ginger_reckoning

I would also like a spot for this week please

You know, I have not considered this before. Lots to think about!

Good point, thanks Yeah, probably gonna delete this on the next pass. It's extremely juvenile anyway Noted Thanks Silk!

Yeah, in retrospect it's a pretty dumb plan, especially since there's really no reason for the guard to just grab onto him and stop him from being lifted. Gonna need to rethink this one. Mentioned in skipped chapter, alluded to before That is true. Mainly going for a "humoring you" vibe from M here. I guess it didn't come through? fair enough From chapter 1, when he witnessed someone getting arrested Good to see you again! I think you should be good to jump in here That seems to be the consensus here That is a good point, thanks! I think that next week, instead of submitting the next chapters, I am going to focus on revising this chapter and the previous skipped ones, and try to combine them into a single chapter while also taking care of some of the contrivances in this chapter. Hopefully I can have that ready to submit by next week. Thank you Silk and Ace of Hearts!

Overall, this seems like a good start to a humorous story. Personally if I found this in the wild, it would be a little too "gross out" for me, but that's just personal taste. I thought that there were too many asides that distracted from the main plot/conversations, especially at the beginning of the chapter. By the end, I was skimming some of these little stories. That being said, character and setting are very good, and the humor is solid. Good first chapter! Pg1-I have not seen the word “suck” used as a noun before. Maybe "drain"? (unless that was an intentional pun) “pleasure-turned-murder” as in, it was a pleasure weapon before? Pg 2 Well that is a very creative way to murder someone “Normal” that’s a great town name for a place with a sex murder specialist Pg 3 I think that the second and third paragraphs here (“Back to the cabinet…” and “Those were easy cases…”) could probably be cut entirely, or put a little later. Pg4 “Not that closing time” we are getting this aside, and then the aside about puns, after someone has walked in but before we get a description of them. I did get a little anxious to get to that. Pg 4 “firm” nice lol Pg 6 “guessed a race” since this was just talking about appearance, I though D was about to guess her ethnicity for a second. “six exclamation points” lol Pg 6 “eyes wide” she didn’t seem too alarmed before, or really any emotion in particular, so this seems a little out of the blue. Maybe some indicators before this that she is distressed? Pg 7 “she won’t discuss it with but” with me? Pg 8 “smoothed a wrinkle from her lap would require” that would require Pg 9 the idea of chocolate lube is…really gross to me. Also, with this included, I think you could definitely cut some of the stories about past jobs at the beginning of the chapter. Pg 10 I don’t think “head” needs to be in quotations here. Pg 13 “please that she’d made” pleased Pg 15 “Lesbians collected…” lol

It sure has! Good to see (?) you again! That is a very good point. The arc here is definitely muddy and a bit redundant. I think maybe I could play up the danger of a potential traitor? The more you know! Pink is just kind of the color of M, there's not really any significance other than that. I guess I'll just plead "magic" on this one, though I will keep that in mind Noted! Thanks kais! Thanks, I agree that this does end up being redundant. I hadn't considered combining the chapters, but I think I could get that to work Yeah, most of it I think It was mentioned that it was a huge no-no, but consequences were not mentioned Thanks Mandamon!

I think on the next revision I will be more specific about how much exactly is burning, but yes, could definitely use more buildup. I think a lot of it is coming back to the fact that I need another chapter/scene before this to establish some things hah, I definitely didn't forget to mention that they wanted to keep him alive to question him...I will make sure to include that in the next draft Thanks! That seems to be the consensus here. Again, I think that I could definitely use some more foreshadowing here, but I'm still a bit reluctant to add more before this point because it takes 30+ pages to get to the inciting incident. Thanks Silk!

Oh, forgot important part of recap, C and A were planning on scouting out a place to steal 100 chickens before A got put under watch

Hey all, and Happy Martin Luther King Jr. day for those in the US! This sub is actually skipping a chapter, because I still wanted to revise the next chapter. The one I am skipping is just a meeting and I just can't get it to work how I like, so I'm skipping it for now in the sake of actually getting this written. I will come back to it. Anyway, here's the recap so far 1-A is a shapeshifter who is a member of a community of shapeshifters and a member of a gang that protects said community. When he learns about a new law that negatively impacts them, he correctly predicts that an attack is imminent. 2-Racist arsonists attack, and A saves his sick parent and some other sick people before running off to save someone else 3-A fights a pyromancer and is injured, along with his friend C and his boss, who dies. Later, whilst bemoaning their fate, he is greeted by an old god who agrees to give him powers if he will be its champion 4-using his new powers, he heals a bunch of people 5+6 (skipped this time) in a meeting of the commmunity and gang leaders, they decide to relocate the entire community, even though that will take a lot of planning. A doubts that will work, as he thinks that with a new focus on finding them, the army will find them very quickly. The group decides to set a guard to watch him at all times to monitor him, as he displays some worrying behaviour. A talks to his parent, R, and explains that he's been living with C ever since they got sick, and that someone else lives in their house now. Thanks again!

