Mental health club!

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

15 minutes ago, Spark of Hope said:

I was more angry and annoyed than sad

Even still

[Through the Living Hope]

2 minutes ago, Through The Living Glass said:

Even still

*sigh* Yeah 

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

so I sent a question to a friend and this is it

So like I was thinking and I genuinely can’t figure out my value as a friend like you said it yourself I’m not funny. I don’t seem to be very good at helping you with stuff that you struggle w. Both you and D have mentioned that I’m gross. I’m not particularly attractive. I talk to much. I say the wrong things.

she sent me a response

You are gross and I don’t think your un attractive you my friend so that would be weird and you aren’t funny sometimes depending on your humor at the time bc you don’t know the difference between funny and it’s not the time and I mean your not very help ful advice wise but your good to talk to.

and like I appreciate the honesty but I’d be lying if I didn’t say this hurts like hell and idk what I want to hear rn but I’ve been like out of it all day and am now attempting to get hw done but I can’t stop shaking and idk why I barely even feel like I’m here rn
 

 

[MirkerLurker she/her]

 

On 5/10/2025 at 5:53 AM, Spark of Hope said:

Yep!

Das Felicity

Danke! *squeezes Felicity*

 

On 5/10/2025 at 5:59 AM, Just A Silvereye said:

*sigh* gonna be another of those days uh

The ones where I'm tired already even though I just got out of bed, where I'm pissed off at everything and anything

Feeling like I should go hibernate somewhere for a couple years

The rest will wait for after that

 

Been trying-ish to work for my retakes for the past week

Not going well

I get angry basically anytime I try to do anything

So I get angry at myself for not working and destroying my future

Not convince I'll do it chat

And that's really scary

Because I have no idea what happens if I fail

I have already played the "redo that year" card

And I have barely managed to do better than the absolute wreck that I was last year

 

Also the fact that I'm afraid  that the school might make a mess of this all

They have a track record on this

Would be nice for once not to be the one responsible for my failures

 

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Fell upon my old school card in a drawer some time ago

With my photo on it

(Entering high school so 8-ish years ago)

Smiling like there's no tomorrow

And I nearly cried

Because I could barely recognize that kid

Not just because I've changed a bit physically

But because that smile, that light in the eyes, felt so... weird

Like it couldn't be me

And then I wondered

What happened to that boy

What broke him so bad that such a smile would feel alien to him

And I knew the answer

It's me

Me and my stupid choices that brought me here

I knew this would happen

And I still went to that place

I am the one who killed that boy

 

On 5/10/2025 at 5:52 PM, Just A Silvereye said:

 

 

 

...Thanks everyone

*snuggles*

 

Maybe

Not sure I'm any stronger than before though

Things that would have been a joke to me a couple years ago, now make me panic and go crazy and get sick

I tried to make it better

And I crashed even harder as a result

 

I'm just broken, in ways I can't fix

Probably because the broken bones keep getting hit

But now I have to make as if i wasnt broken if i ever want to go on

 

*nervous laugh* thats a funny joke isnt it?

to get the rest i need to finally fix myself and move on, i need to fix myself first

wonderful

this will definitely end well

If it's your choices that brought you here, then your choices can help get you out of it. Remember you are not helpless. Your efforts do make a difference.
It's also ok to need help. And to change your goals. To choose things that work with who you are now, and not who you were, or who you think you're supposed to be. Or even who you want to be. 

You don't need to make it as if you were never broken if you want to go on. You need to stop trying to be who you were and learn how to be who you are now. Who you are now is broken; and that's ok. You're not less of a person because you're broken. You're just a different person.

There's always a tomorrow. There's always another chance; always another choice to make. If you want to change who you are now, or where you are now, you can always start again; start differently; go a new direction; try again.
"It's not the first step, is it? It's the next step. Always the next step."

I don't know what will happen if you fail. But something will. On a practical level, maybe you spend a few years working a low-level job, earning some basic income and getting job experience to put on your resume, and then go back to school and try again, this time with a better idea what you do (or don't) want to do with your life, and maybe with some new motivation to work up out of the job you were in because it was awful. Or maybe you'll find you like the job you got, and go from there. 
Whatever it is, there are choices, and possibilities, and ways to go forward. They may not be the ones you were trying for; they may not be what you had imagined. But that doesn't mean they can't be good. 

*hug*

 

On 5/10/2025 at 10:50 AM, Hawks said:

 

Though tbh recently the sh urges have been coming bsck and i dont wanna relapse.

Have a plan for what you'll do when the urges come up. Not "don't do it", but what you'll actively do. My therapist gave me the ice trick - run ice cubes over your skin instead of cutting, or stick your wrists in a bowl of ice. But you don't have to use that - just have something that you will actively do, to replace the sh behavior.

 

On 5/10/2025 at 1:13 PM, Spark of Hope said:

I work retail okay  

ohhhhh my poor child. You need baked goods. Here, have a brownie.

 

 

On 5/11/2025 at 1:34 PM, Kaladin Stormcursed said:

Hugs would be appreciated

*hug*

 

On 5/12/2025 at 12:16 PM, The Shattered Cosmere said:

okey dokey

me complaining about my appearance

  Hide contents

I hate my appearance

I just don't like how I look.

I used to have pimples which I picked and now I have scabs. And they refuse to heal.

Ugh.

 

Shatter! You have a face! I can see you!

Sorry, I know you were complaining about it, but I'm excited to have a face for your words and voice.
I think Mag already responded fantastically, so I don't really feel the need to add much. Just that honestly, if I passed you in the library, I would probably steal a second glance as I walked past, because you look like the sort of person I'd like to know. 

Oh, and a practical note, I always put antibiotic on my scabs when I pick them, I think it helps them heal a bit faster. If you don't do that already, you could try that.

 

On 5/12/2025 at 9:26 AM, Heřãłðøfľõvê said:

Hugggsss

This is in a spoiler box due to topics of sh

  Hide contents

So yesterday I found out my best friend started doing self harm and I genuinely have no idea what to do as someone who has never dealt with that type of thing before I want to help but fear I will do what I always do and just make it worse.

but I’m so worried abt her if anyone has suggestions on what to do they’d be much appreciated.

Hugs would be pretty nice rn

On 5/12/2025 at 6:25 PM, Heřãłðøfľõvê said:

tw:sh

  Hide contents

So I talked to her abt it and she said she does it bc in the middle of all her issues and stuff it helps her feel grounded and more alive sorta is how she explained it. I also asked if she was planning on stopping and she said she didn’t know. I genuinely don’t know what to do bc obviously I don’t want her to do this but I can’t control her and force her to not do that bc that’d probably make it worse.

