Mental health club!

[Keke They/he]

12 minutes ago, Hawks said:

*hugs* I don't feel so...

 

8 minutes ago, Through The Living Glass said:

You do; Hoid's right.

You'll see

*squeeze*

*hugs* k

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

Wassup guys um a lot happened today it’s not super bad or anything but like my friends broke up yesterday and it wasn’t necessarily a bad break up but then today we learn two things

1)the friend (we can call her P) the broke up with the other friend (we can call her D) had been thinking abt her ex who is a TERRIBLE GUY and that’s not like bad but we are worried for her bc he was manipulating and was just using her but since they broke up yesterday and she’s not talking to me bc of something that happened two weeks ago it’s hard to talk to her abt it

2)P has this other friend (A) who seems like a rly sweet nice person by we learned today that A has been trying to get them to break up bc she has had a crush on P the whole time and also A is a rly rude person and is self obsessed and like says slurs and makes racist jokes so today we showed all of this to P bc we were worried that like A was gonna idk be a bad person or smthing then ofc P shows all the screenshots to A and A says like oh they are lying and trying to make us stop being friends bc they’re mean and stuff and P listens to her and it just all got like fricked up and idk what’s gonna happen but I’m worried for the mental health of D bc she’s gonna blame herself and tell herself she’s an awful person and I’m worried abt P bc she’s getting mixed up w bad people and stuff so idk

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

3 minutes ago, Heřãłðøfľõvê said:

Wassup guys um a lot happened today it’s not super bad or anything but like my friends broke up yesterday and it wasn’t necessarily a bad break up but then today we learn two things

1)the friend (we can call her P) the broke up with the other friend (we can call her D) had been thinking abt her ex who is a TERRIBLE GUY and that’s not like bad but we are worried for her bc he was manipulating and was just using her but since they broke up yesterday and she’s not talking to me bc of something that happened two weeks ago it’s hard to talk to her abt it

2)P has this other friend (A) who seems like a rly sweet nice person by we learned today that A has been trying to get them to break up bc she has had a crush on P the whole time and also A is a rly rude person and is self obsessed and like says slurs and makes racist jokes so today we showed all of this to P bc we were worried that like A was gonna idk be a bad person or smthing then ofc P shows all the screenshots to A and A says like oh they are lying and trying to make us stop being friends bc they’re mean and stuff and P listens to her and it just all got like fricked up and idk what’s gonna happen but I’m worried for the mental health of D bc she’s gonna blame herself and tell herself she’s an awful person and I’m worried abt P bc she’s getting mixed up w bad people and stuff so idk

. . .

hot dang

that's . . . a mess

well shoot

I hope everything gets figured out

*hug*

[Bird Furious she/her/un/important]

Spoiler

Just when I was starting to feel great and amazing and like I could do things

It all comes crashing back down with a painful reminder that I’ve wasted the last half year and now I have ~two weeks to finish my classes and do the finals

 and that I can’t be trusted with myself because I’m too forgiving

 used to be too harsh, but now I’m questioning if I was ever even harsh enough

i’m thinking about pulling an all nighter just to punish myself and actually get something done 

because let’s all be honest. I deserve to fail

i deserve to crash and burn and cry and drop out of high school and go back to my job 

I probably deserve to get disowned at this point 

I deserve to be pushed in front of the trolley

or to be the healthy patient in the doctor’s office 

heck, I wish I were. I’d gladly take either opportunity 

The best you could get out of me now is a cautionary tale

see you in the morning, maybe

or not

What would be the point of that anyway

i still need to learn to stop showing so much aodjwnrb emotion 

I thought I had that down for a while, and eventually I couldn’t keep it down and started lashing out 

but that’s something I need to work on

that’s a problem

i wish I could just be an emotionless, robotic freak

i wish I didn’t cry for a half hour straight

i wish I could talk without my voice wobbling or my lip quivering or my voice breaking 

they accuse me of manipulating whrn I’m at my most honest

i’m half tempted to scream at them and tell them what a terrible, ugly person I am, apparently, because I’m just trying to make them understand 

but I guess nobody ever will

I’m trying so hard not to be selfish, but all I want to do right now is do something incredibly selfish 

what is this stupid cursed cycle

I’M TRYING SO HARD

I THOUGHT I HAD IT

I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY! I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE IT THIS TIME 

I was supposed to be better now

 

