Mental health club!

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

11 hours ago, alittleinsane said:

hi y'all, hugs for all! do y'all remember me lmao

so i have always been the "mom" friend, or "therapist" friend, all of that jazz, since i was like eleven. i was raised to be mature, and i guess i friggin delivered or something because everyone tells me i'm comforting, i give great advice, i'm saving them where adults haven't. i'm a kid.

idk sometimes it just feels like i'm left behind, mental stability wise. a lot of my friends were in worse places than me, and i was mediocre. the kind of thing that isn't an immediate danger, but still should be addressed, and of course because most adults fail kids in the mental health department (i am done sugar-coating it i'm gonna be so fr y'all i'm so fed up with my friend's parents and all the adults that thought it was charming and not concerning that i conversed easier with them than with kids i don't care if it's hard i have had to talk my friend down on video call from sh-ing a second time that night they were bleeding and they were thirteen and they had so many obvious tells and the knife was in the fricking room and you mean to tell me it is only THIS week that he's going to go to a psychiatric hospital how are adults not catching this why is it falling on other kids and why is it always me even though it is rarely my advice that actually helps i don't know what i am doing i am the messenger and i'd really just like it if the people with the messages said it themselves and i know it's selfish and i know it's scary for them and they could relapse and i can't because i never did but i cannot bear the weight of all of my friend's problems and i know i don't have to but if i don't, no one else will until worse comes to worse) and so basically i helped them and they go "i wouldn't be alive without you" and "you mean to much to me" and i love them i do but they're all getting better and i'm still just here and it turns out i'm the problem because i cannot expect kids in my age group to provide the same support for me that i did for them. and i know its selfish of me to expect it but like

 

yeah idk jeez why is finding a therapist so hardddddddd

*hurggsss* agreed five thousand percent I am also often the therapist friend and I have also talked friends down from su or sh and agreed adults fail kids with mental health issues on so many levels. First off pay attention to your kid if I can tell when something is wrong they should be able to as welll. Second when they do find out they always react wrong the answer isn’t to take away their phone or their privelages bc that does nothing other than make them feel wrong or bad or something like that instead get a quality therapist and instead of freaking out listen to your kid ask them why and the if they don’t want to tell you be okay with that and don’t push them. And then finnally get a quality therapist ik too many people whos parents know they do this but are like “therapy is for sissys” (genuine quote I’ve heard from a parent who KNEW their kid was struggling with this stuff) ugh parents make me angry but yah *hugs* I’m sorry you had are in this position

[Seonid he/him]

Parents who aren't willing to get therapy for their kids are really annoying, for sure.

Honestly, everyone could use some therapy at some point. I'm also gonna shill for pharmaceuticals, because meds have really helped me. Even if they end up only being a temporary patch while someone figures out how to handle the stress of their life, they are a really useful temporary patch.

[ANHlittleinsane girl but gendern't mostly]

Saw my old classmates today, they’re all past the inside jokes and over the old things we used to talk about and entangled in drama and boys and i hate that if you don’t have snap you don’t exist and i don’t WANT it, but i also don’t want to be left behind

idk it just feels like no matter how much they love me or care about me and how much i do in turn, i always get left behind and like they say they love me and they care about me but it’s only because I kept them healthy and alive and happy and I’m funny but not funny enough and I’m pretty apparently but not enough to get the usual greeting of “omg wait youre so pretty it’s been so long” and I’m part of a group that is lost to time and changing and i can’t move forward because i don’t have to means to because unless you have social media you aren’t a real person but i don’t want snap because all the kids in my age group in this city use it as a dating app

and one of my friends, my best friend, who isn’t really my best friend anymore unless it’s just the two of us and we haven’t seen each other in weeks and we’re around people just as nerdy as i am all the damn time and i know she cares about me but she doesn’t care about my interests or what i say and sometimes she gets mad at me because i don’t defend her to my other friends and she says she would defend me if someone even said a single word against me and i believe her and i feel bad that she doesn’t but there are parts of me that i care about that she ignores and don’t i have the right to do the same? It’s not a good friendship and she rarely leaves me feeling happy after we hang out but i don’t want to lose my last childhood friend and idk i guess i just hate that no one my age cares about what i say and the things in my head and its like you said I’m amazing at writing. You love to read my work. Is it any different from what i write when i talk about things? I’m still writing. It’s still some kind of fantasy world you know nothing about. It isn’t any less quality than the stories i used to write. It’s like she only cares about me when i am masking, or being “weird” in a way that she also is

