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The Wandering Wizard

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Status Replies posted by The Wandering Wizard

  1. Kajsa

    Does anyone have a wall? A really breakable, weak wall that I can punch holes in? If so, I will pay you for it. 

    im forfeiting homework and I’m gonna angry draw now. 

    hope you guys are having a good day!

  2. Kajsa

    Does anyone have a wall? A really breakable, weak wall that I can punch holes in? If so, I will pay you for it. 

    im forfeiting homework and I’m gonna angry draw now. 

    hope you guys are having a good day!

  3. Kajsa

    Does anyone have a wall? A really breakable, weak wall that I can punch holes in? If so, I will pay you for it. 

    im forfeiting homework and I’m gonna angry draw now. 

    hope you guys are having a good day!

  4. Anguished_One

    GUYS!

    :D 

    My dad brought me BIRTHDAY FLOWERS!!!

    :D 

     

    I took a picture :P 

    Spoiler

    image0.jpeg.3f11c7446ba2a38b45772b9e2af367d9.jpeg

     

  5. Anguished_One

    Guys!

    HAPPY

    by NF

    IS LITERALLY THE BEST AND I RELATE SO MUCH! 

  6. Anguished_One

    Guys!

    HAPPY

    by NF

    IS LITERALLY THE BEST AND I RELATE SO MUCH! 

  7. Anguished_One

    Hey.

    We miss you.

    I miss you.

    We love you, and want you to come back.

    It's not my decision, but I can promise you, nobody on here hates you.

    I sure don't.

    Please don't leave.

    *hugs tightly*

    ~ Stick ❤️‍🩹

  8. The Wandering Wizard

    Anyone if you see this please pray for Stick tonight. Please pray.

    She's struggling greatly tonight and prayers and love and well wishes, whatever you can give, please do.

    And please love those around you, the world is full of enough pain and self hate as it is. There's no reason to add to it. You never know what someone else is going through and how a kind or mean word can shape the rest of their life.

  9. Anguished_One

    ALSO!!!

    I AM MAKING MY BIRTHDAY CAKE AND IT'S MAKING ME

    ABSURDLY HAPPY!! 

    :D 

     

    ITS CHOCOLATE!!! :D 

  10. SmilingPanda19

    So Panda here to give y’all a little life update, if you don’t care then don’t read and waste your time. :P

    So earlier this week I went to a counselor outside of school for the first time. She was really nice and gave me some things to work on until next week, so that’s nice. I’m doing a lot better there… I think at least. It’s hard to tell. 

    I am away on a ski trip right now with my family, I absolutely love skiing. I want to try a black diamond next time if I can. I’ve been doing it for six years already so I think I have skills for it, just need the confidence. I mean I was terrified to do a blue square today, but I kind of just continually told myself that everything as fine and that I’ll never get better if I don’t move forward, or at least until there was no turning back. After I got on the slope itself I panicked and that’s a whole other thought process. 

    My phone broke this morning, like the screen turned green and shut off. Soooo we are trying to fix that. So I’ll be more on and off. 

    I can’t think of too much else right now, but I’ll have to think. 

    Just updating everyone since it’s been a while. Anywho. 

    How is everyone? What’s new? What’s something good and bad that has happened recently? 

  11. Anguished_One

    Also, one more thing!

    Prayers are welcome for my older brother.

    He cut his finger and is going to get stitches at Urgent Care.

    ❤️‍🩹

  12. Anguished_One

    My poetry with @Part Of The Narrative (she told me I have to mention her in all SUs from here on out.)

     

    Okay

    Spoiler

    Okay

     
    I am not okay.
    I have tried so hard
    To be okay.
     
    For my family.
    For my friends.
    For the people who need me.
     
    But no more.
    I don’t have
    To be okay.
     
    I will heal.
    One day, I will be
    Okay.
     
    But that is not today.
    That might not be tomorrow.
    Or next week.
     
    I admit it.
    I’m not “fine”
    I’m not “good”
    I am broken
    But
    In the process
    Of healing.
     
    I am
    Perfectly
    Imperfect.
     
    That is okay,
    Even if
    I’m not.
     
    And that is okay.
    I’ll get there,
    One day.
     
    One day,
    I will
    Finally
    Be
    Okay.
     
    ~ Stick 1-19-24

    Save Me

    Spoiler

    Save me

     
    I stretch
    Out
    My arms
    And you
    Save
    Me.
     
    You save me.
     
    I don’t deserve
    To be
    Saved.
     
    But you
    You do it
    Anyway.
     
    You died for me.
    You bled and died for me
    For me
     
    How can I not
    Love who you
    Saved?
    Who you died for?
     
    It is a
    Decision.
     
    I decided
    Years ago
    To hate myself.
     
