DramaQueen

Okay so. I have two options. 

 

1: live in my college town for the summer, it would be $775 plus utilities (about $25/month) for the full summer. I'd have to pay for my own gas and buy my own food. I would continue working my current job, which doesn't have very regular hours, but it pays pretty well. I would also want to get a more regular job, maybe at a thrift store or a coffee/drink shop or a cute little local restaurant. I would be near a lot of my college friends, so I could do things with them and continue wearing my less "modest" outfits and going by a more gender-neutral nickname sometimes and using multiple pronoun sets and just in general continue figuring myself out in that way.

 

2: move back in with my parents. Free housing, free food, they'd probably even pay for my gas, I'd already have a regular, well-paying job that I mostly enjoy lined up, and I could try out for a production of Aida that would also pay. But I would either have to act like the version of me that my parents knew from when I was in high school, or let them meet this version of me when I'm not even sure I like this version of me and I'm actively trying new things to figure myself out. I know everyone is always a "rough draft" of themselves, but my current draft feels especially rough, and I don't feel ready for my parents to see it. There have already been times just over phone calls where it's felt like my parents and I are on the brink of a breaking point regarding my identity, and if I live with them over the summer it'll be even more difficult. 

 

However, my program is also next year incorporating travel opportunities, so next year I could travel with a faculty mentor to New York, and the following year to London. I would, however, have to pay my own way. So, saving money by going home would be really helpful for that. But is it worth it if I would be living a lie all summer??

 

Oh and I need to decide by Tuesday, because the girl whose lease I'd be buying if I stay needs to know by then.

 

Any input/advice is welcome, lmk if you have any questions lol

:))

 

Hi! 

What's going on in your lives? 

Feel free to answer that however you want, if you want more of a prompt you can tell me one thing that's been hard and two things that are good! 

One thing that's been hard for me is figuring out if I'm going to stay in my college town for the summer or move back home with my parents. 

Good things: one is that I got on depression medication! Wooooo! Another is that my run of The Tempest is going well, we close tomorrow (which is sad but good!)

Hey guys you should read the Webtoon Realta, it's what the bird in my new pfp is from and it's incredible.

I'm really proud of this one and I'll love you all forever if you check it out :))

 

psssst I write stuff sometimes (basically the only stuff I post anymore lol)

Anyone else just...blame everything about you on one aspect of yourself?

Like, sometimes I'll be like "oh yeah I'm obsessed with such-and-such thing, it's just cuz I'm gay" and sometimes it's something that makes sense, but sometimes it's just like "oh yeah I'm obsessed with mozzarella sticks, it's just cuz I'm gay"

Which, to me, still makes sense. Somehow. 

Or something like "ouch I just stubbed my toe dangit, it's cuz I'm gay" (and, therefore, cannot walk straight I guess??)

Another frequent excuse of mine is "it's cuz I'm a theatre kid" but that one usually does make perfect sense.

.....and tbh I'm a theatre kid because I'm gay, and also I'm gay because I'm a theatre kid, it's like the chicken and the egg dilemma. Which came first, the theatre or the gay? no one knows.

(Oh and btw I'm using "gay" as an umbrella term here, I currently identify as a panromantic asexual demigirl lol she/they/neopronouns)

Seriously I would be so so grateful to anyone and everyone who checks out my writing, I am a huge fan of feedback of any kind!!

https://www.17thshard.com/forums/topic/123959-queens-quill/

How's everyone doing? 

Tell me one hard thing from this year, and two good things :))

For me, I had a hard time managing my time and actually having time for myself, so I got pretty burnt out at times.

But two good things are:

1: I've been in four shows this year, and they've all been super fun, and I've made a ton of progress in my acting both in those shows and in my classes!

2: I've gotten closer with my cohort, closer with some of my other friends, and been able to keep in touch with the friends that I'm now kinda far away from!

Also! Friendly reminder that this exists and I love getting feedback on my writing :))

I feel like a lot of people here don't know me very well anymore (now that I'm not super active 24/7 like I was when I first joined) so please ask me stuff!

I promise I'll get to my Taylor recs, but first.

SPOTIFY WRAPPED!

I was in the top 0.5% of Taylor Swift listeners (and got a special message from her ), and with how many MASSIVE Swifties there are in the world, I feel like that's a pretty big deal idk.

Shocked that Clockmaker's Daughter isn't represented on here more...

Oh but my top song? I didn't know it existed until September 9th, and I still listened to it that much. It was a recommendation from my crush, so. Checks out.

