even say it right. She should have said "thine". Obviously. Don't you use thine with words that start with a vowel, similar to a/an? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Honor Spren Posted August 14, 2015 Report Share Posted August 14, 2015 Don't you use thine with words that start with a vowel, similar to a/an? "H" will often count as a vowel in biblical, I'm still not sure why. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witborn Posted August 14, 2015 Report Share Posted August 14, 2015 It's because H isn't really a consonant. It's just a breath marking that changed into its own letter over time. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AerionBFII Posted August 16, 2015 Report Share Posted August 16, 2015 Hey Adolin~~~~~~~~ I want to flirt with you~~~~~~But i don't want it to look like im trying too hard~~~~~~~Have you ever **** yourself??? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awesomness Posted August 17, 2015 Report Share Posted August 17, 2015 That whole chapter about Boots. Come on Shallan! You were making such a fool of yourself under Tin´s influence!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dihatimus Posted August 18, 2015 Report Share Posted August 18, 2015 I really did not like the horneater impression of Shallan's. Especially with the audiobook version. I think the Amaram scene where Dalinar outs him was very scooby doo like, Yeah I did it, and I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling slaves. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the winter system Posted August 18, 2015 Report Share Posted August 18, 2015 The "thy" just makes me want to throw the book. Like, why? But that's it. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DreamEternal Posted August 18, 2015 Report Share Posted August 18, 2015 I really did not like the horneater impression of Shallan's. Especially with the audiobook version. I think the Amaram scene where Dalinar outs him was very scooby doo like, Yeah I did it, and I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling slaves. True, and the worst was that there wasn't any evidence against him: lying to a friend about a shardblade and killing your own men for one are totaly different things, he could just have denied and walked away. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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