    And so I have.
     
    I have hated
    This beautiful,
    Scarred creature
    You call
    Your Daughter.
     
    No More.
     
    I am Strong
    I am Beautiful
    I am a Warrior
     
    I am Loved
    By myself.
     
    You saved me,
    So I am choosing
    Right here,
    Right now.
     
    I love myself.
    I love how You made me.
    I am Your handiwork.
    There is nothing wrong with me.
    I was made
    Exactly how I You chose.
     
    I am free
     
    Because you
     
    Saved me.
     
    ~ Stick 1-19-24
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

    Where My Thoughts Go

    Spoiler

    Where my thoughts go

     
     
     
     
    I want to go out
    And lay on the snow
    I want to forget I ever
    Learned to breathe
     
    I want to freeze
    All alone in the cold
    I want to die
    I want to fade away with no more pain
    I want to feel
    My body
    Slowly freezing
    Stiff
    And
    Cold
    And
    Dead
     
    It’s hard to laugh
    When you’re crying.
     
    It’s hard to react
    When you’re empty.
     
    It’s hard to feel safe
    When you’re scared.
     
    It’s hard to have hope
    When you’re hopeless.
     
    It’s hard to love
    With no pain.
     
    It’s hard to fly
    Without wings.
     
    It’s hard to pray
    Without words.
     
    It’s hard to think
    When you’re emotionless.
     
    It’s hard to hold
    When you’re breaking.
     
     
    The scars don’t define me
    The pain doesn’t define me
    My stupid brain doesn’t define me
     
    I want to die
    Without my thoughts
    Spiraling out of control
     
    I want peace
    I want nothingness
    I want to fade away
     
    I don’t want to exist
    I don’t want the feelings
    And emotions of something alive
     
    I want to know why
    My brain spirals
    Why it always
    Ends up in the
    Abyss
     
    I want to know why
    I can’t just be normal
    I can’t just stop shaking
    I can’t just stop crying
     
    I want to know why
    I’m a mess
    Why I hate myself
    Why I can’t trust
    Anyone
     
    I want to know why
    Your arms are out of reach
    I want to know
    The answers to my questions
    The pathway to my heart
    Around and through
    My walls
     
    Getting to my heart is a maze
    It feels
    Impossible
     
    I can’t feel the arms
    I can’t feel the pain
    The love
    Any of it
    I am numb
    I asked for this
    I made myself this way
    I deserve this
     
    I am
    A
    Numb
    Shadow
    Of
    Who
    I
    Once
    Was
     
    The lonely mist
    Surrounds me
    I can’t see
    I can’t breathe
    I can’t feel
    I can’t even scream
    Would I even want to?
     
    I’m scared
    Scared of change
    Scared of abandonment
    Scared of the shadow
    That I have become.
     
    Scared that I will never
    Be what I should be
    For everyone.
     
    This is where my mind goes.
     
    ~ Stick 1-19-24

    Blanket

    Spoiler

    Blanket

     
    Every time
    I go to the blanket
    Whenever I’m stressed
    I’m lonely
    I’m crying
    I hate myself
    I flee to my blanket
     
    I hide with my blanket
    It holds me
    When my friends
    Cannot
     
    Sometimes
    I go under the blanket
    Alone in the dark
    I cry
    I scream
    I claw at my skin
    I hate this thing
    Trapped in
     
    The air
    Isn’t under the blanket
    And I’m glad
    I don’t want the air
    Breathing is too hard
    It’s easier not to
     
    I wrap myself in this blanket
    I hide from the
    Cruel
    Cold
    World
     
    I have many blankets
    I have named them all
    All are suffocating
    In there own way
     
    I have a blanket
    Named Depression
     
    I have a blanket
    Named Anxiety
     
    I have a blanket
    Named Self- harm
     
    I have a blanket
    Named
    Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder
     
    I have a blanket
    Named Stress
     
    I have a blanket
    Named Suicidal
     
    I have a blanket
    Named Empty
     
    I sometimes hide under
    All my blanket-
    The emotional ones
    And the physical one.
     
    The good things
    Feel like
    Mist
    Instead of
    Blankets
     
    Not very easy to feel
    Especially
    Through
    My
    Blankets
     
    ~ Stick 1-19-24
     
     
     

    Hiding

    Spoiler

    Hiding

     
    This is my instinct
    In a bad
    Situation
    I have to hide
    No body wants to see
    Me
    So I hide
     
    I feel safe
    When I hide
     
    I feel lonely
    When I hide
     
    And yet
    I keep
    Going
    Back
    To
    My
    Hiding
     
    I press against the wall
    Smash myself into the corner
    On the floor
     
    “Go unnoticed.”
    “Make yourself small.”
    “Put up your hood.”
    “Nobody wants to see you.”
     
