Frustration

Names update:

I don't want to stop living.

I just want all the pain to go away.

I guess that's not how life works, though.

Does that mean getting rid of the pain is worth not living?

Of course not. I just want to be happy and whole again. 

Not like my old self, as I am a new person. But happy as my old self, enough to outweigh the pain.

But then...what has changed? Why can't I just...be happier? Why can't I just do the things that won't bring the pain? Why do I have to be so broken?

So broken that everyone leaves. Too scared to make new friends, because they'll just leave. Like everyone else. 

Why can't I just be the me I want? The happy me, the painless me, the friendfull me. 

Maybe because someone else has a different plan? Dare I say a better plan? But if that were so, how could all the pain be better? How could it possibly be worth it.

Whatever it is.

Unless.

Unless...all the pain, the tears, the goodbyes...everything...is the doorway to real Joy with those few who are still here. Joy amidst the pain. 

Is that even possible? Can there possibly be light at the end of this tunnel? Or am I doomed to walk alone forever in the dark?

But...then what about all the other tunnels? They've all had light at the end. Wouldn't that mean this one must have light too? 

It's just...so...hard. All the weight. The pressure. The responsibility. I don't know if I can keep going. Or if I even want to. 

I guess it comes down to why I even exist. I have heard that there are two theories. Either I came to being out of nothing. 

Or I was created by someone, with a purpose.

So...if I was created with a purpose, what could it possibly be? To keep walking, even though I can't see the light ahead? Even though all I feel are the stones cutting my feet? Even though I feel I am all alone?

Or maybe...maybe it's to find others in the tunnel...lost souls like me. Give them some light for a time, and then say goodbye...for now. 

So maybe I need to listen to his voice. Maybe I should just...think celestial. Maybe I'm blind, and I should stop looking through a dirty window. Maybe I should let him be my eyes. 

Maybe I should stop stepping in the thorns, and instead stay on the path. 

Maybe then the pain won't all go away...but...maybe... I can at least be happy again.

saddest death in fiction: answer key

 

So apparently the Speaker of the House was voted out of their position?

So apparently you can do that??

Why is it that no restaurant has good fries?

I don't mean curly fries, but like standard stereotypical fries.

They all have like an eighth the amount of seasoning they need and the only one they have is salt.

Why is it that when worse depression = worse writers block

Is that just me?

I keep seeing articles with some title similar to: Yes men think about the Roman Empire every day."

And as a man I can confirm it is 100% true.

I keep seeing articles with some title similar to: Yes men think about the Roman Empire every day."

And as a man I can confirm it is 100% true.

yall

AI is getting scary good at writing code

like in the last few months alone its improved so much

i feel like i'm not even actually writing anything, i just give bing a vague idea of what i want and it just does it. often times even going as far as to give me a BETTER way to do the thing i was trying to do. 

now is maybe not the best time to be a software engineer 

The Hobbit Trilogy:

Pros:

• Epic action sequences
• Radagast the Brown
• Martin Freeman
• Benedict Cumberbatch
• Legolas
• Bard the Bowman
• The lore additions (I like them)

Cons:

• Less-than-great CGI
• Love triangle
• Not-Wormtongue

oh also btw I've updated the Iconar Beta Doc to have the full Chapter 1. Idk go read it or something

https://docs.google.com/document/d/10iZWsPGBYAAkwyFcdkUOquqM-kNDf8FxR6_9xSDssmg/edit?usp=sharing

wait guys is Twitter still trademarked or can we literally steal it and make it anew

Europeans: Ha Americans are so fat because they drive everywhere and eat crap.

Americans who know that 28.3 inches of fat will stop a bullet:

I have redrawn the Map of Ivinan

I know I keep bringing this up but

because they handle the sheer concept of dramatic irony with such finesse and skill that it is impossible to ever stop thinking about.

I saw a comment on a post somewhere about how the Order 66 scenes with Ahsoka would've been more tense if we didn't know she and Rex survived, but in my own opinion I think it is quite the opposite: we know what the end result is going to be, which means the entire thing is absolutely seeping the purest essence of Inevitability.

Of course, the entire arc is beyond masterful in every regard, but one scene in particular I think is overlooked on a conceptual level is when Sideous actually gives the order in the first place. We know that Ahsoka comes out alive, we know that Rex's inhibitor chip is removed - hell, I even knew about the bit where he's visibly trying to fight against it. So all the tension is completely moved from "what" is going to happen, and instead is placed entirely on "how."

