Era 6 & 7 Character Thread

[Steel Speedster ♂]

Hello, everybody! I would like to jump in on this. I have a pair of characters with their sheets here. There are some backstory details that I have not 100% flushed out yet, because I want to make sure that they tie in well with the existing plot that's going on here.

Here is my first character:

Spoiler

Name: Jerrin Tridner

Appearance: 27-year-old, (slightly above) average height Scadrian male. Smooth black hair. Well built for combat, especially speed. He wears a hoodless mistcloak, which will tear free if caught. Underneath his mistcloak, he wears a generic short sleeved shirt and trousers. He wears a belt stocked with vials of electrum, which disengage if Pushed or Pulled on too hard. As a back-up, he also has an aluminum vial. He carries a pair of glass daggers, and a few back-ups, since he shatters them frequently. He wears bracers made of steel on his forearms, which pierce the skin to protect against Pushes and Pulls.

Affiliations: His metalborn team, which was recently destroyed.

Personality: Jerrin is serious, stoic, and organized. He is a good leader and knows how to coordinate the efforts of his team. Though he is often silent, he has a presence that commands respect. He is confident in his abilities, but knows his limits. He tries to be cool-headed, but following recent events, he has become more short tempered and prone to outbursts. He is willing to operate outside the law, but nonetheless has a strong moral code.

Concept: Former leader of an elite metalborn team.

Motivation (Short & long term goal): (Short) get revenge for his team. (Long) recover from the loss of his team and rebuild. Become better so that it doesn’t happen again.

Merits: (Minor) skilled melee fighter; good leader. (Normal) skilled with the use of electrum Allomancy; lots of experience with Allomancy and Feruchemy, knows the strengths and weaknesses of each type of metalborn, etc. (Major) Steelrunner.

Flaws: Paranoid: he tries to keep electrum burning at all times to avoid being surprised, which means he spends a lot of money on metal and has little to spend on other things; dislikes running out of speed reserves as well. Somewhat socially incompetent: can come across as threatening or bad tempered. Annoyed by people who are undisciplined or won’t listen to and respect him. Bad aim with firearms; does not carry a gun. Anger can make him reckless. Afraid of losing friends; (he used to take losses better but was shocked by the loss of his whole team at once.) Wants revenge.

Relationships (Eg. Family and Friends): His teammates were all close friends, but the only one left alive now is Thav, who is now his best friend/sidekick. Jerrin is protective of him, but also knows that he can’t keep Thav out of danger entirely and that they both have to take some risks.

Home Planet: Alleyplanet. (Scadrian descent.)

Current Residence: Owns a decent sized hideout in Smokestack, left over from when his team was more prosperous.

Backstory: Born in the Mistwarrens, where he came into his Twinborn powers at a young age. His powers made him desirable for hire as a mercenary, which allowed him to build up a decent amount of money. Feeling that he could do better (both morally and technically) than those he worked for, he started his own team. His success as a leader allowed him to recruit the most highly skilled metalborn available, including several Twinborn. He refused to do jobs that hurt innocent people, but was willing to work for criminals against other criminals. His team also occasionally served as bodyguards for gang leaders or noblemen, or pulled off heists. On their last mission, the entire team was killed, except Jerrin himself and Thav.

Loose ends (What is unfinished in their life?): The ones responsible for his team’s destruction are still at large and Jerrin wants to see them pay.

Links (Eg. Theme song, a spotify playlist, a pinterest mood board, or reference images): None.

And here is the second:

Spoiler

Name: Thavel “Thav” Talin

Appearance: 19-year-old, tall Scadrian male. Messy brown hair. Not particularly muscular, as he prefers ranged combat. Wears a mist coat. Carries bronze metal vials and a pair of aluminum handguns. He wears several zinc bracelets, which pierce the skin. He has a small steel spike in his ribs, which is only two or three inches long and easily hidden.

Affiliations: Jerrin.

Personality: Thav is charismatic, exuding an air of carefreeness, verging on foppishness. He is, however, actually much smarter than he appears, and knows how to use people’s perceptions of him against them. Beneath the facade of cheerfulness, Thav is more depressed, following the deaths of his teammates and friends.

Concept: F-zinc sharpshooter.

Motivation (Short & long term goal): (Short) get revenge. (Long) doesn’t know.

Merits: (Minor) charismatic; calculating; very weak A-steel spike. (Normal) excellent shot; bronze misting (he can differentiate Allomantic pulses, but can’t detect other Invested Arts.) (Major) Sparker.

Flaws: Little melee combat ability. Somewhat naive. Occasionally reckless. Tendency to dismiss certain threats. A bit of a show-off. Keeps his Hemalurgic spike secret.

Relationships (Eg. Family and Friends): The team he was a part of has been destroyed, leaving Jerrin as his only friend. He looks up to Jerrin, and feels responsible for “taking care” of him.

Home Planet: Alleyplanet. (Scadrian Descent)

Current Residence: Jerrin’s hideout in Smokestack.

Backstory: Born in the Mistwarrens. Worked for nasty criminals early on. Jerrin led a strike against that gang. He was impressed by Thav’s abilities, and offered him a chance to join. Thav accepted, impressed by the team’s competence and the fact that they seemed like good people, unlike the ones he was used to working for. Three years later, the rest of the team was destroyed, leaving only him and Jerrin. 

Loose ends (What is unfinished in their life?): The ones responsible for killing  his friends are still at large, and Thav wants them punished.

Links (Eg. Theme song, a spotify playlist, a pinterest mood board, or reference images): None.

So, here's what my idea was for these guys' backstory that I wanted to make sure worked with what is already happening around here. I'll put it in a box so it doesn't take up too much space.

Spoiler

The idea was that Jerrin's team was killed by a Steel Inquisitor, which was eventually forced to retreat. During the battle, the back of one of its eye spikes was broken off, which Thav retrieved and used to give himself weak A-steel.

I know that the current plot involves an Inquisitor character, so I would be fine if that was worked into this, or if it was entirely separate. It's really what everyone else would like better. I'm open to any ideas.

Edited July 5, 2024 by Speeding Steelrunner
Improved backstories

[Koloss17 She/They]

6 hours ago, Speeding Steelrunner said:

Hello, everybody! I would like to jump in on this. I have a pair of characters with their sheets here. There are some backstory details that I have not 100% flushed out yet, because I want to make sure that they tie in well with the existing plot that's going on here.

Here is my first character:

  Reveal hidden contents

Name: Jerrin Tridner

Appearance: 27 year old, (slightly above) average height Scadrian male. Smooth black hair. Well built for combat, especially speed. He wears a hoodless mistcloak, which will tear free if caught. Underneath his mistcloak, he wears a generic short sleeved shirt and trousers. He wears a belt stocked with vials of electrum, which disengage if Pushed or Pulled on too hard. As a back-up, he also has an aluminum vial. He carries a pair of glass daggers, and a few back-ups, since he shatters them frequently. He wears bracers made of steel on his forearms, which pierce the skin to protect against Pushes and Pulls.

