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J. Magi
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Status Updates posted by J. Magi
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oh no
I just found a new thing to dream about wasting copious amounts of money on . . .
At least my mom won't get mad at me for not giving her gift ideas lol
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Well I was GOING to respond to this nicely and maturely
act my age an’ all that
but you have forced my hand
IMNOTANERD
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of course
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Whatever you say, Eddie.
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Lifw update I guess? I feel like rambling idk
First week of summer is done and I already feel messed up weird. The lack of a daily schedule always messes with me lol . . . Not to mention I spend why more time in alone in my room and I'm starting to go a little insane.
I went to the farmers market today which was cool. I had beignet's for the first time and they were so good. Also, talkative old tourist men kinda scare me . . . even though they're friendly . . . I don't know. I got another succulent there too which is cool! I've been naming all my succulents after the sons of Feanor. I only have three so far, but someday I'll have a plant for all seven sons lol. (so far I've got Maedhros, Maglor, and Curufin). Maybe I'll show you them sometime!
I finished The Night Circus, and it was a truly lovely book. Thanks @Edema Rue for recommending it!!!
The job hunt's going okay I guess. I've applied to several fast food places in town but none have responded yet lol. I did have a local food truck reach out to me and offer me a position which seems super cool! I think it'd make a great first-job experience so I'm hoping I get hired there. That, or Arbys, because they have an employee discount. (I LOVE Arby's hehehe)
Instagram (or meta) has decided to feed all public posts on the site to it's new Ai which is cool . . . I love theft of intellectual property. Unfortunately complications mean that no one can sue them over it (yet--hopefully the US will get some much needed legislation in this area). Either way, I'm considering leaving the site. Not because I think the AI will target me or because I'm particularly uncomfortable with AI taking my art (though it is wrong) but because a massive community of artists leaving the site says something. Either way, I'll be updating to my Cara account in the 'Website URL' section of my account instead of my Instagram.
My mental health recently has been . . . more then questionable but it is what it is I guess. I'm hoping the summer will be more relaxed and restful for me (but we'll see). Weird, but I feel like I often have this wave of depression every night at 8-9 pm, but then it goes away in like, 20-30 minutes and afterword's I feel fine? I don't really know at this point.
I've been helping my ward's YW group plan this years Girls Camp which has been fun. I actually kind of feel excited to go this time! Normally, I get really anxious about it for various reasons (staying overnight places without my family is kind of hard for me). But I feel like it'll be really fun this year, and all the leader's and girls are super friendly!
I've been thinking about throwing some more stuff in my art thread soon. I haven't done a whole lot besides sketchbook doodles but it'll be fun to share either way lol
I did also start a second try on the 'short story made entirely of Haiku's' recently, but we'll see if I finish it lol. I have a hard time forcing myself to write stuff without school to procrastinate on.
Have a great night everyone <<<33 cya Monday!
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I feel like mine improves because I don’t need to conform to another’s whims. (I’m late a lot and my school is super strict about it
)
Good luck on the job hunt! (And I’d really like to see the plants!)
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Dang man. Congrats on the good stuff, sorry 'bout the bad.
Spoiler*cough*
Um... see my member title if you want to know about my mental health.
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Panda and Living glass, I feel that so hard lol. At least the weathers nice . . .
Maybe I'll try and get a nice picture of plants soon to show you hehe
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The real question is, can I learn how to be highly proficient at ten key in around a week and a half, or do I need to apply for a different job . . .
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uuuuhuh . . .
This thing:
Spoiler
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I think that is possible, good luck
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Thanks for the luck, but I honestly think it'll be easier to apply for a job I'm more qualified for
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AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
I did it . . .
I applied for a job . . .
I'm so nervous
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Oh, I remember the anxiety of that process vividly...
Where'd you apply?
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A warehouse that processes used books for re-selling. I hope it's not to hard on my weak nerd body . . . but there isn't any customer service which is a plus.
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...I wish my job had no customer service.
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More than any other time of the year, I think summer is the most reflective time for me, when it comes to my life and where I'm going. Maybe, because the western school system has hard-wired my brain to see this as the end of the year, and not january.
Summer is a special time because for a student, it's set apart from the year. While I may not remember what I did every November for the past few years, I do remember what I did in every June. Maybe, because the world is more alive--with plants and blue skys--it makes me feel more alive, and so I remember it better. Grey snowy days all blur together, somberness making them obsolete to each other. Each new summer day is like a vibrant painting of blue and green and the flowers that come and go only add to the memorability.