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

4 minutes ago, Bird Furious said:

  Hide contents

Just when I was starting to feel great and amazing and like I could do things

It all comes crashing back down with a painful reminder that I’ve wasted the last half year and now I have ~two weeks to finish my classes and do the finals

 and that I can’t be trusted with myself because I’m too forgiving

 used to be too harsh, but now I’m questioning if I was ever even harsh enough

i’m thinking about pulling an all nighter just to punish myself and actually get something done 

because let’s all be honest. I deserve to fail

i deserve to crash and burn and cry and drop out of high school and go back to my job 

I probably deserve to get disowned at this point 

I deserve to be pushed in front of the trolley

or to be the healthy patient in the doctor’s office 

heck, I wish I were. I’d gladly take either opportunity 

The best you could get out of me now is a cautionary tale

see you in the morning, maybe

or not

What would be the point of that anyway

i still need to learn to stop showing so much aodjwnrb emotion 

I thought I had that down for a while, and eventually I couldn’t keep it down and started lashing out 

but that’s something I need to work on

that’s a problem

i wish I could just be an emotionless, robotic freak

i wish I didn’t cry for a half hour straight

i wish I could talk without my voice wobbling or my lip quivering or my voice breaking 

they accuse me of manipulating whrn I’m at my most honest

i’m half tempted to scream at them and tell them what a terrible, ugly person I am, apparently, because I’m just trying to make them understand 

but I guess nobody ever will

I’m trying so hard not to be selfish, but all I want to do right now is do something incredibly selfish 

what is this stupid cursed cycle

I’M TRYING SO HARD

I THOUGHT I HAD IT

I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY! I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE IT THIS TIME 

I was supposed to be better now

 

*squeeze*

Haly . . .

oh gosh i'm so sorry

don't do anything  please

we love you

You don't deserve that

I'm so sorry

[Bird Furious she/her/un/important]

Spoiler

As an addendum

the second mental health comes I to the discussion, you can feel the judgement from all sides 

the only respectable thing to do in this society is to hide it and function normally 

it even feels weak

sure, if it’s discovered, it gets better attention, and we always say “get help”, but we don’t mean it 

we just want people to function properly and be the people we know and love 

Even if those people we know are just masks 

the only way to get attention without seeming extra is, coincidentally, to be extra. if you get my drift. To be extreme, to make it OBVIOUS that you’re suffering and a danger to yourself. 

I guess that’s the end of it then. No attention for me. I’ll keep being fake and hope it never gets to that threshold.

night, all. Sorry about the addendum. It felt necessary. 

edit: changed my mind about the all nighter. Either it’s the stupid teenage emotions again, or I just hate myself too much to do anything useful wirh it  

 

Edited April 7, 2025 by Bird Furious

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

16 minutes ago, Bird Furious said:

  Hide contents

Just when I was starting to feel great and amazing and like I could do things

It all comes crashing back down with a painful reminder that I’ve wasted the last half year and now I have ~two weeks to finish my classes and do the finals

 and that I can’t be trusted with myself because I’m too forgiving

 used to be too harsh, but now I’m questioning if I was ever even harsh enough

i’m thinking about pulling an all nighter just to punish myself and actually get something done 

because let’s all be honest. I deserve to fail

i deserve to crash and burn and cry and drop out of high school and go back to my job 

I probably deserve to get disowned at this point 

I deserve to be pushed in front of the trolley

or to be the healthy patient in the doctor’s office 

heck, I wish I were. I’d gladly take either opportunity 

The best you could get out of me now is a cautionary tale

see you in the morning, maybe

or not

What would be the point of that anyway

i still need to learn to stop showing so much aodjwnrb emotion 

I thought I had that down for a while, and eventually I couldn’t keep it down and started lashing out 

but that’s something I need to work on

that’s a problem

i wish I could just be an emotionless, robotic freak

i wish I didn’t cry for a half hour straight

i wish I could talk without my voice wobbling or my lip quivering or my voice breaking 

they accuse me of manipulating whrn I’m at my most honest

i’m half tempted to scream at them and tell them what a terrible, ugly person I am, apparently, because I’m just trying to make them understand 

but I guess nobody ever will

I’m trying so hard not to be selfish, but all I want to do right now is do something incredibly selfish 

what is this stupid cursed cycle

I’M TRYING SO HARD

I THOUGHT I HAD IT

I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY! I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE IT THIS TIME 