Affiliations: His metalborn team, which was recently destroyed.

Personality: Jerrin is serious, stoic, and organized. He is a good leader and knows how to coordinate the efforts of his team. Though he is often silent, he has a presence that commands respect. He is confident in his abilities, but knows his limits. He tries to be cool-headed, but following recent events, he has become more short tempered and prone to outbursts. He is willing to operate outside the law, but nonetheless has a strong moral code.

Concept: Former leader of an elite metalborn team.

Motivation (Short & long term goal): (Short) get revenge for his team. (Long) recover from the loss of his team and rebuild. Become better so that it doesn’t happen again.

Merits: (Minor) skilled melee fighter; good leader. (Normal) skilled with the use of electrum Allomancy; lots of experience with Allomancy and Feruchemy, knows the strengths and weaknesses of each type of metalborn, etc. (Major) Steelrunner.

Flaws: Paranoid: he tries to keep electrum burning at all times to avoid being surprised, which means he spends a lot of money on metal and has little to spend on other things; dislikes running out of speed reserves as well. Somewhat socially incompetent: can come across as threatening or bad tempered. Annoyed by people who are undisciplined or won’t listen to and respect him. Bad aim with firearms; does not carry a gun. Anger can make him reckless. Afraid of losing friends; (he used to take losses better, but was shocked by the loss of his whole team at once.) Wants revenge.

Relationships (Eg. Family and Friends): His teammates were all close friends, but the only one left alive now is Thav, who is now his best friend/sidekick. Jerrin is protective of him, but also knows that he can’t keep Thav out of danger entirely and that they both have to take some risks.

Home Planet: Alleyplanet. (Scadrian descent.)

Current Residence: Owns a decent sized hideout in Smokestack, left over from when his team was more prosperous.

Backstory: Born in the Mistwarrens, where he came into his Twinborn powers at a young age. His powers made him desirable for hire as a mercenary, which allowed him to build up a decent amount of money. Eventually he started his own team, recruiting other metalborn of great talent, including several other Twinborn. He refused to do jobs that hurt innocent people, but was willing to work for criminals against other criminals. His team also occasionally served as bodyguards for gang leaders or noblemen, or pulled off heists. On their last mission, the entire team was killed, except Jerrin himself and Thav.

Loose ends (What is unfinished in their life?): The ones responsible for his team’s destruction are still at large and Jerrin wants to see them pay.

Links (Eg. Theme song, a spotify playlist, a pinterest mood board, or reference images): None.

And here is the second:

  Reveal hidden contents

Name: Thavel “Thav” Talin

Appearance: 19 year old, tall Scadrian male. Messy brown hair. Not particularly muscular, as he prefers ranged combat. Wears a mist coat. Carries bronze metal vials and a pair of aluminum handguns. He wears several zinc bracelets, which pierce the skin. He has a small steel spike in his ribs, which is only two or three inches long and easily hidden.

Affiliations: Jerrin.

Personality: Thav is charismatic, exuding an air of carefreeness, verging on foppishness. He is, however, actually much smarter than he appears, and knows how to use people’s perceptions of him against them. Beneath the facade of cheerfulness, Thav is more depressed, following the deaths of his teammates and friends.

Concept: F-zinc sharpshooter.

Motivation (Short & long term goal): (Short) get revenge. (Long) doesn’t know.

Merits: (Minor) charismatic; calculating; very weak A-steel spike. (Normal) excellent shot; bronze misting (he can differentiate Allomantic pulses but can’t detect other Invested Arts.) (Major) Sparker.

Flaws: Little melee combat ability. Somewhat naive. Occasionally reckless. Tendency to dismiss certain threats. A bit of a show-off. Keeps his Hemalurgic spike secret.

Relationships (Eg. Family and Friends): The team he was a part of has been destroyed, leaving Jerrin as his only friend. He looks up to Jerrin and feels responsible for “taking care” of him.

Home Planet: Alleyplanet. (Scadrian Descent)

Current Residence: Jerrin’s hideout in Smokestack.

Backstory: Born in the Mistwarrens. Worked for criminals before being recruited by Jerrin, giving him an opportunity for something better. Later, the rest of the team was destroyed, leaving only him and Jerrin. 

Loose ends (What is unfinished in their life?): The ones responsible for killing his friends are still at large, and Thav wants them punished.

Links (Eg. Theme song, a spotify playlist, a pinterest mood board, or reference images): None.

So, here's what my idea was for these guys' backstory that I wanted to make sure worked with what is already happening around here. I'll put it in a box so it doesn't take up too much space.

  Reveal hidden contents

The idea was that Jerrin's team was killed by a Steel Inquisitor, which was eventually forced to retreat. During the battle, the back of one of its eye spikes was broken off, which Thav retrieved and used to give himself weak A-steel.

I know that the current plot involves an Inquisitor character, so I would be fine if that was worked into this, or if it was entirely separate. It's really what everyone else would like better. I'm open to any ideas.

Thus far, these are looking really cool! RPing two characters simultaneously can be weird, as it is a challenge to differentiate them narratively and also have inner narration for them. Usually the writing format is in 3rd person limited, and while that is certainly not a requirement, it helps cohesion. My recommendation is to have their thoughts and dialogues separated, much like if two people were RPing them. It’s a challenge, but if you are willing to try to RP two separate fully fledged characters, I certainly won’t stop you.

My concerns are in regards to your narrative ability (which is not a dig at your RPing skills, I frankly have no idea about them. Just pointing out that it’s complex for anyone), and less so about interacting with others. So long as you make it clear who’s who and what which person does when, you should be fine!

 

Now on to my thoughts on the characters themselves.

Jerrin:

Steelrunners, by nature, are going to be really powerful. I am appreciative of the synergy with electrum, though. (for those reading and unaware, F-steel increases reaction speed, which A-electrum lacks but can appreciate. There’s also an interaction with burning metals faster, thereby increasing the effect of a burned metal in the same amount of time, but that isn’t particularly relevant for electrum, as for electrum you are still burning the same amount relative to yourself, if that makes sense). Overall, I think this won’t be an issue so long as you’re careful of godmodding. 
 

However, something that caught my eye was that your character likes continuously burning electrum. Have you considered that they might be a budding savant? Perhaps that’s something to theorize about and potentially incorporate. Your call though! If you want some help theory crafting about that, I’m totally down to help!

Thav:

A sparker is also quite the powerful ability. In tandem with Jerrin, I can see a lot going on. However, I suspect it will work out.

 

Both of these characters seem interesting, and it is clear you put a lot of thought into them. I have two concerns, however.

