Mental health club!

[Usseewa]

13 minutes ago, Through The Living Grass said:

Again, i can make judgements based on my own experiences and try to extrapolate a few possibilities, but you’re best off talking to a professional. 
Something to note, the most depressed i ever was was a month ago and i haven’t consistently been on meds for like at least six months because i am poor

Probably worst I've been (depression, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, etc.) was a few months ago, like december or smth. but I think there was a bit of a lead-up

 

help im happy/notsad and idk what to do

slightly hyperbolic but also i wanted to write but idk cuz write was depres

 

Edited March 15 by Through The Living Girl

[#1 Taln Fan he/him]

2 hours ago, Through The Living Girl said:

and why am I tired after getting like 10 hours of sleep..

Sleep quality is vastly different from sleep quantity, so that may have to do with it. And mental fatigue and diet can also affect physical tiredness. (Just wrote up a blog post I've been meaning to write on sleep quality if you want to learn more xD)

2 hours ago, Through The Living Girl said:

also... it's actually a family member;

Imo that's even better if you have a loving supporting family. Since they're likely around you more and know you better than most, family members are often in the best position to help you. 
 

2 hours ago, Through The Living Girl said:

try not to make depression my only defining aspect of my identity? oop

This is a very big point, and it's super important. The more you just accept depression as a part of your identity and a fact of your life, the harder it becomes to overcome it. Your subconscious begins to think of it as normal, and thus any stretches of feeling better become the new "weird", and your subconscious rejects that. Same reason why addicts relapse all the time. Our brains don't like change, even if it's positive. 

2 hours ago, Through The Living Girl said:

what's that gotta do with it.

Uhhh a lot actually xD Teens have more intense and frequent mood swings than fully developed adults, and teens and young adults have the highest rates of anxiety and depression. 

[Usseewa]

12 hours ago, #1 Taln Fan said:

Sleep quality is vastly different from sleep quantity, so that may have to do with it. And mental fatigue and diet can also affect physical tiredness. (Just wrote up a blog post I've been meaning to write on sleep quality if you want to learn more xD)

Yah I readit as you saw.

I'll try to do that.. I set the nightlight filter to turn on, so that's nice. it actually looked weird when I looked from pc to phone (where it was off), then turned back on.

 

12 hours ago, #1 Taln Fan said:

Imo that's even better if you have a loving supporting family. Since they're likely around you more and know you better than most, family members are often in the best position to help you. 

Yeah... true.

12 hours ago, #1 Taln Fan said:

This is a very big point, and it's super important. The more you just accept depression as a part of your identity and a fact of your life, the harder it becomes to overcome it. Your subconscious begins to think of it as normal, and thus any stretches of feeling better become the new "weird", and your subconscious rejects that. Same reason why addicts relapse all the time. Our brains don't like change, even if it's positive. 

I didn't see your addendums till now, but yeah I think I've been making it part of my identity, and that's not very good. Stuff yes feel "weird" and not comfortable/"normal" a bit.

12 hours ago, #1 Taln Fan said:

Uhhh a lot actually xD Teens have more intense and frequent mood swings than fully developed adults, and teens and young adults have the highest rates of anxiety and depression.

Ok well I'm not revealing my age but interesting.

I pretty much knew that but I guess never thought of myself having mood swings and such.

[#1 Taln Fan he/him]

On 3/13/2026 at 11:29 PM, Kansas Stormcursed said:

Hey guys, so a quick note on this:

Ok I’ve got an actual professional’s answer to this now

Spoiler

It doesn’t increase likelihood by giving safety advice, no. But it’s better to suggest even safer alternatives, such as velcro, or there’s types of figit-style toys made for that purpose. 

 

[Aeoryi she/her]

3 minutes ago, #1 Taln Fan said:

Ok I’ve got an actual professional’s answer to this now

  Hide contents

It doesn’t increase likelihood by giving safety advice, no. But it’s better to suggest even safer alternatives, such as velcro, or there’s types of figit-style toys made for that purpose. 

 

Spoiler

Velcro is smart actually

 

[Verdance he/him]

53 minutes ago, #1 Taln Fan said:

Ok I’ve got an actual professional’s answer to this now

  Hide contents

It doesn’t increase likelihood by giving safety advice, no. But it’s better to suggest even safer alternatives, such as velcro, or there’s types of figit-style toys made for that purpose. 

 

Spoiler

There are fidget toys designed for dealing with self harm??? Am I understanding this right?

 

Edited March 15 by Through The Living Grass

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

45 minutes ago, #1 Taln Fan said:

Ok I’ve got an actual professional’s answer to this now

  Hide contents

It doesn’t increase likelihood by giving safety advice, no. But it’s better to suggest even safer alternatives, such as velcro, or there’s types of figit-style toys made for that purpose. 

 

Mmm yah I’ve hear of those I have some friends that have them

[#1 Taln Fan he/him]

1 hour ago, Through The Living Grass said:

Spoiler

There are fidget toys designed for dealing with self harm??? Am I understanding this right?

 

Yep
(SH)

Spoiler

Like ones that have lil soft spikes that prick your skin and cause minor prickling sensation/slight pain, but don't actually break the skin. And just general fidget toys can help some people with anxiety if that's part of the reason they SH. 

 

[Usseewa]

Ok idk if this goes here but I'm super anxious and jittery and can't do anythigng but I have to and but I also just feel like I'm complaining and idk and when I should just be "focusing" but but I'm overwhelmed

Spoiler

and it's probably because of new meds I started

 

like i don't even know if anyone can help me so like yeah

and am i just making it up? 

and making myself spiral 

 

update/edit: im better. for now.