I'd like a spot for this week please

That's good to know. I will work on making that smoother. Thanks! Maybe not a secondary protagonist, but definitely another viewpoint character. It's good to know which parts I can trim down, as well. Thank you flowergirl!

That is an interesting suggestion. It is valid, but I also worry that if I put too much stuff before this point, then it will lose potential readers. And structure-wise, I'm not really sure how I could squeeze in a scene. I will need to give this some more thought. I was having some of the same thoughts as well, but thought it would be better to establish C as a viewpoint character earlier on. Though, I could potentially see maybe a scene with C as the viewpoint before this point might solve this problem and the one above. Maybe a scene with C scouting before this? Though I worry that might be a little info-dumpy. IDK. Oh, certainly lol There was a line in the previous chapter noting that M helped him understand what DNA and cells were, but maybe I can restate that here, too That's fair Thanks Mandamon!

Believe it or not, that is actually the vibe I am going for. In later chapters this will get a lampshade, as they interact with other gangs who are more gang-like. Do you think that lantern-hanging should come sooner? :-| That is a good point, thanks Hmmm yeah, I see what you mean. This will be a challenge since I mainly wanted to get to the inciting incident as quickly as possible, but I think maybe if I revise this chapter and the one before so that A actually *knows* an attack is coming (like maybe he heard something while in disguise idk) it will solve some of the problems these chapters seems to have. Thanks Silk!

Happy new year everybody! Thanks again for reading this. This particular sub is most likely going to be revised into oblivion, so I'm mostly looking for the pieces that you think work/can stay. Tagged for medical gore, language, and references to drugs.

I'd like a spot for this week please!

That seems to be the consensus. I will definitely work on that. I'm glad that it worked for you! That is correct, yes Thank you flowergirl!

That's good to know, the next pass's main goal will probably be to trim that down as much as possible. Thanks, that's a good suggestion! Lol Well that's good to hear Thanks you two for the notes!

Yeah, I think you're probably right Fair enough Huh. The more you know! Good point! Thanks, that's an interesting note for me. That is definitely something that I need to work on, especially as more plot comes into play. Thanks!

Here's chapter three and part of chapter 4. I cut off the last bit of chapter four for the word limit, but it might work as a chapter break anyway so idk. One of my main concerns for this chapter is that I worry part of it might be too similar to the Stormlight archive. It was originally inspired by Moses and Exodus from Bible, but I worry that I may have unintentionally made it too similar. I also think these two chapters might be able to be combined, as to get the inciting incident in chapter 3 instead of 4. Your thoughts? This one has some very strong language and violence, references to drugs in a medical and recreational sense, and a brief mention of sex. Thanks again!

alright, thank you!

In general (though I could've sworn there was snow...must've been my imagination). Like I said, it's nitpicky of me since it's fantasy but IRL piranhas only live in the amazon basin in south america, and alligators are cold-blooded, so both of them would freeze to death in cold water

Hi, sorry I forgot to ask this yesterday, (Busy Crimus and all) but am I okay to submit for today?

They sent some non-sick people to shelter there. I think I can probably make this a little clearer yeah...*sigh* Thanks for the notes! I definitely think on the next pass I will be trying to make A more proactive. He also has this probelm in some later chapters, which I'll have to take a look at.

Overall, once again I pretty much have the same thoughts as Mandamon. Good work! Pg 4 “she was time to get the ball rolling” it was time Pg 5 “vile gunk would out from” I think you can remove the word “would” Pg 6 I didn’t bring this up last time because I assumed it was a joke/Q’s ignorance, and it probably still is, but alligators and piranhas will not live in a place where it snows. Again, not a huge deal, and it doesn’t really have any relevance to the plot, but it was just something I noticed. Ah, right, it makes a little more sense for her to use the transformation since she is trying to find a political prisoner this time around. Oh, and she saves the rest of the power for later. Interesting. Pg 7 Ha, the breadknife made me laugh out loud Pg 8 “impressively muscular, hairy man” You mentioned just a few sentences ago that he was muscular so this seems a bit repetitive Pg 15 The addition of the new plotline makes this ending a lot better imo, since we have a through-line other than F being captured.

Hi all! Thanks again for reading this. So I ended up not finishing this over NaNoWriMo because I got like seven chapters in, got stuck, then rewrote the outline and started again. So I'm going to start subbing in here because the weekly deadlines will hopefully motivate me to actually finish it. Since this is more of a first draft, I'm mainly looking for whether the plot makes logical sense, your thoughts on characters and the overall structure. Though of course any critiques are welcome. Anyways, this story will end up being quite dark and violent, with much of the violence being racially motivated, so just heads up. Recap: Ay is a member of a shapeshifting race that lives in the city. While on a job, he learned that the city has a new law that will require all shapeshifters to wear a metal armband or be arrested. He fears the army will make a move on his neighborhood, so he goes to warn them. Also, the title "Changeling" is just a placeholder. If you have any suggestions for the title, PLEASE let me know!