Mental health club!

[Keke They/he]

55 minutes ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Hey guys. 

I'm having a really long day. Not super bad, just one of those days where you fins yourself thinking that this morning was yesterday. 

And I'm feeling lonely. Which sounds stupid to me, since I live with 6 other people, but I do anyway.

Might rant later. Dunno. 

*hugs*

Yeah I get that.

My mkms house which is my main one is crowded all the time. Ypu jave my mom, 2 brother and sister. My two bothers often have at least one or more of their friends over. I feel alone but not cause I am just cause im the only one like me in my house. Anyways. 

*hugs*

Hope tomorrow is better

35 minutes ago, Tam Tucker said:

Hello there, its been a while since I posted something on here. i am still working on all the projects I am writing. Also writing stuff that explores the things that I am going through. its been rough but I have been through the storm and i will go through it again. 

i think writing for me is commutation that I can reach through the pages and say that, "life is rough but its worth living. look around you there are thing worth fighting for."  

There is an selfish part of me that looks at my family and I just want to achieve my dream to show them that it can be done. that dreams don't have to die. 

i also write for God even if its not religious in nature, God gave me this gift to hone into a craft. I feel something within me like a fire in my bones, I can't quit writing it calls to me always. 

i love writing and books and life is good and so worth living. I am glad that i have seen the other side of the storm and live to tell tales. May be provide a person with hope and the will to see another sunrise. 

*HUGE HUG*

Hai tam! Sheesh its been a while glad to know your still kicking. 

..

.... 

Why is it whenever people go ofline I assume they die. .

23 minutes ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

*hugged*

yes please. 

 

Very much so. 

I remember when this thread was just me Glass Haly and Hawks.

And now there's like, dozens of people. 

It's amazing and overwhelming at the same time.

... *sniffles* dude now im gonna cry. .. I remember that time to... dude... heheueh

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

3 minutes ago, Hawks said:

*hugs*

Yeah I get that.

My mkms house which is my main one is crowded all the time. Ypu jave my mom, 2 brother and sister. My two bothers often have at least one or more of their friends over. I feel alone but not cause I am just cause im the only one like me in my house. Anyways. 

*hugs*

Hope tomorrow is better

*hug* yeah, that exactly. Thanks.

3 minutes ago, Hawks said:

... *sniffles* dude now im gonna cry. .. I remember that time to... dude... heheueh

*hugs* heh, yeah, you've changed a lot since then. It's been lovely watching my wonderful scared anxious little dude turn into this just as wonderful fun loud outgoing talkative dude.

*ruffles hair affectionately*

[Trutharchivist he/him]

3 hours ago, Hoid Slayer said:

@Truthwatcher?

I think that’s them…

Wait no I’m dumb that person has 17 posts

@Trutharchivist maybe?

Apologies for being out of context, but you summoned me. Obviously accidentally, as I don't believe we've interacted before. But reading back a bit on the context, and that's just the universal Sharder experience, I think: this site, for the most part, functions on short generations that come and go, each one taking about three years. I call it the Law of Degrading Activity.

The funny thing is, I won't be surprised to discover you joined by the time my "generation" faded away. 

Anyway, go back to your regularly scheduled mental health stuff, sorry for disturbing. I just haven't been tagged in a while.

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

8 hours ago, Hoid Slayer said:

Also here’s a random start god I found 

* STRAY DOG

 But I guess start god works too

8 hours ago, Hawks said:

*hugs*

Yeah I get that.

My mkms house which is my main one is crowded all the time. Ypu jave my mom, 2 brother and sister. My two bothers often have at least one or more of their friends over. I feel alone but not cause I am just cause im the only one like me in my house. Anyways. 

*hugs*

Hope tomorrow is better

*HUGE HUG*

Hai tam! Sheesh its been a while glad to know your still kicking. 

..

.... 

Why is it whenever people go ofline I assume they die. .

... *sniffles* dude now im gonna cry. .. I remember that time to... dude... heheueh

8 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

*hug* yeah, that exactly. Thanks.

*hugs* heh, yeah, you've changed a lot since then. It's been lovely watching my wonderful scared anxious little dude turn into this just as wonderful fun loud outgoing talkative dude.