I was supposed to be better now

 

Yup glass is right *hug+hug+hug=so many hugs*
seriously tho pls don’t do anything your seriously great and awsome and we love you and would miss you so much

6 minutes ago, Bird Furious said:

  Hide contents

As an addendum

the second mental health comes I to the discussion, you can feel the judgement from all sides 

the only respectable thing to do in this society is to hide it and function normally 

it even feels weak

sure, if it’s discovered, it gets better attention, and we always say “get help”, but we don’t mean it 

we just want people to function properly and be the people we know and love 

Even if those people we know are just masks 

the only way to get attention without seeming extra is, coincidentally, to be extra. if you get my drift. To be extreme, to make it OBVIOUS that you’re suffering and a danger to yourself. 

I guess that’s the end of it then. No attention for me. I’ll keep being fake and hope it never gets to that threshold.

night, all. Sorry about the addendum. It felt necessary. 

 

Don’t be sorry I completely agree Ik too many people that are like “mental health is stupid just get better” and it’s so dumb bc it’s not that east

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

4 hours ago, Hawks said:

Okokokokokok

So per usual I got the thinking that my art is fake and this is due to people saying I'm tracing it. So I went all over AGAIN to try to make more me art. Basically how I normally do it is I get a reference pose and use that for dimensions and how everything is supposed to look. And bc of that it looks traced. WHEN IM NOT TRACING IT. Though alot of people will say that's a "form" of tracing bc your using someone else's dimensions. So back on track, I went though my entire knowledge and tried again. AND WOW LOOK AT THAT MY ART IS rust LJKE USUAL!!!! I can't even figure out what I'm doing wrong. I follow every step my artist friends tell me. I follow tutorials to try to make it mine and not "traced" but I can't because whenever I try omething new no matter how long I do it, the practice, everything. I have made hundreds of practice images over the past year doing exactly how everyone says to do it and yet I can't. I've tried apps yt tutorials doing it on phone tablet computer. EVERYTHING! everyone always says practice makes perfect yet two years later and it got worse. The way I tried thistime was a new coloring and shading thing and I did great on that part but I cannot find what looks off about the body. All of it looks off.  Can yalll PLEASE tell me what looks wrong with this. PLEASEBC I NEEDTO KNOW WHATTO FIX INORDER TO IMPROVE 

 

And don't lie and say it's good I know it ain't good. Bc I'm at square one again.  I keep restarting just so I won't go INSANE!!! but the restarting makes me crazy but I don't want to quit bc I love art and stuff and it's calming. But idkhow much longer I can deal with feeling like a fake

  Reveal hidden contents

I wanna curl up in a ball and cry, I'm still overdtimulatec from yesterday's traveling 

*hugs*

1 hour ago, Hawks said:

Yeah for reference this is how the same dude looks in my normal way of going 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

I started by tracing when I was like 9 but eventually taught myself how to draw draw *hug*

*hug* *whispers* I also do traditional art but not as often. Check my art thread to see some 

Thanks taln, I can always count on you. After first reading this I decided to draw the same dude but in my normal way, to say the least it looks better. Thanks for your advice and eveyrhting.

Side rant: oh wait the root of my problems 

  Reveal hidden contents

OK so yesterday I got SO overestimated from everything and then I get back home to realize my softball coach decided to make SPRING stormING BREAK the MOST important week of the ENTIRE season. I missed 3 games, a rust ton of homework and very important practices. OF ALL KF THE WEEKS, and I've missed more ghen I've been to and at this point I feel so far behind everyone else and and I think I should quit. I haven't been allowed to a single game for bs reasons and my team does fine without me. Tbh I think I'd drag them down and I'm sure half the team hates me. I don't even know what to do and coach ignored me for some stupid reason and isn't understanding of my mental illnesses and disorders so he won't adjust any of specifically my stuff. It wouldn't even hurt anyone else. And suddenly I remember why I hate doing sports. And maybe this entire storming world would be better off without me disappointing anyone.

 

Basically I had a storming awesome spring break and loved it then realized my real life sucks and is stressful and I'm overwhelmed and overstimulated

*hugs*hugs*hugs* I ain't in the mental capacity to give advice rn so hugs.