Edited March 17 by Through The Living Girl

[kajsa ㅇㅅㅇ she/her]

heyyyyyyyyyy guysss

it's been a long time since i've been over here, and i lowkey kinda forgot it existed, but i wanted to post because lately i've been struggling a lot with my mental health.--i say "a lot", but i don't really know if that's necessarily true; it kinda feels like i'm depressed all the time, so it's gotten quite hard to tell what's normal and what's not. i don't really know what i'm expecting to come of this; i feel like i just need to vent a little bit because there's been a lot going on, and i tend to be very non-vocal about my struggles haha (like many of us). 

for some background information:
i don't take any medication, and i'm not diagnosed by a doctor, but i have taken the official questionaires for both anxiety and depression on my own time and am at moderate to severe risk for both of them. i have a long history with both; i've had anxiety attacks and stuff since i was a smol child, and i've kinda learned to just manage it over time because i'm not really sure what to do about it otherwise. i've struggled with depression i think in general since i was like a tween, but it became really prominent about four to five years ago (holy guacamole that's a lot longer than i thought haha). i was going through a tough time in general and had just gone through a series of relatively traumatic or otherwise significant events (loss of a family member, two pets, left our church, moved, transitioned from homeschool to public school, and went through a complete shift in friends) that were just a LOT on me and left me feeling kind of lost. i struggled a lot with su!c!dal ideation and SH (specifically cttng). luckily, i had a network of supportive people online that i talked to/spent a lot of time with that kind of helped me through that. i quit SH a couple years ago on my brother's birthday and have been clean since, which is great, but sometimes when my mental health gets bad i think about going back to it. my parents also staged an intervention or something lol back in the "dark days", and they got me a therapist that i was with for a while (i haven't seen her in several years though), but they weren't really all that involved and it didn't feel like i could be one hundred percent honest with them. it's not that i don't love them or they don't love me, we just have a really complicated relationship (especially me and my mom), and i just hate talking about this stuff with them because it feels like my dad's just gonna ask if i've been drinking enough water and getting enough sleep and eating enough nutrients and my mom's gonna suggest more sleep and herbal supplements and it just doesn't feel like they take me 100% seriously the way that i need them to (even though they do try and put in effort, which i greatly appreciate). because of this i also tend to lie on the questionaire when i go to my check-ups at the doctor because i just don't want the interrogation(s) that would ensue. i do have a few friends that i can talk to, but my best friend struggles a lot with her mental health and has been in a bad place recently, so i don't feel like i should be burdening her with my own problems. i do also have a wonderful soft kitty who comes and curles up on me when he can tell i'm not feeling great. i wuv him. 

lately (though i can't put a definite timeframe on it; it's been kind of perpetual since probably november, though it was there throughout the summer too and never really leaves for good), i've been struggling a lot with depression especially. my parents think it's hard for me to get out of bed in the mornings because i'm tired, but it's literally because i just cannot find a single reason to get up. like i just literally can't. i generally don't have trouble getting up on the weekends, just the days when i have school, which makes me feel guilty and lazy until i remember that i'm literally a straight A student and i've gotten one singular B in my entire life. so then i'm like oh maybe i'm not lazy, but i still get stuck in this giant guilt spiral, which makes me want to get out of bed even less. my parents had to try like five times to get me out of bed this morning (after i'd already been awake for probably an hour and a half of suffering through my sister's alarms lmao), and even then, i was 45 minutes late to school. this would be fine with me if i didn't have to have close to perfect attendance to go to prom. and i am very much the kind of gal who loves to dress up in fancy clothes with fancy hair and fancy makeup to go have fun with my friends. so what should be an incentive to have good attendance just turns into a door to another shame spiral. which is fantastic! additionally, our school days are pretty taxing because classes are ninety minutes long, we have six minutes of passing period (but my school is somewhat large so almost all of that is spent just walking), and lunch is thirty minutes but that's all we get for breaks. my school is known for being quite rigorous in the curriculum and is a pretty renowned college-prep school, so naturally there's lots going on during the day and lots of homework--which i tend to procrastinate in order to make room for my hobbies and stuff when i can get them in (if i can). 

i also have a large number of siblings, so i am expected to help out a lot around the house and watch them and help clean and cook--all of this is fine, and it's just part of being a family; however, it does get quite taxing when i'm already exhausted, trying to work on homework, maybe trying to squeeze in a little bit of a hobby where i have time. i don't have time (or the mental capacity) to get a job on top of all of it, so i don't really have money, and i don't have a car (even though i should have that and my license by now; just another thing to add to the list), so it's hard for me to go out and do things without asking my parents for rides or money, which makes me feel guilty because i feel like at my age, i should be self-sufficient. i don't know if i'll ever be fully self-sufficient, though, and i'm actually terrified of living alone (i don't know if i'll actually ever be able to) because when i am left to self-govern, literally nothing gets done. nothing. i would probably stay in bed all day and maybe take like a five hour long shower and then get back in bed with a bowl of ramen or something--if i remember to eat. i have no idea what i want to do in the future, and i'm supposed to be looking at colleges and applying for scholarships and i just feel paralyzed. like what am i supposed to do??? i have no idea what i want to do, what job i want to have, but i want to go to college because i feel like based on the direction we're going in society, it's going to be really beneficial to have a degree. but anyway, i just have a lot on my mind all the time, and it's pretty stressful and quite exhausting. i find myself dissociating a lot more and more. 

aside from having next to no energy during the days (despite getting plenty of sleep at night), i am constantly sick physically. i do all the exercise, i get all the sleep, i drink water, eat good food (i mean yes i could cut back on sugar but cookies are cookies okay and life is too short not to eat the cookie or drink the chai latte), i don't have excessive screen time (my average is like 3.5 hours a day), and i try to stay generally healthy. but it seems like there is always something going on, whether it's headaches, sore throats, coughs, dizziness, fatigue, aches and pains--i legiterally do not remember the last time i just felt... normal. like... just living without pain. it seems like such a foreign concept, but i don't really know what to do about it because all the doctors i've gone to have just kinda shrugged their shoulders and nobody can really say anything definite. which is fine, i mean, i'm used to it, it's just not the quality of living i'd like for the rest of my life haha. 

i do also tend to struggle a lot with body image and stuff, which i'm not going to get into a ton right now, but it really eats at my confidence, and i wind up in my baggiest sweatsuits instead of jeans and one of my cute crop tops. i also have issues with dermatillomania that have spiked lately (my dad bought me some picky pads to try out to combat this, and i like them, but it doesn't completely erase the need to pick at my face and other parts of my body), which have also been detrimental to my confidence and whatnot. i feel like lately i've just been feeling very much like i want to crawl out of my skin and go into a coma which miiiiight not be the most healthy thing ever, and this has also been weighing on my mind.