Advice my therapist gave me: get ice and run the ice over your skin where you would hurt yourself.
Offer that to her. The ice serves the same sort of grounding sensation. Not the same, but can help. And having something specific to do to replace the sh behavior is important. 

And beyond that, what everybody else said is good. Let her know you're there for her, you accept her, you don't want to see her hurt, you want to help, and there's nothing she can do that would scare you into leaving her.

 

On 5/13/2025 at 12:29 AM, That1Cellist said:

Depression has really been going at it lately. To be fair, I suppose that's mostly my own fault, since I'm having trouble keeping up on schoolwork, I waste too much, time, and I stay up to late.

My eyes hurt. It's not pleasant.

Also not looking forward to getting a summer job. I mean, making money is nice, but having commitments and having to go places, even if it isn't that long, is still rather uncomfortable, especially since I'll be taking precious time out of my summer to do it.

Oh well, it's supposedly and most likely good for me, I guess. Plus, my whole life will be like that in the future, except it will be all day instead of a couple hours. I might as well try to get used to it.

huzzah

doesn't it seem like so much fun to live?

On 5/13/2025 at 10:36 AM, That1Cellist said:

That's my goal as well.

Unfortunately, nothing that I truly enjoy doing makes very much money...

I'm fully expecting to just not enjoy the majority of my life very much.

Recommendation:
Look at what you enjoy about the things you enjoy doing. The skillsets, the environment, the challenge level, etc. And look for professions that share some of those. If the things you enjoy doing are things in quiet environments, look for professions that tend to have quiet environments. If you enjoy a low challenge level in your hobbies, then look for a job with a low challenge level. If you like a fast-paced hobby with timed challenges, look for that; if you like working with your hands, look for that; if you like creating, look for that, if you like rote work where your mind can wander look for that, etc etc.

Don't feel you have to ruin a hobby you love by trying to turn it into a money-making career. Instead, use the hobbies you enjoy as a gauge for what types of work you should look into. Your work can be something that suits you even if it's not something you're passionate about.

Also, here is a hug if you would like it. *hug*

 

On 5/13/2025 at 10:51 AM, Mag said:

I was actually kinda thinking about this yesterday, because I also feel really ugly even though most people tell me I look fine. Just saying 'oh you look fine!' doesn't really mean much, because people will say that either way in my experience (and no hate to them, they're just being polite). 

That's not to say you are ugly, beauty is subjective and different for everyone. I personally think you look great, you like kind and healthy.

I think the thing that has helped me most was trying to shift my focus on what I can't do to what I can. I can't fix some of the facial features I'm insecure about, but I can grow out my hair so I like it more. I can't change how tall I am, but I can work for a healthier body that I feel more comfortable in. I can't get rid of my eczema, but I can wear clothes that fit me and that I like. Obviously, that's easier said then done, and I suck at it, but it does help.

And of course I could go on a rant about how beauty isn't everything, but I'm sure you've heard it somewhere before. Just remember that you're worth as a human has nothing to do with what you look like--that and being a kind, friendly person can often override how you look.

Also this might just be me, so take it with a grain of salt, but I don't really look at peoples faces that much? I have a hard time doing eye contact about half of the time (suspected autism yayyy)  so peoples faces are mostly just a blend of their strongest features and usual expression in my memory. I don't really look closely enough to notice flaws, certainly not as close as I look at my own face in the mirror.

I know you mentioned the acne, so I'll be honest and say that most of the time I don't notice it on people. Maybe it's because I'm a teenager, so I just see it a lot, but I don't really register it as something separate from someones skin. They're just like freckles, y'know? They just sort of blend in to people. We always overestimate how much people are looking at us, and judging how we look. Most of the time, people are focusing on the way your face is moving so they can read your expression and body language, then focusing on what your face actually looks like. Maybe that's just me?

At the very least, if someone does focus on your appearance more then your actions, then they're a weirdo who doesn't deserve your time.

That's it for my half awake ramblings  I hope you have a great day *hugs*

On 5/13/2025 at 2:17 PM, 𝖂𝖍𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖊 said:

This is one of the most mature and insightful posts I have seen on the shard. I can't agree more.

Also.

Welcome to the autism club! *spins on barstool for 2 straight hours*

Yes, what Whirtle said. Mag, this was really well stated.

Also, yes, can the club please have spinning chairs?! *grabs another barstool and starts spinning next to Whirtle*
Also fluffy blankets and a pile of metal watch chains for sensory reasons.

(And Mag, don't worry about diagnosed or not. Your experience is true for you regardless of what label it has. If you share experiences with us, but don't have the label "autism", that doesn't invalidate your experiences. We still share them! Including not looking people in the eye. Ugh. *shudder*)

 

On 5/13/2025 at 12:29 PM, Hawks said:

ok here to rant abt something

tw suicide 

 

 

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well…. Last night was rough. But to sum it up. Talking with dad about lgbtq stuff, turned into an argument turned into be running out of my house literally having a mental breakdown. And the rough part was some of the bs things he said like how it’s satans way of tearing the family apart. I think he forgot we are literally going through a divorce. Yes dad tell me my identity is tearing family’s apart as this is happening. Anyways i started crying he continued bringing up sewerslide rates among trans and guys and like i was swerlisdal as a girl i will be as a boy storm off slontze. And it spiraled and i almost didnt go home but i had to bc i was tired. Eventually i fell asleep and now im so tired i actually fell asleep in class somehow. Five times.

later he apologized and said when i can find it in my heart i  can forgive him for being a [redacted] dad my whole life then i can. 

Tbh i dont think i can. Him and my mom stormed everything up for me and regardless if they changed or not the past is still written deep in my bones. I just wanna sleep and not wake up bro

special thanks to @whirte (still cant tag grr) for helping me a little and @Through The Living Glass abd @Dabi for staying on the phone with me half the night. You’re all the bestest ever. And I couldn’t be more happy to have you as friends 

I could use hugs please

*hug*
I'm sorry. That's hard.

 

On 5/13/2025 at 12:40 PM, That1Cellist said:

Dang, that's a lot.

* hugs for thee * 

Being alive is definitely an experience, isn't it? Or I guess it's that the only experience is being alive. Either way, it is most peculiar.

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On a little bit more serious of a note, do you listen to music a lot? When I'm really having a tough time, I use music as an outlet for my emotions, whether it's playing or listening to it. It's really helpful for me.

Another thing that I do is just lay on the ground and stare at the ceiling. I know it sounds stupid, but it's actually very calming if you do it in a quiet place where you can just sit and think. Bonus points for playing music at the same time, and even more for doing it outside while looking at the stars. I find it very calming, or at the very least a good time to reflect and think through things.