Today is the first day of summer, and I pulled out the sketchbook I had been using exactly 1 year ago. I can remember drawing a certain picture immediately after I got home from the last day of school. The year before that, I remember laying on the couch staring at the ceiling and thinking the same things I'm writing now. In middle school, I came home from the school carnival (the last day) and changed into a specific shirt. I still remember how the fabric felt, and how relaxing it was to feel the cool air on my skin.
This year, summer snuck up on me. Generally, the oct. to feb. period of time becomes a long slog of mundane. But this year, ACT prep kept me extremely busy throughout that time, and I didn't feel boredom start to set in, as I always had before. Then, the only thing that mattered was the test in March, hanging over me. Now, that's been done for a few months. Now, it's summer. A summer I didn't spend months pining over.
If, as I mentioned earlier, summer is the end of an old year, and the beginning of new one, then it is also a time of change. I feel as though I remain stagnant throughout school months, but my biggest self changes occur during the break. It's now, when I've finished another year, that I truly realize I am growing older. Even if the shadows of the trees on the street are exactly the same as they've always been.
It's every summer, that I convince myself the next school year I will be better and do better, even if it doesn't really happen. It's every summer that I realize I want more than what I have.
Yesterday, the last day, my friend drove me home from school. (The day had an open ended schedule after noon, so you could stay or leave whenever you wanted). Getting a ride home from school might not seem much, but it made me realize something.
I'm not a very independent person. I only leave the house for school or with my parents. I spend all my free time in my room alone. I do the same exact thing, day after day, year after year. There's nothing wrong with those things, but I'm finding for the first time in my life, I want to be independent. I wish I could go out and do things and talk to people more often.
I'm growing older, which means I'm taking a lot of big new steps. I'm in that awkward stage when I'm still a child but I have to pretend I'm an adult so I can kickstart my life. I have to do so many things that terrify me. But for the first time, I want to do them.
I want to learn to drive, so I can have a similar freedom as my friend. I want to work and make my own money, and learn about things. I want to pick a career. I want to talk to new people.
I've spent all (school) year being terrified of these things. For one reason or another, but mostly because change is scary. My whole life, I've floated on the edge of change, wanting things to be different one way or another, but never actually having the courage to change things. But now that summer has started--my time for reflection and my time for change, it doesn't feel so bad.
Right now, it feels natural.
Every next step is only a step, and someday I'll be on my own and have so much freedom. I want to experience and do so many things, and I'm going to do it. Tonight I'm planning on applying for my first job (hopefully I can get hired lol). I'm planning on reworking my schedule so I can take driver's ed next year. I've decided what I want to do the first few years after graduation.
Maybe, I'm the only one who has my 'january epiphany' as I'll call it, in summer. That being said, I don't think there's ever a set time to re-invent ourselves, it's continuous. I hope I can continue to have this courage, and I hope that this summer at least, I will find myself a little better than before.
Sorry for rambling, I was just having a lot of thoughts today.
I'm so grateful for this place. Thank you all for being my window to the world that always felt so far away <<<3
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Oh thank you! I've never hear the song, I'll go listen to it!
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That was beautiful, JM.
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Thanks!
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hello there folks
I might not be as active today because it's checkout/yearbook day and I have to run around the school every 15 minutes lol . . .
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*sigh*
Just an hour left and then I can go home . . .
Spoileralso exactly 3.5 k posts! That's kinda cool
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Does anyone just have . . . small section of memories that consists of 'Stuff my parent's said that, in hindsight, is an extremely weird/ illogical thing to say (and I'm 90% sure they weren't joking/ playing a trick on me), and kid me took it to heart and has never forgotten it'?
Just me?
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I'm in the same boat as Why.
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Thanks guys, lol . . . part of me wonders if I just don't remember the context for some things, but on the other hand it's still weird. Not to mention little kid was extremely gullible and took everything people told me at face value (metaphors were beyond me, lol)
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Mine is much more than a small section…
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Me and the lady working the counter at the library having an anime style battle over who can more socially awkward and speak in a quieter tone of voice lol
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The rain is so
l o u d
Oh my goodness . . .
It's like thunder
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Wait WHAT!? I’VE BEEN LIED TO!
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hehe
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It's called asteroids
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My homeroom teacher: Don't give up even though school is almost out! You can still improve your grades and work hard!