i feel like because of all the things that are going on in my life and how heavy/depressed i always feel, i'm in a constant state of fight or flight and my nerves are perpetually shot. my hands are always shaking and sometimes my chest feels tight or i feel short of breath. it's hard to get up in the mornings, it's hard to get dressed and do my hair and my makeup, it's hard to eat breakfast, it's hard to go to school and to get through my day-- you get the point. it just feels like i'm slogging through everything. 

i guess i wanna know if anybody has tips or something for anything i can do to kind of make this all feel lighter? or like ways i can improve? also am i crazy or am i valid? sometimes i gaslight myself into thinking that i'm just being dramatic lol so please do

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

1 minute ago, kajsa said:

heyyyyyyyyyy guysss

it's been a long time since i've been over here, and i lowkey kinda forgot it existed, but i wanted to post because lately i've been struggling a lot with my mental health.--i say "a lot", but i don't really know if that's necessarily true; it kinda feels like i'm depressed all the time, so it's gotten quite hard to tell what's normal and what's not. i don't really know what i'm expecting to come of this; i feel like i just need to vent a little bit because there's been a lot going on, and i tend to be very non-vocal about my struggles haha (like many of us). 

for some background information:
i don't take any medication, and i'm not diagnosed by a doctor, but i have taken the official questionaires for both anxiety and depression on my own time and am at moderate to severe risk for both of them. i have a long history with both; i've had anxiety attacks and stuff since i was a smol child, and i've kinda learned to just manage it over time because i'm not really sure what to do about it otherwise. i've struggled with depression i think in general since i was like a tween, but it became really prominent about four to five years ago (holy guacamole that's a lot longer than i thought haha). i was going through a tough time in general and had just gone through a series of relatively traumatic or otherwise significant events (loss of a family member, two pets, left our church, moved, transitioned from homeschool to public school, and went through a complete shift in friends) that were just a LOT on me and left me feeling kind of lost. i struggled a lot with su!c!dal ideation and SH (specifically cttng). luckily, i had a network of supportive people online that i talked to/spent a lot of time with that kind of helped me through that. i quit SH a couple years ago on my brother's birthday and have been clean since, which is great, but sometimes when my mental health gets bad i think about going back to it. my parents also staged an intervention or something lol back in the "dark days", and they got me a therapist that i was with for a while (i haven't seen her in several years though), but they weren't really all that involved and it didn't feel like i could be one hundred percent honest with them. it's not that i don't love them or they don't love me, we just have a really complicated relationship (especially me and my mom), and i just hate talking about this stuff with them because it feels like my dad's just gonna ask if i've been drinking enough water and getting enough sleep and eating enough nutrients and my mom's gonna suggest more sleep and herbal supplements and it just doesn't feel like they take me 100% seriously the way that i need them to (even though they do try and put in effort, which i greatly appreciate). because of this i also tend to lie on the questionaire when i go to my check-ups at the doctor because i just don't want the interrogation(s) that would ensue. i do have a few friends that i can talk to, but my best friend struggles a lot with her mental health and has been in a bad place recently, so i don't feel like i should be burdening her with my own problems. i do also have a wonderful soft kitty who comes and curles up on me when he can tell i'm not feeling great. i wuv him. 

lately (though i can't put a definite timeframe on it; it's been kind of perpetual since probably november, though it was there throughout the summer too and never really leaves for good), i've been struggling a lot with depression especially. my parents think it's hard for me to get out of bed in the mornings because i'm tired, but it's literally because i just cannot find a single reason to get up. like i just literally can't. i generally don't have trouble getting up on the weekends, just the days when i have school, which makes me feel guilty and lazy until i remember that i'm literally a straight A student and i've gotten one singular B in my entire life. so then i'm like oh maybe i'm not lazy, but i still get stuck in this giant guilt spiral, which makes me want to get out of bed even less. my parents had to try like five times to get me out of bed this morning (after i'd already been awake for probably an hour and a half of suffering through my sister's alarms lmao), and even then, i was 45 minutes late to school. this would be fine with me if i didn't have to have close to perfect attendance to go to prom. and i am very much the kind of gal who loves to dress up in fancy clothes with fancy hair and fancy makeup to go have fun with my friends. so what should be an incentive to have good attendance just turns into a door to another shame spiral. which is fantastic! additionally, our school days are pretty taxing because classes are ninety minutes long, we have six minutes of passing period (but my school is somewhat large so almost all of that is spent just walking), and lunch is thirty minutes but that's all we get for breaks. my school is known for being quite rigorous in the curriculum and is a pretty renowned college-prep school, so naturally there's lots going on during the day and lots of homework--which i tend to procrastinate in order to make room for my hobbies and stuff when i can get them in (if i can). 

i also have a large number of siblings, so i am expected to help out a lot around the house and watch them and help clean and cook--all of this is fine, and it's just part of being a family; however, it does get quite taxing when i'm already exhausted, trying to work on homework, maybe trying to squeeze in a little bit of a hobby where i have time. i don't have time (or the mental capacity) to get a job on top of all of it, so i don't really have money, and i don't have a car (even though i should have that and my license by now; just another thing to add to the list), so it's hard for me to go out and do things without asking my parents for rides or money, which makes me feel guilty because i feel like at my age, i should be self-sufficient. i don't know if i'll ever be fully self-sufficient, though, and i'm actually terrified of living alone (i don't know if i'll actually ever be able to) because when i am left to self-govern, literally nothing gets done. nothing. i would probably stay in bed all day and maybe take like a five hour long shower and then get back in bed with a bowl of ramen or something--if i remember to eat. i have no idea what i want to do in the future, and i'm supposed to be looking at colleges and applying for scholarships and i just feel paralyzed. like what am i supposed to do??? i have no idea what i want to do, what job i want to have, but i want to go to college because i feel like based on the direction we're going in society, it's going to be really beneficial to have a degree. but anyway, i just have a lot on my mind all the time, and it's pretty stressful and quite exhausting. i find myself dissociating a lot more and more. 