*ruffles hair affectionately*

*smiles wistfully*

You did it, guys

This all cause of you

You created an environment that has helped more than 36 people - probably more than 50

You created a community

That’s pretty incredible, if I do say so myself

(I’m not crying, you’re crying)

4 hours ago, Trutharchivist said:

Apologies for being out of context, but you summoned me. Obviously accidentally, as I don't believe we've interacted before. But reading back a bit on the context, and that's just the universal Sharder experience, I think: this site, for the most part, functions on short generations that come and go, each one taking about three years. I call it the Law of Degrading Activity.

The funny thing is, I won't be surprised to discover you joined by the time my "generation" faded away. 

Anyway, go back to your regularly scheduled mental health stuff, sorry for disturbing. I just haven't been tagged in a while.

Not a disturbance at all

I actually feel like I’ve seen that teeny grown around at some point somewhere else in the Shard - probably from you

I’m glad we were able to bring some life back to you

[Keke They/he]

8 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

*hug* yeah, that exactly. Thanks.

*hugs* heh, yeah, you've changed a lot since then. It's been lovely watching my wonderful scared anxious little dude turn into this just as wonderful fun loud outgoing talkative dude.

*ruffles hair affectionately*

*hugs*

 

Yeah. In my shardversery SU I reminsed on it. 

It's insane to see how far I came bro it makes me so nostalgic. 

*actually let's you ruffle my hair.*

18 minutes ago, Hoid Slayer said:

* STRAY DOG

 But I guess start god works too

*smiles wistfully*

You did it, guys

This all cause of you

You created an environment that has helped more than 36 people - probably more than 50

You created a community

That’s pretty incredible, if I do say so myself

(I’m not crying, you’re crying)

Not a disturbance at all

I actually feel like I’ve seen that teeny grown around at some point somewhere else in the Shard - probably from you

I’m glad we were able to bring some life back to you

Stray dog? BSD REFERENCE!?

nuh uh im not crying

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

5 hours ago, Trutharchivist said:

Apologies for being out of context, but you summoned me. Obviously accidentally, as I don't believe we've interacted before. But reading back a bit on the context, and that's just the universal Sharder experience, I think: this site, for the most part, functions on short generations that come and go, each one taking about three years. I call it the Law of Degrading Activity.

The funny thing is, I won't be surprised to discover you joined by the time my "generation" faded away. 

Anyway, go back to your regularly scheduled mental health stuff, sorry for disturbing. I just haven't been tagged in a while.

*gasp* OLD PERSON

I have no idea how old you truly are, but you're three years older than I on here at least

13 minutes ago, Hawks said:

*hugs*

 

Yeah. In my shardversery SU I reminsed on it. 

It's insane to see how far I came bro it makes me so nostalgic. 

*actually let's you ruffle my hair.*

Stray dog? BSD REFERENCE!?

nuh uh im not crying

Riiight

It's true though, you made something pretty amazing

[Trutharchivist he/him]

2 hours ago, Hoid Slayer said:

Not a disturbance at all

I actually feel like I’ve seen that teeny grown around at some point somewhere else in the Shard - probably from you

I’m glad we were able to bring some life back to you

I mentioned the idea around Sharder Memes, mostly.

And eh, I'm as alive as I've ever been. Maybe once I read Isles of the Emberdark I'd actually be more active, though I also have some personal projects here that I've neglected.

Quote

*gasp* OLD PERSON

I have no idea how old you truly are, but you're three years older than I on here at least

Old man's voice Back in my day... the youth wouldn't have insulted old men like that...

But more seriously, @Kansas Stormcursed, I'm not too old in body. I may have been a legal adult for 7 years, and were here for about 4 of them, I think? Wait, no, 5. Huh, that's a while. Anyway, yeah. Seeing relatively new users used to make me feel old. I think my lack of activity recently helped with that - at this point, the people I used to consider relatively new users aren't active, and I'm fully aware that I'm technically a "veteran" user, so to speak. 

Edited October 29, 2025 by Trutharchivist

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

59 minutes ago, Trutharchivist said:

I mentioned the idea around Sharder Memes, mostly.

And eh, I'm as alive as I've ever been. Maybe once I read Isles of the Emberdark I'd actually be more active, though I also have some personal projects here that I've neglected.

Old man's voice Back in my day... the youth wouldn't have insulted old men like that...

But more seriously, @Kansas Stormcursed, I'm not too old in body. I may have been a legal adult for 7 years, and were here for about 4 of them, I think? Wait, no, 5. Huh, that's a while. Anyway, yeah. Seeing relatively new users used to make me feel old. I think my lack of activity recently helped with that - at this point, the people I used to consider relatively new users aren't active, and I'm fully aware that I'm technically a "veteran" user, so to speak. 

