Mental health club!

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

22 minutes ago, Dilly honor spren said:

hey guys I decided to tell you something 

(trigger warning, self-harm)

  Reveal hidden contents

so just about a week or so ago I thought everything was great I thought I was getting better and through the dark part but I was wrong because that night something was just off my mom got upset (I made my school honor band but told her I didn't want to try out for the second honor band my school offers and she just seemed upset and disappointed) so I was really sad and just felt that I wasn't enough and idk it just happened I cried for about 30 minutes then I sort of cut, something that I had told myself I was done with and I know its so wrong and I shouldn't but it  just numbed all the other bad feelings I know it was so wrong but I did it and I just don't know what too do anymore dose anyone have some similar aspects parts to their life problems idk just sometimes when everything is wrong its helpful to look to others stories  

(if this is not aloud on the shard I'll take it down(just let me know))

*hugs*

I do. Hell, same thing happened to me three months ago. I needed to survive and function for a week, and I couldn't move under how much pain I was feeling. Physical pain I can deal with. Hell, physical pain I can use to fuel me, if I want (which is why I avoid it so much if I'm feeling sorta ok but not great, cause I need to hurt from it so I don't depend on it). So for that week I cut myself. Even though I promised myself I wouldn't. And I'm ashamed of it, and don't know what to do next. 

But at least you were bold enough to tell people. So good job. Others will have better advice than me.

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

7 minutes ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Yeah well, maybe I deserve for things to be worse.

Nope

Nope, you don’t

8 minutes ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

I don't storming care what happens to me.

Maybe

But I do

11 minutes ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

So if I can't make it a reality, I can take down a few obstacles to others with me.

Not with violence you ain’t

You’ll just build more

They’re gonna be glad they tore you out of that relationship before you became even more insane, which, yk, ain’t good for your cause

Look, you’ve clearly got a load of emotions running through your veins right now, many of them justified

But justification doesn’t make them logically sound to act upon

Here’s my suggestion:

Go to bed. Sleep. Give it a rest. Tomorrow, things may not be better, but you might feel a little better. And think again. Honestly.

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

3 minutes ago, Hoid Slayer said:

Nope

Nope, you don’t

Maybe

But I do

Not with violence you ain’t

You’ll just build more

They’re gonna be glad they tore you out of that relationship before you became even more insane, which, yk, ain’t good for your cause

Look, you’ve clearly got a load of emotions running through your veins right now, many of them justified

But justification doesn’t make them logically sound to act upon

Here’s my suggestion:

Go to bed. Sleep. Give it a rest. Tomorrow, things may not be better, but you might feel a little better. And think again. Honestly.

I will try. 

But I have been trying to get rid this rage for three. storming. Months.

I can't do anything to help that's constructive. But if I remove enough people things will change. 

I could make them fear me. I could crush them. I could make them hurt. 

I don't want to. Not the part of me I like. But right now, everyone is against me anyway, so... 

I'll try. I'll sleep, and see if I can contain it tomorrow.

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

Just now, KnightSkye Reforged said:

But I have been trying to get rid this rage for three. storming. Months.

I know

I know

Just now, KnightSkye Reforged said:

I can't do anything to help that's constructive. But if I remove enough people things will change. 

Oop

1 minute ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

I could make them fear me. I could crush them. I could make them hurt. 

Yup, you need sleep

And therapy

And sleep

Listen, your feelings are valid

But this is not the way to use them

Channel that passion into debate, trying to convince them with words

Sure, that might not work

But I can assure you that violence definitely will not work

It will just cause more pain

And if I can just be honest a second

3 minutes ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

I don't want to. Not the part of me I like. But right now, everyone is against me anyway, so... 

Crap argument

Crap argument and you know it

Understandable, but absolute crap

I’m not against you

Your friends aren’t against you

There must be people in your community that aren’t against you

And if there aren’t… then show them why they shouldn’t be

You hear that voice inside of you? The part of you you like? It’s there for a reason. Listen.

[Dilly honor spren she/her]

33 minutes ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

*hugs*

I do. Hell, same thing happened to me three months ago. I needed to survive and function for a week, and I couldn't move under how much pain I was feeling. Physical pain I can deal with. Hell, physical pain I can use to fuel me, if I want (which is why I avoid it so much if I'm feeling sorta ok but not great, cause I need to hurt from it so I don't depend on it). So for that week I cut myself. Even though I promised myself I wouldn't. And I'm ashamed of it, and don't know what to do next. 