aside from having next to no energy during the days (despite getting plenty of sleep at night), i am constantly sick physically. i do all the exercise, i get all the sleep, i drink water, eat good food (i mean yes i could cut back on sugar but cookies are cookies okay and life is too short not to eat the cookie or drink the chai latte), i don't have excessive screen time (my average is like 3.5 hours a day), and i try to stay generally healthy. but it seems like there is always something going on, whether it's headaches, sore throats, coughs, dizziness, fatigue, aches and pains--i legiterally do not remember the last time i just felt... normal. like... just living without pain. it seems like such a foreign concept, but i don't really know what to do about it because all the doctors i've gone to have just kinda shrugged their shoulders and nobody can really say anything definite. which is fine, i mean, i'm used to it, it's just not the quality of living i'd like for the rest of my life haha. 

i do also tend to struggle a lot with body image and stuff, which i'm not going to get into a ton right now, but it really eats at my confidence, and i wind up in my baggiest sweatsuits instead of jeans and one of my cute crop tops. i also have issues with dermatillomania that have spiked lately (my dad bought me some picky pads to try out to combat this, and i like them, but it doesn't completely erase the need to pick at my face and other parts of my body), which have also been detrimental to my confidence and whatnot. i feel like lately i've just been feeling very much like i want to crawl out of my skin and go into a coma which miiiiight not be the most healthy thing ever, and this has also been weighing on my mind.

i feel like because of all the things that are going on in my life and how heavy/depressed i always feel, i'm in a constant state of fight or flight and my nerves are perpetually shot. my hands are always shaking and sometimes my chest feels tight or i feel short of breath. it's hard to get up in the mornings, it's hard to get dressed and do my hair and my makeup, it's hard to eat breakfast, it's hard to go to school and to get through my day-- you get the point. it just feels like i'm slogging through everything. 

i guess i wanna know if anybody has tips or something for anything i can do to kind of make this all feel lighter? or like ways i can improve? also am i crazy or am i valid? sometimes i gaslight myself into thinking that i'm just being dramatic lol so please do

*hugs*

I don't really know what advice to offer to that, I'm sorry. I can say you're definitely not being dramatic though

[Aeoryi she/her]

10 minutes ago, kajsa said:

aside from having next to no energy during the days (despite getting plenty of sleep at night), i am constantly sick physically. i do all the exercise, i get all the sleep, i drink water, eat good food (i mean yes i could cut back on sugar but cookies are cookies okay and life is too short not to eat the cookie or drink the chai latte), i don't have excessive screen time (my average is like 3.5 hours a day), and i try to stay generally healthy. but it seems like there is always something going on, whether it's headaches, sore throats, coughs, dizziness, fatigue, aches and pains--i legiterally do not remember the last time i just felt... normal. like... just living without pain. it seems like such a foreign concept, but i don't really know what to do about it because all the doctors i've gone to have just kinda shrugged their shoulders and nobody can really say anything definite. which is fine, i mean, i'm used to it, it's just not the quality of living i'd like for the rest of my life haha. 

the number one thing that can help here is getting enough sleep, because while being in last year of HS is extremely draining, it's very easy to cut down on your sleep. If you sleep more your mood improves and probably your health too. You mention you already do this but it is very important. then after that making sure that you eat proper meals, more than once per day. In addition, hygiene stuff like washing your hands etc will make a big difference, idk if you're not already doing it but might be something to keep in mind. But other than that I don't really know. I know I catch illnesses far easier than everyone else in my family and I suffer from illnesses far more than anyone else in my family (I was out for two weeks, they were fine after three days). Sometimes that's just how it roles.

This... is a lot to take in, overall.

16 minutes ago, kajsa said:

guess i wanna know if anybody has tips or something for anything i can do to kind of make this all feel lighter? or like ways i can improve? also am i crazy or am i valid? sometimes i gaslight myself into thinking that i'm just being dramatic lol so please do

This is fairly normal to feel (as in, it's not insanity, not that it's fine and typical)- I know someone who basically describes something very very similar to you and I don't know how to help them I encouraged them to get antidepressants but I don't even know if that is/will help and well yeah at this point it can easily feel like you have to live for 40 hours a day when you only have realistically 18 

19 minutes ago, kajsa said:

and i'm supposed to be looking at colleges and applying for scholarships and i just feel paralyzed. like what am i supposed to do??? i have no idea what i want to do, what job i want to have, but i want to go to college because i feel like based on the direction we're going in society, it's going to be really beneficial to have a degree

For me I didn't care I just applied to all the local universities (not getting into the one I want to rn haha~) and scholarships I basically didn't apply for because like idk

Depending on the location I believe you can take a first year just doing random stuff and then transfer somewhere else; it's not a final decision if that helps (it probably doesn't, but felt like I'd point it out)

23 minutes ago, kajsa said:

lately (though i can't put a definite timeframe on it; it's been kind of perpetual since probably november, though it was there throughout the summer too and never really leaves for good), i've been struggling a lot with depression especially. my parents think it's hard for me to get out of bed in the mornings because i'm tired, but it's literally because i just cannot find a single reason to get up. like i just literally can't. i generally don't have trouble getting up on the weekends, just the days when i have school, which makes me feel guilty and lazy until i remember that i'm literally a straight A student and i've gotten one singular B in my entire life. so then i'm like oh maybe i'm not lazy, but i still get stuck in this giant guilt spiral, which makes me want to get out of bed even less. my parents had to try like five times to get me out of bed this morning (after i'd already been awake for probably an hour and a half of suffering through my sister's alarms lmao), and even then, i was 45 minutes late to school. this would be fine with me if i didn't have to have close to perfect attendance to go to prom. and i am very much the kind of gal who loves to dress up in fancy clothes with fancy hair and fancy makeup to go have fun with my friends. so what should be an incentive to have good attendance just turns into a door to another shame spiral. which is fantastic!

this is kinda relatable I used to not wake up for school and skip like 75% of it because I just couldn't feel bothered my solution was to wake up 1 hr before and get to school early... Also for me my depression was fixable with the idea the promise of HRT which makes it hard to help here but idk this is relatable? I have a 95% grade average to maintain and then when I was failing 2 classes it finally felt relieving I think that seeing classes as scheduled time with friends is a better outlook especially given that classes kinda suck in last year

[Verdance he/him]

Quote

it kinda feels like i'm depressed all the time, so it's gotten quite hard to tell what's normal and what's not.

hmmm relatable. This is really difficult for me in particular, figuring out if you're depressed of psyching yourself out. I wouldn't have considered myself really "depressed" in any way, shape or form, until i committed self harm, and then i realized how serious it was. So, yes, this is difficult and you should take it seriously.