*more hugs*

Also: that…that’s better than my best artism…

2 hours ago, Dabi said:

Yaaaaaayyyy rant time again I’m sorry

Spoilered for possible length

  Reveal hidden contents

I’m kinda in a weird position. I wanna quit tech, but I learned yesterday that I might not be able to. I’m gonna find out for sure tomorrow. But honestly, quitting when I am, I feel kinda bad. It feels weird too. Having the mindset to actually quit something, and that thing freeing up so much time that I can use to spend with my girlfriend and actually do the things I wanna do. I have a lot of little pet projects and things that just died cause I couldn’t find time for them. I feel like I’m losing it, and I can’t dedicate the way I should, yk? I know I sound crazy, but I honestly just don’t know how else to put this. I feel… broken? I think that’s the right word. I’m just like what do I do? Idk. I’m just like in a weird state is all I guess. Thanks for reading. I know it’s a werid just sorta rant, but it helps when I put my thoughts into words, and I figured I’d look for help from outside opinions 

K it’s not that long, but I’m leaving it there cause I don’t wanna waste space

*hugs*

28 minutes ago, Heřãłðøfľõvê said:

Wassup guys um a lot happened today it’s not super bad or anything but like my friends broke up yesterday and it wasn’t necessarily a bad break up but then today we learn two things

1)the friend (we can call her P) the broke up with the other friend (we can call her D) had been thinking abt her ex who is a TERRIBLE GUY and that’s not like bad but we are worried for her bc he was manipulating and was just using her but since they broke up yesterday and she’s not talking to me bc of something that happened two weeks ago it’s hard to talk to her abt it

2)P has this other friend (A) who seems like a rly sweet nice person by we learned today that A has been trying to get them to break up bc she has had a crush on P the whole time and also A is a rly rude person and is self obsessed and like says slurs and makes racist jokes so today we showed all of this to P bc we were worried that like A was gonna idk be a bad person or smthing then ofc P shows all the screenshots to A and A says like oh they are lying and trying to make us stop being friends bc they’re mean and stuff and P listens to her and it just all got like fricked up and idk what’s gonna happen but I’m worried for the mental health of D bc she’s gonna blame herself and tell herself she’s an awful person and I’m worried abt P bc she’s getting mixed up w bad people and stuff so idk

You need to be more mean (said ‘cause I know context)

23 minutes ago, Bird Furious said:

  Reveal hidden contents

Just when I was starting to feel great and amazing and like I could do things

It all comes crashing back down with a painful reminder that I’ve wasted the last half year and now I have ~two weeks to finish my classes and do the finals

 and that I can’t be trusted with myself because I’m too forgiving

 used to be too harsh, but now I’m questioning if I was ever even harsh enough

i’m thinking about pulling an all nighter just to punish myself and actually get something done 

because let’s all be honest. I deserve to fail

i deserve to crash and burn and cry and drop out of high school and go back to my job 

I probably deserve to get disowned at this point 

I deserve to be pushed in front of the trolley

or to be the healthy patient in the doctor’s office 

heck, I wish I were. I’d gladly take either opportunity 

The best you could get out of me now is a cautionary tale

see you in the morning, maybe

or not

What would be the point of that anyway

i still need to learn to stop showing so much aodjwnrb emotion 

I thought I had that down for a while, and eventually I couldn’t keep it down and started lashing out 

but that’s something I need to work on

that’s a problem

i wish I could just be an emotionless, robotic freak

i wish I didn’t cry for a half hour straight

i wish I could talk without my voice wobbling or my lip quivering or my voice breaking 

they accuse me of manipulating whrn I’m at my most honest

i’m half tempted to scream at them and tell them what a terrible, ugly person I am, apparently, because I’m just trying to make them understand 

but I guess nobody ever will

I’m trying so hard not to be selfish, but all I want to do right now is do something incredibly selfish 

what is this stupid cursed cycle

I’M TRYING SO HARD

I THOUGHT I HAD IT

I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY! I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE IT THIS TIME 

I was supposed to be better now

 

15 minutes ago, Bird Furious said:

  Hide contents

As an addendum

the second mental health comes I to the discussion, you can feel the judgement from all sides 

the only respectable thing to do in this society is to hide it and function normally 

it even feels weak

sure, if it’s discovered, it gets better attention, and we always say “get help”, but we don’t mean it 

we just want people to function properly and be the people we know and love 

Even if those people we know are just masks 

the only way to get attention without seeming extra is, coincidentally, to be extra. if you get my drift. To be extreme, to make it OBVIOUS that you’re suffering and a danger to yourself. 