    I have to hide
    Right?
     
    This is normal
    Right?
     
    I talk to the voices
    The people who aren’t there
     
    I hold the
    Invisible hand
    But it feels real
    I can feel it
    But no one
    Else
    Can
     
    I’m not normal
    So
    I
    Hide
     
    I hide
     
    I hide
    Because
    I have
    To
    Hide
     
    ~ Stick 1-19-24

    Weakness

    Spoiler

    Weakness

     
     
    Weakness
    Vulnerability
     
    I have learned
    That without weakness
    I can never
    Be
    Strong.
     
    I need to be vulnerable
    Or nothing
    Feels
    Real.
     
    It is hard!
    There is a chance
    That you will get hurt.
    But which is worse?
    The numbness?
    Or the pain?
     
    You cannot
    Have
    Healing
    Without
    Pain.
     
    You cannot
    Have
    Strength
    Without
    Weakness.
     
    You cannot
    Have
    Joy
    Without
    Sadness.
     
    Look behind you.
    Look at the journey.
    Look how far we’ve come!
     
    He has been here
    For all of it.
     
    He has been guiding
    You
    Me
    All
    Of
    Us
    In his
    Own
    Special
    Way.
     
    Think very
    Very
    Hard.
     
    Open your heart.
     
    Can you feel him?
    In your moment of weakness?
    Can you feel
    His hand
    On your shoulder?
    Guiding you?
    Keeping you
    Close to
    Him?
     
    He is here
    Right now
    When you can hardly
    Breathe
    When the emptiness
    Tries to
    Eat you
    Alive
    When you
    Are lonely
    When pain is all you feel
    Give it to Him
    He already felt it all
    On a very
    Special
    Tree
    All those
    Tears
    Ago.
     
    He knows.
    He cares.
    He will take
    Your pain
    Your scars
    Your shame
    Your wounds
     
    All you have to do
    Is show
    Your
    Weakness.
     
    ~ Stick 1-19-24
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

    Those Nights

    Spoiler

    Weakness

     
     
    Weakness
    Vulnerability
     
    I have learned
    That without weakness
    I can never
    Be
    Strong.
     
    I need to be vulnerable
    Or nothing
    Feels
    Real.
     
    It is hard!
    There is a chance
    That you will get hurt.
    But which is worse?
    The numbness?
    Or the pain?
     
    You cannot
    Have
    Healing
    Without
    Pain.
     
    You cannot
    Have
    Strength
    Without
    Weakness.
     
    You cannot
    Have
    Joy
    Without
    Sadness.
     
    Look behind you.
    Look at the journey.
    Look how far we’ve come!
     
    He has been here
    For all of it.
     
    He has been guiding
    You
    Me
    All
    Of
    Us
    In his
    Own
    Special
    Way.
     
    Think very
    Very
    Hard.
     
    Open your heart.
     
    Can you feel him?
    In your moment of weakness?
    Can you feel
    His hand
    On your shoulder?
    Guiding you?
    Keeping you
    Close to
    Him?
     
    He is here
    Right now
    When you can hardly
    Breathe
    When the emptiness
    Tries to
    Eat you
    Alive
    When you
    Are lonely
    When pain is all you feel
    Give it to Him
    He already felt it all
    On a very
    Special
    Tree
    All those
    Tears
    Ago.
     
    He knows.
    He cares.
    He will take
    Your pain
    Your scars
    Your shame
    Your wounds
     
    All you have to do
    Is show
    Your
    Weakness.
     
    ~ Stick 1-19-24
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

    In other news... I tried Toblerone for the first time the other day and it's really good! :P 

     

    ( @Shardwatcher01)

  13. Edema Rue

    To the theatre, regarding magic:

    Magic lives,

    Within your walls.

    And that magic happens

    Because we’ve built it. 

    The magic is there while we perform, yes, but the moments it happens most are seen by none but the cast. 

    The magic is there after hours of rehearsal. 

    The magic is there when the tears shed backstage are dried as we enter. 

    The magic is there when lines oft forgotten are remembered in a moment of utter terror. 

    The magic is there after a single screamed word, when the audience dares not breathe. 

    The magic is there when an actor crumples to your floor and weeps for an audience to see.

    The magic is there as fake blood oozes off shaking hands.

    The magic is there in the condemning gaze of a bloody ghost. 

    You are filled with magic, and through you we learn witchcraft of our own.

    Our spells are built from hours spent with people we never knew before.

    And we the cast will cast them together, 

    In pictures,

    And tight hugs,

    And laughter,

    And tears.

    I live for magic,

    And I find my magic in you.

    I live to love,

    And you let me be loved.

    I live for pretense,

    And there is none more beautiful than that I see on your stage.