1) this is basically a reiteration of the previous point about running two characters. Now, a few people have multiple characters atm, including myself, so that’s less of an issue. It’s when you haven’t RPed in the Alleyverse before and that you have two characters that will pretty much always be interacting with each other that gives me pause. This is not to say that you can’t do that, it’s just to say that there will be a lot expected from you. I would want to make sure that you aren’t crowding out whoever you are RPing with and that your characters serve more than just combat purposes. Having interesting individual characters that feel real is what the Alleyverse is all about, and when you have characters joined at the hip like you do, it can be hard to rise up to that standard (again, especially when this is your first time in the Alleyverse).

2) these are both characters that do a lot more than other characters in the same amount of time. One can think much faster than most, which can lead to them making descisions and reactions much faster, and the other can do things faster than others. With these in tandem, I can see it be overwhelming for someone you are RPing with. Additionally, making sure to avoid godmodding, allowing the other characters time to react, is incredibly important for this style of RP. Obviously the characters you will be RPing with will probably have less time to react to your characters’ actions, but you want to make sure that they still have that window.

As for backstory, things are looking pretty good, with my only wonderings being a) how was the team formed, and b) how did your characters join the team.

 

How about this: I will not yet be approving your character, but if it’s alright with you (and when you’re available), we RP a small scene through PMs. It won’t be a substantive scene (something akin to your characters approaching a bounty target), but it will help you get a hang of your RPing style and how that would interact with others. Does that sound like an okay arrangement?

 

 

[Steel Speedster ♂]

@Koloss17

Okay, sounds good!

I do have some experience RPing, including with multiple characters, but admittedly not for anything this organized. As far as time and commitment go, I think I will be okay.

3rd person limited is my norm. I was just planning on separating POVs with a new heading. Will that work?

I also wouldn’t necessarily keep the two of them together all the time, so hopefully that will help. I can also deliberately split them up more often if it makes things run smoother.

I did think of electrum savanthood, but I have no idea what that would do. Admittedly, with the amount he’s burning, he should be at the very least heading in that direction. For simplicity’s sake, I decided not to do that, but I would certainly be willing to hear your ideas and consider it.

As far as concern 1 goes, I’m willing to take on that challenge. We can do a practice scene, and that should probably give me a better feel of whether it will work.

Concern 2 is a fair point as well. I do tend to be very careful about godmodding when I’ve RPed in the past. Physical speed and mental speed are also supposed to be hard to store, so they will have to worry about running out, which should help a bit. And like I said, they won’t always be together.

Good feedback on the backstory as well. I will be thinking about that.

I should have time for a practice scene, so, yeah, we can do that.

Thanks for your help!

[Steel Speedster ♂]

(Hopefully this is an okay instance of double-posting. If not, forgive me.)

Here I’m posting the character I will be using for this era. (The other two I plan to use for the next one.)

@Koloss17

Here is the character for official approval.

Spoiler

Name: Fenna Koss

Appearance: 25-year-old, average height, Scadrian female. Shoulder-length brown hair. Minor scarring on face and arms. Wears a gray sleeveless top and brown trousers. She also has a short cape that is usually pulled tight to her back, but can be released so that it extends but remains attached to her back at the bottom by strings. This is designed to catch air, slowing her fall while storing weight. The cape can easily be reset by pulling a short drawstring, which is secured to her belt. She wears small iron cuffs on her legs with piercings. She carries many vials of pewter, which are all tightly secured to her belt, so they can't be Pulled or Pushed off. She doesn't care if someone tries to use her as an anchor, because she can seriously mess them up if they try.

Affiliations: None.

Personality: Sour demeanor, but makes an effort to be nice to people. She used to be flamboyant and carefree, but is now depressed and sulky, though traces of her old personality may show through at times. Wants to help people, but also has a tendency to ignore the negative way her actions affect other people.

Concept: Pewter savant looking for redemption.

Motivation (Short & long term goal): (Short) obtain a steady supply of pewter to stay alive. Do some good. (Long) Recover from her condition if possible. Make up for her past life.

Merits: (Normal) Skilled in melee combat; Skimmer. (Major) pewter savant (significantly stronger in pewter than a normal Thug.)

Flaws: Pewter savant: can die of fatigue very easily if she runs out of pewter to burn; when not burning pewter, pain and fatigue are enhanced; when burning pewter, she needs to be careful not to push herself too far, or she may die of fatigue; needs a constant supply of pewter and will do pretty much anything to get it. Low self esteem. Her goals (getting pewter to stay alive and helping other people) are often at odds with one another; usually she chooses to get pewter for herself, though this makes her feel guilty.

Relationships (Eg. Family and Friends): Left her family behind long ago. Has a hard time keeping friends.

Home Planet: Scadrial (post-Catacendre).

Current Residence: Apartment in Smokestack.

Backstory: Born on Scadrial (Era 2 time period) as a pewter/iron Twinborn. As a teenager, she constantly got into trouble for minor misdemeanors (and usually got away unpunished.) Later, her antics expanded to larger crimes—like bank robbery. She burned so much pewter that slowly but surely, she headed towards savanthood. Now needing pewter to stay alive, she needed to earn a constant supply of money, for which she committed more and more crimes. Things came to a head when she accidentally killed an innocent person while trying to steal his money. Shortly afterward, she ended up in the Alleyverse. She has been here for some months, and has a decent understanding of what’s going on. She sees this as a new start, since no one knows her and she can leave the life of crime she started for herself and maybe get some redemption. However, she also still needs pewter.

Loose ends (What is unfinished in their life?): Wants to make up for her past life.

 

 

Notes on pewter savantism:

Spoiler

As a disclaimer, this is mostly theorizing on my part, since we don’t have much canonical information about savants, but this is how I will be playing this character.

Fenna is about 3x stronger than normal when burning pewter, and up to 4x when flaring. This is based on a WOB that says that normally pewter makes you 2x stronger and 3x when flaring.

There is also a WOB that says that pewter savants heal faster than normal Thugs, but not as fast as Bloodmakers.

When burning pewter, pain and fatigue are dulled almost completely, making them dangerously easy to ignore.

When not burning pewter, pain and fatigue are enhanced (similar to how a tin savant has all senses dulled without tin.) She is also physically weaker and has less energy, which makes it easier to die of exhaustion. Even everyday exertion can lead to death fairly quickly if she doesn’t have pewter.

 

 

Edited July 7, 2024 by Speeding Steelrunner

[Koloss17 She/They]

3 hours ago, Speeding Steelrunner said:

(Hopefully this is an okay instance of double-posting. If not, forgive me.)

Here I’m posting the character I will be using for this era. (The other two I plan to use for the next one.)

@Koloss17

Here is the character for official approval.

  Hide contents

Name: Fenna Koss

Appearance: 25-year-old, average height, Scadrian female. Shoulder-length brown hair. Minor scarring on face and arms. Wears a gray sleeveless top and brown trousers. She also has a short cape that is usually pulled tight to her back, but can be released so that it extends but remains attached to her back at the bottom by strings. This is designed to catch air, slowing her fall while storing weight. The cape can easily be reset by pulling a short drawstring, which is secured to her belt. She wears small iron cuffs on her legs with piercings. She carries many vials of pewter, which are all tightly secured to her belt, so they can't be Pulled or Pushed off. She doesn't care if someone tries to use her as an anchor, because she can seriously mess them up if they try.