Wow

You're a full 7-8 years older than me

[NerdSandwich she/her]

you're a good 8-13 years older than me.

[-ACE- he/him]

about 6-7 years older then me.

Spoiler

No. its actually more like 12 i think?

 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

You're not actually that old dw!

My parents are older

And my grandparents

And Hoid...

[Vielence She/Her]

13 hours ago, Kansas Stormcursed said:

Looking back, I think it may be @Tinwatcher

I think

*blinks*

You...how did you also join after me?

WHAT IS HAPPENING

I joined around the same time I think. March of this year.

13 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Yea I think that's Tinwatcher your thinking of.

 

Idk, I didn't join all that long ago. Not even a year yet. 

Yep thats me.

[NerdSandwich she/her]

i joined in july but joined in august

i am younnng

[Trutharchivist he/him]

3 hours ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

you're a good 8-13 years older than me.

Legal adulthood is assumed to be between 16 and 21, I assume?

Just for reference, in my country it's just 18. So do whatever calculations you want, I think I derailed here enough, you young'uns should go ahead and return to your normal schedule.

Limps away with a cane while grumbling inaudibly about something 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

Well I'm just not saying my age. I'm assuming around 18-21

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

I’m turn fifteen soon but only around almost a year alive on shard

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

3 hours ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

You're not actually that old dw!

My parents are older

And my grandparents

And Hoid...

Hey!

I’m actually younger, thank you very much

[NerdSandwich she/her]

but ur not hoid ur hoid slayer

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

3 hours ago, -ACE- said:

about 6-7 years older then me.

  Hide contents

No. its actually more like 12 i think?

 

Dang

You young

(also, I don’t suggest you go around giving your age on the internet. We’re not the only people that look at these threads)

1 minute ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

but ur not hoid ur hoid slayer

Eh

Details

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

Hey guys.

I have a little bit of a rant.

Please note that the shard auto corrects the four letter word to storm whenever it is typed. I would ask that you read it as such.

Sorry.

Spoiler

I mentioned a few months ago, and a few weeks ago, that through various reasons I lost contact with a friend so close I called her my sister.

I finally learned that the reason for this was that she and her husband were having communication issues in their marriage, and the way that our church session decided to deal.with fixing that,was too remove anyone super close to either of them so they would be forced to focus on each other more.

Unfortunately for me, I was really close to both of them, though closer to her. 

I am not the only person that was cut out, just the first, and the one who asked the most questions about it.

That was the first reason I was cut off from her. The second –and according to all involved lesser– reason was that a bunch of people thought we were, "getting closer than anyone not married should be." I was also told that I had to remember I was, "not really her sister."

Not only were these statements false and hurtful, they are frankly slander against both myself and her.

To be clear, what sparked these concerns was the fact that we had a lot of physical contact (hugs, and I would lean against her shoulder a lot) and that we talked a lot about things other people there weren't familiar with (the cosmere). 

She was also the person who first got me to talk about my depression, and more importantly, my self harm. 

 

I am going to be honest,and I'm sick of being nice about it.

Her husband stormed up when he told us all (and thought to himself) that he didn't really need people all that much and that he was fine.

My sister stormed up when she didn't tell me ahead of time that she was a mandated reporter, especially since she shared the same information about herself with me and I kept it a secret like she asked.

She stormed up when she knew God was asking her to change and she didn't tell me anything or invite me to pray with her. 

She stormed up when she chose to go along with this after having sworn to me to stick with me even when things got hard. To be there for me when I needed her.

They both stormed up big time and I am especially angry with them because I am barely an adult and have been being forced to do this same growth and fix the same type of mistakes for the past year, and now they can't even get it together enough to keep there word.

And I am not allowed to talk about this with either of them. No resolution is allowed.

My youth pastor stormed up by saying those statements about how close we were. He still believes that, and I don't know if that makes me hate him or pity him.

My pastor stormed up in the way he told her she wasn't allowed to talk to me anymore. He told her, and not me, after church, after my parents had left and I was going to go hang out at her house for the rest of the day, that we weren't allowed to talk to each other, touch in any way, And I was banned from her house. 

My parents were both busy, so neither of them could come pick me up and she wasn't allowed to drive me back to my house. I ended up staying at the church the rest of the day.