    So long I have ached

    For the magic I now find.

    And though today ought to be hopeless

    And though we’re barely breathing

    And though all that could be right is wrong,

    In you I see magic.

    And in the actors I see family.

    And in their arms I am home.

    And so,

    Though we struggle,

    I can smile.

    And that,

    Perhaps,

    Is the truest magic there is.

    To laugh at the dark, though there be no sign of light.

    For within your walls,

    I am not alone any longer.

    Rue

    Spoiler

    Sorry I know I just posted an SU...

    y'all theatre people give the most wonderful hugs, especially when they're covered in fake blood that looks real and everyone's laughing and for a moment, the world feels right and everything will be okay. Even though I'm not sleeping or working out or eating healthy or doing my homework. Even though the rest of the world is falling apart and our director (rightly) called us the most embarrassing cast he's ever worked with and we open in a week and half the leads aren't memorized...

    Even though all that, I'm okay. 

    I have no explanation but God, and no words to voice my gratitude.

    ...

    I love theatre.

  14. Edema Rue

    To the theatre, regarding magic:

    Magic lives,

    Within your walls.

    And that magic happens

    Because we’ve built it. 

    The magic is there while we perform, yes, but the moments it happens most are seen by none but the cast. 

    The magic is there after hours of rehearsal. 

    The magic is there when the tears shed backstage are dried as we enter. 

    The magic is there when lines oft forgotten are remembered in a moment of utter terror. 

    The magic is there after a single screamed word, when the audience dares not breathe. 

    The magic is there when an actor crumples to your floor and weeps for an audience to see.

    The magic is there as fake blood oozes off shaking hands.

    The magic is there in the condemning gaze of a bloody ghost. 

    You are filled with magic, and through you we learn witchcraft of our own.

    Our spells are built from hours spent with people we never knew before.

    And we the cast will cast them together, 

    In pictures,

    And tight hugs,

    And laughter,

    And tears.

    I live for magic,

    And I find my magic in you.

    I live to love,

    And you let me be loved.

    I live for pretense,

    And there is none more beautiful than that I see on your stage.

    So long I have ached

    For the magic I now find.

    And though today ought to be hopeless

    And though we’re barely breathing

    And though all that could be right is wrong,

    In you I see magic.

    And in the actors I see family.

    And in their arms I am home.

    And so,

    Though we struggle,

    I can smile.

    And that,

    Perhaps,

    Is the truest magic there is.

    To laugh at the dark, though there be no sign of light.

    For within your walls,

    I am not alone any longer.

    Rue

    Spoiler

    Sorry I know I just posted an SU...

    y'all theatre people give the most wonderful hugs, especially when they're covered in fake blood that looks real and everyone's laughing and for a moment, the world feels right and everything will be okay. Even though I'm not sleeping or working out or eating healthy or doing my homework. Even though the rest of the world is falling apart and our director (rightly) called us the most embarrassing cast he's ever worked with and we open in a week and half the leads aren't memorized...

    Even though all that, I'm okay. 

    I have no explanation but God, and no words to voice my gratitude.

    ...

    I love theatre.

  15. Part Of The Narrative

    Well...

    I guess when you start letting the words out, they won't stop for a while...

    I had a bit of a poetry night with @Just-A-Stick; Love you, mushroom girl ❤️

     

    Safe

    Spoiler

    Safe

     

    Home

    Blankets

    Friends

    Jesus

     

    Safe

     

    You won’t be ,

    You think.

    You can’t be.

     

    You’re wrong.

     

    You will be

    It might be gradual

    Slow

    You might not notice a change at first

    You might be driving home

    You might realize your sweatshirt sleeve isn’t as chewed as normal

    You might go to church

    You might find out that worship doesn’t hurt as much as it used to

     

    Safe

     

    I can’t make you safe

    I wish I could

    But you and both know

    There’s only one person who can do that

    You know who

     

    Safe

     

    I wish I could help

    Wrap you up in me and a blanket

    Hold you

    Tight

    So you would feel

    Safe

     

    I can, one day

    Not too far away

    It won’t be just me either

    It’ll be Love

    It’ll be joy

     

    Jesus

     

    Safe

     

    With you

    With me

    With him

     

    Safe

    Eternally.

