ginger_reckoning

Hey all, and Happy New Year! Thanks again for reading. So this submission, in line with the notes I've gotten about the plotline with the floating city, will probably be changed drastically in the next draft, because I realized it would be better to have the messenger just say why they wanted people to come to the city at the beginning. Still, this chapter introduces some important characters so I thought it would still be helpful for me to have your reactions on them. Also, this is not the entire chapter, but it felt like the best place to break it without going over the word limit. Thanks again!

Thanks, I'll take this into consideration! Hahaha, that is true Mainly because it is in a public place and especially in this city, worried about getting caught. This will be a thing later though! (Searching for opportunities, that is, A may or may not actually get eaten) Thanks, that's good to know. I guess minor spoilers, but the main point of this section is to set better stakes for why A wants to hunt down S here (It will be that if she helps the city, they will let her live here, which will mean that she won't have to worry about the pain anymore) that being said, the fact that it takes 150ish pages to get her to a place where she has personal stakes isn't good, and I think weaving this earlier into the story in the next draft will be an important note I love that game! And haha that is hilarious, now (against my will)I will be doing that too Well actually that is an important plot point, so don't worry, that will be addressed. Lantern-hanging time I guess (If you're curious, the city did conquer the world a long time ago, relatively easily, but for lack of a better term, got bored and stopped. They may or may not be trying to do that again) It is actually! Glad that came through the text Noted Thanks!

That is a good point, I still haven't thought of how to address this, because yeah, it does seem like a very very foolish plan, espeically if they did not know this Another good point! I think I need to make it more clear that this S can't move to other hosts now, either. Or at least, is too afraid to try since it will die if the new host doesn't take That's also fair, and a problem that I think will be hard for me specifically to solve. One of my goals is to kind of ride the line between the "soft" and "hard" magic systems (sidenote: not a huge fan of those terms either haha) and I especially want the magic to not feel like something out of a Sanderson book (though, you know, obviously a fan) but it seems like I'll need to put in a little more work to abide with Sanderson's first law of magic haha That's fair. I feel like I need some kind of scene like this though, to explain in later chapters why S doesn't just try to run away, and why it is so scared/respectful of A when it hasn't been in the past. This is one thing I do want to be sensitive about, since obviously I don't want to compare all people who suffer from dysmorphia to evil goop monster. I think it's more that S feels trapped since it could easily change its appearance before, so maybe calling out dysphoria specifically isn't a good idea, but I personally kind of like it. Idk personally Thanks so much for the input!

Not wrs, but this ispossibly too cryptic haha. Fair! Oh, interesting, yeah I think this would be good to add It seems like this is the consensus, which is good to hear I guess! I agree that not knowing where theplot is going is a big problem in this draft. I'll need to think of ways to make this more interesting, sooner. true haha yeah, probably will cut this. Thanks everyone!

I'd also like a slot please!

Hey all, and and happy holidays! Thanks again for reading. Don't think I have any particular notes on this one other than I still feel like the pacing is taking a little too long here. Any and all notes appreciated!

I'll take a slot for this week!

Hey all! Thanks again for reading. Not much to say for this sub in particular, so any general notes or critiques you have are appreciated. Thanks!

I'd like a place for this next week please!

I think that's one of the main recurring things people have brought up so far that I need to make more clear. Basically, most of the S's got away, including the dragon, so they are still out there. But yeah, it's pretty confusing. Thanks for the critiques!