But at least you were bold enough to tell people. So good job. Others will have better advice than me.

Thank you 

*tight hugs*

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

1 hour ago, Dilly honor spren said:

hey guys I decided to tell you something 

(trigger warning, self-harm)

  Reveal hidden contents

so just about a week or so ago I thought everything was great I thought I was getting better and through the dark part but I was wrong because that night something was just off my mom got upset (I made my school honor band but told her I didn't want to try out for the second honor band my school offers and she just seemed upset and disappointed) so I was really sad and just felt that I wasn't enough and idk it just happened I cried for about 30 minutes then I sort of cut, something that I had told myself I was done with and I know its so wrong and I shouldn't but it  just numbed all the other bad feelings I know it was so wrong but I did it and I just don't know what too do anymore dose anyone have some similar aspects parts to their life problems idk just sometimes when everything is wrong its helpful to look to others stories  

(if this is not aloud on the shard I'll take it down(just let me know))

*hugs so so so tightly*

I'm so sorry my dude

If you need support, or if you feel like doing it again, we're all here for you

[Dilly honor spren she/her]

Just now, Through The Living Glass said:

*hugs so so so tightly*

I'm so sorry my dude

If you need support, or if you feel like doing it again, we're all here for you

*hugs back, lots of hugs*

Thank you so much 

 (also want to say to everyone thank you so much I'm really grateful for you guys and sometimes i cant put it in words but thank you )

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

Just now, Dilly honor spren said:

*hugs back, lots of hugs*

Thank you so much 

 (also want to say to everyone thank you so much I'm really grateful for you guys and sometimes i cant put it in words but thank you )

(we get it dw)

*hugsssss*

Of course, my dude

[Throw TheLiving Silverware he/him/il/lui]

5 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

I swear, and I mean these words, that if one more person says to me, "Well, she's not actually your sister, so it's different." I am going to storming hurt them. 
I am going to hurt them, and make sure they know that I don't give a damn whether or not we're related by blood, my family is my family and I have a right to them. And if that means making some people bleed, so be it.

*huuuuuuugs*

Completely understandable 

Not a good idea, but understandable 

 

Completely agree with Hoid Slayer here, you need to win your community over to your pov

You can completely be angry, but channel that into coldly angry and reasonable words

 

As a last resort, you could try to go to court (or just threaten it, it might be scary enough for them to make them move), so maybe look up laws of your country/state

but thats for if all else fails

 

You deserve better than this

Way way better

 

3 hours ago, Dilly honor spren said:

hey guys I decided to tell you something 

(trigger warning, self-harm)

  Reveal hidden contents

so just about a week or so ago I thought everything was great I thought I was getting better and through the dark part but I was wrong because that night something was just off my mom got upset (I made my school honor band but told her I didn't want to try out for the second honor band my school offers and she just seemed upset and disappointed) so I was really sad and just felt that I wasn't enough and idk it just happened I cried for about 30 minutes then I sort of cut, something that I had told myself I was done with and I know its so wrong and I shouldn't but it  just numbed all the other bad feelings I know it was so wrong but I did it and I just don't know what too do anymore dose anyone have some similar aspects parts to their life problems idk just sometimes when everything is wrong its helpful to look to others stories  

(if this is not aloud on the shard I'll take it down(just let me know))

*big big hug*

People above me have said all the good stuff

Try to find something to do, someone to call, if the urges become too great

It sucks to have relapsed, especially after so long. But it happened, and you can't change it, so don't beat yourself over it. It's a completely understandable response to lots of troubled emotions you were feeling. Not a good one, but understandable. 