     

    It will be

    Spoiler

     

    Hard

    Scary

    Awful

    Terrifying

     

    It will be

     

    Empty

    Numb

    Cracked

    Painful

     

    It will be

     

    Fear inducing

    Destructive seeming

    Easy to break

     

    It will be

     

    That’s healing

     

    That’s what he wants

     

    It’s what I want

     

    Fire

    Hammers

    Sifting

    Burning

     

    It will be

     

    Tempering

    Cooling

    Refining

     

    It will be

     

    That’s what you are

    That’s what you’ve become

     

    It’s not easy

    If it was, it would destroy the purpose

    It’s not fun

    If it was, it’d be pointless

     

    It’s

    What

    Needs

    To

    Happen

     

    And eventually

     

    Held

    Safe

    Laughing

    Crying

    Emotions

    Fleeting

    Hold on

    You can do it

    You’re strong

     

    Unbreakable

    Daughter of Christ

    Free

    Strong

    Been there

    Done that

     

    Fearless

    Beautiful

    Clean

    You’ve done that too

     

    You will be

     

    You are

     

    Perfectly

    Imperfect

    The way

    God

    Designed

    You

     

    Loved

    Spoiler

    Maybe

    Hard to believe

    Sometimes

    Hard to breathe

    Always

    Have to think

    To find the words

     

    Loved

     

    Found it.

     

    Breaths

    Spoiler

    You can do it

     

    1

    2

    3

     

    Count

    The breaths

    They help

    They heal

    They’re hard

     

    It’s hard

    To find breath

    Sometimes

    I can see

    I’m trying to understand

     

    1

    2

    3

     

    I know

    The world is ending

    The pain

    Has faded to numbness

    A weight

    On your heart

    Breathing is adding to it

    It’s annoying

    Cumbersome

    You wonder

    Would it really be so bad

    To just

    Stop

     

    I

    Don’t

    Know

     

    Don’t think about it

    Don’t

    Give it

    That kind of

    Power

    Mechanical

    It can’t be that complicated

    Maybe it is

    But you

    Can

    Do

    It

     

    Please

     

    Keep

     

    Breathing

     

    If I could

    Spoiler

     

    The things

    I’d do

    For you

    If I could

     

    Take your pain

    Your fear

    Put it on me

    Instead of you

     

    Your situation

    Your circumstances

    Your life

    If I could

    I would change it

     

    You know this, right?

     

    I would trade

    My life

    For yours

    If

    I

    Only

    Could

     

    Wait.

     

    Someone…

     

    He already did that

     

    …didn’t he?

     

    Took the pain

    The fear

    The life

    Died

    For you

    So

    You

    Could

    Live

     

    Not just you, either

    Me

    My family

    Yours

     

    “And what a sorry

    Miserable

    Waste

    My life is

    In light of what he did”

     

    THAT

    My friend

    Is called

    A lie

     

    A voice

    A whisper

    A tremble

    Worms it’s way in

    Takes over the thoughts

    Controls the mind

     

    Don’t listen.

     

    I would take

    Those bullets for you

    Hear those voices

    If

    I

    Could

     

    But

     

    I

    Don’t

    Need

    To

     

    He

    Already

    Did.

     

    Trust

    Spoiler

    It’s time

    Don’t you think so?

    Time to just

    Wait

     

    Open your arms

    Let down your guards

    Take off the mask

    That covers your pain

     

    Your feelings

    Your fear

    Your numbness

     

    Give it up

     

    Trust

     

    What a funny word

    A strange concept

    After all that’s been done

    Why would you want to trust?

     

    How could anything

    Ever

    Be ok again?

     

    I have to.

    I have to keep going

    My responsibilities…

    The people I call friends…

    They tell me they would crack without me

    So I must

    Keep going

    No

     

    Let

    Go

     

    Trust

    Not in me

    In Him

     

    Yes, it’s hard

    Painful

     

    But

    Try

     

    That’s

    All

    We

    Can really

    Do

     

    Wait

    Through

    The numbness

    Wait

     

    Trust

     

    Life

    Spoiler

    Broken

    Shattered

    Unfixable

    Unwanted

    Hopeless

     

    These are the words

    We tell ourselves

    Day after day

    Speaking into ourselves

    Lies

    But they’re real

    To us

    In those moments

     

    We’re wounded

    Raw scrapes

    Cuts

    Slashes

    Tearing into our souls

    Ripping apart the fragile walls we’ve built

     

    Fake smiles

    Everything’s fine

    Normal

     

    But then we’re crying on the floor of our rooms

    Because it’s not fine

    It might be normal at this point

    But it’s not fine

     

    These wounds

    Go deeper

    They don’t heal

    They become scars

    But they don’t heal

     

    They break us from the inside

    People say

    Scars are a testament

    To strength

    But hearts can break

    And we can pretend

    They’re healed

    That they don’t need attention

    We can ignore them

    Don’t face them

     

    Curled up in winter

    The tears are gone now

    We’re too exhausted to cry

    Because we stopped feeling a long time ago

    We’re numb

    It’s better like that

    We can’t feel pain

    The pain

    Of that person we lost

    Of that hope that was crushed

     

    On our knees

    Tearing ourselves apart

    It’s in these moments

    We look up

    Desperate

    And see open arms

     