 

Yesss. Lying quietly is wonderful. Music, played and listened to, is so useful.

 

On 5/13/2025 at 2:39 PM, Bird Furious said:

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

hey

yeah i'm here

xuvoicyxbviuweasfkdjhgaa;ljsdfeq 

i'm very useless

stayed up until 12 am mostly to punish myself for not doing important things all day and wrote 1000 words and finished the rough draft but I feel bad because one of my sons stayed up with me but I feel awful about that because what kind of fake mother lets her son do that when he has to wake up super early to go to work 

;adfsioj and then I always tell everyone I'd never actually commit but I find myself angry at that fact and I try and hold my breath until I black out and then I'm mad when I don't have the willpower and I also find myself at twelve with a headache having eaten or drank nothing and I wonder how long I could go before I eat something but I guess i'm not close enough because I always end up eating something 

I'm just tired

I've done nothing today

I freaking hate myself 

I want a speeding semi truck for my birthday 

One of the things I'm learning, as both a mom and a friend, is to accept the gifts of help that others give me without cheapening them by making it my fault for needing it somehow. We support each other. We want to.  

Hey, have you read the book Eliza and Her Monsters by Francesca Zappia? 
If you haven't, you should.

On 5/13/2025 at 7:53 PM, Bird Furious said:

Thanks guys 

sorry about all that 

Hey Haly?
Thanks.
Thanks for trusting us with that. For being willing to come here and say all that. For coming here instead of doing something.

 

On 5/9/2025 at 11:28 PM, Heřãłðøfľõvê said:

Heyyy guys ik i just got back but um i have a little bit of a rant

so i have two friends we can call them nix and Elle so basically they used to be dating and they aren’t anymore but they are still friends. Actually that’s irrelevant to my rant but basically i want to be someone’s first choice when someone’s feeling down or even if they just want to talk i want to be at least one persons person that they go to nix is my best friend and she is great but today I was trying to help her and said that she always goes to talk to Elle abt stuff but she can’t with the topic we were talking abt which honestly rly hurt bc she’s who I go to bc she’s my best friend but now even tho ik it’s probably my head it feels as though I’m just deadweight they drag behind them and occasionally talk to . Then the one person who I might bed first option will tell me something’s wrong but not tell me what which makes it rly hard to belp Him. 
idk I just feel useless like not bad enough to be on my own

but not good enough to have someone

5 hours ago, Heřãłðøfľõvê said:

so I sent a question to a friend and this is it

So like I was thinking and I genuinely can’t figure out my value as a friend like you said it yourself I’m not funny. I don’t seem to be very good at helping you with stuff that you struggle w. Both you and D have mentioned that I’m gross. I’m not particularly attractive. I talk to much. I say the wrong things.

she sent me a response

You are gross and I don’t think your un attractive you my friend so that would be weird and you aren’t funny sometimes depending on your humor at the time bc you don’t know the difference between funny and it’s not the time and I mean your not very help ful advice wise but your good to talk to.

and like I appreciate the honesty but I’d be lying if I didn’t say this hurts like hell and idk what I want to hear rn but I’ve been like out of it all day and am now attempting to get hw done but I can’t stop shaking and idk why I barely even feel like I’m here rn
 

 

So she a) thinks you're gross, but b) doesn't think you're unattractive. I'd want clarification on that, cuz that sounds weird to me. But yeah, that's gonna hurt to hear. I'm sorry. *hug*
And you're "not very helpful advise-wise" but also "good to talk to" - dude, that means that she likes talking to you and being around you even though you don't have good advice. That's kind of a compliment, I'd say. Or at least, I'd choose to take it that way. 
And the humor thing...yeah, I feel you there. See if you can start learning from her? Ask her to gently tell you when you're making jokes at the wrong time, and try to look at what social cues were going on at the time so you can learn them for the future. Yeah, it hurts to be told that. It sucks. But if we are willing to accept that we don't like it and work to change, we can do better. And if our friends hear us trying to work on it, they see that we're hearing them and responding to them and trying to care for them.

...So that's my analysis. But, tbh. Her response is rough. I'm sorry. *hug*

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

2 minutes ago, MirkerLurker said:

 

Danke! *squeezes Felicity*

 

If it's your choices that brought you here, then your choices can help get you out of it. Remember you are not helpless. Your efforts do make a difference.
It's also ok to need help. And to change your goals. To choose things that work with who you are now, and not who you were, or who you think you're supposed to be. Or even who you want to be. 

You don't need to make it as if you were never broken if you want to go on. You need to stop trying to be who you were and learn how to be who you are now. Who you are now is broken; and that's ok. You're not less of a person because you're broken. You're just a different person.

There's always a tomorrow. There's always another chance; always another choice to make. If you want to change who you are now, or where you are now, you can always start again; start differently; go a new direction; try again.
"It's not the first step, is it? It's the next step. Always the next step."

I don't know what will happen if you fail. But something will. On a practical level, maybe you spend a few years working a low-level job, earning some basic income and getting job experience to put on your resume, and then go back to school and try again, this time with a better idea what you do (or don't) want to do with your life, and maybe with some new motivation to work up out of the job you were in because it was awful. Or maybe you'll find you like the job you got, and go from there. 
Whatever it is, there are choices, and possibilities, and ways to go forward. They may not be the ones you were trying for; they may not be what you had imagined. But that doesn't mean they can't be good. 

*hug*

 

Have a plan for what you'll do when the urges come up. Not "don't do it", but what you'll actively do. My therapist gave me the ice trick - run ice cubes over your skin instead of cutting, or stick your wrists in a bowl of ice. But you don't have to use that - just have something that you will actively do, to replace the sh behavior.

 

ohhhhh my poor child. You need baked goods. Here, have a brownie.

 

 

*hug*

 

Shatter! You have a face! I can see you!

Sorry, I know you were complaining about it, but I'm excited to have a face for your words and voice.
I think Mag already responded fantastically, so I don't really feel the need to add much. Just that honestly, if I passed you in the library, I would probably steal a second glance as I walked past, because you look like the sort of person I'd like to know. 

Oh, and a practical note, I always put antibiotic on my scabs when I pick them, I think it helps them heal a bit faster. If you don't do that already, you could try that.

 

Advice my therapist gave me: get ice and run the ice over your skin where you would hurt yourself.
Offer that to her. The ice serves the same sort of grounding sensation. Not the same, but can help. And having something specific to do to replace the sh behavior is important. 

And beyond that, what everybody else said is good. Let her know you're there for her, you accept her, you don't want to see her hurt, you want to help, and there's nothing she can do that would scare you into leaving her.