Affiliations: None.

Personality: Sour demeanor, but makes an effort to be nice to people. She used to be flamboyant and carefree, but is now depressed and sulky, though traces of her old personality may show through at times. Wants to help people, but also has a tendency to ignore the negative way her actions affect other people.

Concept: Pewter savant looking for redemption.

Motivation (Short & long term goal): (Short) obtain a steady supply of pewter to stay alive. Do some good. (Long) Recover from her condition if possible. Make up for her past life.

Merits: (Normal) Skilled in melee combat; Skimmer. (Major) pewter savant (significantly stronger in pewter than a normal Thug.)

Flaws: Pewter savant: can die of fatigue very easily if she runs out of pewter to burn; when not burning pewter, pain and fatigue are enhanced; when burning pewter, she needs to be careful not to push herself too far, or she may die of fatigue; needs a constant supply of pewter and will do pretty much anything to get it. Low self esteem. Her goals (getting pewter to stay alive and helping other people) are often at odds with one another; usually she chooses to get pewter for herself, though this makes her feel guilty.

Relationships (Eg. Family and Friends): Left her family behind long ago. Has a hard time keeping friends.

Home Planet: Scadrial (post-Catacendre).

Current Residence: Apartment in Smokestack.

Backstory: Born on Scadrial (Era 2 time period) as a pewter/iron Twinborn. As a teenager, she constantly got into trouble for minor misdemeanors (and usually got away unpunished.) Later, her antics expanded to larger crimes—like bank robbery. She burned so much pewter that slowly but surely, she headed towards savanthood. Now needing pewter to stay alive, she needed to earn a constant supply of money, for which she committed more and more crimes. Things came to a head when she accidentally killed an innocent person while trying to steal his money. Shortly afterward, she ended up in the Alleyverse. She has been here for some months, and has a decent understanding of what’s going on. She sees this as a new start, since no one knows her and she can leave the life of crime she started for herself and maybe get some redemption. However, she also still needs pewter.

Loose ends (What is unfinished in their life?): Wants to make up for her past life.

 

This is looking pretty solid. My only wondering is how your character would get wrapped into the plot. Was it imagined that your character is the somewhat heroic type?

[Steel Speedster ♂]

@Koloss17

I would say there are two main ways she could be motivated to get involved.

First, the more noble side of herself could lead her to helping someone she meets, especially if they put her in their debt.

Second, anyone who could give her a steady supply of pewter could pretty easily get her to do what they want. If she gets on the wrong side of the law (again) she might also be persuaded to ally with someone for protection.

Edited July 6, 2024 by Speeding Steelrunner

[Koloss17 She/They]

35 minutes ago, Speeding Steelrunner said:

@Koloss17

I would say there are two main ways she could be motivated to get involved.

First, the more noble side of herself could lead her to helping someone she meets, especially if they put her in their debt.

Second, anyone who could give her a steady supply of pewter could pretty easily get her to do what they want. If she gets on the wrong side of the law (again) she might also be persuaded to ally with someone for protection.

Well, so long as you think your character could reasonably get involved in the plot, your character is approved!

[Longshot97 he/him]

Alright. In the interest of future plans, I am officially submitting this character for review.

Quote

Name
Elmina Smedry

Appearance
Roughly 5’6, of average weight and build, with red hair and hazel eyes. Wore a Free Kingdomer tunic, trousers, and skirt as her “escape outfit.” Since then, she has been outfitted in Eelakin linens and leathers. Often can be seen with pink-tinted Oculator’s Lenses. Still bears some jewelry she has yet to sell, though finally got smart enough to conceal most of it. She has one ring which she doesn't wear, but keeps on a chain around her neck. This is a matched piece to her husband's ring. Walks with a very slight limp.

Affiliations
Elmina was associated with the Nalhallen court, though voluntarily distances herself. If she so chose, she would be welcomed back (with varying degrees of warmth), but currently avoids the Free Kingdoms and any residents.
The Eelakin people as a whole grew distrusting of Elmina (following the disappearance of Eighth). However, Eighth’s family still adores her, and sheltered her for a time before she departed in search of Eighth.

Personality
Elmina Smedry is a brash, rebellious personality. Having been raised among royalty, there is a level of arrogance. She tends to want to help those beneath her, which she sometimes assumes to mean all people. She chafes at the thought of anyone being above her in authority, and though she has gotten better, she still struggles in this. Elmina is very poor at disguising how she feels, despite her time in politics. She very much dislikes the idea of nobility and ruling classes, preferring people who try to help the masses more honestly.

Concept
A noblewoman-turned-altruist.

Motivation 
Long-Term
- Wants to uplift the downtrodden
Short-Term
- Trying to rescue her husband, wherever he is

Merits
Major
 - Oculator
    - Concussor's Lens*
    - Disguiser's Lenses
    - Oculator's Lenses
    - Tracker's Lenses
    - Translator's Lens
    - Warrior's Lenses
    - Windstormer's Lenses

Normal
 - Aviar-granted empathy (she can read people really well, emotionally speaking)
 - Smedry talent (daydreaming - worldhopping, temporary conjuration, communication, observation)

Minor
 - Noble education and upbringing
 - Glassweave tunic (slightly beaten-up, enough that she wears a jacket over it)
 - Social competency

Flaws
 - Issues with authority
 - Terrible at disguising emotion
 - Sometimes haughty and arrogant
 - Very unpracticed at combat. Can barely use Warrior's Lenses
 - Not quite gullible, but naive

Relationships
Eighth of the Eve - Husband
 - In my head, their marriage may have initially begun as superficial attraction, but evolved into more meaningful connection
 - Since she's a Smedry, she has the authority to legally consecrate marriages, so...for those confused, that's why Eighth has (had) a Smedry Talent.
 - Feels guilt for not realizing the consequences of marrying (i.e, the Talent)
Fourth of the Fall - Niece
 - Grew relatively close to the girl
 - Confused why her and Eighth stayed so far apart
Asylum Smedry - None currently, might change with RP.
 - Asylum is not an Oculator, so if they were related, they would be cousins, or perhaps an aunt-nephew/uncle-niece dynamic.
 - Of note, Eighth still keeps the ring Elmina gave him on a cord around his neck…a very recognizable ring...
Mirru - Aviar
 - Gifted to her by Eighth some time into their courtship
 - Colored like the rightmost bird here.
 - Pronounced something like "Me-ROO"
 - In absence of veterinary tests, Mirru is presumed male
 - Behaves a bit more expressively than Seiju.

 - Mirru grants the ability of preternatural empathy. A trapper would have used this to gauge the state of wild beasts, making decisions based off that. Elmina still has that option, but has found greater success in interpreting the emotions of humans to serve her needs.

