Honors Spectral Image She/her Posted January 5 Posted January 5 13 hours ago, Akimikoisthecutest said: Hey guys. I've been procrastinating posting on here because I don't want Choirnull to tell our friends, but I just can't wait any longer. I'm really struggling with my dysphoria right now. I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts for a few months now, and my dumb brain decided that I needed to make a plan. So I was up until 1am last night, wondering what the world would be like if I was dead and how I would die. Sooo, yeah. Also you guys are the first to know because I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this, that I can trust. I'm usually the person in the friend group who bears everyone's burdens, because they have mostly all tried to commit suicide, and I'm really struggling. I hate how my voice is a low tenor, and I'm kind of tall. Nobody would really understand where I live, and the people who might, just moved to Washington and the other has been off their phone for 32 days, after telling me something happened with their past girlfriend. So yeah, my life is a complete mess. *muccchhh of hugggss* *hugs again for good measure*
Keke They/he Posted January 5 Author Posted January 5 14 hours ago, Akimikoisthecutest said: Hey guys. I've been procrastinating posting on here because I don't want Choirnull to tell our friends, but I just can't wait any longer. I'm really struggling with my dysphoria right now. I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts for a few months now, and my dumb brain decided that I needed to make a plan. So I was up until 1am last night, wondering what the world would be like if I was dead and how I would die. Sooo, yeah. Also you guys are the first to know because I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this, that I can trust. I'm usually the person in the friend group who bears everyone's burdens, because they have mostly all tried to commit suicide, and I'm really struggling. I hate how my voice is a low tenor, and I'm kind of tall. Nobody would really understand where I live, and the people who might, just moved to Washington and the other has been off their phone for 32 days, after telling me something happened with their past girlfriend. So yeah, my life is a complete mess. *HUGS HUGS* i get that. It sucks a bunch and dysphoria can really kick ass. *hugs*
CoderDrag0n8 He/They Posted January 5 Posted January 5 @ everyone Some memes that are 100% true and not lies 3
Rynturning_Light She/Her Posted January 5 Posted January 5 16 hours ago, Akimikoisthecutest said: Hey guys. I've been procrastinating posting on here because I don't want Choirnull to tell our friends, but I just can't wait any longer. I'm really struggling with my dysphoria right now. I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts for a few months now, and my dumb brain decided that I needed to make a plan. So I was up until 1am last night, wondering what the world would be like if I was dead and how I would die. Sooo, yeah. Also you guys are the first to know because I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this, that I can trust. I'm usually the person in the friend group who bears everyone's burdens, because they have mostly all tried to commit suicide, and I'm really struggling. I hate how my voice is a low tenor, and I'm kind of tall. Nobody would really understand where I live, and the people who might, just moved to Washington and the other has been off their phone for 32 days, after telling me something happened with their past girlfriend. So yeah, my life is a complete mess. I know we haven’t talked much, but I want to offer my support (and hugs) I understand what it’s like to be the one who bears everyone’s burdens in a group. It sucks, to put it lightly. And it’s really easy to become trapped with your own thoughts because you don’t want to put that burden on others. The best advice I can give is talk to someone. It sounds like there aren’t many in person, but we’re all here for support. My PMs are always open and can be added to the list if you need to talk. At this moment, focus on yourself. It can be difficult, but the focus you’ve been putting on others issues, you need to give to your own. Please try to take care of yourself, and reach out if you need something *tons of hugs* 1