And I was expecting none of it.

For weeks I had awaited the fateful day that I arrive at Clone Wars' Order 66, but little did I know that they were going to make the most heart-wrenching decisions that possibly could've been made in this situation. All of the buildup with Maul had been leading up to the inevitable, and I was at the edge of my frikin seat because of how anxious I was. Any second now the Order would go into effect, the clones would be reverted to factory settings, and -

...hang on a second...

The clones are actively formulating plans to carry out these orders.

That, my friends, is by far the biggest gut punch that's ever been written into... possibly anything ever. Obviously, the clones were made out to be little more than mindless murder machines in Revenge of the Sith - an issue that was remedied posthaste in the Clone Wars all the way back since episode one. But for some reason I was expecting some sort of switch to go off in their brains to blindly follow the order and just hunt down their target until they were killed.

You know the trope. The "I know you're in there" fight. It's in absolutely everything nowadays, and we all know how it goes. Some protagonist gets mind-controlled or possessed or otherwise pitted against their allies, and their friends have to defend themselves whilst calling to their friend's pure heart or whatever it is. I went into this completely expecting that to be the case with Rex, while the other clones fired blindly at Ahsoka to kill her dead like little more than less comedic battle droids.

Instead they kept the clones' personalities. Instead the only thing they changed was what side they were on. The troopers that have served and protected and befriended these jedi for years haven't just been turned against them, but actively seek out this goal. They make plans and prepare themselves for contingencies - they communicate with one another about the mission. I'm not getting this across as well as I'd like, but basically let me sum it up with the fact that it is infinitely more terrifying for the clones to be killing machines with hearts than monsters without a heart at all.

 

anyway I need to sleep bye

place your bets

silksong or doors of stone

provo’s mountains are so…haughty

like “oooooo look at me i’m gigantic and magnificent” 

sheesh 

Ever feel like you don't actually know anything at all?

Cuz me too.

How did I get this far? Idk, just kinda BSed my way. 

Do my thing, freak out over things, somehow panic-mode my way through those things, repeat.

All while also procrastinating and not getting enough sleep and not eating healthy and sometimes not eating enough and trying to look cute and making some dumb financial decisions and never letting myself actually have time to do the things I actually want to do.

Forming opinions and trying to defend those opinions, even when the person I'm defending them to is my dad who has so much more life experience than me and is much better at standing his ground against me than I am and a lot of the time I end up crying because I'm so passionate about it and I know what I believe but I DON'T KNOW how to explain it in a way that he will understand.

Challenging opinions that I've had my whole life and trying to come out of challenging them with a stronger belief in them than before but it's so hard to find time to work on that so I'm just in a constant state of challenging AND believing which is NOT fun.

Trying to keep my social life alive.

Trying to keep myself alive.

Trying to imagine how I could ever possibly be a mother and a wife and have a family and a house (and a job??? Idk???) when I can hardly balance college, work, and feeding myself.

And pushing forward anyways because that's what we do.

Time doesn't stop.

There's not really any way to just. Hit pause on life so you can catch up.

There are things I want in the future, things I've looked forward to for my entire life. Can I at all see how I'm going to get there? No. But I know I want to, and the longer I keep going, the closer I'm going to get to being able to reach those things.

I don't know where I'm going to be in five, ten, fifteen years.

Where I am now is different from where I thought I'd be five, ten, fifteen years ago (although I don't think I thought much about this when I was four. Or nine. But still.)

But I know that where I am has so far worked out and been okayish because of (some of) what I did years and years and years ago.

So...I keep going. Because time will always keep going. Because I know there's something I'm going towards.

I just don't know what it is yet.

But I think it'll be good.

Uhoh...

If I'm gone tomorrow you'll know why 

 

Uhoh...

If I'm gone tomorrow you'll know why 

 

wait wat

you werent already following me?

wait wat

you werent already following me?