Home Planet
Elmina Smedry hails from the Free Kingdoms of Alcatraz-Earth, where she is the result of the unification of the Dartmoors and the Smedrys (though she favors her Dartmoor side).

Current Residence
She stays at the Bindpoint, because it reminds her of home. She does not, however, have enough money to remain there much longer. She stays at a nonspecific upscale hotel. (Side point: I realized while making this character that there is no Free Kingdom/Alcatraz district).

Backstory
Elmina Smedry was born some time after the events of Bastille vs. The Evil Librarians. She is a later descendant of Alcatraz and Bastille, though not the heir apparent of the Dartmoor crown. She is close, though.

At a young age, Elmina felt smothered by the court, simultaneously hating the restrictions on her life and how little she herself could do. The fact that Nalhalla was virtually a paradise did not help matters. She wanted to make a difference in the world. She wanted to be a noble who could truly help those in need. 

This led to Elmina growing with few good feelings towards the Nalhallen court. It did not help matters that she was one of, if not the most eligible bachelorette of the Free Kingdoms. Partly out of disgust for the court, and partly out of spite, Elmina refused to marry.

This went on under the disapproving eyes of her parents, who were embarrassed at their daughter’s behavior. After years of preventing her from selling priceless heirlooms to fund distant orphanages, catching her mingling with the peasantry, dragging her back to the castle, and much more, they had finally had enough. On her twenty-third year, they demanded she marry, for the good of the crown. Rather than confronting and selecting from a choice of suitors, Elmina ran off. 

Her parents were not altogether surprised. Elmina led the court on a merry chase through the Five Kingdoms. She had little concrete experience in living away from court, and so it was not terribly difficult to follow her. It became a bit of a game, lasting a full month, ending somewhere on the northern tip of Dino Land. At this point, Elmina had nowhere left to go. And so—in a last-ditch effort—Elmina jumped off the continent to the ocean below, engaging her Talent with all her might.

She awoke midair, some two hundred feet above what appeared to be the Mokian Isles. Thankfully, she had appeared above a landmass, and just managed to use a pair of Windstormer’s Lenses to slow her fall, escaping with only a broken leg.

She was unpleasantly surprised to be swept up by a net the minute she landed. She hadn’t even done anything. She’d seen a colorful feather, and thinking nothing of it, plucked it from a nearby tree. She couldn’t reach her lenses, and her Talent was exhausted. She was trapped.

Hours after she had given up calling for help, a strange man appeared from the jungle. He had vaguely Mokian features, if taller and more slender than any Mokian she had ever seen. He was actually wearing pants, strangely enough. In fact, all his clothes were odd. Two brightly colored birds followed him through the trees.

She sighed, resigned to her fate. Her parents had made sure every Free Kingdomer knew her face. Further, her Lenses gave her away as an Oculator. One last time, she tried to daydream, but her Talent was still recovering. She was caught.

And why was that Mokian staring like he’d never seen a Nalhallen before?

It didn’t take long after he’d let her down for her to try running away. Each time, she nearly ran into some horrible danger. Quicksand. Strangling vines. Poisonous flowers. A horde of fanged rats. A sleeping predator almost like a Gak, but horribly wrong. Each time, that strange Mokian was there to pull her to safety.

It didn’t take long for Elmina to realize that she wasn’t in Mokia. Or any other Free Kingdom. Or even on Earth. Her tutors had spoken of this, she vaguely remembered. Of other worlds created by some far-off deity her ancestor had once declared a potted plant. 

It didn’t take much longer for her to fall in love with that man, either. The details were unimportant. She was free. Her parents would never find her here, on a planet that saw the stars as only stars. She was free to do what she wished, help all who needed it. There was no possible way that every world was as perfect as the Free Kingdoms.

Looking back, she should have kept her head. She had acted like a child, with no thought of consequences. But that old life of hers had seemed so distant, and she hadn’t known…

She still remembers the moment she put that ring on his finger. When the air had rippled, warped, and he had vanished, her hands still cupped as though to hold his. When she realized just what she had done.

She left First of the Sun as soon as she could. The people had begun muttering about her, though Eighth’s parents were sad to see her go. They had seemed so approving of the two of them. She explained as much as she could, strode to the cliff where the two had stood, and jumped once more to the ocean below. And engaged her Talent.

Months followed, with her never quite able to catch Eighth. The worlds she saw fascinated her. Yet she could never stay too long. At times the two saw each other, before events forced them apart. Once, she even saw him vanish into thin air, to awaken who knew where.

Eventually, Elmina landed in Alleycity, at the Bindpoint. Her Talent was exhausted again, having only barely rescued her from a full-blown shootout in a strange world where people flew through the air and jewelry seemed to grant powers. In the months since then, she’s tried to use her Talent, but something was wrong with it. She was stuck.

Loose Ends 
Elmina likes to pretend that she’s fine with abandoning everyone in her family…but she’s not =)
Still trying to locate Eighth
Wondering what happened to her Talent

Uh, her Talent isn't really a factor anymore in Alleycity. She thinks she can just barely feel it, but cannot use it at all. So really, just one Normal Merit. So far, all she's been trying to do is find Eighth of the Eve, through Tracker's Lenses or otherwise. Unlike Eighth, she doesn't keep a collection of trinkets from her travels.

Edited August 15, 2024 by Longshot97

[Koloss17 She/They]

4 hours ago, Longshot97 said:

Alright. In the interest of future plans, I am officially submitting this character for review.

Uh, her Talent isn't really a factor anymore in Alleycity. She thinks she can just barely feel it, but cannot use it at all. So really, just one Normal Merit. So far, all she's been trying to do is find Eighth of the Eve, through Tracker's Lenses or otherwise. Unlike Eighth, she doesn't keep a collection of trinkets from her travels.

Honestly with your clear aptitude for worldbuilding and storytelling, I’m trusting pretty much whatever you make. Just make sure not to abuse that . This seems powerful, but balanced. Approved!

[Longshot97 he/him]

On 7/30/2024 at 9:47 PM, Koloss17 said:

Honestly with your clear aptitude for worldbuilding and storytelling, I’m trusting pretty much whatever you make. Just make sure not to abuse that . This seems powerful, but balanced. Approved!

Thanks! I appreciate that

Yeah, in hindsight, Oculators are absurdly powerful. Like, Mistborn levels of versatility. I might make Elmina lose her Concussor's Lenses early into roleplay - they're her strongest offensive ability. That might help mitigate her power level, at least on a combative scale.

Quote

I know that the current plot involves an Inquisitor character, so I would be fine if that was worked into this, or if it was entirely separate. It's really what everyone else would like better. I'm open to any ideas. @Speeding Steelrunner

If you're still interested in aligning this with other backstories, I believe Lunamor's character had a run-in with a Hemalurgist some time ago. Obviously it's up to them, but if you're curious, check out their "Stolen Beginnings" thread. That could help inform a decision.

