DramaQueen

Okay so. I have two options. 

 

1: live in my college town for the summer, it would be $775 plus utilities (about $25/month) for the full summer. I'd have to pay for my own gas and buy my own food. I would continue working my current job, which doesn't have very regular hours, but it pays pretty well. I would also want to get a more regular job, maybe at a thrift store or a coffee/drink shop or a cute little local restaurant. I would be near a lot of my college friends, so I could do things with them and continue wearing my less "modest" outfits and going by a more gender-neutral nickname sometimes and using multiple pronoun sets and just in general continue figuring myself out in that way.

 

2: move back in with my parents. Free housing, free food, they'd probably even pay for my gas, I'd already have a regular, well-paying job that I mostly enjoy lined up, and I could try out for a production of Aida that would also pay. But I would either have to act like the version of me that my parents knew from when I was in high school, or let them meet this version of me when I'm not even sure I like this version of me and I'm actively trying new things to figure myself out. I know everyone is always a "rough draft" of themselves, but my current draft feels especially rough, and I don't feel ready for my parents to see it. There have already been times just over phone calls where it's felt like my parents and I are on the brink of a breaking point regarding my identity, and if I live with them over the summer it'll be even more difficult. 

 

However, my program is also next year incorporating travel opportunities, so next year I could travel with a faculty mentor to New York, and the following year to London. I would, however, have to pay my own way. So, saving money by going home would be really helpful for that. But is it worth it if I would be living a lie all summer??

 

Oh and I need to decide by Tuesday, because the girl whose lease I'd be buying if I stay needs to know by then.

 

Any input/advice is welcome, lmk if you have any questions lol

Hey guys you should read the Webtoon Realta, it's what the bird in my new pfp is from and it's incredible.

The sass radiating off of amity is golden

Tell me what Sanderson character you relate to most and I'll tell you a Taylor Swift song to listen to.

(Please check my about me to make sure I've read the book your character's from)

Tell me what Sanderson character you relate to most and I'll tell you a Taylor Swift song to listen to.

(Please check my about me to make sure I've read the book your character's from)

Tell me what Sanderson character you relate to most and I'll tell you a Taylor Swift song to listen to.

(Please check my about me to make sure I've read the book your character's from)

Tell me what Sanderson character you relate to most and I'll tell you a Taylor Swift song to listen to.

(Please check my about me to make sure I've read the book your character's from)

Tell me what Sanderson character you relate to most and I'll tell you a Taylor Swift song to listen to.

(Please check my about me to make sure I've read the book your character's from)

I promise I'll get to my Taylor recs, but first.

SPOTIFY WRAPPED!

I was in the top 0.5% of Taylor Swift listeners (and got a special message from her ), and with how many MASSIVE Swifties there are in the world, I feel like that's a pretty big deal idk.

Shocked that Clockmaker's Daughter isn't represented on here more...

Oh but my top song? I didn't know it existed until September 9th, and I still listened to it that much. It was a recommendation from my crush, so. Checks out.

Y'all y'all y'all okay so

I'm a theatre major, if you didn't know that before, now you do.

In the spring, I'm going to be in a production of Shakespeare's The Tempest.

I'm one of four people playing the character of Ariel.

"Wait, what? One character played by four actors???? How does that work?"

Allow me to elaborate.

Within the show, Ariel says that they "divide and burn in many places." Hence, we are all the divisions. There are two actors who will be kind of the "main" Ariels, so they'll have the bulk of the lines, but then me and the other other Ariel are internally understudying the main two, so that no matter how many Ariels go out (which, hopefully, no one will), as long as there's at least one Ariel left, we can still have the full character of Ariel.

We're also going to do a lot of really cool movement stuff and I GET TO CLIMB ON THE SET AND STUFF. I GET TO USE THE SET BASICALLY AS A PLAYGROUND??? YES PLEASE OMG.

And the COSTUMES??? I'm so excited. If you don't know, Ariel is a nature/wind spirit on an island, so they do a lot of magic stuff and aren't. Human. I love love love I'm so excited aaaaaaaaa.

Also the other three Ariels are all gender-wiggly in some way and I have lately been having a bit of a gender crisis so it's possible that all of the Ariels are gender-wiggly lol.

 

Taylor Swift is a genius that is all thank you for coming to my TED Talk

Rapunzel!!!

 

Rapunzel!!!

 

My childhood crushes but they get progressively more unhinged:

 

My childhood crushes but they get progressively more unhinged:

 

My childhood crushes but they get progressively more unhinged:

 

just got a new phone

tell me what i should set my wallpaper to, and i’ll take all the replies and put them in a rotating playlist

I'm curious.

What's everyone dressing up as for Halloween?

And if you're not dressing up, why not?

that got a little personal, spotify...

that got a little personal, spotify...

I took such a beautiful photo a few days ago-

Ever feel like you don't actually know anything at all?

Cuz me too.

How did I get this far? Idk, just kinda BSed my way. 

Do my thing, freak out over things, somehow panic-mode my way through those things, repeat.

All while also procrastinating and not getting enough sleep and not eating healthy and sometimes not eating enough and trying to look cute and making some dumb financial decisions and never letting myself actually have time to do the things I actually want to do.

