FlowerGirl

"Wait, you wanted to keep the bones?" When boarding a airplane

The internet says it'll come out in 2023, but that could definitely be incorrect. I'm hoping it's true tho.

Stellarlune was so good! The only issue is Shannon and her love of cliffhangers. Only a year of suffering until the next book.

I'm assuming your username is either a reference to something or similar to your real name. 7/10

Welcome to the shard! It's great to have you here!

Here's a meme of what it was like the first time I read Way of Kings

Pg 5 "After a sustained bout of charades, got his answers: The Crescent—bloody smart-aleck—shrug, no, and no." I had trouble matching these to the questions in the previous paragraph. I'm thinking that maybe "smart-aleck" was a comment rather than an answer. The part where Q was writing on her typewriter was a little disorienting to read, especially with the bigger font. It took me a minute to realize that it was Q typing rather than a shift in the font. "Q's link to her typewriter back at her apartment in B died with an electric screech when she finally noticed who the F N was going up against" This sentence was a bit confusing. Is the typewriter electric? And why does it die when she notices F N's opponent? Do her powers short it out or something along those lines? I really enjoyed this! You have a very unique writing style. I can always envision everything clearly, and the unique descriptions you use add a ton of flavor to the story. Q and F are extremely interesting characters, and the world is so complex and chaotic that I'm constantly wanting to know more. Aside from a couple of slightly confusing sentences, and the bit where Q was writing on her typewriter, I don't really have any suggestions for this chapter. Thanks for sharing!

Yep! just look at my username. TPBM likes to drink pickle juice.

Tagged for violence because of a character kicking another character, and a character in pain. I'm looking for whatever feedback you have. I've also been working on making my submissions tidier, so hopefully, there are fewer mistakes. I'd love to know how I'm doing with that. I hope you enjoy! -FlowerGirl Here's a short summary for anyone who hasn't read the previous chapters. Jenah has been taken to the gifted's compound for reeducation. While there she discovers that the gifteds aren't as perfect as everyone believes. While in the compound she's lectured, tortured, and fed slimy gray mush. Her family is threatened by the leader of the compound, and she discovers that her sister is dating the gifted's president's son.

"In moved across the pages, depicting B pacing around xir room." In doesn't seem correct. I'm not sure what you were trying to say here. "I’ve been trying to figure out what B has been into for months," Been up to? Into doesn't seem correct. "beasts that woke in the forests when the sun set." Interesting concept, I hope to see these beasts at some point. "consort" Consort! Wow, that seems a bit sudden. “Then you either agree to be my consort or pretend to be or else you will have little to no protection from those who would prey on humans simply because they can.” Something feels a little off about this sentence, but I can't place what it is. "Were they willing to suddenly commit to being the significant other to a person they had once been in love but hadn’t seen for years just a few hours after their reunion?" In love with would make more sense. "sleep beside me so you smell like me in the morning." I'm assuming the Fae have more sensitive noses than humans? "P didn’t remember what a W was." I like how this is consistent with P's previous memory issues. "looking down at the open book xe was still holding." I guess the book is magical. I didn't catch that the first time the book was mentioned. I just thought the book had sketches of B. "Currency was favors and trinkets, labor and energy." I'm really enjoying the bartering system. "And the fact that A didn’t take 1. on it meant it was either a 2. really big one or the situation just wasn’t serious enough yet to warrant the investment." 1. Take on it is technically correct, but I had to read over it a couple of times to understand. 2. A really big what? A really big gemstone? “Alright,” P said hoping they wouldn’t come to regret it. They held their hand out to A. “Let’s go.” This seems like foreshadowing that P will come to regret it. "Flaming sconces and glowing mushrooms hung from the walls, but not the shape of objects that matched the shadows." But the shape of the objects didn't match the shadows? "Instead, they took xir hand, focused on its strength and maybe let their mind wander with thoughts of the dexterity of xir long fingers and walked through the dim hall." As they walked? "They were pretty sure the tower had rotated and the who layout of the main building had been rearranged." Whole? "the name came to them, along with a handful of fuzzy memories." I'm wondering if there is some magic that affects the minds of humans who leave Fae. "hold onto the memories you made here and return.” This seems to support my theory. I really enjoyed this chapter! A and P's relationship make a lot of progress. It progressed very quickly, but considering the situation, and their previous history, it makes sense. This chapter revealed a lot about how Faerie works, which I enjoyed. Thanks for sharing!

If there's room tomorrow, I'd like to submit.

Thanks for reading! I'm glad you enjoyed the chapters.

I'd say a mew is cuter, the high pitched sound is adorable! A purring cat is great, but the purr itself isn't that cute.