He told her all this, then left. She had to deal with tears and pain and shock ALONE, NOT ALLOWED TO SEEK HELP FROM ME, HER stormING BROTHER AND A GODDAMN WINDRUNNER. SHE HAD TO DEAL WITH ALL OF IT, THEN TELL IT TO MY FACE.

and I do hate him for that cowardice and disgrace.

The session has said they will "reevaluate the situation" at the end of the school year.

 

That was three months ago.

I am going to collage next year. I had hopped I would be making this new change in life with people I could trust and depend upon behind me.

My mom told me yesterday that I need to stop moping and get a move on. That I am not growing enough and need to get better. That I needed to figure where I was going to collage or get kicked out.

 

I'm still avoiding thinking about life, though that won't work forever. I'm sad cause my family is already planning for Christmas, and at the same time my mum is telling me to keep researching colleges, and get dates for tours. The girl I have a crush on asked me to write her a letter three months ago and I did, and she hasn't responded (which I know might be fine but still feel bad). I am spending about half my energy every day and night on controlling the pent up explosive burning rage and desire to protect my family, sister, and reputation. I am exhausted all the time cause when I do finally get to sleep, most of the time I have nightmares, and when I wake up I am quite literally in a nightmare. That of having lost some of my family. I'm tired of feeling that everything I love is slowly slipping away and I will wake up one morning a few months from now and not recognize myself. 

I liked the man I had become. I liked him. He was honest, and bold, and noble. He did things that he was scared of. He really looked like a knight radiant. 

I'm sad and scared I'm losing that man. That I'm slipping back to the broken angry boy who couldn't cry cause he ran out of tears. Who didn't care what others thought of him because he hated himself and everyone else by extension. The boy who is bitter and selfish.

I'm scared that in the end I will disappoint everyone else and end up scared and alone, and live by myself and have no one I love and can trust.

 

I am going to collage next year. My sister had promised me she would still talk to me online, and call. She had sworn that a couple weeks in, when the homesickness really kicked in, that she would visit in person, no matter where I was.

It feels that no one will keep their promises. The world doesn't give a storm about a man's word. Hell, even the church doesn't seem to care.

I had finally started enjoying life. I had started liking my life, even though there were a bunch of hard days. 

Now every day is hard.

@Tam Tucker, I feel your advice about this might be helpful.

Edited October 30, 2025 by KnightSkye Reforged

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

3 minutes ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Hey guys.

I have a little bit of a rant.

Please note that the shard auto corrects the four letter word to storm whenever it is typed. I would ask that you read it as such.

Sorry.

  Hide contents

I mentioned a few months ago, and a few weeks ago, that through various reasons I lost contact with a friend so close I called her my sister.

I finally learned that the reason for this was that she and her husband were having communication issues in their marriage, and the way that our church session decided to deal.with fixing that,was too remove anyone super close to either of them so they would be forced to focus on each other more.

Unfortunately for me, I was really close to both of them, though closer to her. 

I am not the only person that was cut out, just the first, and the one who asked the most questions about it.

That was the first reason I was cut off from her. The second –and according to all involved lesser– reason was that a bunch of people thought we were, "getting closer than anyone not married should be." I was also told that I had to remember I was, "not really her sister."

Not only were these statements false and hurtful, they are frankly slander against both myself and her.

To be clear, what sparked these concerns was the fact that we had a lot of physical contact (hugs, and I would lean against her shoulder a lot) and that we talked a lot about things other people there weren't familiar with (the cosmere). 

She was also the person who first got me to talk about my depression, and more importantly, my self harm. 

 

I am going to be honest,and I'm sick of being nice about it.

Her husband stormed up when he told us all (and thought to himself) that he didn't really need people all that much and that he was fine.

My sister stormed up when she didn't tell me ahead of time that she was a mandated reporter, especially since she shared the same information about herself with me and I kept it a secret like she asked.

She stormed up when she knew God was asking her to change and she didn't tell me anything or invite me to pray with her. 

She stormed up when she chose to go along with this after having sworn to me to stick with me even when things got hard. To be there for me when I needed her.

They both stormed up big time and I am especially angry with them because I am barely an adult and have been being forced to do this same growth and fix the same type of mistakes for the past year, and now they can't even get it together enough to keep there word.

And I am not allowed to talk about this with either of them. No resolution is allowed.

My youth pastor stormed up by saying those statements about how close we were. He still believes that, and I don't know if that makes me hate him or pity him.