Quote

Spoiler

for some background information:
i don't take any medication, and i'm not diagnosed by a doctor, but i have taken the official questionaires for both anxiety and depression on my own time and am at moderate to severe risk for both of them. i have a long history with both; i've had anxiety attacks and stuff since i was a smol child, and i've kinda learned to just manage it over time because i'm not really sure what to do about it otherwise. i've struggled with depression i think in general since i was like a tween, but it became really prominent about four to five years ago (holy guacamole that's a lot longer than i thought haha). i was going through a tough time in general and had just gone through a series of relatively traumatic or otherwise significant events (loss of a family member, two pets, left our church, moved, transitioned from homeschool to public school, and went through a complete shift in friends) that were just a LOT on me and left me feeling kind of lost. i struggled a lot with su!c!dal ideation and SH (specifically cttng). luckily, i had a network of supportive people online that i talked to/spent a lot of time with that kind of helped me through that. i quit SH a couple years ago on my brother's birthday and have been clean since, which is great, but sometimes when my mental health gets bad i think about going back to it. my parents also staged an intervention or something lol back in the "dark days", and they got me a therapist that i was with for a while (i haven't seen her in several years though), but they weren't really all that involved and it didn't feel like i could be one hundred percent honest with them. it's not that i don't love them or they don't love me, we just have a really complicated relationship (especially me and my mom), and i just hate talking about this stuff with them because it feels like my dad's just gonna ask if i've been drinking enough water and getting enough sleep and eating enough nutrients and my mom's gonna suggest more sleep and herbal supplements and it just doesn't feel like they take me 100% seriously the way that i need them to (even though they do try and put in effort, which i greatly appreciate). because of this i also tend to lie on the questionaire when i go to my check-ups at the doctor because i just don't want the interrogation(s) that would ensue. i do have a few friends that i can talk to, but my best friend struggles a lot with her mental health and has been in a bad place recently, so i don't feel like i should be burdening her with my own problems. i do also have a wonderful soft kitty who comes and curles up on me when he can tell i'm not feeling great. i wuv him. 

spoilered for length

anxiety ATTACKS and long term depression, I have no idea about. 
It is so weird how i feel like my friends are easier to talk to about depression than my therapist, who is PAID to listen, if you understand. The person might care so much about you, but at the end of the day the fact that this is their job somehow gets in the way, at least that's my experience. Still, therapy is good overall.

mmm the questionaire. Yeah, i can see how you wouldn't want those conversations. My best friend basically tried to go to sleep forever two nights in a row a while back, so i felt guilty talking about it with him. Depends on your situation- are they the kind of person who would focus entirely on you, and that would distract them from their depression (like me) or would that make it even worse? Cause you need someone close to you you can talk to. 

Pets are lifesavers, i love my dog she is the best :3

Quote

Spoiler

lately (though i can't put a definite timeframe on it; it's been kind of perpetual since probably november, though it was there throughout the summer too and never really leaves for good), i've been struggling a lot with depression especially. my parents think it's hard for me to get out of bed in the mornings because i'm tired, but it's literally because i just cannot find a single reason to get up. like i just literally can't. i generally don't have trouble getting up on the weekends, just the days when i have school, which makes me feel guilty and lazy until i remember that i'm literally a straight A student and i've gotten one singular B in my entire life. so then i'm like oh maybe i'm not lazy, but i still get stuck in this giant guilt spiral, which makes me want to get out of bed even less. my parents had to try like five times to get me out of bed this morning (after i'd already been awake for probably an hour and a half of suffering through my sister's alarms lmao), and even then, i was 45 minutes late to school. this would be fine with me if i didn't have to have close to perfect attendance to go to prom. and i am very much the kind of gal who loves to dress up in fancy clothes with fancy hair and fancy makeup to go have fun with my friends. so what should be an incentive to have good attendance just turns into a door to another shame spiral. which is fantastic! additionally, our school days are pretty taxing because classes are ninety minutes long, we have six minutes of passing period (but my school is somewhat large so almost all of that is spent just walking), and lunch is thirty minutes but that's all we get for breaks. my school is known for being quite rigorous in the curriculum and is a pretty renowned college-prep school, so naturally there's lots going on during the day and lots of homework--which i tend to procrastinate in order to make room for my hobbies and stuff when i can get them in (if i can). 

spoilered for length again

yes, this is also my life right now, supposed to make A's but procrastination + guilt spiral + anxiety just freaking ruins me. You're not alone. You've got to find that balance where you're making the grades you want first, but not killing yourself with the stress and anxiety. It's tough but did you say you've survived how many years of suicidal depression? I am impressed and your story gives me hope. You can do it.

Quote

Spoiler

i also have a large number of siblings, so i am expected to help out a lot around the house and watch them and help clean and cook--all of this is fine, and it's just part of being a family; however, it does get quite taxing when i'm already exhausted, trying to work on homework, maybe trying to squeeze in a little bit of a hobby where i have time. i don't have time (or the mental capacity) to get a job on top of all of it, so i don't really have money, and i don't have a car (even though i should have that and my license by now; just another thing to add to the list), so it's hard for me to go out and do things without asking my parents for rides or money, which makes me feel guilty because i feel like at my age, i should be self-sufficient. i don't know if i'll ever be fully self-sufficient, though, and i'm actually terrified of living alone (i don't know if i'll actually ever be able to) because when i am left to self-govern, literally nothing gets done. nothing. i would probably stay in bed all day and maybe take like a five hour long shower and then get back in bed with a bowl of ramen or something--if i remember to eat. i have no idea what i want to do in the future, and i'm supposed to be looking at colleges and applying for scholarships and i just feel paralyzed. like what am i supposed to do??? i have no idea what i want to do, what job i want to have, but i want to go to college because i feel like based on the direction we're going in society, it's going to be really beneficial to have a degree. but anyway, i just have a lot on my mind all the time, and it's pretty stressful and quite exhausting. i find myself dissociating a lot more and more. 