 

Recommendation:
Look at what you enjoy about the things you enjoy doing. The skillsets, the environment, the challenge level, etc. And look for professions that share some of those. If the things you enjoy doing are things in quiet environments, look for professions that tend to have quiet environments. If you enjoy a low challenge level in your hobbies, then look for a job with a low challenge level. If you like a fast-paced hobby with timed challenges, look for that; if you like working with your hands, look for that; if you like creating, look for that, if you like rote work where your mind can wander look for that, etc etc.

Don't feel you have to ruin a hobby you love by trying to turn it into a money-making career. Instead, use the hobbies you enjoy as a gauge for what types of work you should look into. Your work can be something that suits you even if it's not something you're passionate about.

Also, here is a hug if you would like it. *hug*

 

Yes, what Whirtle said. Mag, this was really well stated.

Also, yes, can the club please have spinning chairs?! *grabs another barstool and starts spinning next to Whirtle*
Also fluffy blankets and a pile of metal watch chains for sensory reasons.

(And Mag, don't worry about diagnosed or not. Your experience is true for you regardless of what label it has. If you share experiences with us, but don't have the label "autism", that doesn't invalidate your experiences. We still share them! Including not looking people in the eye. Ugh. *shudder*)

 

*hug*
I'm sorry. That's hard.

 

Yesss. Lying quietly is wonderful. Music, played and listened to, is so useful.

 

One of the things I'm learning, as both a mom and a friend, is to accept the gifts of help that others give me without cheapening them by making it my fault for needing it somehow. We support each other. We want to.  

Hey, have you read the book Eliza and Her Monsters by Francesca Zappia? 
If you haven't, you should.

Hey Haly?
Thanks.
Thanks for trusting us with that. For being willing to come here and say all that. For coming here instead of doing something.

 

So she a) thinks you're gross, but b) doesn't think you're unattractive. I'd want clarification on that, cuz that sounds weird to me. But yeah, that's gonna hurt to hear. I'm sorry. *hug*
And you're "not very helpful advise-wise" but also "good to talk to" - dude, that means that she likes talking to you and being around you even though you don't have good advice. That's kind of a compliment, I'd say. Or at least, I'd choose to take it that way. 
And the humor thing...yeah, I feel you there. See if you can start learning from her? Ask her to gently tell you when you're making jokes at the wrong time, and try to look at what social cues were going on at the time so you can learn them for the future. Yeah, it hurts to be told that. It sucks. But if we are willing to accept that we don't like it and work to change, we can do better. And if our friends hear us trying to work on it, they see that we're hearing them and responding to them and trying to care for them.

...So that's my analysis. But, tbh. Her response is rough. I'm sorry. *hug*

*hugs* thank you for both your responses they help a lot *more hugs*

[Bird Furious she/her/un/important]

15 minutes ago, MirkerLurker said:

One of the things I'm learning, as both a mom and a friend, is to accept the gifts of help that others give me without cheapening them by making it my fault for needing it somehow. We support each other. We want to.  

Hey, have you read the book Eliza and Her Monsters by Francesca Zappia? 
If you haven't, you should.

Huh

I'll check out the book 

And thank you 

Quote

Hey Haly?
Thanks.
Thanks for trusting us with that. For being willing to come here and say all that. For coming here instead of doing something.

Oh

You're welcome

Thank you 

[Keke They/he]

7 hours ago, Heřãłðøfľõvê said:

so I sent a question to a friend and this is it

So like I was thinking and I genuinely can’t figure out my value as a friend like you said it yourself I’m not funny. I don’t seem to be very good at helping you with stuff that you struggle w. Both you and D have mentioned that I’m gross. I’m not particularly attractive. I talk to much. I say the wrong things.

she sent me a response

You are gross and I don’t think your un attractive you my friend so that would be weird and you aren’t funny sometimes depending on your humor at the time bc you don’t know the difference between funny and it’s not the time and I mean your not very help ful advice wise but your good to talk to.

and like I appreciate the honesty but I’d be lying if I didn’t say this hurts like hell and idk what I want to hear rn but I’ve been like out of it all day and am now attempting to get hw done but I can’t stop shaking and idk why I barely even feel like I’m here rn
 

 

*hugs*

Euhghh ok. Thsts..m contradicting. Do what mirker said

1 hour ago, MirkerLurker said:

 

Danke! *squeezes Felicity*

 

If it's your choices that brought you here, then your choices can help get you out of it. Remember you are not helpless. Your efforts do make a difference.
It's also ok to need help. And to change your goals. To choose things that work with who you are now, and not who you were, or who you think you're supposed to be. Or even who you want to be. 

You don't need to make it as if you were never broken if you want to go on. You need to stop trying to be who you were and learn how to be who you are now. Who you are now is broken; and that's ok. You're not less of a person because you're broken. You're just a different person.

There's always a tomorrow. There's always another chance; always another choice to make. If you want to change who you are now, or where you are now, you can always start again; start differently; go a new direction; try again.
"It's not the first step, is it? It's the next step. Always the next step."

I don't know what will happen if you fail. But something will. On a practical level, maybe you spend a few years working a low-level job, earning some basic income and getting job experience to put on your resume, and then go back to school and try again, this time with a better idea what you do (or don't) want to do with your life, and maybe with some new motivation to work up out of the job you were in because it was awful. Or maybe you'll find you like the job you got, and go from there. 
Whatever it is, there are choices, and possibilities, and ways to go forward. They may not be the ones you were trying for; they may not be what you had imagined. But that doesn't mean they can't be good. 

*hug*

 

Have a plan for what you'll do when the urges come up. Not "don't do it", but what you'll actively do. My therapist gave me the ice trick - run ice cubes over your skin instead of cutting, or stick your wrists in a bowl of ice. But you don't have to use that - just have something that you will actively do, to replace the sh behavior.

 

ohhhhh my poor child. You need baked goods. Here, have a brownie.

 

 

*hug*

 

Shatter! You have a face! I can see you!

Sorry, I know you were complaining about it, but I'm excited to have a face for your words and voice.
I think Mag already responded fantastically, so I don't really feel the need to add much. Just that honestly, if I passed you in the library, I would probably steal a second glance as I walked past, because you look like the sort of person I'd like to know. 

Oh, and a practical note, I always put antibiotic on my scabs when I pick them, I think it helps them heal a bit faster. If you don't do that already, you could try that.

 

Advice my therapist gave me: get ice and run the ice over your skin where you would hurt yourself.
Offer that to her. The ice serves the same sort of grounding sensation. Not the same, but can help. And having something specific to do to replace the sh behavior is important. 

And beyond that, what everybody else said is good. Let her know you're there for her, you accept her, you don't want to see her hurt, you want to help, and there's nothing she can do that would scare you into leaving her.