My pastor stormed up in the way he told her she wasn't allowed to talk to me anymore. He told her, and not me, after church, after my parents had left and I was going to go hang out at her house for the rest of the day, that we weren't allowed to talk to each other, touch in any way, And I was banned from her house. 

My parents were both busy, so neither of them could come pick me up and she wasn't allowed to drive me back to my house. I ended up staying at the church the rest of the day.

He told her all this, then left. She had to deal with tears and pain and shock ALONE, NOT ALLOWED TO SEEK HELP FROM ME, HER stormING BROTHER AND A GODDAMN WINDRUNNER. SHE HAD TO DEAL WITH ALL OF IT, THEN TELL IT TO MY FACE.

and I do hate him for that cowardice and disgrace.

The session has said they will "reevaluate the situation" at the end of the school year.

 

That was three months ago.

I am going to collage next year. I had hopped I would be making this new change in life with people I could trust and depend upon behind me.

My mom told me yesterday that I need to stop moping and get a move on. That I am not growing enough and need to get better. That I needed to figure where I was going to collage or get kicked out.

 

I'm still avoiding thinking about life, though that won't work forever. I'm sad cause my family is already planning for Christmas, and at the same time my mum is telling me to keep researching colleges, and get dates for tours. The girl I have a crush on asked me to write her a letter three months ago and I did, and she hasn't responded (which I know might be fine but still feel bad). I am spending about half my energy every day and night on controlling the pent up explosive burning rage and desire to protect my family, sister, and reputation. I am exhausted all the time cause when I do finally get to sleep, most of the time I have nightmares, and when I wake up I am quite literally in a nightmare. That of having lost some of my family. I'm tired of feeling that everything I love is slowly slipping away and I will wake up one morning a few months from now and not recognize myself. 

I liked the man I had become. I liked him. He was honest, and bold, and noble. He did things that he was scared of. He really looked like a knight radiant. 

I'm sad and scared I'm losing that man. That I'm slipping back to the broken angry boy who couldn't cry cause he ran out of tears. Who didn't care what others thought of him because he hated himself and everyone else by extension. The boy who is bitter and selfish.

I'm scared that in the end I will disappoint everyone else and end up scared and alone, and live by myself and have no one I love and can trust.

 

I am going to collage next year. My sister had promised me she would still talk to me online, and call. She had sworn that a couple weeks in, when the homesickness really kicked in, that she would visit in person, no matter where I was.

It feels that no one will keep their promises. The world doesn't give a storm about a man's word. Hell, even the church doesn't seem to care.

I had finally started enjoying life. I had started liking my life, even though there were a bunch of hard days. 

Now every day is hard.

 

*hugss* I’ll try to respond more later

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

10 minutes ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Hey guys.

I have a little bit of a rant.

Please note that the shard auto corrects the four letter word to storm whenever it is typed. I would ask that you read it as such.

Sorry.

  Hide contents

I mentioned a few months ago, and a few weeks ago, that through various reasons I lost contact with a friend so close I called her my sister.

I finally learned that the reason for this was that she and her husband were having communication issues in their marriage, and the way that our church session decided to deal.with fixing that,was too remove anyone super close to either of them so they would be forced to focus on each other more.

Unfortunately for me, I was really close to both of them, though closer to her. 

I am not the only person that was cut out, just the first, and the one who asked the most questions about it.

That was the first reason I was cut off from her. The second –and according to all involved lesser– reason was that a bunch of people thought we were, "getting closer than anyone not married should be." I was also told that I had to remember I was, "not really her sister."

Not only were these statements false and hurtful, they are frankly slander against both myself and her.

To be clear, what sparked these concerns was the fact that we had a lot of physical contact (hugs, and I would lean against her shoulder a lot) and that we talked a lot about things other people there weren't familiar with (the cosmere). 

She was also the person who first got me to talk about my depression, and more importantly, my self harm. 

 

I am going to be honest,and I'm sick of being nice about it.

Her husband stormed up when he told us all (and thought to himself) that he didn't really need people all that much and that he was fine.

My sister stormed up when she didn't tell me ahead of time that she was a mandated reporter, especially since she shared the same information about herself with me and I kept it a secret like she asked.

She stormed up when she knew God was asking her to change and she didn't tell me anything or invite me to pray with her. 

She stormed up when she chose to go along with this after having sworn to me to stick with me even when things got hard. To be there for me when I needed her.