spoilered for length again again

other responsibilities are also really frustrating. Sometimes you feel like you're having a hard enough time pulling your academics and your personal life together, and you can't even think about making money or preparing for college. When it comes to college, don't put it off, start early, nag your parents about touring and go out of your way to apply for things. Time passes SO quickly. Don't kill yourself over a job, it sounds like you have enough going on as is, and if your parents love you, they'll see how hard you work for school and being a responsible older sibling and sponsor the things you would pay for if you could. 

really important- stress is a cycle. it makes getting unstressed harder by making working to get rid of the cause of that stress more difficult, and by making you feel guilty for relaxing to relieve stress. If you can break that, it will help a lot with some of these other things.

Quote

Spoiler

aside from having next to no energy during the days (despite getting plenty of sleep at night), i am constantly sick physically. i do all the exercise, i get all the sleep, i drink water, eat good food (i mean yes i could cut back on sugar but cookies are cookies okay and life is too short not to eat the cookie or drink the chai latte), i don't have excessive screen time (my average is like 3.5 hours a day), and i try to stay generally healthy. but it seems like there is always something going on, whether it's headaches, sore throats, coughs, dizziness, fatigue, aches and pains--i legiterally do not remember the last time i just felt... normal. like... just living without pain. it seems like such a foreign concept, but i don't really know what to do about it because all the doctors i've gone to have just kinda shrugged their shoulders and nobody can really say anything definite. which is fine, i mean, i'm used to it, it's just not the quality of living i'd like for the rest of my life haha. 

spoiley for lengthy

hmmm... not fun

i dont know what to say about this, i have a friend who is basically sick half the time i talk to him, all i can do is pray. Do you mind if I pray for you and mention you to my youth group?

Just overall, I'm doing my best to empathize here, but this sounds like a lot. I'm impressed you have the courage to share this, I would probably end up hiding this inside forever. SH, I have found, is useless, and it gives me SO MUCH HOPE to hear someone who has a lot of the same struggles as me and quit. Legitimately this is super inspiring and kind of exactly what I needed to hear. I hope you manage to get on top of this anxiety and depression, they are monsters, but you've already come this far. 

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

On 3/12/2026 at 10:00 PM, Through The Living Ghost said:

I had a rough conversation with a friend today, basically she has (I think it’s called) double depression that is med resistant I think is the term so basically meds do pretty much nothing and the statistics for people with like her specific stuff is that most don’t live past 21 and so she’s pretty much given up on living and like bc of it the school doesn’t count her absent so she just often just doesn’t show up to school and I rly care abt her and it hurts to see her just give up but I also know if I was in her shoes I would too

*hugs* *and hugs for your friend*

This is one of those times when I don't like statistics. Does she feel like she won't live because most people with her conditions dont, or for other reasons? Either way, please encourage her if you can. 

On 3/13/2026 at 9:09 PM, Tam Tucker said:

I got a job! I'll be working at a hospital cleaning rooms and anything else that needs done. Hoping im good at the job and this can last a while. 

Nice! Congrats! 

On 3/13/2026 at 10:33 PM, Through The Living Grass said:

In my case, I am jealous of people with depression, because i am so freaking autistic (this is not a joke).

I want to feel more sad, i want to feel pain, i want to wake up from this rotting mildly amused complacency, so i have real anxiety and artificial depression. But it’s not healthy. 

  Reveal hidden contents

This did lead me to hurt myself a few weeks ago and i totally regret it, it was stupid and pointless and didnt fix my problems.

TW self harm

i find that this fake depression goes away when i get outside. I really really really enjoy getting out into nature, especially with music, as you already know. So we need to find what lets you be genuinely happy.

You know, apathy and lethargy can also be symptoms of depression. That numb, "everything is the same it doesn't matter" feeling can be depression too. 

On 3/14/2026 at 12:02 AM, Through The Living Ghost said:

That pisses me off, u can only joke abt that stuff if it’s actually something u struggle with and even then u shouldnt

See, I disagree to some amount here. I believe you should always remember and respect the actualities of it, but properly done humor can bring a lot of light and relief sometimes. 

[Dilly honor spren she/her]

On 3/17/2026 at 10:16 PM, kajsa said:

heyyyyyyyyyy guysss

it's been a long time since i've been over here, and i lowkey kinda forgot it existed, but i wanted to post because lately i've been struggling a lot with my mental health.--i say "a lot", but i don't really know if that's necessarily true; it kinda feels like i'm depressed all the time, so it's gotten quite hard to tell what's normal and what's not. i don't really know what i'm expecting to come of this; i feel like i just need to vent a little bit because there's been a lot going on, and i tend to be very non-vocal about my struggles haha (like many of us). 

for some background information:
i don't take any medication, and i'm not diagnosed by a doctor, but i have taken the official questionaires for both anxiety and depression on my own time and am at moderate to severe risk for both of them. i have a long history with both; i've had anxiety attacks and stuff since i was a smol child, and i've kinda learned to just manage it over time because i'm not really sure what to do about it otherwise. i've struggled with depression i think in general since i was like a tween, but it became really prominent about four to five years ago (holy guacamole that's a lot longer than i thought haha). i was going through a tough time in general and had just gone through a series of relatively traumatic or otherwise significant events (loss of a family member, two pets, left our church, moved, transitioned from homeschool to public school, and went through a complete shift in friends) that were just a LOT on me and left me feeling kind of lost. i struggled a lot with su!c!dal ideation and SH (specifically cttng). luckily, i had a network of supportive people online that i talked to/spent a lot of time with that kind of helped me through that. i quit SH a couple years ago on my brother's birthday and have been clean since, which is great, but sometimes when my mental health gets bad i think about going back to it. my parents also staged an intervention or something lol back in the "dark days", and they got me a therapist that i was with for a while (i haven't seen her in several years though), but they weren't really all that involved and it didn't feel like i could be one hundred percent honest with them. it's not that i don't love them or they don't love me, we just have a really complicated relationship (especially me and my mom), and i just hate talking about this stuff with them because it feels like my dad's just gonna ask if i've been drinking enough water and getting enough sleep and eating enough nutrients and my mom's gonna suggest more sleep and herbal supplements and it just doesn't feel like they take me 100% seriously the way that i need them to (even though they do try and put in effort, which i greatly appreciate). because of this i also tend to lie on the questionaire when i go to my check-ups at the doctor because i just don't want the interrogation(s) that would ensue. i do have a few friends that i can talk to, but my best friend struggles a lot with her mental health and has been in a bad place recently, so i don't feel like i should be burdening her with my own problems. i do also have a wonderful soft kitty who comes and curles up on me when he can tell i'm not feeling great. i wuv him. 