 

Recommendation:
Look at what you enjoy about the things you enjoy doing. The skillsets, the environment, the challenge level, etc. And look for professions that share some of those. If the things you enjoy doing are things in quiet environments, look for professions that tend to have quiet environments. If you enjoy a low challenge level in your hobbies, then look for a job with a low challenge level. If you like a fast-paced hobby with timed challenges, look for that; if you like working with your hands, look for that; if you like creating, look for that, if you like rote work where your mind can wander look for that, etc etc.

Don't feel you have to ruin a hobby you love by trying to turn it into a money-making career. Instead, use the hobbies you enjoy as a gauge for what types of work you should look into. Your work can be something that suits you even if it's not something you're passionate about.

Also, here is a hug if you would like it. *hug*

 

Yes, what Whirtle said. Mag, this was really well stated.

Also, yes, can the club please have spinning chairs?! *grabs another barstool and starts spinning next to Whirtle*
Also fluffy blankets and a pile of metal watch chains for sensory reasons.

(And Mag, don't worry about diagnosed or not. Your experience is true for you regardless of what label it has. If you share experiences with us, but don't have the label "autism", that doesn't invalidate your experiences. We still share them! Including not looking people in the eye. Ugh. *shudder*)

 

*hug*
I'm sorry. That's hard.

 

Yesss. Lying quietly is wonderful. Music, played and listened to, is so useful.

 

One of the things I'm learning, as both a mom and a friend, is to accept the gifts of help that others give me without cheapening them by making it my fault for needing it somehow. We support each other. We want to.  

Hey, have you read the book Eliza and Her Monsters by Francesca Zappia? 
If you haven't, you should.

Hey Haly?
Thanks.
Thanks for trusting us with that. For being willing to come here and say all that. For coming here instead of doing something.

 

So she a) thinks you're gross, but b) doesn't think you're unattractive. I'd want clarification on that, cuz that sounds weird to me. But yeah, that's gonna hurt to hear. I'm sorry. *hug*
And you're "not very helpful advise-wise" but also "good to talk to" - dude, that means that she likes talking to you and being around you even though you don't have good advice. That's kind of a compliment, I'd say. Or at least, I'd choose to take it that way. 
And the humor thing...yeah, I feel you there. See if you can start learning from her? Ask her to gently tell you when you're making jokes at the wrong time, and try to look at what social cues were going on at the time so you can learn them for the future. Yeah, it hurts to be told that. It sucks. But if we are willing to accept that we don't like it and work to change, we can do better. And if our friends hear us trying to work on it, they see that we're hearing them and responding to them and trying to care for them.

...So that's my analysis. But, tbh. Her response is rough. I'm sorry. *hug*

*dies* to many words in one spot.

Eurheu

Ok *hugs*

And as for the sh thing. I cant do ice (tweeks me out dont ask or anything cold ) ok so what i tend to do is draw on my arm. And like my friend used to draw on my arm all the time. And thar stopped so like noe I draw on my own arm. I like the pen on my arm. (I used to get the most intractable dragon drawn all over my arm) so if you see drawing on my arm I was consoling urges. But if itd kn my hand then its just bored. 

[Mags she/they]

"Are you excited to celebrate your graduation?" no I'm being put through an emotional meat grinder

Edited May 15, 2025 by Mag

[𝖂𝖍𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖊]

12 hours ago, MirkerLurker said:

 

Danke! *squeezes Felicity*

 

If it's your choices that brought you here, then your choices can help get you out of it. Remember you are not helpless. Your efforts do make a difference.
It's also ok to need help. And to change your goals. To choose things that work with who you are now, and not who you were, or who you think you're supposed to be. Or even who you want to be. 

You don't need to make it as if you were never broken if you want to go on. You need to stop trying to be who you were and learn how to be who you are now. Who you are now is broken; and that's ok. You're not less of a person because you're broken. You're just a different person.

There's always a tomorrow. There's always another chance; always another choice to make. If you want to change who you are now, or where you are now, you can always start again; start differently; go a new direction; try again.
"It's not the first step, is it? It's the next step. Always the next step."

I don't know what will happen if you fail. But something will. On a practical level, maybe you spend a few years working a low-level job, earning some basic income and getting job experience to put on your resume, and then go back to school and try again, this time with a better idea what you do (or don't) want to do with your life, and maybe with some new motivation to work up out of the job you were in because it was awful. Or maybe you'll find you like the job you got, and go from there. 
Whatever it is, there are choices, and possibilities, and ways to go forward. They may not be the ones you were trying for; they may not be what you had imagined. But that doesn't mean they can't be good. 

*hug*

 

Have a plan for what you'll do when the urges come up. Not "don't do it", but what you'll actively do. My therapist gave me the ice trick - run ice cubes over your skin instead of cutting, or stick your wrists in a bowl of ice. But you don't have to use that - just have something that you will actively do, to replace the sh behavior.

 

ohhhhh my poor child. You need baked goods. Here, have a brownie.

 

 

*hug*

 

Shatter! You have a face! I can see you!

Sorry, I know you were complaining about it, but I'm excited to have a face for your words and voice.
I think Mag already responded fantastically, so I don't really feel the need to add much. Just that honestly, if I passed you in the library, I would probably steal a second glance as I walked past, because you look like the sort of person I'd like to know. 

Oh, and a practical note, I always put antibiotic on my scabs when I pick them, I think it helps them heal a bit faster. If you don't do that already, you could try that.

 

Advice my therapist gave me: get ice and run the ice over your skin where you would hurt yourself.
Offer that to her. The ice serves the same sort of grounding sensation. Not the same, but can help. And having something specific to do to replace the sh behavior is important. 

And beyond that, what everybody else said is good. Let her know you're there for her, you accept her, you don't want to see her hurt, you want to help, and there's nothing she can do that would scare you into leaving her.

 

Recommendation:
Look at what you enjoy about the things you enjoy doing. The skillsets, the environment, the challenge level, etc. And look for professions that share some of those. If the things you enjoy doing are things in quiet environments, look for professions that tend to have quiet environments. If you enjoy a low challenge level in your hobbies, then look for a job with a low challenge level. If you like a fast-paced hobby with timed challenges, look for that; if you like working with your hands, look for that; if you like creating, look for that, if you like rote work where your mind can wander look for that, etc etc.

Don't feel you have to ruin a hobby you love by trying to turn it into a money-making career. Instead, use the hobbies you enjoy as a gauge for what types of work you should look into. Your work can be something that suits you even if it's not something you're passionate about.

Also, here is a hug if you would like it. *hug*

 

Yes, what Whirtle said. Mag, this was really well stated.