They both stormed up big time and I am especially angry with them because I am barely an adult and have been being forced to do this same growth and fix the same type of mistakes for the past year, and now they can't even get it together enough to keep there word.

And I am not allowed to talk about this with either of them. No resolution is allowed.

My youth pastor stormed up by saying those statements about how close we were. He still believes that, and I don't know if that makes me hate him or pity him.

My pastor stormed up in the way he told her she wasn't allowed to talk to me anymore. He told her, and not me, after church, after my parents had left and I was going to go hang out at her house for the rest of the day, that we weren't allowed to talk to each other, touch in any way, And I was banned from her house. 

My parents were both busy, so neither of them could come pick me up and she wasn't allowed to drive me back to my house. I ended up staying at the church the rest of the day.

He told her all this, then left. She had to deal with tears and pain and shock ALONE, NOT ALLOWED TO SEEK HELP FROM ME, HER stormING BROTHER AND A GODDAMN WINDRUNNER. SHE HAD TO DEAL WITH ALL OF IT, THEN TELL IT TO MY FACE.

and I do hate him for that cowardice and disgrace.

The session has said they will "reevaluate the situation" at the end of the school year.

 

That was three months ago.

I am going to collage next year. I had hopped I would be making this new change in life with people I could trust and depend upon behind me.

My mom told me yesterday that I need to stop moping and get a move on. That I am not growing enough and need to get better. That I needed to figure where I was going to collage or get kicked out.

 

I'm still avoiding thinking about life, though that won't work forever. I'm sad cause my family is already planning for Christmas, and at the same time my mum is telling me to keep researching colleges, and get dates for tours. The girl I have a crush on asked me to write her a letter three months ago and I did, and she hasn't responded (which I know might be fine but still feel bad). I am spending about half my energy every day and night on controlling the pent up explosive burning rage and desire to protect my family, sister, and reputation. I am exhausted all the time cause when I do finally get to sleep, most of the time I have nightmares, and when I wake up I am quite literally in a nightmare. That of having lost some of my family. I'm tired of feeling that everything I love is slowly slipping away and I will wake up one morning a few months from now and not recognize myself. 

I liked the man I had become. I liked him. He was honest, and bold, and noble. He did things that he was scared of. He really looked like a knight radiant. 

I'm sad and scared I'm losing that man. That I'm slipping back to the broken angry boy who couldn't cry cause he ran out of tears. Who didn't care what others thought of him because he hated himself and everyone else by extension. The boy who is bitter and selfish.

I'm scared that in the end I will disappoint everyone else and end up scared and alone, and live by myself and have no one I love and can trust.

 

I am going to collage next year. My sister had promised me she would still talk to me online, and call. She had sworn that a couple weeks in, when the homesickness really kicked in, that she would visit in person, no matter where I was.

It feels that no one will keep their promises. The world doesn't give a storm about a man's word. Hell, even the church doesn't seem to care.

I had finally started enjoying life. I had started liking my life, even though there were a bunch of hard days. 

Now every day is hard.

 

Damn

*lots of hugs*

That's awful

[SpartanBrigade He/Him]

52 minutes ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Hey guys.

I have a little bit of a rant.

Please note that the shard auto corrects the four letter word to storm whenever it is typed. I would ask that you read it as such.

Sorry.

  Hide contents

I mentioned a few months ago, and a few weeks ago, that through various reasons I lost contact with a friend so close I called her my sister.

I finally learned that the reason for this was that she and her husband were having communication issues in their marriage, and the way that our church session decided to deal.with fixing that,was too remove anyone super close to either of them so they would be forced to focus on each other more.

Unfortunately for me, I was really close to both of them, though closer to her. 

I am not the only person that was cut out, just the first, and the one who asked the most questions about it.

That was the first reason I was cut off from her. The second –and according to all involved lesser– reason was that a bunch of people thought we were, "getting closer than anyone not married should be." I was also told that I had to remember I was, "not really her sister."

Not only were these statements false and hurtful, they are frankly slander against both myself and her.

To be clear, what sparked these concerns was the fact that we had a lot of physical contact (hugs, and I would lean against her shoulder a lot) and that we talked a lot about things other people there weren't familiar with (the cosmere). 

She was also the person who first got me to talk about my depression, and more importantly, my self harm. 

 

I am going to be honest,and I'm sick of being nice about it.

Her husband stormed up when he told us all (and thought to himself) that he didn't really need people all that much and that he was fine.