    Healing

     

    A strange word

    A contradiction at the beginning

    An anomaly

     

    Becoming less foreign

    Seeming like a possibility

    Wounds healing for real

    Becoming healthy scars

    Permanent

    But strong

     

    We can see the same ones

    Etched into the people around us

    Written in their eyes

    Engraved into their actions

    Stapled to their hearts

    And we remember

     

    Remember how it felt

    No hope

    Darkness

    Afraid

    Nowhere to go

     

    When we remember

    We reach over

    And we take their hand

    The person looks up

    As we did

    And they see the same open arms

     

    They’re crying

    We’re crying

    We’re shivering

    We’re breaking all over again

    For this person

    We’re praying

    We’re loving

     

    We’re living

     

    That’s life

     

  16. Part Of The Narrative

    Y’all I haven’t written anything in forever…

    But I can safely say this is probably relatable to someone 

    love y’all 

     

    Understand 

    Spoiler


    You don’t know, right?

    You can’t see?

    Good

    I wouldn’t want you to

    Even if 

    You had the capacity

    The brain space

    To understand 

    I won’t bother you 

    With my thoughts

    Just tell me

    I’ll know

    I’ll understand 

    Don’t dance around it

    That’s my job

    Just tell me

    “I don’t like your personality”

    “I’m closer to my other friends”

    “You’re just the comedic relief”

    “I talk to her about this stuff”

    “You’re the person I laugh with”

    “I go to you to be funny”

    “I wouldn’t,

    Like, 

    Just

    Talk 

    To you

    You

    Wouldn’t 

    Understand”

     

    It’s fine

    I don’t care

    I’ll live

    And while I’m at it

    I know about the other one of me

    “I can’t stand her for too long”

    “She’s great…but she’s too young”

    “She’s so unhinged”

    “Oh, of course I love her, but, like…”

    “She pisses me off”

    “I can’t talk to her”

    “Oh! Both of you”

    “You

    Don’t 

    Understand”

     

    I’m not toxic

    Or stupid

    I know 

    When I’m not wanted

    So, you!

    Want to come over next time?

    We can laugh

    We can write

    Draw 

    Sing 

    We have these 

    In common

    Along with

    Being 

    The 

    Comedic

    Relief 

     

    We

    Understand

     

    Call me

    Next time

    We can FaceTime 

    Work on stories

     

    Only you and me

    Know about 

    This

    We

    Share something

    An 

    Exclusion

    But it’s for the best

    It’s ok

    I’m fine

    I understand. 

     

  17. Anguished_One

    Here are all the poems I wrote during my exile.

     

     

     

    Homeless

    Spoiler

    Homeless

     
     
    I see it.
    Their blank, hopeless stares
    The way they beg for anything
    I was once
    So hopeless
    Life was bleak.
    I worked hard
    To keep myself breathing
    I had my family
    To support me.
    Who do they have?
    No one.
    We turn a blind eye
    On their suffering
    And pain
    Their problems
    We try not to see.
    But why?
    Are they not people too?
    What’s the difference?
    A few dollars
    A roof over our heads
    Hope
    That’s the real difference.
    We know where
    Our next meal is coming from
    They do not.
    But
    We can help them
    Find themselves
    Pick themselves up
    Get back on their feet
    We can help them to stand
    Again
     
     
       ~ Stick   1-13-24

    Suicidal

    Spoiler

    Suicidal

     
    The thoughts
    Lurking
    Always there
    Ready to
    Snatch me away
    Break me down
    Steal my soul
    My breath
    My life
     
    There is no escape
    They follow me
    Down the
    Tortured
    Twisted
    Pathways
    In my head
    They hide
    But always
    Resurface
    And try again
     
    They always try again
     
    This is me
    This is how
    It feels
    To be
    Suicidal
     
    I can’t control
    My thoughts
    My urges
    The things
    That I think
    Need to happen
     
    “Take the pills”
    They whisper to me
    I hear the voices
    “Find the knife”
    I cannot escape
    “The rope! Yes!
    Use the rope!”
    I am drowning
    I can’t escape
    “Drowning? Yes! D r o w n.
    Escape? No. Never.”
    If I die
    Will my voices
    Leave me in peace?
    “Peace? When have we ever had that?”
    I don’t know
    “We never had it. It’s gone, out of reach to us.”
    But… no. We can find peace!
    “THE CAR! JUMP IN FRONT!
    NOW!”
    No!
    “You can’t face the world!
    Look at you!
    Who wants to see that?
    Good… hide under the blankets
    No air.
    Press them against your face…
    Good…. Good girl…”
    No! I need to stay!
    “Stay for who? No one wants to see you. Back under the blankets. NOW!”
     