I have friends in school, close ones, but they aren’t in most of my classes and i have people that i can talk to but I’m always going to be second choice and i hate how hard it is to integrate without social media and sports teams like i knew not doing sports was going to impact my social life but this sucks and idk i just really fricking hate change and i hate that i have to place making sure others feel ok and aren’t mentally struggling for the smallest thing that others can help with over whether or not i want to help. I’m not a therapist, I’m not being paid to do this, i don’t have obligations to anyone and my opinions do matter and sometimes I’m only there because if I’m not I’ll be lonely like it isn’t worse that I’m just in the ghost of what was there and I’m always always always in between friends on damage control and they vent about each other and talk bad about each other to me and i try to mitigate the damage the best i can so they don’t get hurt like they give a chicken fried frick about me unless I’m directly helping and then I’m the problem that I’m strange, I’m the problem that I’m silent when they want me to be loud, I’m the problem that i don’t act like a kid my age as if i haven’t been pushed into these situations and roles since i was fricking seven and a half years old and it has never mattered that my world was ending at the time and i didn’t want to put up with any of this bs and i just wanted to focus on the good, because i gave an inch once at seven and a half before i even knew what the word boundaries was, let alone what it meant, and now i have to do it for the rest of my life because none of them want to learn how

and i get that they have worse things going on they need to worry about. Their worse things are small term I’ve been stuck here in between a missile and a cannon for almost all of my life so i could get a “thank you,” an “I love you,” a “you’re so mature,” an “i don’t know what I’d do without you,” and a request to do it all over again like a party trick right before they shoot me for being the messenger and the adults will tell me to stay out of it and set boundaries but I’m so wildly codependent on people I’ve “known” since i was five that I can’t say no. I don’t want to lose them and they don’t want to lose me but i am not a kid their age to them i am a trusted adult figure and i wanted that trust even at seven and a half so i have been doing it since then just for the blue moon time that they’ll take me seriously and indulge me like I’m another kid their age and I’m young and naive for not knowing other kids and more adult-y things, and not having social media, and not learning how to like the conformity of fashion nowadays but I’m oh just so mature and so helpful and such a lifesaver when they need me when I’m useful and the only reason I’m sticking around is because i just had to be taught that commitment is important but not the difference between toxicity and commitment and i need it. I need to be told and shown i have value and it happens rarely but it’s better than the period of nothingness if i cut myself off and dedicate myself to building relationships with my new friends which would be so so easy but i just really like nostalgia no matter how much it hurts and i think i know if i “take a break” from them my adhd brain will make me either forget or regret and either way i won’t come back

and I’m just so so done with compromising and empathy and diplomacy and intuition and supporting and valuing and caring and providing and being “high functioning” neurodivergent cause it’s like a party trick when I’m an emotional intelligence genius and a tiny silly roadblock when my hyper-fixation and petrifying fear of change and chance prevents me from happiness and i don’t understand how everyone moves on so easily from some things and clings so hard to other things and I’m only worth being alive when adhd is a enlightening, helpful thing that shakes things up like my brain isn’t all shaken up and blended into some kind of smoothie pressed against my head until it breaks like water and glass and i just wish i could be an immature mess instead of pretending i didn’t burn out at thirteen the moment i finished high school application essays

and there’s this group chat and most of the kids in it hate each other but are there anyways for the sillies because i think deep down they remember i made the group chat and i made it for a reason and i think it’s my little evil way of having my turn trapping friends into helping me to no end and it’s so twistedly angering to me how i have to do damage control and make everyone feel important and valid in this cesspit like i didn’t make this group chat at one am in Europe feeling so so alone and guilty sleeping under the stars in Corsica after having a panic attack because the stars are so anxiety inducing sometimes and the humidity is 95% and I’m with my grandparents and sisters who are asleep not my mom and i made a group chat because i felt alone and overwhelmed and filled it with people that i thought were funny that made me feel funny that made me feel wanted that made me feel alive and now i am still there, seven and a half, mopping up other’s problems and getting shot as the messenger and i can’t just leave because it is anything to feel alive

[Myst He/Him]

9 minutes ago, alittleinsane said:

Saw my old classmates today, they’re all past the inside jokes and over the old things we used to talk about and entangled in drama and boys and i hate that if you don’t have snap you don’t exist and i don’t WANT it, but i also don’t want to be left behind

idk it just feels like no matter how much they love me or care about me and how much i do in turn, i always get left behind and like they say they love me and they care about me but it’s only because I kept them healthy and alive and happy and I’m funny but not funny enough and I’m pretty apparently but not enough to get the usual greeting of “omg wait youre so pretty it’s been so long” and I’m part of a group that is lost to time and changing and i can’t move forward because i don’t have to means to because unless you have social media you aren’t a real person but i don’t want snap because all the kids in my age group in this city use it as a dating app

and one of my friends, my best friend, who isn’t really my best friend anymore unless it’s just the two of us and we haven’t seen each other in weeks and we’re around people just as nerdy as i am all the damn time and i know she cares about me but she doesn’t care about my interests or what i say and sometimes she gets mad at me because i don’t defend her to my other friends and she says she would defend me if someone even said a single word against me and i believe her and i feel bad that she doesn’t but there are parts of me that i care about that she ignores and don’t i have the right to do the same? It’s not a good friendship and she rarely leaves me feeling happy after we hang out but i don’t want to lose my last childhood friend and idk i guess i just hate that no one my age cares about what i say and the things in my head and its like you said I’m amazing at writing. You love to read my work. Is it any different from what i write when i talk about things? I’m still writing. It’s still some kind of fantasy world you know nothing about. It isn’t any less quality than the stories i used to write. It’s like she only cares about me when i am masking, or being “weird” in a way that she also is