My sister stormed up when she didn't tell me ahead of time that she was a mandated reporter, especially since she shared the same information about herself with me and I kept it a secret like she asked.

She stormed up when she knew God was asking her to change and she didn't tell me anything or invite me to pray with her. 

She stormed up when she chose to go along with this after having sworn to me to stick with me even when things got hard. To be there for me when I needed her.

They both stormed up big time and I am especially angry with them because I am barely an adult and have been being forced to do this same growth and fix the same type of mistakes for the past year, and now they can't even get it together enough to keep there word.

And I am not allowed to talk about this with either of them. No resolution is allowed.

My youth pastor stormed up by saying those statements about how close we were. He still believes that, and I don't know if that makes me hate him or pity him.

My pastor stormed up in the way he told her she wasn't allowed to talk to me anymore. He told her, and not me, after church, after my parents had left and I was going to go hang out at her house for the rest of the day, that we weren't allowed to talk to each other, touch in any way, And I was banned from her house. 

My parents were both busy, so neither of them could come pick me up and she wasn't allowed to drive me back to my house. I ended up staying at the church the rest of the day.

He told her all this, then left. She had to deal with tears and pain and shock ALONE, NOT ALLOWED TO SEEK HELP FROM ME, HER stormING BROTHER AND A GODDAMN WINDRUNNER. SHE HAD TO DEAL WITH ALL OF IT, THEN TELL IT TO MY FACE.

and I do hate him for that cowardice and disgrace.

The session has said they will "reevaluate the situation" at the end of the school year.

 

That was three months ago.

I am going to collage next year. I had hopped I would be making this new change in life with people I could trust and depend upon behind me.

My mom told me yesterday that I need to stop moping and get a move on. That I am not growing enough and need to get better. That I needed to figure where I was going to collage or get kicked out.

 

I'm still avoiding thinking about life, though that won't work forever. I'm sad cause my family is already planning for Christmas, and at the same time my mum is telling me to keep researching colleges, and get dates for tours. The girl I have a crush on asked me to write her a letter three months ago and I did, and she hasn't responded (which I know might be fine but still feel bad). I am spending about half my energy every day and night on controlling the pent up explosive burning rage and desire to protect my family, sister, and reputation. I am exhausted all the time cause when I do finally get to sleep, most of the time I have nightmares, and when I wake up I am quite literally in a nightmare. That of having lost some of my family. I'm tired of feeling that everything I love is slowly slipping away and I will wake up one morning a few months from now and not recognize myself. 

I liked the man I had become. I liked him. He was honest, and bold, and noble. He did things that he was scared of. He really looked like a knight radiant. 

I'm sad and scared I'm losing that man. That I'm slipping back to the broken angry boy who couldn't cry cause he ran out of tears. Who didn't care what others thought of him because he hated himself and everyone else by extension. The boy who is bitter and selfish.

I'm scared that in the end I will disappoint everyone else and end up scared and alone, and live by myself and have no one I love and can trust.

 

I am going to collage next year. My sister had promised me she would still talk to me online, and call. She had sworn that a couple weeks in, when the homesickness really kicked in, that she would visit in person, no matter where I was.

It feels that no one will keep their promises. The world doesn't give a storm about a man's word. Hell, even the church doesn't seem to care.

I had finally started enjoying life. I had started liking my life, even though there were a bunch of hard days. 

Now every day is hard.

@Tam Tucker, I feel your advice about this might be helpful.

*hugs*
Yeah being angry about that is 100% valid
That’s horrible 

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

2 hours ago, Honors ghost said:

*hugss* I’ll try to respond more later

 

2 hours ago, Kansas Stormcursed said:

Damn

*lots of hugs*

That's awful

 

2 hours ago, SpartanBrigade said:

*hugs*
Yeah being angry about that is 100% valid
That’s horrible 

*relaxes under pile of hugs*

Thanks guys. Thanks tons.

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

3 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Hey guys.

I have a little bit of a rant.

Please note that the shard auto corrects the four letter word to storm whenever it is typed. I would ask that you read it as such.

Sorry.

  Reveal hidden contents

I mentioned a few months ago, and a few weeks ago, that through various reasons I lost contact with a friend so close I called her my sister.

I finally learned that the reason for this was that she and her husband were having communication issues in their marriage, and the way that our church session decided to deal.with fixing that,was too remove anyone super close to either of them so they would be forced to focus on each other more.