I guess that’s the end of it then. No attention for me. I’ll keep being fake and hope it never gets to that threshold.

night, all. Sorry about the addendum. It felt necessary. 

edit: changed my mind about the all nighter. Either it’s the stupid teenage emotions again, or I just hate myself too much to do anything useful wirh it  

 

First of all: no.

I know it gets hard, believe me. But punishing yourself isn’t the answer, no matter how much you hate yourself or feel you deserve it. And—I say this as someone who wears a figurative mask most of the time—they’re not good to wear. That’s where problems come from. As hard as it is, try to at least find those you don’t wear the mask around, especially irl people.

Lastly, we love you

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

1 minute ago, Kaladin Stormcursed said:

*hugs*

*more hugs*

Also: that…that’s better than my best artism…

*hugs*

You need to be more mean (said ‘cause I know context)

First of all: no.

I know it gets hard, believe me. But punishing yourself isn’t the answer, no matter how much you hate yourself or feel you deserve it. And—I say this as someone who wears a figurative mask most of the time—they’re not good to wear. That’s where problems come from. As hard as it is, try to at least find those you don’t wear the mask around, especially irl people.

Lastly, we love you

I will consider it…

also agree with this… like everything you said here

[Just-A-Stick she/her]

9 hours ago, Hawks said:

*hug* *whispers* I also do traditional art but not as often. Check my art thread to see some 

o7

yessir

7 hours ago, Bird Furious said:

  Reveal hidden contents

As an addendum

the second mental health comes I to the discussion, you can feel the judgement from all sides 

the only respectable thing to do in this society is to hide it and function normally 

it even feels weak

sure, if it’s discovered, it gets better attention, and we always say “get help”, but we don’t mean it 

we just want people to function properly and be the people we know and love 

Even if those people we know are just masks 

the only way to get attention without seeming extra is, coincidentally, to be extra. if you get my drift. To be extreme, to make it OBVIOUS that you’re suffering and a danger to yourself. 

I guess that’s the end of it then. No attention for me. I’ll keep being fake and hope it never gets to that threshold.

night, all. Sorry about the addendum. It felt necessary. 

edit: changed my mind about the all nighter. Either it’s the stupid teenage emotions again, or I just hate myself too much to do anything useful wirh it  

 

*scoops up into tons of hugs*

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

7 hours ago, Bird Furious said:

  Hide contents

Just when I was starting to feel great and amazing and like I could do things

It all comes crashing back down with a painful reminder that I’ve wasted the last half year and now I have ~two weeks to finish my classes and do the finals

 and that I can’t be trusted with myself because I’m too forgiving

 used to be too harsh, but now I’m questioning if I was ever even harsh enough

i’m thinking about pulling an all nighter just to punish myself and actually get something done 

because let’s all be honest. I deserve to fail

i deserve to crash and burn and cry and drop out of high school and go back to my job 

I probably deserve to get disowned at this point 

I deserve to be pushed in front of the trolley

or to be the healthy patient in the doctor’s office 

heck, I wish I were. I’d gladly take either opportunity 

The best you could get out of me now is a cautionary tale

see you in the morning, maybe

or not

What would be the point of that anyway

i still need to learn to stop showing so much aodjwnrb emotion 

I thought I had that down for a while, and eventually I couldn’t keep it down and started lashing out 

but that’s something I need to work on

that’s a problem

i wish I could just be an emotionless, robotic freak

i wish I didn’t cry for a half hour straight

i wish I could talk without my voice wobbling or my lip quivering or my voice breaking 

they accuse me of manipulating whrn I’m at my most honest

i’m half tempted to scream at them and tell them what a terrible, ugly person I am, apparently, because I’m just trying to make them understand 

but I guess nobody ever will

I’m trying so hard not to be selfish, but all I want to do right now is do something incredibly selfish 

what is this stupid cursed cycle

I’M TRYING SO HARD

I THOUGHT I HAD IT

I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY! I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE IT THIS TIME 

I was supposed to be better now

 

*hugs tight*

It hurts. I know it does. But you’re not alone.  You never were.

Maybe you made some mistakes. You screwed up. So what? We all make mistakes sometimes. We all fall down. The biggest mistake we can make is to not get back up.