Forming opinions and trying to defend those opinions, even when the person I'm defending them to is my dad who has so much more life experience than me and is much better at standing his ground against me than I am and a lot of the time I end up crying because I'm so passionate about it and I know what I believe but I DON'T KNOW how to explain it in a way that he will understand.

Challenging opinions that I've had my whole life and trying to come out of challenging them with a stronger belief in them than before but it's so hard to find time to work on that so I'm just in a constant state of challenging AND believing which is NOT fun.

Trying to keep my social life alive.

Trying to keep myself alive.

Trying to imagine how I could ever possibly be a mother and a wife and have a family and a house (and a job??? Idk???) when I can hardly balance college, work, and feeding myself.

And pushing forward anyways because that's what we do.

Time doesn't stop.

There's not really any way to just. Hit pause on life so you can catch up.

There are things I want in the future, things I've looked forward to for my entire life. Can I at all see how I'm going to get there? No. But I know I want to, and the longer I keep going, the closer I'm going to get to being able to reach those things.

I don't know where I'm going to be in five, ten, fifteen years.

Where I am now is different from where I thought I'd be five, ten, fifteen years ago (although I don't think I thought much about this when I was four. Or nine. But still.)

But I know that where I am has so far worked out and been okayish because of (some of) what I did years and years and years ago.

So...I keep going. Because time will always keep going. Because I know there's something I'm going towards.

I just don't know what it is yet.

But I think it'll be good.

Ever feel like you don't actually know anything at all?

Cuz me too.

How did I get this far? Idk, just kinda BSed my way. 

Do my thing, freak out over things, somehow panic-mode my way through those things, repeat.

All while also procrastinating and not getting enough sleep and not eating healthy and sometimes not eating enough and trying to look cute and making some dumb financial decisions and never letting myself actually have time to do the things I actually want to do.

Forming opinions and trying to defend those opinions, even when the person I'm defending them to is my dad who has so much more life experience than me and is much better at standing his ground against me than I am and a lot of the time I end up crying because I'm so passionate about it and I know what I believe but I DON'T KNOW how to explain it in a way that he will understand.

Challenging opinions that I've had my whole life and trying to come out of challenging them with a stronger belief in them than before but it's so hard to find time to work on that so I'm just in a constant state of challenging AND believing which is NOT fun.

Trying to keep my social life alive.

Trying to keep myself alive.

Trying to imagine how I could ever possibly be a mother and a wife and have a family and a house (and a job??? Idk???) when I can hardly balance college, work, and feeding myself.

And pushing forward anyways because that's what we do.

Time doesn't stop.

There's not really any way to just. Hit pause on life so you can catch up.

There are things I want in the future, things I've looked forward to for my entire life. Can I at all see how I'm going to get there? No. But I know I want to, and the longer I keep going, the closer I'm going to get to being able to reach those things.

I don't know where I'm going to be in five, ten, fifteen years.

Where I am now is different from where I thought I'd be five, ten, fifteen years ago (although I don't think I thought much about this when I was four. Or nine. But still.)

But I know that where I am has so far worked out and been okayish because of (some of) what I did years and years and years ago.

So...I keep going. Because time will always keep going. Because I know there's something I'm going towards.

I just don't know what it is yet.

But I think it'll be good.

Ever feel like you don't actually know anything at all?

Cuz me too.

How did I get this far? Idk, just kinda BSed my way. 

Do my thing, freak out over things, somehow panic-mode my way through those things, repeat.

All while also procrastinating and not getting enough sleep and not eating healthy and sometimes not eating enough and trying to look cute and making some dumb financial decisions and never letting myself actually have time to do the things I actually want to do.

Forming opinions and trying to defend those opinions, even when the person I'm defending them to is my dad who has so much more life experience than me and is much better at standing his ground against me than I am and a lot of the time I end up crying because I'm so passionate about it and I know what I believe but I DON'T KNOW how to explain it in a way that he will understand.

Challenging opinions that I've had my whole life and trying to come out of challenging them with a stronger belief in them than before but it's so hard to find time to work on that so I'm just in a constant state of challenging AND believing which is NOT fun.

Trying to keep my social life alive.

Trying to keep myself alive.

Trying to imagine how I could ever possibly be a mother and a wife and have a family and a house (and a job??? Idk???) when I can hardly balance college, work, and feeding myself.

And pushing forward anyways because that's what we do.

Time doesn't stop.

There's not really any way to just. Hit pause on life so you can catch up.

There are things I want in the future, things I've looked forward to for my entire life. Can I at all see how I'm going to get there? No. But I know I want to, and the longer I keep going, the closer I'm going to get to being able to reach those things.

I don't know where I'm going to be in five, ten, fifteen years.

Where I am now is different from where I thought I'd be five, ten, fifteen years ago (although I don't think I thought much about this when I was four. Or nine. But still.)

But I know that where I am has so far worked out and been okayish because of (some of) what I did years and years and years ago.

So...I keep going. Because time will always keep going. Because I know there's something I'm going towards.

I just don't know what it is yet.

But I think it'll be good.

Petri approves