Unfortunately for me, I was really close to both of them, though closer to her. 

I am not the only person that was cut out, just the first, and the one who asked the most questions about it.

That was the first reason I was cut off from her. The second –and according to all involved lesser– reason was that a bunch of people thought we were, "getting closer than anyone not married should be." I was also told that I had to remember I was, "not really her sister."

Not only were these statements false and hurtful, they are frankly slander against both myself and her.

To be clear, what sparked these concerns was the fact that we had a lot of physical contact (hugs, and I would lean against her shoulder a lot) and that we talked a lot about things other people there weren't familiar with (the cosmere). 

She was also the person who first got me to talk about my depression, and more importantly, my self harm. 

 

I am going to be honest,and I'm sick of being nice about it.

Her husband stormed up when he told us all (and thought to himself) that he didn't really need people all that much and that he was fine.

My sister stormed up when she didn't tell me ahead of time that she was a mandated reporter, especially since she shared the same information about herself with me and I kept it a secret like she asked.

She stormed up when she knew God was asking her to change and she didn't tell me anything or invite me to pray with her. 

She stormed up when she chose to go along with this after having sworn to me to stick with me even when things got hard. To be there for me when I needed her.

They both stormed up big time and I am especially angry with them because I am barely an adult and have been being forced to do this same growth and fix the same type of mistakes for the past year, and now they can't even get it together enough to keep there word.

And I am not allowed to talk about this with either of them. No resolution is allowed.

My youth pastor stormed up by saying those statements about how close we were. He still believes that, and I don't know if that makes me hate him or pity him.

My pastor stormed up in the way he told her she wasn't allowed to talk to me anymore. He told her, and not me, after church, after my parents had left and I was going to go hang out at her house for the rest of the day, that we weren't allowed to talk to each other, touch in any way, And I was banned from her house. 

My parents were both busy, so neither of them could come pick me up and she wasn't allowed to drive me back to my house. I ended up staying at the church the rest of the day.

He told her all this, then left. She had to deal with tears and pain and shock ALONE, NOT ALLOWED TO SEEK HELP FROM ME, HER stormING BROTHER AND A GODDAMN WINDRUNNER. SHE HAD TO DEAL WITH ALL OF IT, THEN TELL IT TO MY FACE.

and I do hate him for that cowardice and disgrace.

The session has said they will "reevaluate the situation" at the end of the school year.

 

That was three months ago.

I am going to collage next year. I had hopped I would be making this new change in life with people I could trust and depend upon behind me.

My mom told me yesterday that I need to stop moping and get a move on. That I am not growing enough and need to get better. That I needed to figure where I was going to collage or get kicked out.

 

I'm still avoiding thinking about life, though that won't work forever. I'm sad cause my family is already planning for Christmas, and at the same time my mum is telling me to keep researching colleges, and get dates for tours. The girl I have a crush on asked me to write her a letter three months ago and I did, and she hasn't responded (which I know might be fine but still feel bad). I am spending about half my energy every day and night on controlling the pent up explosive burning rage and desire to protect my family, sister, and reputation. I am exhausted all the time cause when I do finally get to sleep, most of the time I have nightmares, and when I wake up I am quite literally in a nightmare. That of having lost some of my family. I'm tired of feeling that everything I love is slowly slipping away and I will wake up one morning a few months from now and not recognize myself. 

I liked the man I had become. I liked him. He was honest, and bold, and noble. He did things that he was scared of. He really looked like a knight radiant. 

I'm sad and scared I'm losing that man. That I'm slipping back to the broken angry boy who couldn't cry cause he ran out of tears. Who didn't care what others thought of him because he hated himself and everyone else by extension. The boy who is bitter and selfish.

I'm scared that in the end I will disappoint everyone else and end up scared and alone, and live by myself and have no one I love and can trust.

 

I am going to collage next year. My sister had promised me she would still talk to me online, and call. She had sworn that a couple weeks in, when the homesickness really kicked in, that she would visit in person, no matter where I was.

It feels that no one will keep their promises. The world doesn't give a storm about a man's word. Hell, even the church doesn't seem to care.

I had finally started enjoying life. I had started liking my life, even though there were a bunch of hard days. 

Now every day is hard.

@Tam Tucker, I feel your advice about this might be helpful.

*squeeze*

I’m really not the person to talk about this

But what happened to you was storming wrong, and I hope things get better