As long as I have enough books they're fine. TPBM has siblings

I've read several of them, but not most. TPBM likes having nachos for breakfast

Here's some incorrect quotes. They're not always completely accurate, but I found them funny. Wit: Must be hard not being able to laugh Kaladin: I do have a sense of humor you know Wit: I’ve never heard you laugh before Kaladin: I’ve never heard you say anything funny Lopen: You don’t know about my knife stick. It’s a knife taped to a stick and it’s the ultimate weapon. Kaladin, not looking up from their book: Spear. Lopen: BLOCKED. Shallan: So what’s for dinner? Adolin, staring at the food they just burnt: Regret. Wit: I'm 10 times funnier than you Kaladin: 10 times 0 is still 0 though Wit: Jokes on you, I can't do math *Vin doing something absurdly dangerous* Vin: I think Houdini did something like this once! Why, if I recall correctly, he was out of the hospital in no time! Elend, deadpan: Well that's encouraging. Elend: I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives Vin: I wake up at 4:30 AM Elend: Elend: I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives

Welcome, it's great to have you here! Do you have a favorite magic system? Mine is either AonDor or forgery.

Not really. I say other random stuff though. TPBM went to a party on Halloween.

I little, I had a cold a bit ago and have a cough that won't go away. TPBM had waaaay too much sugar on Halloween.

I'm actually having a pretty good day. TPBM likes to hoard books.

Here's my reactions as I read through. Pg 1 - Great first line! I'm already intrigued and wanting to read more. Pg 1 - "he subtly thickened the calluses on his hands." Interesting, he has some sort of shapeshifting power then? Pg 1 - "So he does. Cool!" Pg 4 "since it was extremely difficult to use their abilities to appear younger than you were." Interesting concept, I'm hoping to see this come into play later in later on. Pg 5 "They had brought a telekinetic." Interesting. Shapeshifters as well as a telekinetic. I'm interested to see more of the world and how people with these powers are treated. So far it seems like there's laws against being a shapeshifter, but not being a telekinetic. I'm interested to learn how this happened. Pg 6 "All shifters currently living within the borders of the city of E and neighboring territories are hereby required to wear a black metal armband on the right forearm." That sucks for the shifters. I'm hoping to see their reactions. Of course there's the protagonist's, but I'd like to see how the shifters at large react. Pg 7 "biomages." I'm interested to see what these entail. Shapeshifting, but to others? Pg 9 "D angrily faced a near-perfect reflection of himself..” This might just be my favorite way of manipulating someone I've ever read. In answer to your first question, the only question I have is what biomages are. I assume this will be explained later. I'm expecting to see more of the government's interactions with shapeshifters. In answer to your second question, I thought the first chapter was great! I was immediately hooked and wanted to read more. In answer to your third question, The similarities to real world events didn't draw me out of the story at all. While reading I was focused on the story, not the similarities to the real world. I really enjoyed this. The three different powers introduced are intriguing, and I'm enjoying what I've seen so far of the shapeshifting. Thanks for sharing!

Pg 1 "Her eyes watered as something close to horse crap that had spent a few years bathing in vinegar and truffle oil crawled its way up her nose and started scraping at her frontal lobe" This is some awesome imagery! I could almost smell the stench while I was reading. Pg 2 "B yanked her paw away with a yelp." Wait. I thought B was a human. Did I miss something? Pg 4 "The woman blinked. “I didn’t, though.” This bit has some nice character building. The woman's nonchalance is a nice contrast to the personalities of the rest of the characters. Pg 4 "“Enjoy your stay in Q, miss S." Miss should be capitalized. Pg 5 "I’m the only unfortunate gobshite what can hear you." That can hear you? Pg 14-Wow. Q, just ditches F like that. I was laughing so hard. I really enjoyed this. You have a really distinctive voice and are great with imagery. Everything about the story is bizarre in the best way possible. Your characters are unusual (In a good way.) and I'm exited to learn more about them. I can't wait to read your next submission!

Here's chapters 4.5-5.5. I tried to work out the issues with J's personality, and tried to fix where I was sticking commas. I'd love to hear how I'm doing on both these things. Besides that I'm just looking for whatever feedback you have. Thanks for reading!

If there's a slot, I'd like to submit as well.

Thanks for the feedback! I could tell I had some character issues, but couldn't tell what they were. Now I realize that J just isn't reacting properly to things, I'll definitely be fixing that. I'd love the PDF of the line edits, if you don't mind sending that. Thanks for the feedback! I'm definitely realizing there's a lot of issues with J. Thanks for reading, and I'm glad you're looking forward to reading more!