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Bookish Ocelot

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Posts posted by Bookish Ocelot

  9. The Knights Next Prequel

    in Roleplaying

    Posted

    Quote

    I haven't been on here in a long time (THANKS, school) and so I'm going to go ahead and say Asger left for the train. It's around 4:00 am. 

    totally not channeling More Happy Than Not. Brownie points for anyone who catches that reference. 

    Asger walked towards the station. It was way too early for trains - at least for normal people, he supposed. He was far from normal, with the ability to store information in metal. Somewhat like one of those new hard-drive things. But small. What would his life have been like had he not discovered his ability? Had he not... 

    Not what? He couldn't remember. There was probably a reason. He couldn't think of what it was. Was it that coin? Every time he tried to tap it, all he felt was loss, a gaping hole in his heart. It was probably better that he didn't know. 

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  10. You Know You're a Sanderfan When...

    in General Brandon Discussion

    Posted

    37 minutes ago, Shard of Thought said:

    The sad thing is, I had flipped to that part earlier and kinda shrugged it off, saying, "He'll come back." But it still struck me like a, ahem, slap to the face and I ran upstairs sobbing and said, "I hate it when characters die." Of course, my parents, being Sanderfans themselves, knew exactly what had just happened and my mom gave me a hug.

    You have Sanderfan parents? LUCKY! I'm jealous. I'm trying to get my dad to read WoT and he took a year to get through EotW. :(

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  11. Can I get some feedback, please!?

    in Creator's Corner

    Posted

    This is really good writing! There are some issues with sentence length/structure choppiness. As a rule of thumb, you want sentence length to be rolling waves, not sharp mountains. Another thing - entering right into a fantasy world with all the names, terms, and Magik (tm) is great but can be very jarring if you don't explain what those things are or how they work. Infodumping is bad, but so is leaving the poor reader with no clue what's happening. 

    Imagery: This is super important. What are they fighting with? Where are they fighting? What does the opponent look like? What time is it? What's the weather like? Details like this can be used to foreshadow future events or add a dramatic background. 

    Dialogue: It's a sword fight. I know there probably isn't much talking. But internal dialogue and indirect dialogue are just as effective for characterization. We wanna know who the characters are - their personalities, goals, how they tick. 

    Supporting Characters: A lot of them are introduced here - Mother, Father, Dake, Vangil - but we don't learn very much about who they are other than their relationships to Deith. 

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  14. The Knights Next Door

    in Roleplaying

    Posted

    Quote

    Onyx asking all the important questions. :P

    Leona smiled. Ashlyn was doing the food. She was free to start on the cake. 

    more cake? Onyx asked. 

    Yes. More cake. 

    why are you obsessed with cake? 

    Why aren't you?

    Leona shut out Onyx's protestations and closed her eyes. A three-tiered cake- that was par for the course at any and every wedding. One layer chocolate, one vanilla, and one marbled. Concentrating, she gathered air over the cardboard cake round she'd set on the counter. The air protested. It wanted to be free, to be fluid. She clenched a fist, and it shaped itself into a squat cylinder. Be chocolate. Be cake. Opening her eyes, a large chocolate cake sat on the counter. She repeated the process twice more. By the end of it, her ring was completely drained along with most of the spheres she had in her apron, and a good portion of those in the kitchen. 

    She pulled a tub of buttercream and a plastic container of fondant out. 

    "Onyx, can you be a spatula?"
    probably. why?
    "So I can frost this cake."

    ----

    "What about a rolling pin?"
    that's not even close to being a weapon.
    "Clearly you've never had one smash your fingers."
    fine. 


     

    2

  16. The Knights Next Door

    in Roleplaying

    Posted

    Just now, AonEne said:

    “Mmm, okay. Food - should we get caterers, buy a ton of stuff from a restaurant...I don’t think we can make it all on our own.” 

    Leona thought for a minute. "Maybe. If it's closely related to cake, like bread, I could make it. Anything else though is beyond me. Unless you happen to want a cake meal?"

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  17. The Knights Next Door

    in Roleplaying

    Posted

    Just now, AonEne said:

    “Well, estimating on the larger end of the spectrum, all of us, plus Ax’s family, plus some random friends who might drop by - I don’t know, fifty people tops? Does that sounds right to you?” She nibbled on her lower lip. “Are you saying a cake with both chocolate and vanilla in it, or two cakes?” 

    "One cake that has one side of chocolate and one side vanilla. Easily soulcastable. I'll do decorations by hand." 

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  18. The Knights Next Door

    in Roleplaying

    Posted

    5 minutes ago, Sorana said:

     

    Quote

    I've never been to a wedding like that, but I've also only been to like 5 weddings...

    American alchohol laws say you can drink starting at age 21, but individual states have laws allowing exceptions for religious reasons or with parental consent. Some teens start drinking around age 15, or sophmore year of high school as a result of going to parties. 

     

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  19. The Knights Next Door

    in Roleplaying

    Posted

     
     
     
     
    Quote

     

    Just now, ShadowLord_Lith said:

     

    Okay!

     

    5 minutes ago, AonEne said:

    “No,” she admitted. “Nothing that one of them could be allergic to, I guess. Not that I know if they’re allergic to anything.” 

    "Chocolate's always good. So is vanilla? What about both?" She answered. "It wouldn't be too hard to do. You got any guess as to how many people we are going to have?"

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  20. The Knights Next Door

    in Roleplaying

    Posted

    Just now, AonEne said:

    “Shana asked us to take care of the food and plates and utensils, all that stuff,” Cassie explained. “For the wedding. Wait, you know about the wedding, right?” 

    Leona smiled. "Yeah, I know about the wedding. It's very exciting! I was going to do a cake. You know what kind they want?"

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  21. The Knights Next Door

    in Roleplaying

    Posted

     
     
     
     
    2
    Quote
    Just now, ShadowLord_Lith said:

     

    We may be weird but we know how to partayyy!

    Usually, American weddings have a ceremony then an afterparty or banquet. The ceremony usually lasts about 40 minutes, while the afterparty goes for three to five hours. They usually have food, sometimes a full dinner, a full bar (beer, wine, spirits, cocktails, etc.), and some kind of dessert. The dessert is almost always a cake. There is then dancing, and there are two main dances. The first is the father-daughter/bride dance and then the couple dances together. DJ(s) and/or band(s) are almost always present. Music tends toward pop and country. 

    By the end, almost nobody except the kids is sober. 

    Disco balls and flashing lights are a must. 

    Leona turned towards Cassie. "Yeah?"

    @AonEne

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  25. The Knights Next Door

    in Roleplaying

    Posted

    27 minutes ago, ShadowLord_Lith said:

    Jace smiled. "I'm not sure- I'll talk to Ax about it and let you know. I mean, I know his favorite kind if cake, but I don't know if he wants anything special or not." He smiled. "What else should be at the party, do you think?" He smiled at her. 

    "Hmm. Music, food that is not cake, drinks." she replied. "Those are the things that usually come to mind. Also, maybe flowers? I don't really know. I've never been to a wedding. My only experiences have been through movies or books."

     

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