Nightwatcher Boon/Bane (Game)

[Lord Mistborn Bondbreaker he/him]

Granted, but you must put him down because he wants to eat you.

I want unlimited bacon. 

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine he/him]

12 minutes ago, Herald Of Justice said:

Granted, but you must put him down because he wants to eat you.

I want unlimited bacon. 

Ohh, that hurts my heart, curse you Nightwatcher!

Granted, the Nightwatcher convinces Cultivation to use her Investiture to magically transform all physical matter into bacon, including you, your family, your toilet, and even your chull wagon. Everything is bacon, even the trees are made from bacon. All matter is bacon. You try rubbing two slabs of bacon together with your bacony hands to start a fire, but you just get a big greasy mess. You have to get used to eating raw bacon, because that's whats on the menu for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I wish that each day, everyone woke up a little bit nicer than they were when they went to bed.

[+ElephantEarwax he/him]

57 minutes ago, hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

I wish that each day, everyone woke up a little bit nicer than they were when they went to bed.

The nightwatcher grants your request. But death rates in sleep rise dramatically., so many people are scared to go to sleep and sad when loved ones die.

I call on the nightwatcher to fill my boon. I wish for better/less shipping wars.

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine he/him]

33 minutes ago, ElephantEarwax said:

I call on the nightwatcher to fill my boon. I wish for better/less shipping wars.

The entirety of the Storm Light Archive has been rewritten, your boon has been granted. BUT every character is now a gender neutral character, reproduction happens by asexual budding (not unlike how strawberries grow) and there are now no more threads on the Shard about who's going to have a romantic relationship with whom. INSTEAD, even worse, threads start popping up like mushrooms about who's going to be "Besties" with who. Emoticons reign supreme in the new Besties threads.

I wish that the word "blog" was only used in epic fantasy for the name of an orc, that the word "Facebook" had never been created, and that grumpy old men could change the world just by complaining about things (as I hitch my shorts up above my navel and inspect my calf length black socks).

 

Edited January 3, 2018 by hoiditthroughthegrapevine

[The Allomantic Metalhead he/him]

19 hours ago, hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

The entirety of the Storm Light Archive has been rewritten, your boon has been granted. BUT every character is now a gender neutral character, reproduction happens by asexual budding (not unlike how strawberries grow) and there are now no more threads on the Shard about who's going to have a romantic relationship with whom. INSTEAD, even worse, threads start popping up like mushrooms about who's going to be "Besties" with who. Emoticons reign supreme in the new Besties threads.

I wish that the word "blog" was only used in epic fantasy for the name of an orc, that the word "Facebook" had never been created, and that grumpy old men could change the world just by complaining about things (as I hitch my shorts up above my navel and inspect my calf length black socks).

 

Okay, but all the grumpy old men are genocided by your bane, the 1st American Reich/4th Reich (needless to say, they're a coalition of neo-nazis that took control of the entire united states somehow). They then proceed to be overthrown by a communist regime that turns out to be just as bad, the anarcho-capitalists overthrow them, then the world is nuked by two wealthy businessmen with lots of uranium and child slaves, then the anarcho capitalists are overthrown by the anarcho-primitivists and we spend the rest of our lives in caves because to create mud huts for the homeless would be to invent civilization.

You see, without blogs like /pol/, Stormfront, /r/Communism for loonies to meet up online, occupy their time, and vent their frustration, they actually have the time and motivation to actually do some really serious sh*t in real life (it may have helped that that was your bane, too, thus meaning that they have even more time, motivation, and means to get some stuff done), thus meaning a massive insurgence of neo-nazis, homophobes, communists, anarchists of all sorts of varieties, religious nuts, and conspiracy theorists. Enjoy the rest of your life in your cave/with your mandatory tinfoil helmet/in the concentration camp for speaking against your new führer/in gulag for being a capitalist pig/whatever.

 

I wish I had a (non-sunburned) albino girlfriend (that was mostly a joke. make of it what you will).

