Mental health club!

[Usseewa]

1 minute ago, Honors cognitive shadow said:

I didn’t know you before the internet so idrk

hehe 

you don't know that

 

what other 14 y/o losers do u know besides MEEEE

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

Just now, Verdance said:

Death doesn’t really scare me either. Either I’m right, and I *probably* go to heaven, or I’m wrong, and I get to sleep forever. Which is one of my ideal afterlives.

I like thinking that when you die u get to basically live on an alternate earth where everything with you is set right, I’d be a bio woman and there are no governments or anything and I can just spend the rest of eternity chillin with dead friends, watching what’s going on on earth or talking to dead people and continuing research like imagine learning how to compose from Tchaikovsky and playing a recently composed Beethoven piece with Paganini likeee

I doubt that’s what happens but it’d be kinda awesome

Just now, Usseewa said:

hehe 

you don't know that

 

what other 14 y/o losers do u know besides MEEEE

I knew you were fourteen

[Usseewa]

Just now, Honors cognitive shadow said:

I like thinking that when you die u get to basically live on an alternate earth where everything with you is set right, I’d be a bio woman and there are no governments or anything and I can just spend the rest of eternity chillin with dead friends, watching what’s going on on earth or talking to dead people and continuing research like imagine learning how to compose from Tchaikovsky and playing a recently composed Beethoven piece with Paganini likeee

I doubt that’s what happens but it’d be kinda awesome

I knew you were fourteen

that sounds pretty sweet tbh

Spoiler

ok the thing about me being 14 may or may not have been a lie

 

3 minutes ago, Verdance said:

No they won’t 

literally asked my therapist about that

they will only call the cops (or actually EMS) if you show them that you have attempted suicide and legitimately need medical attention to be alive. So if you talk about being suicidal but not talking about committing suicide, or SH, you are fine. And you can lie to your therapist.

yeah okay maybe I'll mention it i guess

I'm already talkin bout other big stuff tho

[Verdance he/him]

Just now, Usseewa said:

hehe 

you don't know that

 

what other 14 y/o losers do u know besides MEEEE

Yeah idk my friend, don’t really know. I do think that dwelling in depressing thoughts online has exasperated my SH feelings, and could be yours, but… idk

 

1 minute ago, Honors cognitive shadow said:

I like thinking that when you die u get to basically live on an alternate earth where everything with you is set right, I’d be a bio woman and there are no governments or anything and I can just spend the rest of eternity chillin with dead friends, watching what’s going on on earth or talking to dead people and continuing research like imagine learning how to compose from Tchaikovsky and playing a recently composed Beethoven piece with Paganini likeee

I doubt that’s what happens but it’d be kinda awesome

I knew you were fourteen

Nah the universe doesn’t care enough about you for that 

i have made peace with the fact that i don’t matter at all lmao 

i would be curious about being born bio female actually. But idk, God made me a guy for a reason. If I get married and have kids I won’t have to give birth, so that’s cool.

[Usseewa]

Just now, Verdance said:

If I get married and have kids I won’t have to give birth, so that’s cool.

neither will i  

[Verdance he/him]

2 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

that sounds pretty sweet tbh

  Reveal hidden contents

ok the thing about me being 14 may or may not have been a lie

 

yeah okay maybe I'll mention it i guess

I'm already talkin bout other big stuff tho

Good luck. If you don’t mind, I’ll pray for you.

[Aeoryi she/her]

41 minutes ago, Honors cognitive shadow said:

Wait I have a question, it’s kinda stupid, what counts as sh?

Harming oneself no matter how significant the damage it is

Spoiler

which means technically Im back to zero days clean...

 

Edited April 21 by Aeoryi

[Verdance he/him]

Just now, Aeoryi said:

Harming oneself no matter how significant the damage it is

  Hide contents

which means technically Im back to zero days clean...