Also, yes, can the club please have spinning chairs?! *grabs another barstool and starts spinning next to Whirtle*
Also fluffy blankets and a pile of metal watch chains for sensory reasons.

(And Mag, don't worry about diagnosed or not. Your experience is true for you regardless of what label it has. If you share experiences with us, but don't have the label "autism", that doesn't invalidate your experiences. We still share them! Including not looking people in the eye. Ugh. *shudder*)

 

*hug*
I'm sorry. That's hard.

 

Yesss. Lying quietly is wonderful. Music, played and listened to, is so useful.

 

One of the things I'm learning, as both a mom and a friend, is to accept the gifts of help that others give me without cheapening them by making it my fault for needing it somehow. We support each other. We want to.  

Hey, have you read the book Eliza and Her Monsters by Francesca Zappia? 
If you haven't, you should.

Hey Haly?
Thanks.
Thanks for trusting us with that. For being willing to come here and say all that. For coming here instead of doing something.

 

So she a) thinks you're gross, but b) doesn't think you're unattractive. I'd want clarification on that, cuz that sounds weird to me. But yeah, that's gonna hurt to hear. I'm sorry. *hug*
And you're "not very helpful advise-wise" but also "good to talk to" - dude, that means that she likes talking to you and being around you even though you don't have good advice. That's kind of a compliment, I'd say. Or at least, I'd choose to take it that way. 
And the humor thing...yeah, I feel you there. See if you can start learning from her? Ask her to gently tell you when you're making jokes at the wrong time, and try to look at what social cues were going on at the time so you can learn them for the future. Yeah, it hurts to be told that. It sucks. But if we are willing to accept that we don't like it and work to change, we can do better. And if our friends hear us trying to work on it, they see that we're hearing them and responding to them and trying to care for them.

...So that's my analysis. But, tbh. Her response is rough. I'm sorry. *hug*

Looking people in the eye is the worst... And metal watch chains are the best! I'm not severely autistic, but I have the sensory things and I also have this thing where I draw mental angles off the edges and corners of anything with edges and corners.

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

21 hours ago, Heřãłðøfľõvê said:

so I sent a question to a friend and this is it

So like I was thinking and I genuinely can’t figure out my value as a friend like you said it yourself I’m not funny. I don’t seem to be very good at helping you with stuff that you struggle w. Both you and D have mentioned that I’m gross. I’m not particularly attractive. I talk to much. I say the wrong things.

she sent me a response

You are gross and I don’t think your un attractive you my friend so that would be weird and you aren’t funny sometimes depending on your humor at the time bc you don’t know the difference between funny and it’s not the time and I mean your not very help ful advice wise but your good to talk to.

and like I appreciate the honesty but I’d be lying if I didn’t say this hurts like hell and idk what I want to hear rn but I’ve been like out of it all day and am now attempting to get hw done but I can’t stop shaking and idk why I barely even feel like I’m here rn
 

 

*hug*

3 hours ago, Mag said:

"Are you excited to celebrate your graduation?" no I'm being put through an emotional meat grinder

*squeeze*

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

3 hours ago, Mag said:

"Are you excited to celebrate your graduation?" no I'm being put through an emotional meat grinder

*hugs*

[Mags she/they]

19 minutes ago, Through The Living Glass said:

*hug*

*squeeze*

awwwwwwwwwwww *squeeze back*

Just now, Kaladin Stormcursed said:

*hugs*

thanks <<<333

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

4 hours ago, Mag said:

"Are you excited to celebrate your graduation?" no I'm being put through an emotional meat grinder

I’ve never graduated but it sounds rly hard *huggggs*

[Mags she/they]

43 minutes ago, Heřãłðøfľõvê said:

I’ve never graduated but it sounds rly hard *huggggs*

Thankss!! Graduation really isn't that bad, I'm just dealing with a ton of other stuff on top of it loll

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

Hey guys

So

Yesterday I finally went to see a psychologist for the first time

And I think... it went well?

I don't know

But it's something

On 5/14/2025 at 4:27 PM, Heřãłðøfľõvê said:

so I sent a question to a friend and this is it

So like I was thinking and I genuinely can’t figure out my value as a friend like you said it yourself I’m not funny. I don’t seem to be very good at helping you with stuff that you struggle w. Both you and D have mentioned that I’m gross. I’m not particularly attractive. I talk to much. I say the wrong things.

she sent me a response

You are gross and I don’t think your un attractive you my friend so that would be weird and you aren’t funny sometimes depending on your humor at the time bc you don’t know the difference between funny and it’s not the time and I mean your not very help ful advice wise but your good to talk to.

and like I appreciate the honesty but I’d be lying if I didn’t say this hurts like hell and idk what I want to hear rn but I’ve been like out of it all day and am now attempting to get hw done but I can’t stop shaking and idk why I barely even feel like I’m here rn
 

 

*hugs*

I get this

And apologies for the late response

Maybe you're not the greatest. But at least you're trying. It's good sometimes to know we're doing it wrong, even if it hurts. Because it lets us do better. And I can tell you want to do better. Also, she doesn't sound like the greatest friend, but my irl friends would say something similar so...

@MirkerLurker gave a great response here

8 hours ago, Mag said:

"Are you excited to celebrate your graduation?" no I'm being put through an emotional meat grinder

*squeeze*

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

31 minutes ago, Hoid Slayer said:

Hey guys

So

Yesterday I finally went to see a psychologist for the first time

And I think... it went well?

I don't know

But it's something

*hugs*

I get this

And apologies for the late response

Maybe you're not the greatest. But at least you're trying. It's good sometimes to know we're doing it wrong, even if it hurts. Because it lets us do better. And I can tell you want to do better. Also, she doesn't sound like the greatest friend, but my irl friends would say something similar so...

@MirkerLurker gave a great response here

*squeeze*

*hugs* the thing abt the psychologist is real I can’t tell if my therapist is helping but that might be bc I don’t tell her stuff.

About her not being the greatest friend I don’t know she’s a rly great friend usually she’s just been not doing very well rn and I don’t know.

[MirkerLurker she/her]

21 hours ago, Heřãłðøfľõvê said:

*hugs* thank you for both your responses they help a lot *more hugs*

*hugs*

21 hours ago, Bird Furious said:

Huh

I'll check out the book 

And thank you 

Oh

You're welcome

Thank you 

You are most welcome. *hug*

20 hours ago, Hawks said:

 

And as for the sh thing. I cant do ice (tweeks me out dont ask or anything cold ) ok so what i tend to do is draw on my arm. And like my friend used to draw on my arm all the time. And thar stopped so like noe I draw on my own arm. I like the pen on my arm. (I used to get the most intractable dragon drawn all over my arm) so if you see drawing on my arm I was consoling urges. But if itd kn my hand then its just bored. 