lately (though i can't put a definite timeframe on it; it's been kind of perpetual since probably november, though it was there throughout the summer too and never really leaves for good), i've been struggling a lot with depression especially. my parents think it's hard for me to get out of bed in the mornings because i'm tired, but it's literally because i just cannot find a single reason to get up. like i just literally can't. i generally don't have trouble getting up on the weekends, just the days when i have school, which makes me feel guilty and lazy until i remember that i'm literally a straight A student and i've gotten one singular B in my entire life. so then i'm like oh maybe i'm not lazy, but i still get stuck in this giant guilt spiral, which makes me want to get out of bed even less. my parents had to try like five times to get me out of bed this morning (after i'd already been awake for probably an hour and a half of suffering through my sister's alarms lmao), and even then, i was 45 minutes late to school. this would be fine with me if i didn't have to have close to perfect attendance to go to prom. and i am very much the kind of gal who loves to dress up in fancy clothes with fancy hair and fancy makeup to go have fun with my friends. so what should be an incentive to have good attendance just turns into a door to another shame spiral. which is fantastic! additionally, our school days are pretty taxing because classes are ninety minutes long, we have six minutes of passing period (but my school is somewhat large so almost all of that is spent just walking), and lunch is thirty minutes but that's all we get for breaks. my school is known for being quite rigorous in the curriculum and is a pretty renowned college-prep school, so naturally there's lots going on during the day and lots of homework--which i tend to procrastinate in order to make room for my hobbies and stuff when i can get them in (if i can). 

i also have a large number of siblings, so i am expected to help out a lot around the house and watch them and help clean and cook--all of this is fine, and it's just part of being a family; however, it does get quite taxing when i'm already exhausted, trying to work on homework, maybe trying to squeeze in a little bit of a hobby where i have time. i don't have time (or the mental capacity) to get a job on top of all of it, so i don't really have money, and i don't have a car (even though i should have that and my license by now; just another thing to add to the list), so it's hard for me to go out and do things without asking my parents for rides or money, which makes me feel guilty because i feel like at my age, i should be self-sufficient. i don't know if i'll ever be fully self-sufficient, though, and i'm actually terrified of living alone (i don't know if i'll actually ever be able to) because when i am left to self-govern, literally nothing gets done. nothing. i would probably stay in bed all day and maybe take like a five hour long shower and then get back in bed with a bowl of ramen or something--if i remember to eat. i have no idea what i want to do in the future, and i'm supposed to be looking at colleges and applying for scholarships and i just feel paralyzed. like what am i supposed to do??? i have no idea what i want to do, what job i want to have, but i want to go to college because i feel like based on the direction we're going in society, it's going to be really beneficial to have a degree. but anyway, i just have a lot on my mind all the time, and it's pretty stressful and quite exhausting. i find myself dissociating a lot more and more. 

aside from having next to no energy during the days (despite getting plenty of sleep at night), i am constantly sick physically. i do all the exercise, i get all the sleep, i drink water, eat good food (i mean yes i could cut back on sugar but cookies are cookies okay and life is too short not to eat the cookie or drink the chai latte), i don't have excessive screen time (my average is like 3.5 hours a day), and i try to stay generally healthy. but it seems like there is always something going on, whether it's headaches, sore throats, coughs, dizziness, fatigue, aches and pains--i legiterally do not remember the last time i just felt... normal. like... just living without pain. it seems like such a foreign concept, but i don't really know what to do about it because all the doctors i've gone to have just kinda shrugged their shoulders and nobody can really say anything definite. which is fine, i mean, i'm used to it, it's just not the quality of living i'd like for the rest of my life haha. 

i do also tend to struggle a lot with body image and stuff, which i'm not going to get into a ton right now, but it really eats at my confidence, and i wind up in my baggiest sweatsuits instead of jeans and one of my cute crop tops. i also have issues with dermatillomania that have spiked lately (my dad bought me some picky pads to try out to combat this, and i like them, but it doesn't completely erase the need to pick at my face and other parts of my body), which have also been detrimental to my confidence and whatnot. i feel like lately i've just been feeling very much like i want to crawl out of my skin and go into a coma which miiiiight not be the most healthy thing ever, and this has also been weighing on my mind.

i feel like because of all the things that are going on in my life and how heavy/depressed i always feel, i'm in a constant state of fight or flight and my nerves are perpetually shot. my hands are always shaking and sometimes my chest feels tight or i feel short of breath. it's hard to get up in the mornings, it's hard to get dressed and do my hair and my makeup, it's hard to eat breakfast, it's hard to go to school and to get through my day-- you get the point. it just feels like i'm slogging through everything. 

i guess i wanna know if anybody has tips or something for anything i can do to kind of make this all feel lighter? or like ways i can improve? also am i crazy or am i valid? sometimes i gaslight myself into thinking that i'm just being dramatic lol so please do

*hugs* *big box of hugs because words are hard*

 

 

[Verdance he/him]

16 minutes ago, Through The Living Girl said:

das good uwu

what'd they ask?

 

—

  Hide contents

I kind of feel fake like everything I say or have said is just what people have told me I need/want/like. Does anyone else feel like that? Like people just tell me what to do and I listen, or they tell me what I like and I agree. Sometimes I say it, but then I lose interest in something or maybe didn't ever like it but keep up the act because... it's better that way? Like I was questioning last year if I even liked the things that everyone associates with me—math, coding, d&d, etc.