    I believe the voices
    I don’t want to
    But
    I do
    They are taking over
    My entire
    Life
    “There is no life for you. End it now.”
     
    I am
    “Messed up? Unloved? Stupid? Dis-functional? Outcast? Alone? Unwanted? Better off dead.”
    Suicidal
     
    ~ Stick 1-12-24
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

    Thoughts

    Spoiler

    Thoughts

     
    My mind
    It races
    As fast
    As it can
     
    It jumps from
    Topic to
    Topic
    But only stays one one
     
    The thought,
    Always somewhere in my head
     
    “Kill yourself, you’re better off dead.”
     
    I try not to entertain this fantasy
    That I have,
     
    But it is taking over.
     
    My broken brain thinks
    Deep down
    That everything is better
    If we die.
     
    What is there to live for?
    The Shadow cares about nothing.
     
    These thoughts
    Will one day
    Be the death of me.
     
    Welcome to the funeral.
    She was killed
    By
    Her
    Own
    Thoughts.
     
    ~ Stick 1-17-24

    Love

    Spoiler

    Love

     
    We were created to love
    And yet… love causes so much
    Pain.
     
    I almost welcome the pain.
    But I don’t always want the love.
     
    Love is a fickle emotion. People say I’m loved, but I can’t believe them, for I do not feel.
    All I can feel is my heart, breaking inside me, the pain consuming my soul.
     
    Let the pain come.
    The Shadow can stand it.
     
    Shut out the love.
    You don’t deserve it.
    You can survive in your own
    Pitiful
    World
    Of
    Pain.
     
    ~ Stick 1-17-24

    Shadow

    Spoiler

    Shadow

     
    I am a shadow
    Of who I once was.
     
    A lonely, dark shadow.
     
    A shadow and
    A shell
    I can never be filed
    Like I used to be
    Never again
     
    I like being the Shadow
    I drift through my life
    Never caring
     
    Shadows cannot be hurt
    For they are nothing
     
    I am nothing
    And yet
    I still hurt
     
    If I just become the shadow
    Just a bit more
    I won’t be hurt anymore
    I can sink and
    Drown alone
     
    Drown
    Alone
    In
    My
    Shadow
     
    ~ Stick 1-17-24
     
     
     
     
     

    Frightened 

    Spoiler

    Frightened

     
    Every sound
    Every shadow
    Every yell
    Every clap
    Every laugh
    Every scream
    The noise
     
    The whispers
    In my ears
    Telling me
    To do things
     
    The shadows
    That only I
    Can see
    That lurk in the
    Corners
    Of my mind
     
    The people
    Who yell
    Who scream
    Who make the noises
    Who fight
    And get hurt
    Who sometimes
    Become the
    Shadows
     
    I am so frightened
    I cannot breathe
    My panic
    Forces the air
    From my body
     
    I’m shaking
    Yet I feel like I
    Can’t move
     
    I am weak
    I get scared
    I am nothing
    But
    A small child
    Who is
    Frightened
     
    ~ Stick 1-17-14

    Snowflake

    Spoiler

    Snowflake

     
    Tumbling,
    Twisting,
    Falling from the sky.
     
    The snowflakes
    Hit the ground
    And pile
    Into drifts.
     
    Fleecy,
    Delicate,
    Never alone,
     
    They dance
    Through the air
    To their own
    Song.
     
    The song of falling snow.
     
    The lonely sound
    Of the winter
    Wind
    Sighing through the trees
     
    Accompanying the
    song of falling snow.
     
    The cold melody
    Plays across the
    Frigid
    Winter night.
     
    The snowflake
    Is but a
    Tiny part
    Of the
    Symphony.
     
    And yet, without it,
    There would be
    No
    Music.
     
     
    ~ Stick 1-16-24

    Heartbreak

    Spoiler

    Heartbreak

     
    I miss my friends
    I’m lonely
    I want to be held
    I want to have my tears
    Wiped away
     
    The breaking of a heart
    Can happen anytime
    It can be good
    Or it can be bad
     
    God can mend our hearts
    He can fix our scars
    He can piece our lives
    together again
     
    We just have to
    Fling ourselves
    Our trust and entire
    Being
    Into his strong arms
     
    Only He can fix
    My-
    Our
    Heartbreak
     
    -Stick 1-15-24
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

    Story

    Spoiler

    Story

     
    I wish my life
    Was a story.
    I could make a
    Character
    To be me.
    I could fix her,
    Make her perfect,
    Happy, loved,
    Wanted.
     
    I wonder…
    How much would I add?
    What would I take away?
    What would she be like?
    Who are her friends?
    Who is her family?
    What does she like to do?
     
    Would she be
    Happy?
    Would she feel loved?
    Does she care about others?
    Does she love herself?
    Does she
    Bear the scars that
    I do?
     