Ooh, that's a good one!

9 hours ago, Mag said:

"Are you excited to celebrate your graduation?" no I'm being put through an emotional meat grinder

*hug*

8 hours ago, 𝖂𝖍𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖊 said:

Looking people in the eye is the worst... And metal watch chains are the best! I'm not severely autistic, but I have the sensory things and I also have this thing where I draw mental angles off the edges and corners of anything with edges and corners.

I'm barely noticeably autistic; I have the sensory stuff, but I actually thought I was ADHD and went and got evaluated and they were like nope, no adhd, but yes autistic. And I went "...huh?"
...but then I considered how stressed I get when my routines are messed with, or when something unexpected happens, and. Well. It jives.
I lost my watch chain  I keep telling myself to get a new one and forgetting.

1 hour ago, Hoid Slayer said:

Hey guys

So

Yesterday I finally went to see a psychologist for the first time

And I think... it went well?

I don't know

But it's something

Yay! Good job going and trying it out.

It took numerous months for me to feel like I was even remotely comfortable with my psychologist. Don't be too concerned if it feels like it's not really doing something, or just feels weird. Give it some time. And don't be afraid to try a different psychologist, if you're not liking the one you have after a couple months or visits.

But really tho, whether it ends up helping or not, you're trying things. So good job. Hooray!

 

Oh wait! I came on to share a song! I forgot!

 

Edited May 16, 2025 by MirkerLurker

[Bird Furious she/her/un/important]

5 hours ago, MirkerLurker said:

*hugs*

You are most welcome. *hug*

Ooh, that's a good one!

*hug*

I'm barely noticeably autistic; I have the sensory stuff, but I actually thought I was ADHD and went and got evaluated and they were like nope, no adhd, but yes autistic. And I went "...huh?"
...but then I considered how stressed I get when my routines are messed with, or when something unexpected happens, and. Well. It jives.
I lost my watch chain  I keep telling myself to get a new one and forgetting.

Yay! Good job going and trying it out.

It took numerous months for me to feel like I was even remotely comfortable with my psychologist. Don't be too concerned if it feels like it's not really doing something, or just feels weird. Give it some time. And don't be afraid to try a different psychologist, if you're not liking the one you have after a couple months or visits.

But really tho, whether it ends up helping or not, you're trying things. So good job. Hooray!

 

Oh wait! I came on to share a song! I forgot!

 

That song was beautiful

Thanks 

 

Unrelated edit from several hours later: 

I started working through a serious backlog today. It was around eleven P.M. and I went downstairs to see my folk’s and such. Conversation turned to a place we’d lived before that my dad really loved. He talked about the doghouse we built for a dog who never used it, as she prefers to be inside with us. He talked about the coconut trees. He talked about going back when that house was demolished and standing on the grass and thinking how so much house can be crammed in a small space. 

I usually push the past away because it doesn’t matter anymore, and because it’ll make me sad. But I didn’t tonight. Instead I listened to him describe the interior layout of our house there. 

Eventually he went to bed. I was petting the dog, and mom was in the couch. I told her how I don’t remember much from when I was younger— just moments here and there. Some of the moments I remember— many of them— are associated with a moment of chagrin or regret, but they remind me of someone or something that made me happy. Others are moments when I was happy. 

I remembered some good friends from a long time ago. I remembered moments with them or things about them that made me sad because I wish I knew where they are now and how they’re doing. I wish they were part of my life. I don’t know if I ever let myself feel the loss before. I generally don’t let myself feel those things. Tonight I cried tears that were years overdue. 

This isn’t a sad thing. I’m trying to confront a past that I blocked out BECAUSE it was happy, and come to terms with the fact that I’ll never get it back. Maybe once I do that, I’ll be able to trust the future again. Maybe I’ll be able to open up to disappointment for the sake of feeling that joy again. I’m gonna write down as much as I can possibly remember. 

Guys… I think I’m gonna be okay. 

Edited May 16, 2025 by Bird Furious
Wouldn’t YOU like to know :PP

[MirkerLurker she/her]

9 hours ago, Bird Furious said:

That song was beautiful

Thanks 

 

Unrelated edit from several hours later: 

I started working through a serious backlog today. It was around eleven P.M. and I went downstairs to see my folk’s and such. Conversation turned to a place we’d lived before that my dad really loved. He talked about the doghouse we built for a dog who never used it, as she prefers to be inside with us. He talked about the coconut trees. He talked about going back when that house was demolished and standing on the grass and thinking how so much house can be crammed in a small space. 

I usually push the past away because it doesn’t matter anymore, and because it’ll make me sad. But I didn’t tonight. Instead I listened to him describe the interior layout of our house there. 

Eventually he went to bed. I was petting the dog, and mom was in the couch. I told her how I don’t remember much from when I was younger— just moments here and there. Some of the moments I remember— many of them— are associated with a moment of chagrin or regret, but they remind me of someone or something that made me happy. Others are moments when I was happy. 

I remembered some good friends from a long time ago. I remembered moments with them or things about them that made me sad because I wish I knew where they are now and how they’re doing. I wish they were part of my life. I don’t know if I ever let myself feel the loss before. I generally don’t let myself feel those things. Tonight I cried tears that were years overdue. 

This isn’t a sad thing. I’m trying to confront a past that I blocked out BECAUSE it was happy, and come to terms with the fact that I’ll never get it back. Maybe once I do that, I’ll be able to trust the future again. Maybe I’ll be able to open up to disappointment for the sake of feeling that joy again. I’m gonna write down as much as I can possibly remember. 

Guys… I think I’m gonna be okay. 

I'm so glad, I'm so glad you found this feeling. Yes, write it down. And reread it whenever you're having trouble believing it. 

Halyyyyyyyyyyyy  

*hug*

[Shatter He/Him]

22 hours ago, Mag said:

"Are you excited to celebrate your graduation?" no I'm being put through an emotional meat grinder

lol same.

11 hours ago, Bird Furious said:

That song was beautiful

Thanks 

 

Unrelated edit from several hours later: 

I started working through a serious backlog today. It was around eleven P.M. and I went downstairs to see my folk’s and such. Conversation turned to a place we’d lived before that my dad really loved. He talked about the doghouse we built for a dog who never used it, as she prefers to be inside with us. He talked about the coconut trees. He talked about going back when that house was demolished and standing on the grass and thinking how so much house can be crammed in a small space. 

I usually push the past away because it doesn’t matter anymore, and because it’ll make me sad. But I didn’t tonight. Instead I listened to him describe the interior layout of our house there. 

