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Anguished_One

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Anguished_One last won the day on May 12

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About Anguished_One

  • Birthday January 22

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    I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory; this is where it gets me, on my feet, the enemy ahead of me, if this is the end of me, at least I have a friend with me, weapon in my hand, a command, and my men with me. ~Hamilton
  • AIM
    Woke up in a cell, where am I at? Yeah, it's cold, but I like that What am I, trapped? Heart's beating out of my chest Door's locked, but the keys are in my hands Hmm, yeah, that's where it doesn't make sense, does it? I make songs, I don't make friends,
  • MSN
    judge me Might smile, but it ain't that funny Sing along to the pain, they love it Life's like a merry-go-round And I'm still tryna figure it out I like space, I don't fit in the crowds ~ Outcast, NF
  • ICQ
    I see you Crying in a gown that's blue Screaming through a breathing tube "How'd I get to this place?" I see you Wondering how you came unglued Feeling like your whole life's screwed "Who could love me this way?" ~ ICU Citizen Soldier
  • Yahoo
    All my life I had to keep fighting And I'm a prove 'em wrong or I'm a die trying Head like a stone, heart like a lion I'm a prove 'em wrong or I'm a die trying ~ Die Trying New Medicine
  • Jabber
    Used to pull down my sleeves Used to put makeup on So everyone would think I'm fine and nothing's wrong I buried all the pain, used to feel so ashamed Of all the things I wrote about myself with razor blades ~ Tattoos Citizen Soldier
  • Skype
    Broken legs, but I chase perfection These walls are my blank expression My mind is a home I'm trapped in And it's lonely inside this mansion ~ Mansion NF

Profile Information

  • Member Title
    I didn’t grow up in an abusive home. I am one.
  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    With @SmilingPanda19 and @Part of The Narative in our Walmart dumpster
  • Interests
    I love books, books, books, Brandon Sanderson books, God, asking questions, my cats, my family, my friends, my house, buying expensive Stormlight Archive t shirts from Etsy, writing my own stories with my writing group ( aka my three best friends and me) making valiant attempts at writing romance, writing "juicy" scenes, avidly hating math, being socially awkward, drawing, memes, nightblood, singing songs from various musicals (HAMILTON!) and movies, country music, gardening, animals, foreign cultures, the beach, the mountains, geeking out with my friends about all kinds of junk, eating gummy bears, exercising. POETRY! oh, and did I mention reading? ( This is NOT in order of importance)

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  1. I wrote a poem the other night :) 

     

    Spoiler

    Crippling Depression

     
    I stare at the ceiling,
    Unmoving.
    My mind
    Feels numb.
    I don’t even
    Blink my eyes.
     
    My body tingles,
    My hands shake,
    I’m cold all over.
    But the real
    Chill is
    Inside.
     
    I feel frozen in place,
    Stuck in a
    Cold, mental
    Mud.
     
    My eyes water and a
    Single tear
    Rolls
    Down my
    Cheek.
     
    I can’t even move to
    Wipe it away.
    It feels warm,
    Then cold,
    Traveling down,
    To drip into my
    Ear.
     
    I blink once
    And it brings more
    Tears.
     
    They sting my eyes
    As they fall.
    I am being consumed
    By this empty feeling.
     
    By the immense loneliness
    That finds me
    So often these days.
     
    I can’t get warm.
    I can hardly
    Move my chest
    Up and
    Down
    To breathe.
     
    The emptiness
    Is joined by
    The massive
    Weight
    Of self hatred.
     
    I can feel my
    Heart
    Breaking,
    Even as it
    Beats.
     
    My eyes go
    Unfocused,
    Lights blurry.
     
    The world is softer
    That way,
    Everything looks
    Like clouds.
     
    Clouds that
    I can sink into,
    Sink into
    Unmoving,
    Wrapped in the
    Cold misty
    Blanket.
     
    I’m shaking harder now,
    I can hardly feel it.
    I can’t see it.
    I try to
    Wiggle my
    Fingers,
    But it’s too hard.
     
    I am faintly aware
    Of a sensation
    Of drifting.
     
    Have I joined the
    Clouds?
    Is that what I am now?
    Cold and damp,
    Floating away,
    To some other
    Place?
     
    Twenty-three days
     
    I whisper in my mind,
    It’s too long.
    I can’t
    Wait that
    Long.
     
    I’m drifting.
     
    D r i f t i n g…
     
     D
        R
           I
              F
                 T
                    I
                      N
                          G
     
     
     
    ~ Stick 3-21-24
     
     
     
     
     

     

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