And thanks for telling us; this was really, really brave, and we are honored that you trusted us enough to tell us that

*more hugs*

[#1 Taln Fan he/him]

11 hours ago, Dilly honor spren said:

hey guys I decided to tell you something 

(trigger warning, self-harm)

  Hide contents

so just about a week or so ago I thought everything was great I thought I was getting better and through the dark part but I was wrong because that night something was just off my mom got upset (I made my school honor band but told her I didn't want to try out for the second honor band my school offers and she just seemed upset and disappointed) so I was really sad and just felt that I wasn't enough and idk it just happened I cried for about 30 minutes then I sort of cut, something that I had told myself I was done with and I know its so wrong and I shouldn't but it  just numbed all the other bad feelings I know it was so wrong but I did it and I just don't know what too do anymore dose anyone have some similar aspects parts to their life problems idk just sometimes when everything is wrong its helpful to look to others stories  

(if this is not aloud on the shard I'll take it down(just let me know))

11 hours ago, Kansas Stormcursed said:

@#1 Taln Fan, I summon thee for better advice

Seconding what Kansas said. Expanding on forgiving yourself, please don't be hard on yourself. It already sucks enough in the moment, don't prolong your suffering with shame and guilt about the SH after the fact. About a fifth of people SH at some point during their life. It's something that tons of people struggle with, and you're not alone in it. 

One of the most important things is to just feel your feelings. Ik it's way easier said than done, it's easier to numb the pain, push it down via SH, or scrolling, or whatever it is. But I promise that if you sit with the feelings for a bit, think about what messages those emotions are trying to tell you, you'll have less distress from them in the long run. And when possible, take action to address those emotional messages. 

Most important is to talk about it, as Kansas said. Yes, online friends are great, but ultimately not as helpful as IRL friends are. Idk how your family is or your exact situation, but your parents are generally the best suited people in your life to help. They can book you therapy, which I always recommend, or take away sharp things/check in on you more, or whatever you need. And part of relationships (familial, friends, or romantic) is telling the other person when something they say/do hurts you. That applies to parents too. If you don't tell them when something they say hurts you, how will they ever know to change? They're not trying to inflict emotional suffering on you, they just don't know their words are having that effect.
Again, I don't know your parents, and that's up to you, but if they love you and are fairly reasonable, I'd strongly recommend just being honest with them. 

Aside from parents, I'd also recommend having at least one close IRL friend you trust, and can tell everything. If they're a good friend who cares about you, they're not gonna judge you or shame you, they'll want to help and support you. But having someone you can turn to in those moments, or seek comfort from afterwards, is a must.

 

[Keke They/he]

13 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

I swear, and I mean these words, that if one more person says to me, "Well, she's not actually your sister, so it's different." I am going to storming hurt them. 
I am going to hurt them, and make sure they know that I don't give a damn whether or not we're related by blood, my family is my family and I have a right to them. And if that means making some people bleed, so be it.

*HUGS HUGS USGHUGSUHUGS*

ok so 

Let’s get this organized

Blood relatives

Spoiler

Ok thats bs. Let me clue you in on a little quote. “Family don't end in blood. But it doesn't start there either. Family cares about you, not what you can do for them. Family's there through the good, the bad, all of it. They got your back, even when it hurts. That's family.” Sometimes your blood is bad. Sometimes you feel safer with people who you see as family. Sometimes i feel safer talking to you than my family. Your my brother and i refuse to think anything else. The shard is just as much my family as my sister and mom. 

Fighting

Spoiler

Like others said, that will just make it worse. If you wanna fight then please dont. No you dont deserve for it to be worse. You dont deserve this in general. 

 

11 hours ago, TwinStorm said:

no I feel this so hard

*gives hugs to*

11 hours ago, Dilly honor spren said:

hey guys I decided to tell you something 

(trigger warning, self-harm)

  Hide contents

so just about a week or so ago I thought everything was great I thought I was getting better and through the dark part but I was wrong because that night something was just off my mom got upset (I made my school honor band but told her I didn't want to try out for the second honor band my school offers and she just seemed upset and disappointed) so I was really sad and just felt that I wasn't enough and idk it just happened I cried for about 30 minutes then I sort of cut, something that I had told myself I was done with and I know its so wrong and I shouldn't but it  just numbed all the other bad feelings I know it was so wrong but I did it and I just don't know what too do anymore dose anyone have some similar aspects parts to their life problems idk just sometimes when everything is wrong its helpful to look to others stories  

(if this is not aloud on the shard I'll take it down(just let me know))

It’s allowed.

im just gonna say, everything else everyone said is good.

dont hate yourself. When i relapsed i did and it doesnt do anything to help the situation. *hugs*

forgive yourself. Remember your human and make mistakes. And go on everything else people said. *Hugs*

11 hours ago, TwinStorm said:

NOONE REP ME

I SWEAR

WHO JUST REPPED ME

THE *********

Why didnt you want rep?

