Bird Furious

Kay, so

I’ve been gone for a while but I’d like to go back to posting now and then. What threads are still decently active? 

Hello.

I haven’t talked in quite some time.

I feel like I’m being strangled and there’s nothing I can do about it. Maybe not strangled. This feeling in my chest that makes it hard to breathe is more like suffocation— like everything I have to do on top of living is weighing on my chest, heavier and heavier, like whenever it was when they’d crush people rock by rock to execute them. 

It’s not just that. I feel so alone. 

I’m not alone and I know it. I know there are people who would talk to me and support me, online and in real life. But somehow I can’t seem to reach out. 

Especially to my parents. 

I feel like such a disappointment. I feel like everything’s reversed— I used to think I was so smart, so incredible, and so strong in my faith. I used to think I was just as good as everybody else. 

I’m not. 

I don’t have the energy to do anything I should be doing, like volleyball, or practicing my oboe, or doing anything else that would make them proud of me. Everyone else in my Young Women’s class is doing something— martial arts, volleyball, music. 

I work at a custard place. 

I’m never going to end up anywhere, and scud that hurts. I’ve let my novel grow cold (writing being the only thing I might actually do). I’ve let my oboe grow cold (after we bought it for a lot of money). I’ve let volleyball grow cold (knowing my chances of getting into the school I want are slim without extracurriculars). 

And I just want a hug. 

I think Imma compile a list of COMPLETELY random song quotes. 

Lethargy got a hold of me
And I don't know how to shake it
Got these itchy feet for a change of scene
Do anything to escape it

There's an English man up in space these days
Floating in awe and wonder
As he floats away from the atmospheres
All of us non believers

Get up, get up, pressure, pressure
Run away as fast as you can go
Everyday our friends and lovers
Give the answers everybody knows

---All from Lethargy by Bastille (they just have too many good songs ok???) 

Stories told to me and stories told to you
Did you ever feel like they were ringing true?

And all their words for glory
Well they always sounded empty
When we're looking up for heaven
Looking up for heaven
Way down here upon the ground
When we're lying in the dirt
There's no looking up for heaven
Looking up for heaven

---Glory by Bastille (ok at this point I'm just copy pasting their songs so you should just go listen to them ok) 

Don't you love it, don't you love it?
No, I ain't happy yet
But I'm way less sad

I've been countin' sheep but the sheep all died (this one's just funny xDD)

---Way Less Sad by AJR

Goodbye, goodbye
I said to my bestest buds
We said that we'd keep in touch
And we did our best

All my new friends
We smiled at party time
But soon we forgot to smile
At anything else

---Sober Up AJR

And there are other songs but ykw just go listen to Ship In A Bottle by i forgot his name but it's a good song. 

60,000 words    IM SO CLOSE GUYS AND I JUST KILLED OFF A CHARACTER MMY FIRST ONE ACTUALLY AND IT WAS SO EMOTIONAL AND AWESOME AND ONCE I POLISH IT UP IS GON BE SO GREATTTTT