Edited January 4, 2018 by The Allomantic Metalhead

[Drag0nR3born]

25 minutes ago, The Allomantic Metalhead said:

I wish I had a (non-sunburned) albino girlfriend (that was mostly a joke. make of it what you will).

Granted but you are now eternally suburned and constantly sweat mayonaisse.

 

 

I wish that I could make any group slowly start applauding by starting a slow clap.

[The Night Watcher]

On 1/3/2018 at 1:48 PM, ElephantEarwax said:

The nightwatcher grants your request. But death rates in sleep rise dramatically., so many people are scared to go to sleep and sad when loved ones die.

I call on the nightwatcher to fill my boon. I wish for better/less shipping wars.

Granted. The streets, once clogged by angry teen girls, have been cleared. Rather then yell and wave fists because 'SHADOLIIIIN!' they take their disagreements to  court to discuss their differences as civil human beings. Unfortunately, the court systems are soon overrun by tyrannical fifteen-year-olds looking to infringe their terrible Jasnadin views on an unwilling society. Skirmishes break out as rebel groups and non-conformists seek to overthrow the once-benign government. Civilians and innocents are caught in the crossfire, while this war rages on for over fifty years. By the end, the rebel forces are bloodied and near extinction, so they retreat and make way for a new era — an era of crude paintings and smutty literature written about the burning passion between Alethkar's queen and the brooding Captain, all to slake the lust of tyranny. 

I wish that I didn't wake up at night, every night.

[Lord Mistborn Bondbreaker he/him]

@The Night Watcher

Granted, you no longer have the ability to sleep. However you still get tired.

I wish that all of shallan’s (and veil, and radiant) POV chapters become Szeth’s POV chapters.

Edited January 5, 2018 by Herald Of Justice

[AbsentKeeper he/him]

On 1/5/2018 at 0:37 PM, Herald Of Justice said:

@The Night Watcher

Granted, you no longer have the ability to sleep. However you still get tired.

I wish that all of shallan’s (and veil, and radiant) POV chapters become Szeth’s POV chapters.

Granted, but all of Szeth's previous PoV chapters become Moash's PoV.

I ask the Nightwatcher to help me convince more of my friends to read Cosmere books.

[Lord Mistborn Bondbreaker he/him]

Granted, all of your friends read the cosmere, however they get so into it that they accidentally kill you when they attempt some Hemalurgic experiments.

I wish that the person who gives me my curse will do so in old English.

[NamelessThirteenth]

2 hours ago, Herald Of Justice said:

I wish that the person who gives me my curse will do so in old English.

Gifeþe, ðu willan næfre acweþan, arædan, writan in ænig spræc eac Eald Angelcynn.

Good luck understanding THAT...that's what you get for almost halting this really fun. BTW sorry, my old English is rusty, haven't used it since the Fifteenth Century 

I wish that I could travel through online networks and get to anywhere in the world...(easy screw-up, I know)

 

[Lord Mistborn Bondbreaker he/him]

9 hours ago, NamelessThirteenth said:

Gifeþe, ðu willan næfre acweþan, arædan, writan in ænig spræc eac Eald Angelcynn.

Good luck understanding THAT...that's what you get for almost halting this really fun. BTW sorry, my old English is rusty, haven't used it since the Fifteenth Century 

I wish that I could travel through online networks and get to anywhere in the world...(easy screw-up, I know)

 

Granted, but you can only travel through Twilight movies.

I want to own The Bands of Mourning (they never run out of investiture).

[+ElephantEarwax he/him]

@Herald Of Justice Yes they do. But I'll play with it. You recieve the Bands of Mourning but you are on Scadrial. Many people now know they are real things and the entire population of Scadrial hunts you.

 

I call on the Nightwatcher to fill my boon. I wish for my own KR spren(I don't care what one).