It’s okay to show emotion. Sometimes, the world needs more emotion. It reminds us that we can still feel.

You do not deserve to fall, or crash, or burn. Haly, you are amazing. I don’t care how many times you tell us you’re a horrible person. Cause I won’t believe it. Maybe you shouldn’t either.

I will try to understand.

7 hours ago, Bird Furious said:

I was supposed to be better now

I know. By that’s just how life works, isn’t it? Things are going well. We seem to have left our past behind. And then suddenly, an invisible bump makes us stumble, and both past and future seem so far away. That is the constant struggle. It’s what makes us human.

I can’t promise it will get easier. You will keep stumbling. But every time, there will be more of us to help you back up.

Hurting yourself, digging yourself deeper into that hole, is not the solution. It never was. It never will be.

7 hours ago, Bird Furious said:

  Hide contents

As an addendum

the second mental health comes I to the discussion, you can feel the judgement from all sides 

the only respectable thing to do in this society is to hide it and function normally 

it even feels weak

sure, if it’s discovered, it gets better attention, and we always say “get help”, but we don’t mean it 

we just want people to function properly and be the people we know and love 

Even if those people we know are just masks 

the only way to get attention without seeming extra is, coincidentally, to be extra. if you get my drift. To be extreme, to make it OBVIOUS that you’re suffering and a danger to yourself. 

I guess that’s the end of it then. No attention for me. I’ll keep being fake and hope it never gets to that threshold.

night, all. Sorry about the addendum. It felt necessary. 

edit: changed my mind about the all nighter. Either it’s the stupid teenage emotions again, or I just hate myself too much to do anything useful wirh it  

 

I get your drift.

We don’t want others to see us as weak. So instead, we try to drop subtle hints, telling them we’re not okay. That this isn’t us. But instead, we just end up pushing them away.

I feel this. Even now, I’m too terrified to talk about this stuff outside of here. I don’t know what the solution is. But I hope we can find it.

I’m glad you changed your mind.

[Keke They/he]

9 hours ago, Heřãłðøfľõvê said:

Wassup guys um a lot happened today it’s not super bad or anything but like my friends broke up yesterday and it wasn’t necessarily a bad break up but then today we learn two things

1)the friend (we can call her P) the broke up with the other friend (we can call her D) had been thinking abt her ex who is a TERRIBLE GUY and that’s not like bad but we are worried for her bc he was manipulating and was just using her but since they broke up yesterday and she’s not talking to me bc of something that happened two weeks ago it’s hard to talk to her abt it

2)P has this other friend (A) who seems like a rly sweet nice person by we learned today that A has been trying to get them to break up bc she has had a crush on P the whole time and also A is a rly rude person and is self obsessed and like says slurs and makes racist jokes so today we showed all of this to P bc we were worried that like A was gonna idk be a bad person or smthing then ofc P shows all the screenshots to A and A says like oh they are lying and trying to make us stop being friends bc they’re mean and stuff and P listens to her and it just all got like fricked up and idk what’s gonna happen but I’m worried for the mental health of D bc she’s gonna blame herself and tell herself she’s an awful person and I’m worried abt P bc she’s getting mixed up w bad people and stuff so idk

*hugs*

8 hours ago, Bird Furious said:

  Hide contents

Just when I was starting to feel great and amazing and like I could do things

It all comes crashing back down with a painful reminder that I’ve wasted the last half year and now I have ~two weeks to finish my classes and do the finals

 and that I can’t be trusted with myself because I’m too forgiving

 used to be too harsh, but now I’m questioning if I was ever even harsh enough

i’m thinking about pulling an all nighter just to punish myself and actually get something done 

because let’s all be honest. I deserve to fail

i deserve to crash and burn and cry and drop out of high school and go back to my job 

I probably deserve to get disowned at this point 

I deserve to be pushed in front of the trolley

or to be the healthy patient in the doctor’s office 

heck, I wish I were. I’d gladly take either opportunity 

The best you could get out of me now is a cautionary tale

see you in the morning, maybe

or not

What would be the point of that anyway

i still need to learn to stop showing so much aodjwnrb emotion 

I thought I had that down for a while, and eventually I couldn’t keep it down and started lashing out 

but that’s something I need to work on

that’s a problem

i wish I could just be an emotionless, robotic freak

i wish I didn’t cry for a half hour straight

i wish I could talk without my voice wobbling or my lip quivering or my voice breaking 

they accuse me of manipulating whrn I’m at my most honest

i’m half tempted to scream at them and tell them what a terrible, ugly person I am, apparently, because I’m just trying to make them understand 

but I guess nobody ever will

I’m trying so hard not to be selfish, but all I want to do right now is do something incredibly selfish 

what is this stupid cursed cycle

I’M TRYING SO HARD

I THOUGHT I HAD IT

I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY! I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE IT THIS TIME 