    Does her mind work?
    Is she insane to?
    Is she worse off than me?
    Does she want to die?
    Is she lonely?
     
    Is she
    Somewhere inside me?
    Trapped
    By the walls around
    My heart?
     
    Is she alone?
    Did she ever
    Find love?
     
    Is she watching me
    Fail my life?
    From somewhere outside?
     
    Is she apart of me?
    Is she upset at me
    For ruining our life?
    For making the decisions we did?
    For hearing the voices?
    The voices that haunt us?
     
    What is wrong with her?
    Does she feel like I do?
    Like a failure?
    Or unworthy?
     
    Can she write better than me?
    Does she have more friends?
    Does she love herself?
     
    Is she okay, wherever she is?
    Is she a mess?
    Does she hear voices?
    Does she talk to herself?
    Do people think she’s crazy?
    Does she think she’s crazy?
    I think I’m crazy.
     
    Does she try to hide?
    Her feelings and emotions?
    Her scars…
    All the bad things-
    Or, are there none in her life?
     
    Is she happy, wherever she is?
    Does she know that
    It’s all a story?
     
    I wish
    I could be
    Her
    And living in a
    Story.
     
    - Stick 1-16-24

    Anyways... Let me know what you think, and... yeah, I'm back, guys! :D

     

    I'm watching the Greatest Showman just for fun, (its not as good as I remember)

    and I'm reading a very interesting book on Endovascular  Neurosurgery, so that's cool :P 

    I think what I missed most, is my friend, this guy -> :ph34r: 

    but, I CANT WAIT TO RP WITH EVERYBODY!!! :D 

    thanks for reading and caring,

     

    Love,

                 Stick ❤️ 

     

    ( @Shardwatcher01)

  18. The Wandering Wizard

    Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

    I know you can't respond yet but hiiiiiiiiii :))

    Love you sis ❤️

  19. The Wandering Wizard

    Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

    I know you can't respond yet but hiiiiiiiiii :))

    Love you sis ❤️

  20. shortcake

    Screenshot2024-01-1711_36_19AM.png.0e0ac316497eaf81300f89fe70b5f1fc.png

    yyyyyyyeahh..

    ... I'm not gonna go through all of these..

    did anything important happen since last update, though?

    also, hi, guys!

  21. shortcake

    Screenshot2024-01-1711_36_19AM.png.0e0ac316497eaf81300f89fe70b5f1fc.png

    yyyyyyyeahh..

    ... I'm not gonna go through all of these..

    did anything important happen since last update, though?

    also, hi, guys!

  22. shortcake

    Screenshot2024-01-1711_36_19AM.png.0e0ac316497eaf81300f89fe70b5f1fc.png

    yyyyyyyeahh..

    ... I'm not gonna go through all of these..

    did anything important happen since last update, though?

    also, hi, guys!

  23. Kajsa

    So I was feeling sick this morning

    so my mom told me to drink a bunch of water and go back to bed

    AND I SLEPT FOR FOUR HOURS

    aka until 11 AM

    i feel amazing

    moral of the story: drink water and get better sleep!

  24. ΨιτιsτηεΒέsτ

    The road of Life

     By my brother on a mission.

    We all walk through the road of life

    With twists and turns and hidden strife 

    With many friends I took my travel

    Ready to see my life unravel 

    On that broad road we walked in laughter

    Never thinking what came after 

    In this my sandal caught a stone

    I tripped and fell and broke my bone

    I couldn't move on without others 

    So I looked up to my brothers

    And yet their gaze was turned aside

    They left me there and never tried

    And so I lay and looked around

    And then saw others on the ground

    Begging groups to give them care

    Yet none of them would meet their stare

    But know I aaw them and I vowed

    That is somehow i were allowed

    To start my journey up again

    I would help up all the men

    And as the words ran through my mind

    A man in white so good and kind

    Called out to me, my name in full

    He seemed to energize my soul

    He said stand up and follow me

    And help those others to be free

    Believing, hoping it was true

    I stood again on legs made new

    And followed then with that good man

    Raising others, letting them stand

    And so we followed this man in white 

    Basking in his healing light

    And he turned from that broad road

    To a path on which our progress slowed

    This was steep and rough and tall

    And men below began to call

    You fool, come down here, it is smooth

    Though for me I made no move 

    Others left this mannof light

    And went back off in to the night

    Yet when we reached that final place

    We met with God and felt his grace

    And others down below who scourned

    Now looked up and cried and mourned

    This man, who's called the son of God

    Who guided us back like a rod

     He spoke and said, they made their choice 

    Come now with me, let us rejoice

  25. The Wandering Wizard

    Anybody else really want a fully sized golden doodle?

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