Hoid Slayer He/Him Posted January 5 Posted January 5 On 12/30/2025 at 7:58 PM, Shatter said: Some of you already know, but I'm going to post this here. CW: attempted suicide (not me) Reveal hidden contents Last night, my younger sister attempted suicide again. My mother and sisters are visiting my grandmother's house, where I currently live because of college and turning 18 and all. I went downstairs (where they're staying) without knocking (because usually no one lives there) because the power cut out for a minute due to the snowstorm, and I was checking the Wi-Fi. I assume she felt that her safe space was being invaded, and she attempted suicide. Thankfully, she chose to overdose on the least dangerous meds (my antianxiety meds). I feel terrible because whether people say I did or not, I had a part in this episode. She's currently in the hospital receiving treatment. I'm worried about how my mother is holding up. Both my sisters were in hospital at the start of the year, with my younger sister having attempted suicide the first time and my youngest sister having sepsis due to the flu. All I ask is for hope and prayers that she recovers and is released soon. Thankfully, her stay in the hospital is free (I love Canada) because my parents' finances aren't fully stable. Also, I've been really stressed due to failing college, and these types of situations aren't helping. *squeeze* You have all of my best wishes 17 hours ago, Akimikoisthecutest said: Hey guys. I've been procrastinating posting on here because I don't want Choirnull to tell our friends, but I just can't wait any longer. I'm really struggling with my dysphoria right now. I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts for a few months now, and my dumb brain decided that I needed to make a plan. So I was up until 1am last night, wondering what the world would be like if I was dead and how I would die. Sooo, yeah. Also you guys are the first to know because I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this, that I can trust. I'm usually the person in the friend group who bears everyone's burdens, because they have mostly all tried to commit suicide, and I'm really struggling. I hate how my voice is a low tenor, and I'm kind of tall. Nobody would really understand where I live, and the people who might, just moved to Washington and the other has been off their phone for 32 days, after telling me something happened with their past girlfriend. So yeah, my life is a complete mess. Hey Akimiko. *squeeze* First off, it is difficult to open up about this type of thing. No one I know personally is on the Shard, but when I first joined this thread I was terrified to admit something because I was scared of people seeing me differently - and I was way less of a Shard figure than you are. But no one turned on me or hated me for it; rather, I received so much support. So I’m glad you told us this. Second: I know what it feels like to feel powerless. It’s not your job to fix everyone’s lives. To save everyone. And never at the expense of yourself. And third: I know this world is better with you in it, Akimiko. You’re an awesome person, and that is something I’m willing to bet on just off the limited interaction I’ve had with you. You mean something to me, a total stranger. As for the dark period you’re going through now… it sucks. It really does. But I promise you, it will pass. I know because it happened for me. It happened for so many of us. Like Hoid says, things get better and worse and better and worse. But the better is always there. Keep walking the tunnel even if you don’t see the light at the end. Cause it’s there. Finally, there’s a book somewhere about suicide. I don’t have it, but someone on this thread shared it a while back, and I feel like everyone should read it or at the very least have access to it. Cause it’s incredible. If anyone knows where to find that book, please let me know. To everyone else: Infinite hugs. I’m not on this thread a lot anymore, but I’m here for all of you. If you’re struggling, you’ve got this. If you’re doing well… that’s awesome, and I wish you the best. 3