I was supposed to be better now

 

 

8 hours ago, Bird Furious said:

  Hide contents

As an addendum

the second mental health comes I to the discussion, you can feel the judgement from all sides 

the only respectable thing to do in this society is to hide it and function normally 

it even feels weak

sure, if it’s discovered, it gets better attention, and we always say “get help”, but we don’t mean it 

we just want people to function properly and be the people we know and love 

Even if those people we know are just masks 

the only way to get attention without seeming extra is, coincidentally, to be extra. if you get my drift. To be extreme, to make it OBVIOUS that you’re suffering and a danger to yourself. 

I guess that’s the end of it then. No attention for me. I’ll keep being fake and hope it never gets to that threshold.

night, all. Sorry about the addendum. It felt necessary. 

edit: changed my mind about the all nighter. Either it’s the stupid teenage emotions again, or I just hate myself too much to do anything useful wirh it  

 

I feel like i should be able to say more then just hugs as I normally do.

But i really can't right now *hugs*  sorry

[Shatter He/Him]

Sometimes I just want to fly to Utah and wherever else you guys live and give you guys hugs in person

[Keke They/he]

4 minutes ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

Sometimes I just want to fly to Utah and wherever else you guys live and give you guys hugs in person

Yes, come to Wyoming pls and gib me hugs. I have to wait for another few hours till someone im comfortable with hugging is gonna be available

[Through the Living Hope]

Just now, Hawks said:

Yes, come to Wyoming pls and gib me hugs. I have to wait for another few hours till someone im comfortable with hugging is gonna be available

Would you be comfortable if I hugged you?

[#1 Taln Fan he/him]

6 minutes ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

Sometimes I just want to fly to Utah and wherever else you guys live and give you guys hugs in person

ikr? I wish I could go to Dragonsteel this year and meet at least some of ya'll, but idk how likely that'll be for me

[Keke They/he]

Just now, Spark of Hope said:

Would you be comfortable if I hugged you?

Yepsssies

Most people on the shard pass my hug alowed test. 

Just now, #1 Taln Fan said:

ikr? I wish I could go to Dragonsteel this year and meet at least some of ya'll, but idk how likely that'll be for me

COME TO DRAGONSTEEL PLEASE PLEASE

[Through the Living Hope]

1 minute ago, #1 Taln Fan said:

ikr? I wish I could go to Dragonsteel this year and meet at least some of ya'll, but idk how likely that'll be for me

I doubt I can go for a few years as well lol

1 minute ago, Hawks said:

Yepsssies

Most people on the shard pass my hug alowed test. 

COME TO DRAGONSTEEL PLEASE PLEASE

YAYYY! *celebratory hug*

[Keke They/he]

1 minute ago, Spark of Hope said:

I doubt I can go for a few years as well lol

YAYYY! *celebratory hug*

*hug*

Yeah irl I'm picky on my hugs and there are few people who are allowed to hug me. 

[Through the Living Hope]

Just now, Hawks said:

*hug*

Yeah irl I'm picky on my hugs and there are few people who are allowed to hug me. 

I saw you say something about that 

[Keke They/he]

Just now, Spark of Hope said:

I saw you say something about that 

Yeah. And you pass the test and when I see you I will be gibing you a hug

[Through the Living Hope]

Just now, Hawks said:

Yeah. And you pass the test and when I see you I will be gibing you a hug

Yaayyyyy!

Spoiler

I love hugs 

 

[Keke They/he]

3 minutes ago, Spark of Hope said:

Yaayyyyy!

  Reveal hidden contents

I love hugs 

 

Yay!

[#1 Taln Fan he/him]

19 minutes ago, Hawks said:

COME TO DRAGONSTEEL PLEASE PLEASE

I"LL TRY

[Shatter He/Him]

I might be able to come to Dragonsteel... Depends on cost of plane tickets...