Me, who gave up several weeks ago: Cool.
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I'm looking for summer jobs and:
Spoiler
Looks like I'm not qualified for this one lol
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Spoiler
Now their just being mean lol
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*whispers* they’re
No I feel that, my brother was trying to convince me to work 8 hours a day all summer in a call center and I would have actually died. Or killed someone. One of the two.
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(lol I saw it but I was too lazy to fix it)
Oof, call centers are rough, my brother used to work at one and hated it. I'm looking at a warehouse job were I hopefully won't have to talk to people.
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DON'T FREAK OUT
I just shortened my username, cause I've felt like it recently.
I've been using 'Justice Magician' as my online name since middle school, and recently I've felt like changing it. That being said, that name is kind of how I'm known here, so I thought a shortened version would be a good in-between! (Most people call me Magi anyway, so it works lol)
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Lol
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The J should stand for Jam
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Lol yes, I was thinking the same thing
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I finally finished The Sunlit Man, which means I've read all of the current Cosmere stuff which is pretty cool. (It took me two years . . . .)
I'm looking for some new stuff to read, and I was wondering if you guys had anything to request? I do have some things in reading list to get to, but I'm not in the mood to read them yet (lol) and I thought it might be exciting to read something I haven't had on my shelf for years already.
Specifically I'm looking for clean fantasy (I have a one track mind) that's on the shorter side, maybe a stand alone or trilogy.
Thoughts?
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Dude I’ve got an hour left on The Sunlit Man, can I nerd out about it to you on Friday? (I’m gonna be able to get on discord so we can talk without worrying about spoiling it, I know there’s PMs but they’re slow for me)
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Thanks Eddie, I'll try it out!
Bookwyrm:
Spoileralright so, of course I completely respect your opinion dude, but here's what I didn't like about Ender's game:
(Also please keep in mind I read this book around a year ago, so the details are a little fuzzy)
-I found the entire concept and vibe of the book very disturbing, which I think is a product of a lot of my other reasons, but even from the first chapter it just felt wrong. I have no idea how to describe it . . . Maybe it was the syndical/realist tone and narration? There's nothing wrong with that sort of tone but in this book it felt so . . . flippant that it seemed really off putting to me. This is probably just me and my personal biases but it just felt really . . . gross? I don't even know.
-There were a few lines at the beginning of the book about Ender's sister that made the story feel a little sexist? I'm probably misinterpreting that but once again, it was enough to bother me. I can't remember if those lines were said by a character or the narrator, so I don't know if it was meant to be a character flaw or not. It's not super important, but worth mentioning.
-I personally feel like we were given very little reason to care about any of the characters. That being said a lot of the character tropes and personalities used in this books are ones I don't really like in the first place so . . .
-The MC was a mary sue. He was more brilliant and more hardworking and more dedicated than all of the other characters. Don't get me wrong, an op MC can be done right, but for it to work the characters power level cannot be the point of the story. And yet in Ender's game, it felt like it was. Ender just hurtled forward through every challenge given him, and maybe he does fail a little here and there, but almost always the lesson felt like 'well, I'm Ender so I'll just do better next time.'
It felt like he had little to no arc at all, and that leads into my second point:
-His character arc on a moral/psychological standpoint really bothered me. As the story progressed he seemed to really only get worse. Correct me if he did improve in some way (that isn't physically) but it seemed like every time he changed, he became more hardened, more stern, and more angry. Once again, I don't mind this. Corruption (for want of a better word) arcs can be done well, and I'm no stranger to liking morally grey (also for want of a better word) characters. That being said the story has to call them out on it. The story HAS to stay (whether through a narrator or through other characters): 'Hey, what this dude is doing is kind of messed up.' But it never did . . . he just became this cold shell of what he used to be, and everyone applauded and called him a hero. I understand he needed to be stern because of the military environment, but you can have a 'stern army general' archetype and still have them show real kindness and compassion once in a while. Ender became something that doesn't feel human in my opinion, and the book did little to say 'hey this is not great maybe he needs help.' All I'm asking for is one scene where he and his friends hang out and they have a heart to heart and someone (heaven forbid) actually treat Ender with some kindness.
-The adults are all terrible people and once again no one calls them out on it. 'Oh yeah, lets emotionally abuse and manipulate a child for years because the fate of the world depends on it or something' Come on . . . the fact that they're using children at all feels unrealistic to me. I don't care if they're geniuses or hyper-talented. There will always be an adult with more experience and more skill then some kid--even if that kid comes out of the womb doing college level math. It just doesn't make sense to me.