 

Wait so if it was an accident or out if curiosity not out of like depression 

this is what i get for playing with a razor

[Aeoryi she/her]

11 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

they'll call the cops or something

Ok so I asked about it

They only call the cops if you have a plan, you are going to carry out the plan, and you some other thing I don't remember 

Just now, Verdance said:

Wait so if it was an accident or out if curiosity not out of like depression 

this is what i get for playing with a razor

if it's unintentional I'd presume it's just an accident

[Usseewa]

2 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

Harming oneself no matter how significant the damage it is

  Hide contents

which means technically Im back to zero days clean...

 

Idk when i was last any days clean in that case haha

(SH)

Spoiler

i actually remember this one time when I was younger before I knew what SH was where I kinda SH'd but like not with blades or anything but i think i did

 

but i probably cause myself lots of psychological harm

it's just so... fun, idk?

like it feels good and i like it

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

10 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

that sounds pretty sweet tbh

  Hide contents

ok the thing about me being 14 may or may not have been a lie

 

yeah okay maybe I'll mention it i guess

I'm already talkin bout other big stuff tho

Sureee buddy

 

9 minutes ago, Verdance said:

Yeah idk my friend, don’t really know. I do think that dwelling in depressing thoughts online has exasperated my SH feelings, and could be yours, but… idk

 

Nah the universe doesn’t care enough about you for that 

i have made peace with the fact that i don’t matter at all lmao 

i would be curious about being born bio female actually. But idk, God made me a guy for a reason. If I get married and have kids I won’t have to give birth, so that’s cool.

I wish I could

 

6 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

Harming oneself no matter how significant the damage it is

  Hide contents

which means technically Im back to zero days clean...

 

Love, please stop.

[Verdance he/him]

Spoiler

Yeah it was not an accident, i was like half asleep and shaving and was cleaning hair out of the razor with my finger and it made like gills in the guitar calloused skin and i was like oh cool i wonder if that can break the skin and pressed it to my arm and it started bleeding very very slightly even less than when i was depressed and cut myself but it hurt a lot way more than actual SH

but it wasnt out of depression and i actually didn’t expect to or want to cut myself

TW SH

6 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

Ok so I asked about it

They only call the cops if you have a plan, you are going to carry out the plan, and you some other thing I don't remember 

if it's unintentional I'd presume it's just an accident

 

[Usseewa]

1 minute ago, Honors cognitive shadow said:

Sureee buddy

 

I wish I could

 

Love, please stop.

Spoiler

for future reference i don't rlly like when ppl call me buddy ty

 

[Verdance he/him]

Just now, Usseewa said:

  Reveal hidden contents

for future reference i don't rlly like when ppl call me buddy ty

 

What was it that you asked us to call you? Girliepop?

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

Just now, Usseewa said:

  Hide contents

for future reference i don't rlly like when ppl call me buddy ty

 

Okkkk sorry love

[Usseewa]

1 minute ago, Verdance said:

What was it that you asked us to call you? Girliepop?

Idk tbh

I remember someone saying that tho

might've been Lily who knows

1 minute ago, Honors cognitive shadow said:

Okkkk sorry love

[Aeoryi she/her]

3 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

Idk when i was last any days clean in that case haha

(SH)

  Reveal hidden contents

i actually remember this one time when I was younger before I knew what SH was where I kinda SH'd but like not with blades or anything but i think i did

 

but i probably cause myself lots of psychological harm

it's just so... fun, idk?

like it feels good and i like it

I will say I did get a bunch of my close friends to basically bully me into (tw: sh, suicide)

Spoiler

putting the scissors far far away 

But the temptation and compulsion is so... Strong that whenever I encounter any sort of adversary I consider just hurting myself... most of the time I can't feel bothered to get the scissors off the wall but when I do it's becomes very terrifying but at the same time it distracts me from wanting to kill myself which is slightly better?

I don't know what kind of hole I'm falling into but I promised people I wouldn't do it and even though I haven't even broken the skin once I still feel like I'm letting them down by even considering it and it makes me feel like crap even more

 

 

[Verdance he/him]

1 minute ago, Aeoryi said:

I will say I did get a bunch of my close friends to basically bully me into (tw: sh, suicide)

  Hide contents

putting the scissors far far away 

But the temptation and compulsion is so... Strong that whenever I encounter any sort of adversary I consider just hurting myself... most of the time I can't feel bothered to get the scissors off the wall but when I do it's becomes very terrifying but at the same time it distracts me from wanting to kill myself which is slightly better?