I have friends in school, close ones, but they aren’t in most of my classes and i have people that i can talk to but I’m always going to be second choice and i hate how hard it is to integrate without social media and sports teams like i knew not doing sports was going to impact my social life but this sucks and idk i just really fricking hate change and i hate that i have to place making sure others feel ok and aren’t mentally struggling for the smallest thing that others can help with over whether or not i want to help. I’m not a therapist, I’m not being paid to do this, i don’t have obligations to anyone and my opinions do matter and sometimes I’m only there because if I’m not I’ll be lonely like it isn’t worse that I’m just in the ghost of what was there and I’m always always always in between friends on damage control and they vent about each other and talk bad about each other to me and i try to mitigate the damage the best i can so they don’t get hurt like they give a chicken fried frick about me unless I’m directly helping and then I’m the problem that I’m strange, I’m the problem that I’m silent when they want me to be loud, I’m the problem that i don’t act like a kid my age as if i haven’t been pushed into these situations and roles since i was fricking seven and a half years old and it has never mattered that my world was ending at the time and i didn’t want to put up with any of this bs and i just wanted to focus on the good, because i gave an inch once at seven and a half before i even knew what the word boundaries was, let alone what it meant, and now i have to do it for the rest of my life because none of them want to learn how

and i get that they have worse things going on they need to worry about. Their worse things are small term I’ve been stuck here in between a missile and a cannon for almost all of my life so i could get a “thank you,” an “I love you,” a “you’re so mature,” an “i don’t know what I’d do without you,” and a request to do it all over again like a party trick right before they shoot me for being the messenger and the adults will tell me to stay out of it and set boundaries but I’m so wildly codependent on people I’ve “known” since i was five that I can’t say no. I don’t want to lose them and they don’t want to lose me but i am not a kid their age to them i am a trusted adult figure and i wanted that trust even at seven and a half so i have been doing it since then just for the blue moon time that they’ll take me seriously and indulge me like I’m another kid their age and I’m young and naive for not knowing other kids and more adult-y things, and not having social media, and not learning how to like the conformity of fashion nowadays but I’m oh just so mature and so helpful and such a lifesaver when they need me when I’m useful and the only reason I’m sticking around is because i just had to be taught that commitment is important but not the difference between toxicity and commitment and i need it. I need to be told and shown i have value and it happens rarely but it’s better than the period of nothingness if i cut myself off and dedicate myself to building relationships with my new friends which would be so so easy but i just really like nostalgia no matter how much it hurts and i think i know if i “take a break” from them my adhd brain will make me either forget or regret and either way i won’t come back

and I’m just so so done with compromising and empathy and diplomacy and intuition and supporting and valuing and caring and providing and being “high functioning” neurodivergent cause it’s like a party trick when I’m an emotional intelligence genius and a tiny silly roadblock when my hyper-fixation and petrifying fear of change and chance prevents me from happiness and i don’t understand how everyone moves on so easily from some things and clings so hard to other things and I’m only worth being alive when adhd is a enlightening, helpful thing that shakes things up like my brain isn’t all shaken up and blended into some kind of smoothie pressed against my head until it breaks like water and glass and i just wish i could be an immature mess instead of pretending i didn’t burn out at thirteen the moment i finished high school application essays

and there’s this group chat and most of the kids in it hate each other but are there anyways for the sillies because i think deep down they remember i made the group chat and i made it for a reason and i think it’s my little evil way of having my turn trapping friends into helping me to no end and it’s so twistedly angering to me how i have to do damage control and make everyone feel important and valid in this cesspit like i didn’t make this group chat at one am in Europe feeling so so alone and guilty sleeping under the stars in Corsica after having a panic attack because the stars are so anxiety inducing sometimes and the humidity is 95% and I’m with my grandparents and sisters who are asleep not my mom and i made a group chat because i felt alone and overwhelmed and filled it with people that i thought were funny that made me feel funny that made me feel wanted that made me feel alive and now i am still there, seven and a half, mopping up other’s problems and getting shot as the messenger and i can’t just leave because it is anything to feel alive

*hug*

I’m sorry. It’ll feel scary and lonely for a bit if you go and focus on other relationships, but if not doing that is making you feel this way, you should do it. Every moment you convince yourself not to will only make it harder the next time. I’m sorry you have to go through this, but focus on yourself right now. 
* hug*

[Throw TheLiving Silverware he/him/il/lui]

21 hours ago, -ACE- said:

Dang, thats rough. I sugest setting a set bedtime. (only if you want to tho) for me it's 10. It really helped me when this kind of a thing happened to me.

If you can't go to sleep at whatever time u set, then try to do something calming before bed, like a walk, or reading.

 

 

16 hours ago, Kansas Stormcursed said:

*hugs*

Yeah I will definitely be up till 3 am tonight just scrolling YT shorts

*hugs*

Having to be the therapist of the friend group is an awful, and not something you should have to go through, particularly young. You also shouldn't have to fulfill the role the parents are letting fall; that's not a healthy way for anybody to grow up. Probably the most important thing you can do is lead your friends to find somebody else that they can also lean on. That doesn't necessarily mean you need to just toss them onto somebody else, but one person cannot hold all that weight, nor should it be your responsibility. At a certain point, you will break, that's almost guaranteed if you try to hold all that responsibility.