Akimikoisthecutest Posted January 11 Posted January 11 (edited) CW Attempted Suicide? Spoiler So, I'm not really sure what happened last night. I'm not sure if it was real or a dream. This is what I remember and it's spotty at best. I think it was about 9:40, I'm feeling really dysphoric, the usual. I get out of bed, without doing anything, I feel like I'm possessed. I walk into the bathroom, not of my own free will, I open the medicine cabinet, and start pulling down pill bottles, barely even reading the names of them. I pull out 3 of each kind, and put them on the lip of the sink. I fill a paper cup with water and start taking them one at a time. Every single one I take, I write another line on my suicide note. By the time I've taken 2-4 pills, I snap out of it and am like, "What the hell am I doing?" The next thing I remember I'm shaking in my bed, I remember all of that, I don't know whether it was real or fake, sooo yeah. That was fun. Edited January 11 by Akimikoisthecutest 1
Honors Spectral Image She/her Posted January 11 Posted January 11 1 minute ago, Akimikoisthecutest said: CW Attempted Suicide? Hide contents So, I'm not really sure what happened last night. I'm not sure if it was real or a dream. This is what I remember and it's spotty at best. I think it was about 9:40, I'm feeling really dysphoric, the usual. I get out of bed, without doing anything, I feel like I'm possessed. I walk into the bathroom, not of my own free will, I open the medicine cabinet, and start pulling down pill bottles, barely even reading the names of them. I pull out 3 of each kind, and put them on the lip of the sink. I fill a paper cup with water and start taking them one at a time. Every single one I take, I write another line on my suicide note. By the time I've taken 2-4 pills, I snap out of it and am like, "What the hell am I doing?" The next thing I remember I'm shaking in my bed, I remember all of that, I don't know whether it was real or fake, sooo yeah. That was fun. *huggss* I’m sorry Aki *hugs* you should go check the bathroom to make sure it wasn’t real and stuff and yah hugs so many hugs 1
Akimikoisthecutest Posted January 11 Posted January 11 Just now, Honors Ghost said: *huggss* I’m sorry Aki *hugs* you should go check the bathroom to make sure it wasn’t real and stuff and yah hugs so many hugs I'm honestly terrified to check the bathroom, because I don't want to know if it was real, because if it was, that just makes it scarier 1
Honors Spectral Image She/her Posted January 11 Posted January 11 9 minutes ago, Akimikoisthecutest said: I'm honestly terrified to check the bathroom, because I don't want to know if it was real, because if it was, that just makes it scarier ik it’s scary and ik you don’t want to but if you did actually do this you need to find out as soon as possible so you can get medical care *hugss*
Ink and Embers Any pronouns Posted January 11 Posted January 11 11 minutes ago, Akimikoisthecutest said: CW Attempted Suicide? Reveal hidden contents So, I'm not really sure what happened last night. I'm not sure if it was real or a dream. This is what I remember and it's spotty at best. I think it was about 9:40, I'm feeling really dysphoric, the usual. I get out of bed, without doing anything, I feel like I'm possessed. I walk into the bathroom, not of my own free will, I open the medicine cabinet, and start pulling down pill bottles, barely even reading the names of them. I pull out 3 of each kind, and put them on the lip of the sink. I fill a paper cup with water and start taking them one at a time. Every single one I take, I write another line on my suicide note. By the time I've taken 2-4 pills, I snap out of it and am like, "What the hell am I doing?" The next thing I remember I'm shaking in my bed, I remember all of that, I don't know whether it was real or fake, sooo yeah. That was fun. *hugs* That sounds absolutely terrifying and I'm glad you're okay. I would really, really, really recommend talking to someone you know in person about this. Spoiler A suggestion for you if you feel like that's too much right now: is there a way you could move the pills so you'd go past other people to get to them? I don't know if that would be of any help whatsoever, but it might help you to try and talk yourself out of it if it happens again? *hugs really hard* Please take care of yourself! We're here for you if you need. 1