I don't know what kind of hole I'm falling into but I promised people I wouldn't do it and even though I haven't even broken the skin once I still feel like I'm letting them down by even considering it and it makes me feel like crap even more

 

 

TW SH also mature content

Spoiler

Yeah, I definitely understand the compulsion. It feels the same to me as uh, and this is embarrassing, but in early middle school i almost got addicted to porn? That same kind of compulsion and addiction coupled with the knowledge that I would immediately regret the decision. 

Definitely, when it comes to mental health issues, let your logos rule your pathos. “What do you gain from SH? Will you regret it? Do you care if you regret it, and is that a bad thing?”, are questions i ask myself when i get those compulsions

also five years clean jsyk

 

[Usseewa]

1 minute ago, Aeoryi said:

I will say I did get a bunch of my close friends to basically bully me into (tw: sh, suicide)

  Reveal hidden contents

putting the scissors far far away 

But the temptation and compulsion is so... Strong that whenever I encounter any sort of adversary I consider just hurting myself... most of the time I can't feel bothered to get the scissors off the wall but when I do it's becomes very terrifying but at the same time it distracts me from wanting to kill myself which is slightly better?

I don't know what kind of hole I'm falling into but I promised people I wouldn't do it and even though I haven't even broken the skin once I still feel like I'm letting them down by even considering it and it makes me feel like crap even more

 

 

To be honest..

(tw SH & suicide)

Spoiler

i had pretty bad intrusive thoughts way back in like December, and some of them were for self-harm.

It might be different from what you're going through... but I had to not look at my scissors (which was kinda hard cuz they were right near me a lot) or I'd be plagued with... worries that I'd hurt myself with the. Not exactly compulsions but worries I'd lose control and cut myself or something.

I eventually got through it... kind of... with the help of people IRL.

 

Also... for a while, whenever i go on walks and pass a ledge or like bridge or river type thing, I always... have similar thoughts, but about jumping and killing myself.

 

[Verdance he/him]

Just now, Usseewa said:

To be honest..

(tw SH & suicide)

  Hide contents

i had pretty bad intrusive thoughts way back in like December, and some of them were for self-harm.

It might be different from what you're going through... but I had to not look at my scissors (which was kinda hard cuz they were right near me a lot) or I'd be plagued with... worries that I'd hurt myself with the. Not exactly compulsions but worries I'd lose control and cut myself or something.

I eventually got through it... kind of... with the help of people IRL.

 

Also... for a while, whenever i go on walks and pass a ledge or like bridge or river type thing, I always... have similar thoughts, but about jumping and killing myself.

 

Spoiler

Hey, if I ever were to kill myself, I have ruled out: bloodletting, hanging, jumping, drowning, gunfire, starvation, and suffocation, due to cowardice. Yay for cowardice!

TW suicide

[Usseewa]

Just now, Verdance said:

  Hide contents

Hey, if I ever were to kill myself, I have ruled out: bloodletting, hanging, jumping, drowning, gunfire, starvation, and suffocation, due to cowardice. Yay for cowardice!

TW suicide

tw suiceide

Spoiler

i... can't stand the thought of hanging

i can't stand the thought of being utterly powerless, but just struggling there slowly dying.

same with a straitjacket, even if that's entirely different

i can't stand the thought of being restrained like that so I can't. even. move.

 

i hate guns

bloodletting would be fun

same with starvation

not sure on suffocation... for the same reason as hanging.

jumping...idk.

 

Spoiler

maybe this actually shows that i only wanna die if it's my choice and even then in a way i can.. stop, if i choose

 

 

 

anyway im stormin gotta get goin' bye guys

 

[Verdance he/him]

Just now, Usseewa said:

tw suiceide

  Hide contents

i... can't stand the thought of hanging

i can't stand the thought of being utterly powerless, but just struggling there slowly dying.

same with a straitjacket, even if that's entirely different

i can't stand the thought of being restrained like that so I can't. even. move.