Edited August 13, 2024 by Longshot97

[UltimateArchivist He/Him]

Hello, I would like to join the Alleyverse. I have created a character, but I do not know where to submit it for review. In addition, I don't wish to play in the current era, but I simply wish to have a character to return to when I return from my hiatus. Can anyone help me?

@Koloss17 I figured I should probably ask you directly, as you are a mod on the Alleyverse.

Edited August 20, 2024 by UltimateArchivist

[Koloss17 She/They]

1 hour ago, UltimateArchivist said:

Hello, I would like to join the Alleyverse. I have created a character, but I do not know where to submit it for review. In addition, I don't wish to play in the current era, but I simply wish to have a character to return to when I return from my hiatus. Can anyone help me?

@Koloss17 I figured I should probably ask you directly, as you are a mod on the Alleyverse.

This would be the place to submit it! And don’t worry, you can come back to it. Once it’s approved, it’ll only need to be re-approved if you want to make significant character changes.

[UltimateArchivist He/Him]

Spoiler

Name: Archibald Artaxerxes
Appearance: A tall, bearded, white haired male wielding a notably sleek and beautiful staff, topped with a bright, faceted emerald. He is sixty three years old, but still hale and capable, if not rather thin. He wears voluminous gray robes embellished with swirling blue patterns, and the pointed, conical, wide brimmed hat typical of a wizard. Archibald has pale skin, as he has lived indoors for many years, and his hair is pure white. His beard is long and stretches down to his waist, and his staff is made from a silver metal.
Affiliations: The Ire, the Elantrians before the Reod, and the University in the Scholar’s Court.
Personality: Archibald has lived in seclusion for the past twenty years of his life. He has little knowledge of any social hierarchy and seeks only to spread his knowledge. He could be considered unkempt because he ignores his appearance to an extent as he considers his other work far more valuable. He can be oblivious in conversations and is usually very cheerful, but his concept of right, wrong, and justice is very strong, and his rage is great and terrible. Archibald has devoted his life to gathering as much knowledge and magical skill as he can, and therefore is very passionate about his craft. He loves to share his knowledge and discoveries, even when the situation is not appropriate.
Concept: A powerful, if not absentminded “wizard” with large understanding but little practice. 
Motivation (Short & long term goal): Eventually, by merit of study and mastery over investiture, all knowledge in the Cosmere and whatever lies beyond. As for today, he is seeking out the next repository of knowledge through which to continue his long study.
Merits: Major merit: A desire and defense of knowledge and justice that swallows up all else. The hunger for Archibald to know everything and judge accurately is his motivation and his trial. All of his inspiration comes from this. Normal Merits: Firstly, Elantrian abilities. He has access to his staff, which carries a portable connection to the Dor, allowing whichever person wielding it to practice AonDor away from Sel, even if they are not an Elantrian. However, it does have a limit to the amount of Dor it can draw, and therefore must recharge after casting Aons.Though he was raised by Elantrians, he was not taught many Aons for casting, so his powers are much further behind an average Elantrian’s. He has focused most often on teleportation, shielding, and healing, with minor combat abilities. Second is the enormous amount that Archibald knows. His knowledge stretches from nearly any topic you can think of, both magical, Cosmere, and mundane. He does not know everything, but on matters of simple knowledge and wisdom and common sense, he is very knowledgeable. Minor Merits: Archibald has beautiful handwriting, excellent memory, and well conditioned legs from running away.
Flaws: Archibald suffers from critical distraction. He very often gets distracted trying to study something utterly insignificant but minorly interesting. He also has a latent fear of fighting despite his Elantrian Staff, as that was how his parents died.
Relationships (Eg. Family and Friends): No family, few friends. An apprentice long ago that betrayed him. His parents were killed by Teoish Pirates. He was in love, once, long ago with a woman that quested with him, but she would never tell him her name, and he has not seen her for twenty years.
Home Planet: Archibald is from Sel, and is Arelish.
Current Residence: He can most often be found in his professor’s office and study at the University.
Backstory: When Archibald’s parents were killed battling Teoish pirates, Archibald was taken captive by them. He was a slave for three months when the pirates sold him to the Elantrians, who took him on as a page. As a young Arelish, he was taught some Aons, but what intrigued him most were the books. However, one day, when reaching deep into a shelf to withdraw its knowledge, the book vanished. He realized it had fallen into a small portal, which was actually an Alleyway. Indeed, many hundreds of the Elantrian’s books were being taken over time by these errant Alleyways. As a champion of knowledge, Archibald vowed to get them back, even though he had no special abilities. He traveled the Alleys, braved many perils, and grew in his non-magic abilities. He found not just the Elantrian books, but hundreds of others as well, which he read and learned many things about the Cosmere itself. He chose to forsake his Aonic name and exchanged it for names he found in the books he read. He found his staff when it fell from the pack of a mysterious peddler that passed through, and then learned it could grant him powers similar to an Elantrian.
From then on, he traveled all over Sel and the Cosmere, learning more about his Aons over his lifetime. He taught many people and was considered a mysterious figure on Sel, as he could randomly appear and disappear by traversing the Alleys. Finally, after his apprentice betrayed him and the woman he loved left, he returned to the Alleys.  Then, for twenty years, he read every book he had ever collected until he was unsatisfied with the pace of his learning. There, he traveled deeper into the Alleys until he found the exit. He emerged into Alley City, where he immediately fell in love with the Scholar’s Court. He is now a professor of Atomic Theory, Navigation, and Calligraphy at the University
Loose ends; The woman he loves has vanished, but he is sure she is still alive. His rebellious and usurpationist apprentice is still out there, training to finally defeat his master. And finally, though Archibald is discovering many new things from all the books in the Scholar’s Court, he still has yet to find the ideal learning environment to learn everything. He is eager to help bring justice and order to the Alleyverse, along with a bit of knowledge and light.

Submission for character review.

[Koloss17 She/They]

1 hour ago, UltimateArchivist said:

  Hide contents

Name: Archibald Artaxerxes
Appearance: A tall, bearded, white haired male wielding a notably sleek and beautiful staff, topped with a bright, faceted emerald. He is sixty three years old, but still hale and capable, if not rather thin. He wears voluminous gray robes embellished with swirling blue patterns, and the pointed, conical, wide brimmed hat typical of a wizard. Archibald has pale skin, as he has lived indoors for many years, and his hair is pure white. His beard is long and stretches down to his waist, and his staff is made from a silver metal.
Affiliations: The Ire, the Elantrians before the Reod, and the University in the Scholar’s Court.
Personality: Archibald has lived in seclusion for the past twenty years of his life. He has little knowledge of any social hierarchy and seeks only to spread his knowledge. He could be considered unkempt because he ignores his appearance to an extent as he considers his other work far more valuable. He can be oblivious in conversations and is usually very cheerful, but his concept of right, wrong, and justice is very strong, and his rage is great and terrible. Archibald has devoted his life to gathering as much knowledge and magical skill as he can, and therefore is very passionate about his craft. He loves to share his knowledge and discoveries, even when the situation is not appropriate.
Concept: A powerful, if not absentminded “wizard” with large understanding but little practice. 
Motivation (Short & long term goal): Eventually, by merit of study and mastery over investiture, all knowledge in the Cosmere and whatever lies beyond. As for today, he is seeking out the next repository of knowledge through which to continue his long study.
Merits: Major merit: A desire and defense of knowledge and justice that swallows up all else. The hunger for Archibald to know everything and judge accurately is his motivation and his trial. All of his inspiration comes from this. Normal Merits: Firstly, Elantrian abilities. He has access to his staff, which carries a portable connection to the Dor, allowing whichever person wielding it to practice AonDor away from Sel, even if they are not an Elantrian. However, it does have a limit to the amount of Dor it can draw, and therefore must recharge after casting Aons.Though he was raised by Elantrians, he was not taught many Aons for casting, so his powers are much further behind an average Elantrian’s. He has focused most often on teleportation, shielding, and healing, with minor combat abilities. Second is the enormous amount that Archibald knows. His knowledge stretches from nearly any topic you can think of, both magical, Cosmere, and mundane. He does not know everything, but on matters of simple knowledge and wisdom and common sense, he is very knowledgeable. Minor Merits: Archibald has beautiful handwriting, excellent memory, and well conditioned legs from running away.
Flaws: Archibald suffers from critical distraction. He very often gets distracted trying to study something utterly insignificant but minorly interesting. He also has a latent fear of fighting despite his Elantrian Staff, as that was how his parents died.
Relationships (Eg. Family and Friends): No family, few friends. An apprentice long ago that betrayed him. His parents were killed by Teoish Pirates. He was in love, once, long ago with a woman that quested with him, but she would never tell him her name, and he has not seen her for twenty years.
Home Planet: Archibald is from Sel, and is Arelish.
Current Residence: He can most often be found in his professor’s office and study at the University.
Backstory: When Archibald’s parents were killed battling Teoish pirates, Archibald was taken captive by them. He was a slave for three months when the pirates sold him to the Elantrians, who took him on as a page. As a young Arelish, he was taught some Aons, but what intrigued him most were the books. However, one day, when reaching deep into a shelf to withdraw its knowledge, the book vanished. He realized it had fallen into a small portal, which was actually an Alleyway. Indeed, many hundreds of the Elantrian’s books were being taken over time by these errant Alleyways. As a champion of knowledge, Archibald vowed to get them back, even though he had no special abilities. He traveled the Alleys, braved many perils, and grew in his non-magic abilities. He found not just the Elantrian books, but hundreds of others as well, which he read and learned many things about the Cosmere itself. He chose to forsake his Aonic name and exchanged it for names he found in the books he read. He found his staff when it fell from the pack of a mysterious peddler that passed through, and then learned it could grant him powers similar to an Elantrian.
From then on, he traveled all over Sel and the Cosmere, learning more about his Aons over his lifetime. He taught many people and was considered a mysterious figure on Sel, as he could randomly appear and disappear by traversing the Alleys. Finally, after his apprentice betrayed him and the woman he loved left, he returned to the Alleys.  Then, for twenty years, he read every book he had ever collected until he was unsatisfied with the pace of his learning. There, he traveled deeper into the Alleys until he found the exit. He emerged into Alley City, where he immediately fell in love with the Scholar’s Court. He is now a professor of Atomic Theory, Navigation, and Calligraphy at the University
Loose ends; The woman he loves has vanished, but he is sure she is still alive. His rebellious and usurpationist apprentice is still out there, training to finally defeat his master. And finally, though Archibald is discovering many new things from all the books in the Scholar’s Court, he still has yet to find the ideal learning environment to learn everything. He is eager to help bring justice and order to the Alleyverse, along with a bit of knowledge and light.

Submission for character review.

It overall looks quite good! Approved (with a slight asterisk).
 

I will reiterate that the Alleys themselves are extraordinarily dangerous, though it seems plausible that your character just got very lucky the first time around. But being able to safely traverse the Alleys without some sort of cognitive fortification, magical intervention, or a guide is not going to happen.

Given the both interplanar and inter timestream nature of the Alleyverse, the likelihood that your character would be able to get back to their time without a guide is incredibly unlikely. Getting back to the Cosmere, and even maybe to Sel is possible, but you would need an expert to get riot back to the same world, place, and time. Those types of people do exist, but would need to be sought out.

Most folks slip in and out of the Alleys as a momentary blip before immediately winding up on Alleyplanet. If you would like to include a part of your journey where Archibald apprenticed under a guide to the Alleys or otherwise learned how to traverse it safely, that could be an option. Also just changing whatever happened in the Alleys to happen in Alleycity could also be an easy fix.

So the character itself is approved, but the backstory needs some work.

[UltimateArchivist He/Him]

47 minutes ago, Koloss17 said:

So the character itself is approved, but the backstory needs some work.

Very well then. Again, I misunderstood the very nature of the Alleys. However, I will not encumber you further with my incessant requests. I can modulate the backstory anyway, and plan to do so when I implement my character into the current era at the time of my return so he may fit more easily into the present storyline. Thank you for your assistance!

[Through the Living Shadow he/him]

Spoiler

Name: Teon Asheol (Graceful Death in Aon...)
Appearance: Dula Elantrian, Single scar, one on his hand. Has a generally reserved air. 
Affiliations: None (yet...)
Personality: Like before, is generally reserved. Interacts well with people, and takes pity on those going through hardships. Has a ruthless streak, though. Brave.
Concept: Uneducated Elantrian
Motivation (Short & long term goal): Wishes to join the scholar's guild, but they won't accept him because of the fact that he isn't educated at all. Because of this he starts to seek backdoor ways to study AonDor. The reason of this is he wishes to learn aons, this is his long term goal. 
Merits: MiM: 1) Teon can interact well with people, 2) is good at taking notes (uses his own system, though), 3) and is perceptive of if someone should be trusted. NM: 1) Keeps a journal. Likes to record things, and his opinion of people, whether or not to trust them, 2) Knows Aon Ene MaM: Is an Elantrian. Knows the Aon Kii, but not much more.
Flaws: Is traumatized by the fall of Duladel and battles in Arelon. Does not know many Aons, and doesn't have any real way to learn them. Is young, living in the streets, basically an urchin. (This is another reason why it is hard for him to learn Aons)
Relationships (Eg. Family and Friends): Was cut away from family when came to Alley.
Home Planet: Dula, Sel
Current Residence: Lives in the streets of the Mistwarrens, no home.
Backstory: Grew up in Duladel, until the city fell. Ran to Arelon with his family when he was 17, then was scarred in the battle in Arelon. The morning after, he became Elantrian and fell into momentarily into the Alleys and then the Alleyplanet. Is now 18. Man who took pity on him gave him shelter for a while, when he was in shock. He never gave the man a name. Eventually, the man couldn't take care of him anymore, so he had to send him into the streets, which is when he got the name Teon Asheol. He saw an elantrian use Aon Kii (on one of his fellow urchins) and Ene. Spends most of the money he can scrounge up on notebooks. Gets this money by doing various (extremely low level) jobs for various gangs.
Loose ends (What is unfinished in their life?): Wants to find family (but won't), and wants to learn AonDor.