-My other big problem with the adults is whenever Ender accidentally kills someone, they don't tell him. I don' know about you, but if I accidentally murdered someone, I want to know. They're betraying Ender's trust in them, all while acting like they're some kind of hero's for keeping the 'harsh truth' from him. I'm sorry, but they should have told him. If they'd have told him, then he could actually learn from it. Ender could re-evaluate himself, and work on self control. Instead they let him continue to recklessly charge forward, and never let him experience consequences for his actions.
-His siblings's sublot felt . . . so out there. It was just so unrealistic. Once again, I don't care if they're genius children, that's not enough to convince me they're capable of getting the entire earth to believe that they're competitive politicians with opposite views effectively manipulating adults with experience and education in this area to do whatever they want. I think this might be why the book feels so jarring to me. The tone of the story and narration is very realist, dare I say pessimistic. But the plot is constantly going into wild and unbelievable directions. It clashes and feels really disorienting as a reader.
-Also, this is just a nitpick, but when Ender's sister and brother hack into their parents computer to get unlimited internet access, why does it never occur to the sister to seek help? She has a physically abusive and psychotic brother, and emotionally neglectful parents. Why didn't she contact the police? Or get info for running away? If it were, me that's what I'd have done. I understand that she wanted to be a part of the politics scheme, but once again the fact that world-wide politics fell onto a child as her responsibility is wild to me. If there was a reason why she couldn't get help or run away the book should have told us!
-I very strongly dislike the end of the book and the plot twist reveals. When it was revealed that the Buggers are a hive-mind, my immediate reaction was indifference. Sure, we weren't given that much info on them to begin with, but if you want a reader to anticipate answers to questions you have to introduce the questions to them in the first place. The reader has to know that a mystery exists for them to be excited when it's solved. The plot twist at the very end of the book was terrible. 'You were fighting the real bad guys the whole time and it wasn't just a simulation.' How is that supposed to be engaging to the reader? Any tension or expectation for a final battle is destroyed and the reader is left feeling disappointed because what they thought was rising tension was just the climax in disguise. There's no impact, there's no struggle for a win. Once again, Ender won because he's Ender. It annoys me to no end. (See my point about the realist tone clashing with the unrealistic events). If I were to write it, I would make the simulation actually just a simulation, and let Ender truly fight the buggers like we expected him too. The book would be longer, ( I don't mind long books) but Card could have done a time skip showing Ender's progress as he got older, and then the final battle. Squishing it all together didn't subvert reader's expectations, it betrayed them. It honestly feels like lazy writing to me.
-The ending section that does timeskip and talk about the future felt very out of place. Like I said above, I already had little reason to care about the characters in the first place, and now I'm meant to feel something when they do stuff later in life? It felt like an exposition dump and was really boring to read. It was probably set up for the next book, but if that's the case then why isn't just a prologue for the next book? Or the lore could just be implied/ integrated to the next book. Shoving it all here feels lazy. I guess there is Ender's arc about his relationship with the Buggers, but that wasn't really expanded upon in the first place and once again I'm left without reason to care. Also, Peter's apology before he died also felt unprecedented and weird. We were given vary little reason to believe he'd do so and his character arc never alluded to it. A last minute change of heart felt out of pocket and I'll be honest, hard to accept. The damage he did was already done, and it's not like he worked to fix any of it. I don't understand why he didn't just die without ever admitting anything he did was was wrong--it would way more in character.
whoops that was a really long rant . . . sorry
. I guess I have strong opinions about this book. Once again I respect your opinion, everyone interprets fiction differently and I think it's really cool you can enjoy something I couldn't.
The sequel does sound not as bad (especially if Ender isn't in it . . . I very strongly dislke him) so I guess I'll think about it . . . I don't know.
Why ever not: Sure you can message me! I might not respond immediately but I'd love to chat about it!
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This has given me new things to think on…
I know this was intended for Bookwyrm, but thank you for sharing it where I can read it
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I want to make a head cannons thread (because I think it'd be fun) but I can't decide if it should go in 'General Branderson Discussion' or 'Cosmere discussion' . . . thoughts?
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yeah . . . it might work in either? I'll think on it some more
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Good Luck
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thanks! lol