There are resources out there designed to help. I'm unfortunately not as familiar with them, but CPS can interfere if necessary,and I know there are others. Dangit this is when we need Mirker for wisdom.

Anybody else wanna help me finish this? I feel like there's more to say but thw words aren't working

Anyway,the bottom line is that you shouldn't be holding all that weight, and it's awful

*hugs*

No such thing as really getting too involved

If you're here, you help as much as you can basically

16 hours ago, Through The Living Glass said:

*squeeeeeeeeeeeeze*

go eepy

you can do it

16 hours ago, Hoid Slayer said:

Me tryna become Torturer of Heralds

’Tis difficult

I’m just so likable, people can’t help but like my posts /s

I know technically I already overshot, once the 67 thing stops being funny I’m gonna ask people to bring me back down

Hey

This might be really hard

But…

Try

Right now, put down your phone

And go to bed

Just close your eyes, and try to sleep

It could be difficult, but trust me, it’ll be worth it

Bad dreams are better than sleep deprivation

Also… depression doesn’t need a reason

If it’s there, it’s there, and it’s a problem

And hey… I hope you’re not talking about what I think you’re talking about

But whatever you’re talking about, not knowing is okay

Its the trying that matters

And, like with @alittleinsane (please tell me if there’s some nickname I can use), I suggest you think about searching for help

It really can make a difference

---------------------

DO NOT REP THIS POST

Thanks for the hugs *hugs back*

I should maybe set a bed time, but it's kinda hard because my timetable keeps changing

And also, I'm always late on work so I have to stay up to finish the stuff I have to on most nights

Well I only manage to do something half of the time which is another problem

 

No Hoid Slayer I don't think I'm talking about what you think

I just... need to do my work if I want to pass this semester and be done for school forever

But I can't

I don't know what to do and no one explains and I'm already so tired and completely demotivated

and so i run around like a headless chicken and do nothing for hours and it tires me even more

I've been in therapy for a couple months now, which has helped some stuff, but it's still not great and somehow feeling... worse than ever maybe

well not yet

it's not worse than that time yet

but it will soon be when we reach the finish line and i'll be still stuck with my head in the sand and weeks behind on everything

 

at this point i just wish i could come back to then and tell myself "my buddy you are doing a terrible mistake here"

though were the other choices better for me

i guess i'll never get to know

 

Btw i thought you might want to know, last night I went to bed right soonish after writing the message (so at 1AM; GMT+1 remember) and will try to get to it soonish now too

 

18 hours ago, alittleinsane said:

hi y'all, hugs for all! do y'all remember me lmao

so i have always been the "mom" friend, or "therapist" friend, all of that jazz, since i was like eleven. i was raised to be mature, and i guess i friggin delivered or something because everyone tells me i'm comforting, i give great advice, i'm saving them where adults haven't. i'm a kid.

idk sometimes it just feels like i'm left behind, mental stability wise. a lot of my friends were in worse places than me, and i was mediocre. the kind of thing that isn't an immediate danger, but still should be addressed, and of course because most adults fail kids in the mental health department (i am done sugar-coating it i'm gonna be so fr y'all i'm so fed up with my friend's parents and all the adults that thought it was charming and not concerning that i conversed easier with them than with kids i don't care if it's hard i have had to talk my friend down on video call from sh-ing a second time that night they were bleeding and they were thirteen and they had so many obvious tells and the knife was in the fricking room and you mean to tell me it is only THIS week that he's going to go to a psychiatric hospital how are adults not catching this why is it falling on other kids and why is it always me even though it is rarely my advice that actually helps i don't know what i am doing i am the messenger and i'd really just like it if the people with the messages said it themselves and i know it's selfish and i know it's scary for them and they could relapse and i can't because i never did but i cannot bear the weight of all of my friend's problems and i know i don't have to but if i don't, no one else will until worse comes to worse) and so basically i helped them and they go "i wouldn't be alive without you" and "you mean to much to me" and i love them i do but they're all getting better and i'm still just here and it turns out i'm the problem because i cannot expect kids in my age group to provide the same support for me that i did for them. and i know its selfish of me to expect it but like

 

yeah idk jeez why is finding a therapist so hardddddddd

1 hour ago, alittleinsane said:

Saw my old classmates today, they’re all past the inside jokes and over the old things we used to talk about and entangled in drama and boys and i hate that if you don’t have snap you don’t exist and i don’t WANT it, but i also don’t want to be left behind

idk it just feels like no matter how much they love me or care about me and how much i do in turn, i always get left behind and like they say they love me and they care about me but it’s only because I kept them healthy and alive and happy and I’m funny but not funny enough and I’m pretty apparently but not enough to get the usual greeting of “omg wait youre so pretty it’s been so long” and I’m part of a group that is lost to time and changing and i can’t move forward because i don’t have to means to because unless you have social media you aren’t a real person but i don’t want snap because all the kids in my age group in this city use it as a dating app