KnightSkye Reforged They/Them Posted January 11 Posted January 11 21 minutes ago, Akimikoisthecutest said: CW Attempted Suicide? Hide contents So, I'm not really sure what happened last night. I'm not sure if it was real or a dream. This is what I remember and it's spotty at best. I think it was about 9:40, I'm feeling really dysphoric, the usual. I get out of bed, without doing anything, I feel like I'm possessed. I walk into the bathroom, not of my own free will, I open the medicine cabinet, and start pulling down pill bottles, barely even reading the names of them. I pull out 3 of each kind, and put them on the lip of the sink. I fill a paper cup with water and start taking them one at a time. Every single one I take, I write another line on my suicide note. By the time I've taken 2-4 pills, I snap out of it and am like, "What the hell am I doing?" The next thing I remember I'm shaking in my bed, I remember all of that, I don't know whether it was real or fake, sooo yeah. That was fun. Oh my gosh *HUGS* I'm sorry. I know its terrifying, but checking if that was real or not is important. *more hugs* I'm sorry. I've been there. If you need to talk, feel free to PM me whenever. I can listen. 6 minutes ago, Ink and Embers said: *hugs* That sounds absolutely terrifying and I'm glad you're okay. I would really, really, really recommend talking to someone you know in person about this. Reveal hidden contents A suggestion for you if you feel like that's too much right now: is there a way you could move the pills so you'd go past other people to get to them? I don't know if that would be of any help whatsoever, but it might help you to try and talk yourself out of it if it happens again? *hugs really hard* Please take care of yourself! We're here for you if you need. I'm gonna second what Ink said, even though it feels a bit hypocritical. Please take care of yourself. 1
Kansas Stormcursed he/him Posted January 11 Posted January 11 4 hours ago, Akimikoisthecutest said: CW Attempted Suicide? Reveal hidden contents So, I'm not really sure what happened last night. I'm not sure if it was real or a dream. This is what I remember and it's spotty at best. I think it was about 9:40, I'm feeling really dysphoric, the usual. I get out of bed, without doing anything, I feel like I'm possessed. I walk into the bathroom, not of my own free will, I open the medicine cabinet, and start pulling down pill bottles, barely even reading the names of them. I pull out 3 of each kind, and put them on the lip of the sink. I fill a paper cup with water and start taking them one at a time. Every single one I take, I write another line on my suicide note. By the time I've taken 2-4 pills, I snap out of it and am like, "What the hell am I doing?" The next thing I remember I'm shaking in my bed, I remember all of that, I don't know whether it was real or fake, sooo yeah. That was fun. If you're feeling physically fine and the same, especially hours later, odds are it wasn't real. That said, you should definitely check
Akimikoisthecutest Posted January 12 Posted January 12 11 hours ago, Honors Ghost said: *huggss* I’m sorry Aki *hugs* you should go check the bathroom to make sure it wasn’t real and stuff and yah hugs so many hugs 10 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said: I'm sorry. I know its terrifying, but checking if that was real or not is important. 6 hours ago, Kansas Stormcursed said: If you're feeling physically fine and the same, especially hours later, odds are it wasn't real. That said, you should definitely check I'm not sure but I think it was real. I found 4 pills in the corner of the room...
Kansas Stormcursed he/him Posted January 12 Posted January 12 1 minute ago, Akimikoisthecutest said: I'm not sure but I think it was real. I found 4 pills in the corner of the room... You need to tell someone. Like, someone irl
KnightSkye Reforged They/Them Posted January 12 Posted January 12 7 minutes ago, Akimikoisthecutest said: I'm not sure but I think it was real. I found 4 pills in the corner of the room... OK, You need to tell someone, soon if possible. You should get checked out, Just in case. Ok? Please?
CoderDrag0n8 He/They Posted January 12 Posted January 12 15 minutes ago, Akimikoisthecutest said: I'm not sure but I think it was real. I found 4 pills in the corner of the room... TELL SOMEONE GET A THERAPIST IF YOU ALREADY HAVE ONE, TELL YOUR THERAPIST DONT DIE ON US, GIRL!
