Usseewa

maybe its not doing what i think i should (and think i want) to. maybe input too much pressure on myself sometimes. idk and the shard is practically the only time i interact with ppl (like, actually interact. not sitting through a lecture or something.) for psych i was honestly interested in it but still i hate the concept of having a limited life and maybe not being able to do everything u want to. a decent amount of my depressed times stem from pondering death/life. ive gone to bed several times feeling depressed or maybe even crying idk cuz that. luckily not right now. i like the shard but've been taught to see basically any form of social media as bad and wasteful. but what if its the only way i get human interaction? (aside from family. which then decreases as i spend more time online...) and once in a while i get sick (not physically) from online yah

I don't like it too much but it's on my playlist but anyway I was surprised when I opened Netflix cuz: I saw this

I never took psych cuz it'd probably give me horrible anxiety. Femboy is like...feminine boy? Or wtvr? I'm not confident in my voice. I hate it and avoid speaking sometimes. Also I doubt it sounds at all feminine. It probably sounds like- I guess... But what about days and weeks and months? Anyways ima go workoutandshowerandthenreadthatstupidreadingthing

?

tEssEract

(edit: I'm Lily, btw. I just changed my pfp and username.) Since it's been like a day... Does anyone kinda feel like they "wasted" their childhood? Like they didn't do everything they could've? I mean I barely had any friends. I didn't really do sports (except once). I think I had a friend over once...idk. Idk...I guess..., do ppl even do things during their childhood? Maybe not. Hopefully I'm not wasting my life rn. I still got that feeling though. I say "got" because it was recent (past few months), but I don't necessarily feel it now. Like I should be doing stuff, but instead I...don't. And then the days go by. Yet another day, little-to-nothing accomplished. Not doing any of the goals I wanted to. Procrastinating. Being here on the forum when no one else is. And when was the last time I read? I haven't read in...weeks. At least not more than a chapter. I mean, I wasn't feeling depressed. But maybe I am now? Or I'm just using this as a journal/vent? When am I gonna do stuff? Maybe soon. And (school)work... Why. And why are the weeks so long? How is it only Wednesday? And then I waste my precious time trying to beat a highscore. At least I did something today. But only because I had to. And I have another thing to do, which I should instead of writing this. Also I feel like I'm just making myself depressed. I probably am. Or at least anxious. Or something. I need things to do in my free time/procrastination time aside from 17S. Ughh. It's not like I can tonight though, for I gotta read something... At least I got another outfit compliment today. That was nice. Maybe I just need a little time to get adjusted. Oh Almighty, I am not looking forward to a certain thing(s)... I have ideas—great ones, in my opinion—but am not acting on them. I was. Before. Ugh. At least I have the Shard. You guys are awesome. I hope. Hopefully I'm awesome too.. I also talked to some people a little today. That was cool. I felt kinda comfortable around them. I've hoped people would, like, say "wrong bathroom" when I walk into the.........men's room......but they don't. And probably wouldn't. Yeah. What am I? Like..yeah. Idk if this is even suited for this thread but wtvr.. Also I hate my voice. If anyone actually thinks I'm a woman, and then I speak, what will they think? Anyway I'ma get to work I guess. See you in like an hour or two or three or less if I break. Edit: clearly that didn't last. Since I still feel feelings and can't focus that much, I'll add new thoughts-thought to this. If I can remember them... Oh yeah So, I want to feel emotions—strong ones. I guess I'm just choosing the wrong ones (anger, anxiety, depression, etc.) Though I was feeling, like, extra-happy in the past few days, but now I'm exhibiting signs of anxiety. I want to like be emotional and stuff? Anyway maybe Ado is having a bad influence on me. @Aeoryi pls

Decimate

Knack

Syl?

Not optimistic that it'll happen or be good? Or both?

Nice! Let's hope it turns out good (if they do it)

Nightblood

Latent

yEahhh. PrEtty much all of thE following wErE inspirEd by Ado (thE singEr), or J-Pop in gEnEral. MUSICCCC; HopEfully "UssEEwa" isn't too...you know. Also UssEEwa is the title of an Ado song, btw. DANCE Happy am I for once. I want to dance—move. I bob to the beat—that wonderful beat. I feel better than I have in days—weeks—months—years? I am in one of those rare moments of light—moments less-rare? How do I express this? Release this? Do I contain it? I CAN’T! No one gets it, save me. No one feels this, save me. No one—no one I’m aware of. So I write this, hoping to channel it all. I want to write more. I want to do more. Calm. Build up. I feel it again. It never left—it just subsided. What are these words I write—these words I write blindly? Need more. NEED ALL. GAHHHH People Who needs others? Just me. Self, inner. Me and my earbuds. Usseewa! I’m sitting in my chair, Typing, thinking, doing. Then you speak, shatteringly. Anger rises, frustration peaks. You persist, growing louder. Your stupid ear-damaging voice pierces my skull. Your sharp clangs and words make me wish I lived alone. Your infuriating innocence makes me ponder maxing the volume. It would hurt less. Instead, I persist. And so do you. SHUT UP! I break—much quicker than I’d admit. I snap—like a stick; Bent bent bent snap! The sounds played at my ears mix with the cacophony erupting from your face-hole. SHUT UP! You continue, of course. I feel my blood boil. You won’t stop. SHUT UP!!! WHY. WON’T. YOU. JUST. STOP. TALKING! SILENCE. YOUR.SELF! DON’T. SPEAK. AGAIN! I. DON’T. WANT. TO. HEAR. IT! so, SHUT. UP!!!! , begs I. sNORe;gLAZEd Her leg bounces up and down under the desk. Her arms are folded, and she gazes sightlessly ahead—eyes glazed over. The professor is lecturing her “peers” in something so beneath her that she’s glad she has her earbuds in—volume up. She bobs her head to the tunes, but is careful not to be too obvious. Luckily, her long black hair obscures the earbuds. She almost closes her eyes, but quickly chides herself. That would likely reveal her inattentiveness. Instead, she resumes planning and thinking. Always planning and thinking. Why is she even in this class? With these…fools. The only way she remains sane is by submerging herself within her mind—away from the sickening reality. That was a morE productivE day, no? - Lilyyyyyy

eRASEd

I was first introduced through Stormlight (tho it took be a few months to actually go out and get the book), but I learned about the rest of the Cosmere'n'stuff either while reading WoK or after (but before starting the next book).

ore

Yoke