[Dilly honor spren she/her]

1 minute ago, Hawks said:

*HUGS HUGS USGHUGSUHUGS*

ok so 

Let’s get this organized

Blood relatives

  Reveal hidden contents

Ok thats bs. Let me clue you in on a little quote. “Family don't end in blood. But it doesn't start there either. Family cares about you, not what you can do for them. Family's there through the good, the bad, all of it. They got your back, even when it hurts. That's family.” Sometimes your blood is bad. Sometimes you feel safer with people who you see as family. Sometimes i feel safer talking to you than my family. Your my brother and i refuse to think anything else. The shard is just as much my family as my sister and mom. 

Fighting

  Reveal hidden contents

Like others said, that will just make it worse. If you wanna fight then please dont. No you dont deserve for it to be worse. You dont deserve this in general. 

 

*gives hugs to*

It’s allowed.

im just gonna say, everything else everyone said is good.

dont hate yourself. When i relapsed i did and it doesnt do anything to help the situation. *hugs*

forgive yourself. Remember your human and make mistakes. And go on everything else people said. *Hugs*

Why didnt you want rep?

7 hours ago, Just A Silvereye said:

*huuuuuuugs*

Completely understandable 

Not a good idea, but understandable 

 

Completely agree with Hoid Slayer here, you need to win your community over to your pov

You can completely be angry, but channel that into coldly angry and reasonable words

 

As a last resort, you could try to go to court (or just threaten it, it might be scary enough for them to make them move), so maybe look up laws of your country/state

but thats for if all else fails

 

You deserve better than this

Way way better

 

*big big hug*

People above me have said all the good stuff

Try to find something to do, someone to call, if the urges become too great

It sucks to have relapsed, especially after so long. But it happened, and you can't change it, so don't beat yourself over it. It's a completely understandable response to lots of troubled emotions you were feeling. Not a good one, but understandable. 

And thanks for telling us; this was really, really brave, and we are honored that you trusted us enough to tell us that

*more hugs*

*hugs* thank you *hugs*

9 minutes ago, #1 Taln Fan said:

Seconding what Kansas said. Expanding on forgiving yourself, please don't be hard on yourself. It already sucks enough in the moment, don't prolong your suffering with shame and guilt about the SH after the fact. About a fifth of people SH at some point during their life. It's something that tons of people struggle with, and you're not alone in it. 

One of the most important things is to just feel your feelings. Ik it's way easier said than done, it's easier to numb the pain, push it down via SH, or scrolling, or whatever it is. But I promise that if you sit with the feelings for a bit, think about what messages those emotions are trying to tell you, you'll have less distress from them in the long run. And when possible, take action to address those emotional messages. 

Most important is to talk about it, as Kansas said. Yes, online friends are great, but ultimately not as helpful as IRL friends are. Idk how your family is or your exact situation, but your parents are generally the best suited people in your life to help. They can book you therapy, which I always recommend, or take away sharp things/check in on you more, or whatever you need. And part of relationships (familial, friends, or romantic) is telling the other person when something they say/do hurts you. That applies to parents too. If you don't tell them when something they say hurts you, how will they ever know to change? They're not trying to inflict emotional suffering on you, they just don't know their words are having that effect.
Again, I don't know your parents, and that's up to you, but if they love you and are fairly reasonable, I'd strongly recommend just being honest with them. 

Aside from parents, I'd also recommend having at least one close IRL friend you trust, and can tell everything. If they're a good friend who cares about you, they're not gonna judge you or shame you, they'll want to help and support you. But having someone you can turn to in those moments, or seek comfort from afterwards, is a must.

 

thank you for the advice. after school today I think I might tell one of my close friends who is hanging out with me and hopefully she will be willing to help me find a way to tell my parents or something 

but maybe not because I don't want her to feel uncomfortable

I'll find a way probably

[#1 Taln Fan he/him]

Just now, Dilly honor spren said:

thank you for the advice. after school today I think I might tell one of my close friends who is hanging out with me and hopefully she will be willing to help me find a way to tell my parents or something 

but maybe not because I don't want her to feel uncomfortable

I'll find a way probably

I'd strongly encourage telling her, as tough as it may be to get out. You got this 

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

6 minutes ago, Hawks said:

*HUGS HUGS USGHUGSUHUGS*

ok so 

Let’s get this organized

Blood relatives

  Hide contents

Ok thats bs. Let me clue you in on a little quote. “Family don't end in blood. But it doesn't start there either. Family cares about you, not what you can do for them. Family's there through the good, the bad, all of it. They got your back, even when it hurts. That's family.” Sometimes your blood is bad. Sometimes you feel safer with people who you see as family. Sometimes i feel safer talking to you than my family. Your my brother and i refuse to think anything else. The shard is just as much my family as my sister and mom. 

