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Everything posted by Bird Furious
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It’s scary how much I’ve changed.
I used to know exactly what I wanted to do and exactly who I wanted to end up being. Now I don’t want half of those things and I’m not certain about the other half.
It’s like I’ve grown out of everything with the potential to make he happy. Everything.
Is this part of growing up? Not being able to see your own future?
Not being able to see any future?
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I agree with Bookie.
I think that because our minds are calibrated to anticipate risk, our perspective on the future is heavily skewed. If you think about it, there are countless possibilities of things that you could do in the future that will be fulfilling. There's only a few (and I'd argue much less likely) ways for nothing to happen at all.
I'm always thrown for a loop when I think about how much I've changed since just the pandemic. It's disconcerting, and I sometimes think I'm so much less happy, and maybe I am. But I also have grown tremendously and know more and have the potential to be happy in a way that is truer than ignorance. I know that school in particular feels like an impedance to you, which sucks, but it won't last forever, and you have grown and will grow.
Years ago, I was afraid of where i would be now. Months ago, terrified. And I'm afraid of where I will be in the future. I really have no idea what it will be either. That's not a universal experience, but it's probably way more common than you think, and there's nothing wrong with it.
It may always be that you will to some extent wonder about the future, where worriedly or excitedly, but I think when the future you fear comes it will much more than you expect, not simply good or bad but complex and worthwhile.
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There’s this kid in choir.
His class isn’t the same hour as mine, but he does talk to me when we see each other in my science class or when the choir sings at games and such. He talks to everyone, which is very nice of him and amiable and all the things like that. My friend actually said she thinks he might like her.
I disagree. I think it’s just the way he is.
If that’s true, either that’s his personality and he knows everyone and talks to everyone
or he’s seen just how big and scary and lonely the world can be.
Maybe he’s afraid to be alone, so he garners as many acquaintances as possible so he’ll always have somebody to fall back on.
Maybe he’s just nice.
Or maybe he’s seen the other side of the coin.
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@Kajsa even though Safren isn’t like this, I agree because Safren and this blurb are written with the same vibe
it’s a sad vibe
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I’m going to take a moment to be introspective.
I believe the reason I was so active during my first days on the Shard were because of some kind of FOMO. I loved (and still love) the Shard, but I was afraid of missing anything.
I guess I overcompensated and somehow became apathetic. Or maybe I finally succeeded and no longer need human validation.
Or something. I don’t know.
Honestly, I wish I’d never changed.
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Scud this math. It’s making me want to die and I missed ONE DAY.
oh, and I’m sick of coming here when I can miss every class but mg math class with literally no problem.
I’m so excited to escape.
kinda wish I could escape life too, ngl.