Tam Tucker Posted January 12 Posted January 12 I got laid off in December. I have been looking for an job ever since. It's the worst time to look a job. I had a interview n when I knew they weren't going to hire. I panicked n just wanted to stop wasting time. That was an awful interview. Im going through a state program for people with disabilities to find work. Hopefully with my 3 years at my last job. I can get a job that pays the bills n something I can do n keep. It's been stressful for my wife n I. Everything is paid for but my in laws are helping, which makes me grateful n disappointed in myself. I know I have high standards for myself. That its not my fault I got laid off. 3
Honors Spectral Image She/her Posted January 12 Posted January 12 9 hours ago, Akimikoisthecutest said: I'm not sure but I think it was real. I found 4 pills in the corner of the room... Go talk to someone please, like pretty pls
Kansas Stormcursed he/him Posted January 12 Posted January 12 8 hours ago, Tam Tucker said: I got laid off in December. I have been looking for an job ever since. It's the worst time to look a job. I had a interview n when I knew they weren't going to hire. I panicked n just wanted to stop wasting time. That was an awful interview. Im going through a state program for people with disabilities to find work. Hopefully with my 3 years at my last job. I can get a job that pays the bills n something I can do n keep. It's been stressful for my wife n I. Everything is paid for but my in laws are helping, which makes me grateful n disappointed in myself. I know I have high standards for myself. That its not my fault I got laid off. *hugs* I'm sorry, that's awful, especially right now
Keke They/he Posted January 12 Author Posted January 12 22 hours ago, Akimikoisthecutest said: CW Attempted Suicide? Reveal hidden contents So, I'm not really sure what happened last night. I'm not sure if it was real or a dream. This is what I remember and it's spotty at best. I think it was about 9:40, I'm feeling really dysphoric, the usual. I get out of bed, without doing anything, I feel like I'm possessed. I walk into the bathroom, not of my own free will, I open the medicine cabinet, and start pulling down pill bottles, barely even reading the names of them. I pull out 3 of each kind, and put them on the lip of the sink. I fill a paper cup with water and start taking them one at a time. Every single one I take, I write another line on my suicide note. By the time I've taken 2-4 pills, I snap out of it and am like, "What the hell am I doing?" The next thing I remember I'm shaking in my bed, I remember all of that, I don't know whether it was real or fake, sooo yeah. That was fun. AKI oh aki *hugs* listen. Whether it was real or not. Please please please tell someone irl. I know it might be hard to tell someone but you have to. Please. 9 hours ago, Tam Tucker said: I got laid off in December. I have been looking for an job ever since. It's the worst time to look a job. I had a interview n when I knew they weren't going to hire. I panicked n just wanted to stop wasting time. That was an awful interview. Im going through a state program for people with disabilities to find work. Hopefully with my 3 years at my last job. I can get a job that pays the bills n something I can do n keep. It's been stressful for my wife n I. Everything is paid for but my in laws are helping, which makes me grateful n disappointed in myself. I know I have high standards for myself. That its not my fault I got laid off. *hugs* damn i cant say i know the feeling exactly but i understand. My dad got fired from his job like… 7 years ago? Anyways it was stressful while he tried to get a new one. *hugs* you got this. You just gotta continue applying for jobs and hoping the right one lets you in.
Shatter He/Him Posted January 12 Posted January 12 9 hours ago, Tam Tucker said: I got laid off in December. I have been looking for an job ever since. It's the worst time to look a job. I had a interview n when I knew they weren't going to hire. I panicked n just wanted to stop wasting time. That was an awful interview. Im going through a state program for people with disabilities to find work. Hopefully with my 3 years at my last job. I can get a job that pays the bills n something I can do n keep. It's been stressful for my wife n I. Everything is paid for but my in laws are helping, which makes me grateful n disappointed in myself. I know I have high standards for myself. That its not my fault I got laid off. Just apply, apply, and apply. I'm in the same trouble. It's so hard finding a job, but you just gotta keep at it. 1
Akimikoisthecutest Posted January 12 Posted January 12 12 hours ago, Kansas Stormcursed said: You need to tell someone. Like, someone irl 12 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said: OK, You need to tell someone, soon if possible. You should get checked out, Just in case. Ok? Please? 2 hours ago, Honors Ghost said: Go talk to someone please, like pretty pls 1 hour ago, Keke said: AKI oh aki *hugs* listen. Whether it was real or not. Please please please tell someone irl. I know it might be hard to tell someone but you have to. Please. I've told a few friends and plan to tell my therapist next week? I haven't told anyone else because I might have to come out... 1
KnightSkye Reforged They/Them Posted January 12 Posted January 12 Just now, Akimikoisthecutest said: I've told a few friends and plan to tell my therapist next week? I haven't told anyone else because I might have to come out... *hugs* Good job. If you feel like that again before next week, get one of those friends to help you.
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