Character! @Koloss17

Edited September 28, 2024 by SpiritOfWrath

[Koloss17 She/They]

23 hours ago, SpiritOfWrath said:

  Hide contents

Name: Teon Asheol (Graceful Death in Aon...)
Appearance: Dula Elantrian, Single scar, one on his hand. Has a generally reserved air. 
Affiliations: None (yet...)
Personality: Like before, is generally reserved. Interacts well with people, and takes pity on those going through hardships. Has a ruthless streak, though. Brave.
Concept: Uneducated Elantrian
Motivation (Short & long term goal): Wishes to join the scholar's guild, but they won't accept him because of the fact that he isn't educated at all. Because of this he starts to seek backdoor ways to study AonDor. The reason of this is he wishes to learn aons, this is his long term goal. 
Merits: MiM: 1) Teon can interact well with people, 2) is good at taking notes (uses his own system, though), 3) and is perceptive of if someone should be trusted. NM: 1) Keeps a journal. Likes to record things, and his opinion of people, whether or not to trust them, 2) Knows Aon Ene MaM: Is an Elantrian. Knows the Aon Kii, but not much more.
Flaws: Is traumatized by the fall of Duladel and battles in Arelon. Does not know many Aons, and doesn't have any real way to learn them. Is young, living in the streets, basically an urchin. (This is another reason why it is hard for him to learn Aons)
Relationships (Eg. Family and Friends): Was cut away from family when came to Alley.
Home Planet: Dula, Sel
Current Residence: Lives in the streets of the Mistwarrens, no home.
Backstory: Grew up in Duladel, until the city fell. Ran to Arelon with his family when he was 17, then was scarred in the battle in Arelon. The morning after, he became Elantrian and fell into momentarily into the Alleys and then the Alleyplanet. Is now 18. Man who took pity on him gave him shelter for a while, when he was in shock. He never gave the man a name. Eventually, the man couldn't take care of him anymore, so he had to send him into the streets, which is when he got the name Teon Asheol. He saw an elantrian use Aon Kii (on one of his fellow urchins) and Ene. Spends most of the money he can scrounge up on notebooks. Gets this money by doing various (extremely low level) jobs for various gangs.
Loose ends (What is unfinished in their life?): Wants to find family (but won't), and wants to learn AonDor.

Character! @Koloss17

Few wonderings:

1) how did the character get to the Alleyverse? Did he accidentally slip into an alley? Did he come here intentionally?

2)What motivates your character? Sure, he wants to learn how to use his magic, but why? What does he want to do with that magic?

3) what did he do to keep himself alive on the streets? What skills did he develop there?

We’re nearing the end of this Era, which is kind of a double edged sword. It means that you will have a perfect opportunity to start with a brand new Era, but it also means that it would likely be best if you waited a bit to actually get started. 
 

The main plot, though your character doesn’t have to tie into that, will be about a power struggle against an up and coming anti-investiture organization, which I’m sure @Stormlightsong will soon be elaborating on. If you want to think of how your character could fit into that, that might help flesh out your character. Thus far it looks like a solid foundation, but needs a little something extra to make the character feel truly alive.

[Through the Living Shadow he/him]

1 minute ago, Koloss17 said:

Few wonderings:

1) how did the character get to the Alleyverse? Did he accidentally slip into an alley? Did he come here intentionally?

2)What motivates your character? Sure, he wants to learn how to use his magic, but why? What does he want to do with that magic?

3) what did he do to keep himself alive on the streets? What skills did he develop there?

We’re nearing the end of this Era, which is kind of a double edged sword. It means that you will have a perfect opportunity to start with a brand new Era, but it also means that it would likely be best if you waited a bit to actually get started. 
 

The main plot, though your character doesn’t have to tie into that, will be about a power struggle against an up and coming anti-investiture organization, which I’m sure @Stormlightsong will soon be elaborating on. If you want to think of how your character could fit into that, that might help flesh out your character. Thus far it looks like a solid foundation, but needs a little something extra to make the character feel truly alive.

Thanks! These are great critiques, and I do think the plot of the upcoming era could help with my character. I’ll make some changes, but will wait to post them until the new era.

[Koloss17 She/They]

1 hour ago, SpiritOfWrath said:

Thanks! These are great critiques, and I do think the plot of the upcoming era could help with my character. I’ll make some changes, but will wait to post them until the new era.

Sounds good! I’ll post a new character thread once this episode finishes and while the era epilogues are going on.

Edited September 29, 2024 by Koloss17

[ruler of the mists He/His/the survivor of the pit]

Name:Elend barclay ,MaiPon name Zhong li                     
Appearance: A brief description of your characters.he is 5,8 real life height(still growing),has brown eyes,Brown skin and is 15 years old.He has not yet snapped and has pottential to be a Misting or mistborn,he has Black hair.He wear clothing from the rose Empire,specifficly from MaiPon.
Affiliations: He has affiliation to the MaiPon forgers(doesnt know it but is the heir to the fallen house of Barcley).
Personality: he is a Theif and acts with what ever personality that is required for the Job,he loves the thrill of an heist and hates the evil nobles who brought down house Barcley.
Concept:he Is a criminal Mastermind and an great forger. 
Motivation: Short term: want to find a master that can teach him how to create better forgerys
 Long term: return to scadrial and defeat the evil Nobels and restore house barcley

Merits:  minor merits: he is learning how to fight with the spear,he plays the flute,he is a                       good buisness man.
normal merits:he is a good theif,he is really smart
major merits: he is a forger

Flaws: he hates all scadrian nobility.he speaks to much.
Relationships he is adopted by the MaiPon forgers but is related to house barcly of scadrial.
he hates the nobles who destroyed house barcley
Home Planet: He comes from Scadrial but got sucked into a wormhole and was found in MaiPon,he lived there most of his life.
Current Residence: he lives in the m Culdron.He makes money by stealing from people and selling his frogeries.he wander dominion trying to find a suitable teacher in the art of forgery
Backstory: he was part of the noble house Barcley from scadrial,he lived in Elendel until he was 5 when he witnessed the murder of his parents by an mistborn.he hid in an closet so he didnt get assasinated too.later when he woke up in the morning he was in a strange land that was MaiPon,there he learned forgery and theivery.he wants to find a teacher who can make him the best forger in history,better than Wan Shai Lu.
Loose ends he did not exact revenge from the noble house that killed his parents,he is not yet the greatest forger of all time.
Links aboslute silence