and one of my friends, my best friend, who isn’t really my best friend anymore unless it’s just the two of us and we haven’t seen each other in weeks and we’re around people just as nerdy as i am all the damn time and i know she cares about me but she doesn’t care about my interests or what i say and sometimes she gets mad at me because i don’t defend her to my other friends and she says she would defend me if someone even said a single word against me and i believe her and i feel bad that she doesn’t but there are parts of me that i care about that she ignores and don’t i have the right to do the same? It’s not a good friendship and she rarely leaves me feeling happy after we hang out but i don’t want to lose my last childhood friend and idk i guess i just hate that no one my age cares about what i say and the things in my head and its like you said I’m amazing at writing. You love to read my work. Is it any different from what i write when i talk about things? I’m still writing. It’s still some kind of fantasy world you know nothing about. It isn’t any less quality than the stories i used to write. It’s like she only cares about me when i am masking, or being “weird” in a way that she also is

I have friends in school, close ones, but they aren’t in most of my classes and i have people that i can talk to but I’m always going to be second choice and i hate how hard it is to integrate without social media and sports teams like i knew not doing sports was going to impact my social life but this sucks and idk i just really fricking hate change and i hate that i have to place making sure others feel ok and aren’t mentally struggling for the smallest thing that others can help with over whether or not i want to help. I’m not a therapist, I’m not being paid to do this, i don’t have obligations to anyone and my opinions do matter and sometimes I’m only there because if I’m not I’ll be lonely like it isn’t worse that I’m just in the ghost of what was there and I’m always always always in between friends on damage control and they vent about each other and talk bad about each other to me and i try to mitigate the damage the best i can so they don’t get hurt like they give a chicken fried frick about me unless I’m directly helping and then I’m the problem that I’m strange, I’m the problem that I’m silent when they want me to be loud, I’m the problem that i don’t act like a kid my age as if i haven’t been pushed into these situations and roles since i was fricking seven and a half years old and it has never mattered that my world was ending at the time and i didn’t want to put up with any of this bs and i just wanted to focus on the good, because i gave an inch once at seven and a half before i even knew what the word boundaries was, let alone what it meant, and now i have to do it for the rest of my life because none of them want to learn how

and i get that they have worse things going on they need to worry about. Their worse things are small term I’ve been stuck here in between a missile and a cannon for almost all of my life so i could get a “thank you,” an “I love you,” a “you’re so mature,” an “i don’t know what I’d do without you,” and a request to do it all over again like a party trick right before they shoot me for being the messenger and the adults will tell me to stay out of it and set boundaries but I’m so wildly codependent on people I’ve “known” since i was five that I can’t say no. I don’t want to lose them and they don’t want to lose me but i am not a kid their age to them i am a trusted adult figure and i wanted that trust even at seven and a half so i have been doing it since then just for the blue moon time that they’ll take me seriously and indulge me like I’m another kid their age and I’m young and naive for not knowing other kids and more adult-y things, and not having social media, and not learning how to like the conformity of fashion nowadays but I’m oh just so mature and so helpful and such a lifesaver when they need me when I’m useful and the only reason I’m sticking around is because i just had to be taught that commitment is important but not the difference between toxicity and commitment and i need it. I need to be told and shown i have value and it happens rarely but it’s better than the period of nothingness if i cut myself off and dedicate myself to building relationships with my new friends which would be so so easy but i just really like nostalgia no matter how much it hurts and i think i know if i “take a break” from them my adhd brain will make me either forget or regret and either way i won’t come back

and I’m just so so done with compromising and empathy and diplomacy and intuition and supporting and valuing and caring and providing and being “high functioning” neurodivergent cause it’s like a party trick when I’m an emotional intelligence genius and a tiny silly roadblock when my hyper-fixation and petrifying fear of change and chance prevents me from happiness and i don’t understand how everyone moves on so easily from some things and clings so hard to other things and I’m only worth being alive when adhd is a enlightening, helpful thing that shakes things up like my brain isn’t all shaken up and blended into some kind of smoothie pressed against my head until it breaks like water and glass and i just wish i could be an immature mess instead of pretending i didn’t burn out at thirteen the moment i finished high school application essays

and there’s this group chat and most of the kids in it hate each other but are there anyways for the sillies because i think deep down they remember i made the group chat and i made it for a reason and i think it’s my little evil way of having my turn trapping friends into helping me to no end and it’s so twistedly angering to me how i have to do damage control and make everyone feel important and valid in this cesspit like i didn’t make this group chat at one am in Europe feeling so so alone and guilty sleeping under the stars in Corsica after having a panic attack because the stars are so anxiety inducing sometimes and the humidity is 95% and I’m with my grandparents and sisters who are asleep not my mom and i made a group chat because i felt alone and overwhelmed and filled it with people that i thought were funny that made me feel funny that made me feel wanted that made me feel alive and now i am still there, seven and a half, mopping up other’s problems and getting shot as the messenger and i can’t just leave because it is anything to feel alive

*big hug*

Yes I remember you

and I understand, kinda

 

and you probably should to go talk to your friends about what you feel

if they are your friends, they'll want to know

you have the right to be tired carrying everyone around you

it's not selfish at all

I know you don't want to let them down, but if you don't set boundaries at some point, then you will inevitably end up letting them down just because you couldn't take it anymore