[Lord Mistborn Bondbreaker he/him]

23 hours ago, ElephantEarwax said:

@Herald Of Justice Yes they do. But I'll play with it. You recieve the Bands of Mourning but you are on Scadrial. Many people now know they are real things and the entire population of Scadrial hunts you.

 

I call on the Nightwatcher to fill my boon. I wish for my own KR spren(I don't care what one).

Granted, but said Spren is actually the cognitive shadow of Kelsier, you are granted the powers of a Fullborn.

However you lose all memories of Kelsier, your powers and the entire cosmere as a whole, and even if you rediscover it you will forget again immediately.

Edit

I want book four to be Szeth’s POV.

Edited January 9, 2018 by Herald Of Justice

[Meandering Monotreme]

Wait, is there an outstanding wish to be granted right now?

Edited January 9, 2018 by MeanderingMonotreme

[+ElephantEarwax he/him]

...nope your turn.

[FallenRadiant]

"I wish for the ability to move things using only my mind .."

[Nathrangking he/him]

On 1/9/2018 at 0:25 AM, Meandering Monotreme said:

Wait, is there an outstanding wish to be granted right now?

There was mine was passed over a page ago.

 

6 minutes ago, FallenRadiant said:

"I wish for the ability to move things using only my mind .."

Granted, but it is so draining that even moving a grain of rice forces you to fall into a coma like sleep for 2 days.

[+ElephantEarwax he/him]

Okay, so we need to remember, grant a wish then wish again.  I'm granting the passed over wish. 

Granted, all of your meals are perfectly cooked, but horribly over salted. 

I call on the Nightwatcher to fill my boon. I wish to be bonded to the Stormfather.

[Lord Mistborn Bondbreaker he/him]

1 hour ago, ElephantEarwax said:

Okay, so we need to remember, grant a wish then wish again.  I'm granting the passed over wish. 

Granted, all of your meals are perfectly cooked, but horribly over salted. 

I call on the Nightwatcher to fill my boon. I wish to be bonded to the Stormfather.

Granted, but he never stops singing “your welcome” in your ear.

I want an upvote.

[Lelouch Vi Britannia]

2 hours ago, Lord Mistborn Skybreaker said:

Granted, but he never stops singing “your welcome” in your ear.

I want an upvote.

Granted, but I'll never upvote anything you write again.

I wish for the willpower to do anything! 

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine he/him]

45 minutes ago, LewsTherinTalamon said:

I wish for the willpower to do anything! 

Granted, unfortunately the Nightwatcher noticed that your wish was ambiguously phrased, and decides the "anything" that you have the willpower to do. The Nightwatcher grants you an unparalleled will to collect paper clips. So determined are you in this pursuit of paper clip collecting that it consumes your life, your personal hygiene begins to suffer, you neglect to eat most days, but your collection of paper clips grows and grows. Until, half starved, living in your own filth like an animal, the burden of never being satisfied with the completeness of collection overwhelms you, and in your great despair you fashion a noose from chained paper clips and end your wretched existence.

I wish that I could understand the language of Jawas so that I can tell what they are actually saying when they shout "Houdini" all the time.

[Meandering Monotreme]

Granted, but every other foreign language in a star wars film sounds to you that they are shouting "Houdini" all the time.

I wish that I could look through any other person's eyes at will.

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine he/him]

24 minutes ago, Meandering Monotreme said:

I wish that I could look through any other person's eyes at will.

Granted! You can now see through other people's eyes, but only when they are looking at a 72 year old man in Paducah Kentucky named Will. He sits on his porch a lot, and moves his dentures around in his mouth with his tongue.

I wish that I had a Winnebago that was capable of Faster than Light travel.

[I Am Witless she/her]

Your wish has been granted, @hoiditthroughthegrapevine (won't let me tag you?????), but the laws of physics are still in place. Going too fast will end up with you splashed against the far end of the Winnebago, and when I say splashed I mean splashed.
I wish that I will survive my Humanities 101 class this semester without too much mental trauma or lost sleep.