 

i hate guns

bloodletting would be fun

same with starvation

not sure on suffocation... for the same reason as hanging.

jumping...idk.

 

  Hide contents

maybe this actually shows that i only wanna die if it's my choice and even then in a way i can.. stop, if i choose

 

 

Spoiler

I actively resist suicidal thoughts by thinking about how awful dying that way would be

imagine laying on the bathroom floor, your wrists cut open and painful while your body goes numb… that terrifies me, a slow and painful death, couldn’t do it, same with starvation

TW suicide

but yeah. You don’t have to be suicidal. Don’t let some goddamned hormones mess up your life, making you depressed and moody. Take control of your life, allow yourself to enjoy being alive 

[Aeoryi she/her]

2 minutes ago, Verdance said:

  Reveal hidden contents

Hey, if I ever were to kill myself, I have ruled out: bloodletting, hanging, jumping, drowning, gunfire, starvation, and suffocation, due to cowardice. Yay for cowardice!

TW suicide

Spoiler

TW: suicide (this specifically mentions ways to commit suicide so please stop here if you're not ready for that)

Spoiler

Spoiler

I thought a bit about it a while ago and decided that I'd just drink my leftover bottle of acetone (nail polish remover). It's extremely bad to inhale let alone swallow so that should probably do the trick, it's also very convenient and I could probably do it in about thirty seconds from where I am right now 

But all things considered it ain't that hard to die in this world. 

seriously this stuff is dark ok

 

 

7 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

To be honest..

(tw SH & suicide)

  Hide contents

i had pretty bad intrusive thoughts way back in like December, and some of them were for self-harm.

It might be different from what you're going through... but I had to not look at my scissors (which was kinda hard cuz they were right near me a lot) or I'd be plagued with... worries that I'd hurt myself with the. Not exactly compulsions but worries I'd lose control and cut myself or something.

I eventually got through it... kind of... with the help of people IRL.

 

Also... for a while, whenever i go on walks and pass a ledge or like bridge or river type thing, I always... have similar thoughts, but about jumping and killing myself.

 

tw sh

Spoiler

I keep my scissors on a lanyard that I have in my room along with a lot of other handy things. Scissors are somewhat symbolic to me and that's why... yeah

 

2 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

tw suiceide

  Reveal hidden contents

i... can't stand the thought of hanging

i can't stand the thought of being utterly powerless, but just struggling there slowly dying.

same with a straitjacket, even if that's entirely different

i can't stand the thought of being restrained like that so I can't. even. move.

 

i hate guns

bloodletting would be fun

same with starvation

not sure on suffocation... for the same reason as hanging.

jumping...idk.

 

  Reveal hidden contents

maybe this actually shows that i only wanna die if it's my choice and even then in a way i can.. stop, if i choose

 

 

 

anyway im stormin gotta get goin' bye guys

 

I feel like this is a bad path to continue with discussing so maybe we could move back a bit from that

[Verdance he/him]

Just now, Aeoryi said:

  Reveal hidden contents

TW: suicide (this specifically mentions ways to commit suicide so please stop here if you're not ready for that)

  Reveal hidden contents

  Reveal hidden contents

I thought a bit about it a while ago and decided that I'd just drink my leftover bottle of acetone (nail polish remover). It's extremely bad to inhale let alone swallow so that should probably do the trick, it's also very convenient and I could probably do it in about thirty seconds from where I am right now 

But all things considered it ain't that hard to die in this world. 

seriously this stuff is dark ok

 

 

tw sh

  Hide contents

I keep my scissors on a lanyard that I have in my room along with a lot of other handy things. Scissors are somewhat symbolic to me and that's why... yeah

 

I feel like this is a bad path to continue with discussing so maybe we could move back a bit from that

Okey :3

im going to go take a test bye yall

plez no kill uself

have a great day

[Usseewa]

fine but what if i cant help it

i guess i can but

yeah

anyway meow