 

It's a really tough situation to be in

I wish I could help more

*massive hug*

Edited October 25, 2025 by Just A Silvereye

[ANHlittleinsane girl but gendern't mostly]

1 hour ago, IHadAThought said:

*hug*

I’m sorry. It’ll feel scary and lonely for a bit if you go and focus on other relationships, but if not doing that is making you feel this way, you should do it. Every moment you convince yourself not to will only make it harder the next time. I’m sorry you have to go through this, but focus on yourself right now. 
* hug*

 

19 minutes ago, Just A Silvereye said:

 

Thanks for the hugs *hugs back*

I should maybe set a bed time, but it's kinda hard because my timetable keeps changing

And also, I'm always late on work so I have to stay up to finish the stuff I have to on most nights

Well I only manage to do something half of the time which is another problem

 

No Hoid Slayer I don't think I'm talking about what you think

I just... need to do my work if I want to pass this semester and be done for school forever

But I can't

I don't know what to do and no one explains and I'm already so tired and completely demotivated

and so i run around like a headless chicken and do nothing for hours and it tires me even more

I've been in therapy for a couple months now, which has helped some stuff, but it's still not great and somehow feeling... worse than ever maybe

well not yet

it's not worse than that time yet

but it will soon be when we reach the finish line and i'll be still stuck with my head in the sand and weeks behind on everything

 

at this point i just wish i could come back to then and tell myself "my buddy you are doing a terrible mistake here"

though were the other choices better for me

i guess i'll never get to know

 

Btw i thought you might want to know, last night I went to bed right soonish after writing the message (so at 1AM; GMT+1 remember) and will try to get to it soonish now too

 

*big hug*

Yes I remember you

and I understand, kinda

 

and you probably should to go talk to your friends about what you feel

if they are your friends, they'll want to know

you have the right to be tired carrying everyone around you

it's not selfish at all

I know you don't want to let them down, but if you don't set boundaries at some point, then you will inevitably end up letting them down just because you couldn't take it anymore

 

It's a really tough situation to be in

I wish I could help more

*massive hug*

*hugs*

thanks y’all. I told the gc that i was gonna silence notifications and take a break, and I’d come back when i was ready and text when i wanted and they were like “kk take all the time you want, see ya”

it made me feel a bit more human and a bit less fragile. I still feel a bit shaky but I’m working on my homework to occupy my brain, and rereading one of my fave Star Wars fics (it features feral silly inconsistent gremlin Luke which is a hill I’ll die on he’s one of those people that got diagnosed with ADHD and later found out it was actually a response to unresolved childhood trauma and i fully support him being a kind of insane, well meaning little guy who should under no circumstances be allowed near Nightblood lol) (my babiesssss) (star wars found family fics y’all will always be famous)

[Throw TheLiving Silverware he/him/il/lui]

1 hour ago, alittleinsane said:

 

*hugs*

thanks y’all. I told the gc that i was gonna silence notifications and take a break, and I’d come back when i was ready and text when i wanted and they were like “kk take all the time you want, see ya”

it made me feel a bit more human and a bit less fragile. I still feel a bit shaky but I’m working on my homework to occupy my brain, and rereading one of my fave Star Wars fics (it features feral silly inconsistent gremlin Luke which is a hill I’ll die on he’s one of those people that got diagnosed with ADHD and later found out it was actually a response to unresolved childhood trauma and i fully support him being a kind of insane, well meaning little guy who should under no circumstances be allowed near Nightblood lol) (my babiesssss) (star wars found family fics y’all will always be famous)

*hugs again*

Yes

You did good

Keep doing stuff that brings you joy, it's food for you

I'm proud of you

 

Edit: I meant to say "It's good for you", but I guess it's also food

in a spiritual sense

you know

Edited October 25, 2025 by Just A Silvereye

[ANHlittleinsane girl but gendern't mostly]

10 minutes ago, Just A Silvereye said:

*hugs again*

Yes

You did good

Keep doing stuff that brings you joy, it's food for you

I'm proud of you

 

Edit: I meant to say "It's good for you", but I guess it's also food

in a spiritual sense

you know

Awwww thank you

ok lowk my cobbled together spiritual/religious beliefs are inclined to think food has significance beyond just cultural value. Idk, there’s something cleansing about eating food, whether it be with friends and family, alone just to feel better, or for holidays/traditions lol

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

On 10/24/2025 at 10:59 PM, IHadAThought said:

I feel like I’m not qualified to join the super nice friendly cult

ARE ELIGABLE

HMPH

THIS IS ATI, EVERYONE

HE'S VERY LOVABLE AND CHARMING

RAH

pardon my spelling

8 hours ago, alittleinsane said:

 

*hugs*

thanks y’all. I told the gc that i was gonna silence notifications and take a break, and I’d come back when i was ready and text when i wanted and they were like “kk take all the time you want, see ya”

it made me feel a bit more human and a bit less fragile. I still feel a bit shaky but I’m working on my homework to occupy my brain, and rereading one of my fave Star Wars fics (it features feral silly inconsistent gremlin Luke which is a hill I’ll die on he’s one of those people that got diagnosed with ADHD and later found out it was actually a response to unresolved childhood trauma and i fully support him being a kind of insane, well meaning little guy who should under no circumstances be allowed near Nightblood lol) (my babiesssss) (star wars found family fics y’all will always be famous)