Eventually he went to bed. I was petting the dog, and mom was in the couch. I told her how I don’t remember much from when I was younger— just moments here and there. Some of the moments I remember— many of them— are associated with a moment of chagrin or regret, but they remind me of someone or something that made me happy. Others are moments when I was happy. 

I remembered some good friends from a long time ago. I remembered moments with them or things about them that made me sad because I wish I knew where they are now and how they’re doing. I wish they were part of my life. I don’t know if I ever let myself feel the loss before. I generally don’t let myself feel those things. Tonight I cried tears that were years overdue. 

This isn’t a sad thing. I’m trying to confront a past that I blocked out BECAUSE it was happy, and come to terms with the fact that I’ll never get it back. Maybe once I do that, I’ll be able to trust the future again. Maybe I’ll be able to open up to disappointment for the sake of feeling that joy again. I’m gonna write down as much as I can possibly remember. 

Guys… I think I’m gonna be okay. 

*quiet hugs*

you WILL be okay

Get a journal just for this purpose.

we love you Haly.

[Through the Living Hope]

11 hours ago, Bird Furious said:

That song was beautiful

Thanks 

 

Unrelated edit from several hours later: 

I started working through a serious backlog today. It was around eleven P.M. and I went downstairs to see my folk’s and such. Conversation turned to a place we’d lived before that my dad really loved. He talked about the doghouse we built for a dog who never used it, as she prefers to be inside with us. He talked about the coconut trees. He talked about going back when that house was demolished and standing on the grass and thinking how so much house can be crammed in a small space. 

I usually push the past away because it doesn’t matter anymore, and because it’ll make me sad. But I didn’t tonight. Instead I listened to him describe the interior layout of our house there. 

Eventually he went to bed. I was petting the dog, and mom was in the couch. I told her how I don’t remember much from when I was younger— just moments here and there. Some of the moments I remember— many of them— are associated with a moment of chagrin or regret, but they remind me of someone or something that made me happy. Others are moments when I was happy. 

I remembered some good friends from a long time ago. I remembered moments with them or things about them that made me sad because I wish I knew where they are now and how they’re doing. I wish they were part of my life. I don’t know if I ever let myself feel the loss before. I generally don’t let myself feel those things. Tonight I cried tears that were years overdue. 

This isn’t a sad thing. I’m trying to confront a past that I blocked out BECAUSE it was happy, and come to terms with the fact that I’ll never get it back. Maybe once I do that, I’ll be able to trust the future again. Maybe I’ll be able to open up to disappointment for the sake of feeling that joy again. I’m gonna write down as much as I can possibly remember. 

Guys… I think I’m gonna be okay. 

*super DUUUPER tight hug*

I'm so proud of you

[Shatter He/Him]

also I have a song I'd like to share.

It's by someone who survived the Nova Music Festival but her best friend was murdered

it's very emotional

it makes me want to cry and just release the tension

 

Edited May 16, 2025 by The Shattered Cosmere

[𝖂𝖍𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖊]

13 hours ago, MirkerLurker said:

*hugs*

You are most welcome. *hug*

Ooh, that's a good one!

*hug*

I'm barely noticeably autistic; I have the sensory stuff, but I actually thought I was ADHD and went and got evaluated and they were like nope, no adhd, but yes autistic. And I went "...huh?"
...but then I considered how stressed I get when my routines are messed with, or when something unexpected happens, and. Well. It jives.
I lost my watch chain  I keep telling myself to get a new one and forgetting.

Yay! Good job going and trying it out.

It took numerous months for me to feel like I was even remotely comfortable with my psychologist. Don't be too concerned if it feels like it's not really doing something, or just feels weird. Give it some time. And don't be afraid to try a different psychologist, if you're not liking the one you have after a couple months or visits.

But really tho, whether it ends up helping or not, you're trying things. So good job. Hooray!

 

Oh wait! I came on to share a song! I forgot!

 

I watched that song when she sang it on agt. Probably the most sad and beautiful thing I've ever heard.

12 hours ago, Bird Furious said:

That song was beautiful

Thanks 

 

Unrelated edit from several hours later: 

I started working through a serious backlog today. It was around eleven P.M. and I went downstairs to see my folk’s and such. Conversation turned to a place we’d lived before that my dad really loved. He talked about the doghouse we built for a dog who never used it, as she prefers to be inside with us. He talked about the coconut trees. He talked about going back when that house was demolished and standing on the grass and thinking how so much house can be crammed in a small space. 

I usually push the past away because it doesn’t matter anymore, and because it’ll make me sad. But I didn’t tonight. Instead I listened to him describe the interior layout of our house there. 

Eventually he went to bed. I was petting the dog, and mom was in the couch. I told her how I don’t remember much from when I was younger— just moments here and there. Some of the moments I remember— many of them— are associated with a moment of chagrin or regret, but they remind me of someone or something that made me happy. Others are moments when I was happy. 

I remembered some good friends from a long time ago. I remembered moments with them or things about them that made me sad because I wish I knew where they are now and how they’re doing. I wish they were part of my life. I don’t know if I ever let myself feel the loss before. I generally don’t let myself feel those things. Tonight I cried tears that were years overdue. 

This isn’t a sad thing. I’m trying to confront a past that I blocked out BECAUSE it was happy, and come to terms with the fact that I’ll never get it back. Maybe once I do that, I’ll be able to trust the future again. Maybe I’ll be able to open up to disappointment for the sake of feeling that joy again. I’m gonna write down as much as I can possibly remember. 

Guys… I think I’m gonna be okay. 

I'm so proud of you, Haly. Good job.

*tight tight tight hugs*

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

14 hours ago, MirkerLurker said:

*hugs*

You are most welcome. *hug*

Ooh, that's a good one!

*hug*

I'm barely noticeably autistic; I have the sensory stuff, but I actually thought I was ADHD and went and got evaluated and they were like nope, no adhd, but yes autistic. And I went "...huh?"
...but then I considered how stressed I get when my routines are messed with, or when something unexpected happens, and. Well. It jives.
I lost my watch chain  I keep telling myself to get a new one and forgetting.

Yay! Good job going and trying it out.

It took numerous months for me to feel like I was even remotely comfortable with my psychologist. Don't be too concerned if it feels like it's not really doing something, or just feels weird. Give it some time. And don't be afraid to try a different psychologist, if you're not liking the one you have after a couple months or visits.

But really tho, whether it ends up helping or not, you're trying things. So good job. Hooray!

 

Oh wait! I came on to share a song! I forgot!

 

1 hour ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

also I have a song I'd like to share.

It's by someone who survived the Nova Music Festival but her best friend was murdered

it's very emotional

it makes me want to cry and just release the tension

 

Dang

Those are good songs

[#1 Taln Fan he/him]

Hey all, how’s everyone been doing the last week?