Fighting

  Hide contents

Like others said, that will just make it worse. If you wanna fight then please dont. No you dont deserve for it to be worse. You dont deserve this in general. 

 

*gives hugs to*

It’s allowed.

im just gonna say, everything else everyone said is good.

dont hate yourself. When i relapsed i did and it doesnt do anything to help the situation. *hugs*

forgive yourself. Remember your human and make mistakes. And go on everything else people said. *Hugs*

Why didnt you want rep?

Because he had a beautiful rep level

But alas, we learn the hard way that convincing people to restrain from repping us is impossible

We're just TOO likable 

[Keke They/he]

3 minutes ago, Hoid Slayer said:

Because he had a beautiful rep level

But alas, we learn the hard way that convincing people to restrain from repping us is impossible

We're just TOO likable 

,… hmmm ok

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

1 minute ago, Hawks said:

,… hmmm ok

Trust

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

5 minutes ago, Hoid Slayer said:

Because he had a beautiful rep level

But alas, we learn the hard way that convincing people to restrain from repping us is impossible

We're just TOO likable 

I've tried

It just backfires

[Tam Tucker]

I've been writing almost everyday now. Waking up at midnight so I can write before work. Polly likes to go for a walk, got a light up collar for her so we r safe. It's cute seeing a yellow bar Bob up n down in the blackness of the night. Which is same color as her fur. It's a nice walk around my small town. Cool air to wake up n grab a cup of coffee n get to work. Writing letters n stories for those i love. I believe things should start small n grow to be big. 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

*hugs*

[TwinStorm He/Him]

7 hours ago, Hawks said:

*HUGS HUGS USGHUGSUHUGS*

ok so 

Let’s get this organized

Blood relatives

  Reveal hidden contents

Ok thats bs. Let me clue you in on a little quote. “Family don't end in blood. But it doesn't start there either. Family cares about you, not what you can do for them. Family's there through the good, the bad, all of it. They got your back, even when it hurts. That's family.” Sometimes your blood is bad. Sometimes you feel safer with people who you see as family. Sometimes i feel safer talking to you than my family. Your my brother and i refuse to think anything else. The shard is just as much my family as my sister and mom. 

Fighting

  Reveal hidden contents

Like others said, that will just make it worse. If you wanna fight then please dont. No you dont deserve for it to be worse. You dont deserve this in general. 

 

*gives hugs to*

It’s allowed.

im just gonna say, everything else everyone said is good.

dont hate yourself. When i relapsed i did and it doesnt do anything to help the situation. *hugs*

forgive yourself. Remember your human and make mistakes. And go on everything else people said. *Hugs*

Why didnt you want rep?

my rep title was

so 1337 Hoid can't compete

[Keke They/he]

17 minutes ago, TwinStorm said:

my rep title was

so 1337 Hoid can't compete

Ooh ok oof that's a fire rep title

[Dilly honor spren she/her]

hey people,

so I took lots of your advice and convinced myself that  I had to tell a person I knew IRL like a few of you suggested, so told my older sister and now I have a safe human I can talk to for now. idk but I did it. ummm yay?

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

23 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

I will try. 

But I have been trying to get rid this rage for three. storming. Months.

I can't do anything to help that's constructive. But if I remove enough people things will change. 

I could make them fear me. I could crush them. I could make them hurt. 

I don't want to. Not the part of me I like. But right now, everyone is against me anyway, so... 

I'll try. I'll sleep, and see if I can contain it tomorrow.

So uhh hey

How you doing?

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

1 hour ago, Hoid Slayer said:

So uhh hey

How you doing?

tired.

furious. burning like bonfire. 

I will not lash out at people if they say that she is not my sister. Not physically. But I will not just sit there and hear it again.
And sadly, the first few conversations I'm gonna have with people are gonna be messy. I've tried logic, or what I thought was logical, and been told that I don't actually know what I was feeling, and they did. So instead, I'm going to be blunt.