*squeezes so tightly*

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

1 minute ago, Through The Living Glass said:

ARE ELIGABLE

HMPH

THIS IS ATI, EVERYONE

HE'S VERY LOVABLE AND CHARMING

RAH

pardon my spelling

No, it is Hat

[Myst He/Him]

3 minutes ago, Through The Living Glass said:

ARE ELIGABLE

HMPH

THIS IS ATI, EVERYONE

HE'S VERY LOVABLE AND CHARMING

RAH

pardon my spelling

Thanks, : ) appreciate that

Ati wearing a hat

Edited October 26, 2025 by IHadAThought

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

3 minutes ago, IHadAThought said:

Thanks, : ) appreciate that

Ati wearing a hat

Atihat

Hati

(pronounced hat-ee)

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

Just now, Through The Living Glass said:

Atihat

Hati

(pronounced hat-ee)

Very well. I accept this compromise

Welcome, Hati!

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

YAY HATI

:3

[Myst He/Him]

49 minutes ago, Through The Living Glass said:

YAY HATI

:3

I like the name as well, Hati it is : )

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

19 hours ago, alittleinsane said:

Saw my old classmates today, they’re all past the inside jokes and over the old things we used to talk about and entangled in drama and boys and i hate that if you don’t have snap you don’t exist and i don’t WANT it, but i also don’t want to be left behind

idk it just feels like no matter how much they love me or care about me and how much i do in turn, i always get left behind and like they say they love me and they care about me but it’s only because I kept them healthy and alive and happy and I’m funny but not funny enough and I’m pretty apparently but not enough to get the usual greeting of “omg wait youre so pretty it’s been so long” and I’m part of a group that is lost to time and changing and i can’t move forward because i don’t have to means to because unless you have social media you aren’t a real person but i don’t want snap because all the kids in my age group in this city use it as a dating app

and one of my friends, my best friend, who isn’t really my best friend anymore unless it’s just the two of us and we haven’t seen each other in weeks and we’re around people just as nerdy as i am all the damn time and i know she cares about me but she doesn’t care about my interests or what i say and sometimes she gets mad at me because i don’t defend her to my other friends and she says she would defend me if someone even said a single word against me and i believe her and i feel bad that she doesn’t but there are parts of me that i care about that she ignores and don’t i have the right to do the same? It’s not a good friendship and she rarely leaves me feeling happy after we hang out but i don’t want to lose my last childhood friend and idk i guess i just hate that no one my age cares about what i say and the things in my head and its like you said I’m amazing at writing. You love to read my work. Is it any different from what i write when i talk about things? I’m still writing. It’s still some kind of fantasy world you know nothing about. It isn’t any less quality than the stories i used to write. It’s like she only cares about me when i am masking, or being “weird” in a way that she also is

I have friends in school, close ones, but they aren’t in most of my classes and i have people that i can talk to but I’m always going to be second choice and i hate how hard it is to integrate without social media and sports teams like i knew not doing sports was going to impact my social life but this sucks and idk i just really fricking hate change and i hate that i have to place making sure others feel ok and aren’t mentally struggling for the smallest thing that others can help with over whether or not i want to help. I’m not a therapist, I’m not being paid to do this, i don’t have obligations to anyone and my opinions do matter and sometimes I’m only there because if I’m not I’ll be lonely like it isn’t worse that I’m just in the ghost of what was there and I’m always always always in between friends on damage control and they vent about each other and talk bad about each other to me and i try to mitigate the damage the best i can so they don’t get hurt like they give a chicken fried frick about me unless I’m directly helping and then I’m the problem that I’m strange, I’m the problem that I’m silent when they want me to be loud, I’m the problem that i don’t act like a kid my age as if i haven’t been pushed into these situations and roles since i was fricking seven and a half years old and it has never mattered that my world was ending at the time and i didn’t want to put up with any of this bs and i just wanted to focus on the good, because i gave an inch once at seven and a half before i even knew what the word boundaries was, let alone what it meant, and now i have to do it for the rest of my life because none of them want to learn how

and i get that they have worse things going on they need to worry about. Their worse things are small term I’ve been stuck here in between a missile and a cannon for almost all of my life so i could get a “thank you,” an “I love you,” a “you’re so mature,” an “i don’t know what I’d do without you,” and a request to do it all over again like a party trick right before they shoot me for being the messenger and the adults will tell me to stay out of it and set boundaries but I’m so wildly codependent on people I’ve “known” since i was five that I can’t say no. I don’t want to lose them and they don’t want to lose me but i am not a kid their age to them i am a trusted adult figure and i wanted that trust even at seven and a half so i have been doing it since then just for the blue moon time that they’ll take me seriously and indulge me like I’m another kid their age and I’m young and naive for not knowing other kids and more adult-y things, and not having social media, and not learning how to like the conformity of fashion nowadays but I’m oh just so mature and so helpful and such a lifesaver when they need me when I’m useful and the only reason I’m sticking around is because i just had to be taught that commitment is important but not the difference between toxicity and commitment and i need it. I need to be told and shown i have value and it happens rarely but it’s better than the period of nothingness if i cut myself off and dedicate myself to building relationships with my new friends which would be so so easy but i just really like nostalgia no matter how much it hurts and i think i know if i “take a break” from them my adhd brain will make me either forget or regret and either way i won’t come back