I probably like them but then sometimes when someone asks me why I like or what I like about it, I just make something up that sounds accurate, or maybe I've felt once or something.

  Reveal hidden contents

And, like, I don't want to admit this to anyone even myself but idek if, like, I like Sanderson anymore. Like I was obsessed with him for a few months but then I read most of his books and then had a whole depression fiasco... and now I just have Isles of Emberdark sitting on my desk waiting gathering dust, and same with like dozens of books that I bought and haven't read.

And I just spent... a fair amount... of money on the Kickstarter. Like, will I even read it? I hope so. Maybe... idk. And then so many people here have re-read the books a bunch and I haven't once. The closest I got was a few chapters into WoK but was not in the right mental state for that.

So like do I have any interests? When people ask me what I like to do, what my hobbies are, etc. it just feels like I'm saying things I used to do or enjoyed for a period of time, or just... things that aren't me. It just doesn't feel like me. Like either there's more I could say or I'm saying the wrong things. Can anyone actually describe themselves? Whenever I've been asked, literally the only thing I come up with is

  Reveal hidden contents

smart

but I don't say that because that's stupid and idek how true and whatever.

so i just say.. idk what i say. probably introverted or some crem that's true but made-up or general or not anything that feels like I have to really think about to come up with and even then I don't come up with much. Or I don't come up with much so just default to the crem.

If someone asks me what I like about ____, or why Shallan's my favorite character, etc., then I'll just say "idk, I just liked it/her."

Sometimes I feel like I'm forcing myself to be someone I'm not. Like... am I actually into Grunge/Rock music? I think/thought so, but have barely listened to it since discovering J-Pop! I call myself a sci-fi/fantasy fan, but haven't watched any sci-fi movies (or much of anything) in months! At least nothing that counts, like I've watched two or three things with people I know. But... like... yeah.

I feel like I've wasted so much on interests I'm forcing myself to keep up or that are causing me guilt.

I've felt that way for years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

anyway uh I guess it's good I cut my nails so now they aren't long enough to—

  Hide contents

but still long enough to rake across my body

 

 

 

Yes i 100% associate with that, when people talk to me about things i am no longer interested in. but they would ask questions if they knew about the things i am interested in (some metalcore, rping, being around people that dont necessarily fit my community’s idea of normal)

edits to come as i sort through this

edit1: so yeah, my sanderson fangirl personality goes into hibernation between books, sort of. I really obsess about it only when ive just read a new one, and holy crem IotE really had a lot of cool reveals for me. Plus, Starling’s plot line felt like one of the first I was super invested in since like my first read through of Yumi. 

edit2: and again with the subject of music, that is very liquid for me. Im constantly hyperfixating on some collection of songs while other stuff i like is like, “on cooldown”. Right now that’s Soulless and Friends, an album from a really raw and down to earth indie band that gives me so many emotions. Idk. 

Edit3:

Spoiler

try not to do anything to yourself that triggers or baby steps SH for you, i would scratch my arms with my nails to watch the white lines fade away for weeks before i did a SH

but idk sounds mainly just like ADHD

Spoiler SH

Edited March 23 by Through The Living Grass

[Usseewa]

12 minutes ago, Through The Living Grass said:

Yes i 100% associate with that, when people talk to me about things i am no longer interested in

but they would ask questions if they knew about the things i am interested in (some metalcore, rping, being around people that dont necessarily fit my community’s idea of normal)

edits to come as i sort through this

i added more for that last bit so see edited post

 

(edits to come to this)

edit1:

(you read the edits to that section, right?)

SH

Spoiler

yeah i think most of it is adhd except some of the nail stuff..yeah...

i guess ill try to stop but like idk what else do i do

edit2: also yes music and stuff sounds accurate

at least music and cooldown at least for some stuff

busy now so can't 

respond fully

Edited March 23 by Through The Living Girl

[Verdance he/him]

9 minutes ago, Through The Living Girl said:

i added more for that last bit so see edited post

 

(edits to come to this)

edit1:

(you read the edits to that section, right?)

SH

  Hide contents

yeah i think most of it is adhd except some of the nail stuff..yeah...

i guess ill try to stop but like idk what else do i do

 

Yes, read that
Rubik’s Cube :3

Edited March 23 by Through The Living Grass

[Usseewa]

Just now, Through The Living Grass said:

Rubik’s Cube :3

that's another old interest....

i have like over a dozen cubes....

used to love em

[Verdance he/him]

Just now, Through The Living Girl said:

that's another old interest....

i have like over a dozen cubes....

used to love em

Gotta twelve sided one somewhere that i barely managed to solve like once

idk, drawing or writing (on paper) is an excellent fidget

but you’re going to have to figure a lot of thatbout for yourself

[Usseewa]

7 minutes ago, Through The Living Grass said:

Gotta twelve sided one somewhere that i barely managed to solve like once

idk, drawing or writing (on paper) is an excellent fidget

but you’re going to have to figure a lot of thatbout for yourself

i do drawing and writing on paper but only like in class 

otherwise I just...

...

...

...

...

...

do stuff

or fidget

 

 

damnit i just did it again

these damn fingers

[Stardust She/Her]

37 minutes ago, Through The Living Girl said:

i do drawing and writing on paper but only like in class 

otherwise I just...

...

...

...

...

...

do stuff

or fidget

 

 

damnit i just did it again

these damn fingers

*hugs* (because I can't words, so hugs) *hugsssssss*

[Usseewa]

1 minute ago, Through The Living Star said:

*hugs* (because I can't words, so hugs) *hugsssssss*

i keep wanting to do it and stopping myself 

[Verdance he/him]

I remember when i look at my hands that i used to be the kid who would draw on his hands in class like i have this one symbol that i redrew on my palm every three hours for like months on end 

[Stardust She/Her]

*hugs again to all who need one*

If anyone needs to talk I am willing to listen. 

 

Shoot I just joined the Shard is that weird? If so please disregard aforementioned statement. Don't disregard the hugs though. The hugs stay for all who need one.