I'm going to set aside time and tell different people where they went wrong. I don't care if they agree with me or not; they have made up their minds, and I have made up mine. But at least we can be honest about it.

And no, not everyone is against me. the friend I was cut off from isn't, nor is her husband, who is also my friend. But they can't help. My other siblings are with me, but they have also been treated as children who are ignorant when trying to speak in my defence. They can't help. My Dad is on my side, but he can't see a way to change anything. 
My mom is against me. She doesn't love how this was done, but thinks that it needed to happen. every other adult in my community I've talked to has either said, "You're right, this is wrong, but the best thing you can do to get what you want is wait it out." or, "Well, if you depended on her so much then it's probably a good thing she's gone for now."
The first of those is kind of on my side, but I hate it because I should be able to be honest, and not have to hide and wait. I hate hiding. I've done it far too much already.
The second is not on my side. The second are cowards. people who have no idea what it's like to have no reason to stay alive other than the people around you. people who have never truly needed to depend on people. And if they think what they say, then they are dangerous, because of what they might do if they find out how dependent on others I really am, and how it extends far past my closest friend. 
Every other person closer to my age, so young adults and teens, have avoided talking about it or has said, "well, I'm sure they're doing their best." or, "Well, I guess they might be right. I mean, they are the ones in charge."
They are also cowards. And they have no spine to make their own evaluations. 

And so I am forced to keep secrets so I may have friends. I am forced to lie, to be dishonest. 

Men have no honor. Honor is dead, and we laugh at his corpse. 

But I will not deal in retribution. not yet. I will do better.

Edited November 6, 2025 by KnightSkye Reforged

[Keke They/he]

Bro im literally 2 seconds from either having a panick attack or just curling ina ball and crying. 

Idk why

well i do its c cause im so tired my anxiety and depression are on steroids and im gonna hit my head into a wall. I could list at least 5 things that are bugging me but idk if i wanna blab some of it to everyone online

anyways.

13 hours ago, Dilly honor spren said:

hey people,

so I took lots of your advice and convinced myself that  I had to tell a person I knew IRL like a few of you suggested, so told my older sister and now I have a safe human I can talk to for now. idk but I did it. ummm yay?

Yay!!!! Thats great dilly!!

*hugs*

9 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

tired.

furious. burning like bonfire. 

I will not lash out at people if they say that she is not my sister. Not physically. But I will not just sit there and hear it again.
And sadly, the first few conversations I'm gonna have with people are gonna be messy. I've tried logic, or what I thought was logical, and been told that I don't actually know what I was feeling, and they did. So instead, I'm going to be blunt.

I'm going to set aside time and tell different people where they went wrong. I don't care if they agree with me or not; they have made up their minds, and I have made up mine. But at least we can be honest about it.

And no, not everyone is against me. the friend I was cut off from isn't, nor is her husband, who is also my friend. But they can't help. My other siblings are with me, but they have also been treated as children who are ignorant when trying to speak in my defence. They can't help. My Dad is on my side, but he can't see a way to change anything. 
My mom is against me. She doesn't love how this was done, but thinks that it needed to happen. every other adult in my community I've talked to has either said, "You're right, this is wrong, but the best thing you can do to get what you want is wait it out." or, "Well, if you depended on her so much then it's probably a good thing she's gone for now."
The first of those is kind of on my side, but I hate it because I should be able to be honest, and not have to hide and wait. I hate hiding. I've done it far too much already.
The second is not on my side. The second are cowards. people who have no idea what it's like to have no reason to stay alive other than the people around you. people who have never truly needed to depend on people. And if they think what they say, then they are dangerous, because of what they might do if they find out how dependent on others I really am, and how it extends far past my closest friend. 
Every other person closer to my age, so young adults and teens, have avoided talking about it or has said, "well, I'm sure they're doing their best." or, "Well, I guess they might be right. I mean, they are the ones in charge."
They are also cowards. And they have no spine to make their own evaluations. 

And so I am forced to keep secrets so I may have friends. I am forced to lie, to be dishonest. 

Men have no honor. Honor is dead, and we laugh at his corpse. 

But I will not deal in retribution. not yet. I will do better.

Im glad you do have people on your side. *Hugs*

and thats good that you’ve decided to not actually fight them!