and I’m just so so done with compromising and empathy and diplomacy and intuition and supporting and valuing and caring and providing and being “high functioning” neurodivergent cause it’s like a party trick when I’m an emotional intelligence genius and a tiny silly roadblock when my hyper-fixation and petrifying fear of change and chance prevents me from happiness and i don’t understand how everyone moves on so easily from some things and clings so hard to other things and I’m only worth being alive when adhd is a enlightening, helpful thing that shakes things up like my brain isn’t all shaken up and blended into some kind of smoothie pressed against my head until it breaks like water and glass and i just wish i could be an immature mess instead of pretending i didn’t burn out at thirteen the moment i finished high school application essays

and there’s this group chat and most of the kids in it hate each other but are there anyways for the sillies because i think deep down they remember i made the group chat and i made it for a reason and i think it’s my little evil way of having my turn trapping friends into helping me to no end and it’s so twistedly angering to me how i have to do damage control and make everyone feel important and valid in this cesspit like i didn’t make this group chat at one am in Europe feeling so so alone and guilty sleeping under the stars in Corsica after having a panic attack because the stars are so anxiety inducing sometimes and the humidity is 95% and I’m with my grandparents and sisters who are asleep not my mom and i made a group chat because i felt alone and overwhelmed and filled it with people that i thought were funny that made me feel funny that made me feel wanted that made me feel alive and now i am still there, seven and a half, mopping up other’s problems and getting shot as the messenger and i can’t just leave because it is anything to feel alive

*hugs* I’ve been in your place I had a messed up friendship with some friends that was like that and it’s hard but I just started making friendships with other people so I could slowly leave without losing friendships rly? Idk it was hard and I still sometimes regret it but that’s the only advice I have

[ANHlittleinsane girl but gendern't mostly]

bro have i ever mentioned how much i love all of y'all y'all are just so helpful and amazing and sweet

[Keke They/he]

7 minutes ago, alittleinsane said:

bro have i ever mentioned how much i love all of y'all y'all are just so helpful and amazing and sweet

I love ya to aliile!!! (Platonically)

*hugs*

Edited October 26, 2025 by Hawks

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

11 minutes ago, alittleinsane said:

bro have i ever mentioned how much i love all of y'all y'all are just so helpful and amazing and sweet

I love all yall too

[Throw TheLiving Silverware he/him/il/lui]

22 hours ago, alittleinsane said:

bro have i ever mentioned how much i love all of y'all y'all are just so helpful and amazing and sweet

Yes, y'all are all that

You included ali

 

On 10/26/2025 at 7:45 AM, IHadAThought said:

I like the name as well, Hati it is : )

Colonel Hathi!

You are a bold one

 

Sorry if this is a weird first interaction but my brain wouldn't let go of this (and I know Hati is pronounced differently from Hathi in English (but not in my native language and my brain is wired for that))

Oh and welcome to the cool people club 

[Dilly honor spren she/her]

hi guys sorry I haven't posted in a while, I come with good news not of bad huzzah 

so one I finally found a good therapist and so far its really helping 

second some of my classes were switched so now I'm not in the classes with the people who bullied me

but yeah things are finally looking up I still am not perfectly okay but I think I'm getting better 

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

11 minutes ago, Dilly honor spren said:

hi guys sorry I haven't posted in a while, I come with good news not of bad huzzah 

so one I finally found a good therapist and so far its really helping 

second some of my classes were switched so now I'm not in the classes with the people who bullied me

but yeah things are finally looking up I still am not perfectly okay but I think I'm getting better 

Good news!! 

*hugs*

[SpartanBrigade He/Him]

15 minutes ago, Dilly honor spren said:

hi guys sorry I haven't posted in a while, I come with good news not of bad huzzah 

so one I finally found a good therapist and so far its really helping 

second some of my classes were switched so now I'm not in the classes with the people who bullied me

but yeah things are finally looking up I still am not perfectly okay but I think I'm getting better 

Woooooooo

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

44 minutes ago, Dilly honor spren said:

hi guys sorry I haven't posted in a while, I come with good news not of bad huzzah 

so one I finally found a good therapist and so far its really helping 

second some of my classes were switched so now I'm not in the classes with the people who bullied me

but yeah things are finally looking up I still am not perfectly okay but I think I'm getting better 

Yay!

*hugs*

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

55 minutes ago, Dilly honor spren said:

hi guys sorry I haven't posted in a while, I come with good news not of bad huzzah 

so one I finally found a good therapist and so far its really helping 

second some of my classes were switched so now I'm not in the classes with the people who bullied me

but yeah things are finally looking up I still am not perfectly okay but I think I'm getting better 

Horray!!! *hugs*