Facts (Star Wars edition!):

• People who ship Anakin and Ahsoka are lunatics
• People who don't ship Ahsoka and Barriss are homophobic (jk, jk... or am I?)
  • (F, btw, in the chat for Barriss)
• There was a fight between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Darth Maul in Star Wars: Rebels that lasted approximately five seconds. It was the best goddamn scene in the entire show.
• There was a fight between Ahsoka Tano and Darth Maul in Star Wars: the Clone Wars that lasted approximately five minutes. It was not the best scene in the entire show, but it was certainly close.
• The best scene in the entire show was during the final episode of the final season of Clone Wars, during which Ahsoka and Rex are desperately trying to escape a doomed cruiser while an army of Order 66 clones are trying to kill them. It is choreographed magnificently, the emotions are painful, and the spectacle is incredible.
• Rey is a stupid character. Daisy Ridley is fine, but Rey is a stupid character.
• Sequel Defenders who play the Sexist card against people who don't like Rey's character have an intelligence score of approximately three and a half. "You can't stand a strong female character" Princess Leia was objectively the most badchull in the original original movie, and then proceeded to become more awesome as the trilogy went along. Mon Mothma? Ahsoka Tano? Padme Amidala? Friggin... Barriss, again!
• Andor is the best Star Wars show.
• Actually, it might just be the Best show.
• The Last Jedi could have been good and had the exact same plot if Luke Skywalker hadn't been a whiny little toddler throughout the whole thing. Have him trapped on the planet, or crippled from a battle, or heckin' already friggin' dead for all I care. I can see him refusing to teach Rey the ways of the Jedi because of trauma, but I can't see him completely shunning the ways of the Jedi altogether just because nipple boy got all emo about it.
• I hate Rise of Skywalker as much as the next guy, but I will defend a single "plot hole" that people keep pointing out for some reason. "Why didn't Rey heal Ben after he healed her" because the surprisingly well-paced (not well-written, but at least it was paletable) exposition clearly stated that you're transferring your own life force to someone else in order to heal them. They probably could've continued going back and forth for awhile, but unless they're straight-up Carnot Force Engines then they'd run out eventually.
• Every other plot hole in Rise of Skywalker is terrible and I will not defend them.

 

• Phantom Menace? Eh. It's not as bad as people say.
• Attack of the Clones? Bleh. It's worse than people say (good memes tho).
• Revenge of the Sith? BALLIN. It has its downs but its ups are worth it.
• A New Hope? HECK YEAH. Gimme that tasty greenscreen practical miniatures! I miss those things!
• Empire Strikes Back? BEST STAR WARS MOVIE. I would die on this hill, but not before I slaughter all the rest who would come to test me.
• The Last Jedi? HECKIN GOOD. Excellent conclusion to an excellent saga.
• The Force Awakens? Not great, but it's fine! It's pretty much just the first Star Wars movie to have decent CGI, and really that's all I ask for.
• The Last Jedi? I loved it as a kid, but have come to be rather jaded in my opinions. I'm with Mark Hamill on this one.
• The Rise of Skywalker? Absolute dogwater. And don't try to defend it by saying "it was just trying to fix all the mistakes from The Last Jedi" because even if it was it's STILL DOGWATER.
• Rogue One? Love it. So much. Probably my favorite Star Wars movie, though I might get lynched for saying that.
• Solo? It was fine. Did we need it? No. Was it fine? Yeah.

 

• There is no objectively "cooler" lightsaber color (except, of course, purple). My tastes between blue and green change periodically.
• Anakin Skywalker at the peak of his power would not defeat Son Goku, but you'd best believe he'd hold his own for a good while at least.
• Obi-Wan Kenobi would, in fact, defeat Son Goku. But only by entrapping him in a philosophical debate about ethics a few minutes into the fight, such that he eventually turned the saiyan to the Way of the Jedi.
• The Original Trilogy are not to be defiled by the hands of man. The Sequel Trilogy is a disgrace and an insult to Star Wars and the universe. The Prequel Trilogy, on average, is not good; but it's always Star Wars, through and through, which means I respect it.
• I could still totally rewrite it to be totally epic, tho. Imagine if it had a decent CGI budget as well.
  • (The prequels)
• I've been soaking up too much Star Wars content of late.

Huge motivation dip, I'll try my best to catch up and post again for Houses rp, but if not I'll get to it tomorrow.

I recently found this video on how to determine true conspiracy theories from false ones, and I feel obligated to share it.

https://youtu.be/rC-OdZImcG8

Yes this is what I spend my time doing, don't judge me, or do. It's your life.