Tell me what Sanderson character you relate to most and I'll tell you a Taylor Swift song to listen to.

(Please check my about me to make sure I've read the book your character's from)

Y'all y'all y'all okay so

I'm a theatre major, if you didn't know that before, now you do.

In the spring, I'm going to be in a production of Shakespeare's The Tempest.

I'm one of four people playing the character of Ariel.

"Wait, what? One character played by four actors???? How does that work?"

Allow me to elaborate.

Within the show, Ariel says that they "divide and burn in many places." Hence, we are all the divisions. There are two actors who will be kind of the "main" Ariels, so they'll have the bulk of the lines, but then me and the other other Ariel are internally understudying the main two, so that no matter how many Ariels go out (which, hopefully, no one will), as long as there's at least one Ariel left, we can still have the full character of Ariel.

We're also going to do a lot of really cool movement stuff and I GET TO CLIMB ON THE SET AND STUFF. I GET TO USE THE SET BASICALLY AS A PLAYGROUND??? YES PLEASE OMG.

And the COSTUMES??? I'm so excited. If you don't know, Ariel is a nature/wind spirit on an island, so they do a lot of magic stuff and aren't. Human. I love love love I'm so excited aaaaaaaaa.

Also the other three Ariels are all gender-wiggly in some way and I have lately been having a bit of a gender crisis so it's possible that all of the Ariels are gender-wiggly lol.

 

Taylor Swift is a genius that is all thank you for coming to my TED Talk

Please please please everyone I am BEGGING ON MY KNEES PLEASE listen to The Clockmaker's Daughter it is probably THE BEST musical of ALL time it's SO GOOD I would commit so many crimes if it meant I could play Constance.

If you do listen to it, please talk to me about your thoughts!!! DMs here are fine but I personally prefer messaging over Discord, my username is @drama.queen27_11 so HIT ME UP IF YOU LISTEN TO IT AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LISTEN TO IT!!!!!!

Rapunzel!!!

 

Embellishments have started to be added!

 

Friendly reminder to drop your shoulders, take a deep breath, eat some food/drink some water if it's been a while, go to the bathroom if you need, etc.

Listen to your body, take care of your needs.

Also if you're currently procrastinating something (like I am) you should probably do it okay love you bye.

My childhood crushes but they get progressively more unhinged:

 

I'm curious.

What's everyone dressing up as for Halloween?

And if you're not dressing up, why not?

Ever feel like you don't actually know anything at all?

Cuz me too.

How did I get this far? Idk, just kinda BSed my way. 

Do my thing, freak out over things, somehow panic-mode my way through those things, repeat.

All while also procrastinating and not getting enough sleep and not eating healthy and sometimes not eating enough and trying to look cute and making some dumb financial decisions and never letting myself actually have time to do the things I actually want to do.

Forming opinions and trying to defend those opinions, even when the person I'm defending them to is my dad who has so much more life experience than me and is much better at standing his ground against me than I am and a lot of the time I end up crying because I'm so passionate about it and I know what I believe but I DON'T KNOW how to explain it in a way that he will understand.

Challenging opinions that I've had my whole life and trying to come out of challenging them with a stronger belief in them than before but it's so hard to find time to work on that so I'm just in a constant state of challenging AND believing which is NOT fun.

Trying to keep my social life alive.

Trying to keep myself alive.

Trying to imagine how I could ever possibly be a mother and a wife and have a family and a house (and a job??? Idk???) when I can hardly balance college, work, and feeding myself.

And pushing forward anyways because that's what we do.

Time doesn't stop.

There's not really any way to just. Hit pause on life so you can catch up.

There are things I want in the future, things I've looked forward to for my entire life. Can I at all see how I'm going to get there? No. But I know I want to, and the longer I keep going, the closer I'm going to get to being able to reach those things.

I don't know where I'm going to be in five, ten, fifteen years.

Where I am now is different from where I thought I'd be five, ten, fifteen years ago (although I don't think I thought much about this when I was four. Or nine. But still.)

But I know that where I am has so far worked out and been okayish because of (some of) what I did years and years and years ago.

So...I keep going. Because time will always keep going. Because I know there's something I'm going towards.

I just don't know what it is yet.

But I think it'll be good.

Happy birthday!!!!!

Petri approves

 

Literally DONE (except skirt embellishments and buttons but those don't require a sewing machine so they can wait) (also ignore my awkward af pose idk how to pose)