I really like the complex emotions of this piece, it would really suck to be replaced and realize that everyone likes the doppleganger more. Theres some really interesting social interactions with the potential to cause some horrible drama, which I like. A few notes in the lbl's too. As with Ookla, I am not really sure what the importance of the pigeons is. Obviously its odd and makes it clear we are in some liminal nightvale type dimension or something, but why pigeons specifcially? Maybe it will become clear in later chapters. Speaking of, whats the intended length of this piece? Novella or novel? Or short story? Also, like Mandamon, this felt kind of like in media res to me, though that's not necessarily a bad thing. I felt like I could very easily pick up this book, and I appreciate that it's right to the point. Interested to see where this goes! Pg 1-”school backpack with notebooks” personally I think the word “school” can be cut, kind of implied and I don’t think most students refer to their backpack as their “school backpack” Pg 2 “cant assume I’m back in reality” I mean, surely a place like this could exist in reality? Kind of a weird conclusion to jump to unless something weirder tipped them off, imo Pg 3 “to make me feel out of place” I got a little confused by this at first since I thought for some reason that this reflection looked more asian than the narrator despite being a reflection, which is what made them feel out of place, then read it again and realized that it meant the narrator feels out of place among their peers, who I assume are mostly not asian I like how he just takes this all in stride haha. Cool that he’s dealing with this situation with a level head instead of being like “I have to be dreaming!” (not a trope I like) Pg 6 so this isn’t actually reality, right? If it is, why have the timer be two hours instead of say, 20 seconds? I’m guessing its not really reality Pg 8 “M’s grins directs me” M’s grin Pg9 “If I behave good enough…” Wow, I hope D is a child and not an adult because that is a seriously f*cked thing to say to a child whose parents are missing Pg 9 “act like everyone else wants me to” damn, that is some heavy stuff Pg 13 “dates specifically with a boy” idk, my gaydar did pick up on that too when I read the line haha, but I also don’t think its that odd of a phrasing for someone in highschool who is only interested in dating boys AHHH! PLOT TWIST!

This was a fun story! I liked the tone and thought it was funny and sweet. The stakes of the story were absolutely bonkers though, I was imagining they were going to save the station, but the entire universe at stake was just way farther than I imagined. It doesn't seem like someone would want to restart the entire universe for just a paper, even if they are unhinged. It was kind of ridiculous, but I think that was what made it fun. I also liked the ending a lot. Other than that, just my LBL stuff. Fun story! Pg 3” for her employment” haha nice “Hundreds of them” this seems like maybe an understatement? “Sagittarius A*” is the asterisk part of the name? Sorry, I don’t know astronomy well enough to know. On that note, I just happened to remember that S is the supermassive balckhole at the center of the milky way, but I don’t think that’s ever explicitly said. Might be useful for folks who don’t quite remember, but then again I do appreciate that fact would be obvious to these characters “Thought I was lesbian” we’ve all been there brother Pg 6 “weird meteroid” haha Pg 7 so right now my theory is that they just discovered they are in a simulation? Maybe? Pg 9 “if you’re relying on warm fuzzies” I’m not sure what he is trying to say here Pg 10 “willing to bed she’d defended” willing to bet, I assume Pg 16 “She swallows” missing a paragraph indent

Hey all! Hope yall had a wonderful november, and I'm glad to be back. This submission is going to be a little bit weird, I apologize, but I included some notes at the top of this submission that hopefully help it make sense. Only tags are for language this time, and I think probably some sexual references and threats of violence, but no violence or disturbing imagery this time. Thanks again!

I would also like a slot please!

That's good to know. I think clarity is overall one of my weak points that I need to work on. It does, and I might actually cut this part to have it be a reveal later on. good to know That's a good point. I'm thinking I may actually move a shorter version of this interlude into chapter one, in order to give more backstory at the beginning. Lol, this is kind of the internet's chosen language for like "is X anime character canonically trans?" and I think it's a funny way to phrase it

I think this lack of stakes is definitely slowing things down here. I think I also need to make it more clear that she didn't actually succeed in her goal of destroying them all, she just destroyed their connective tissue, making them all into individuals. I think if I can establish S as a bigger threat through this section it will make it move along better and make the decisions of the characters make more sense. Haha, let's just say that things don't go well for L when A finds out Thanks for the critiques, and see you on the other side of NaNoWriMo!

That makes sense. I'm really considering taking out part of the prologue I originally posted to keep S's origins slightly more of a mystery because I do think that the specifics of the city play into why S is doing what it is doing, but that doesn't really come up as an important plot point until like another 50k words later. That and, as you have noticed, it's a way for me to provide some commentary haha. Hmm. I'll have to think about how to make this more relevant. Both of these are good points, thanks All good! Are the developmental edits on something you think we will get to see? If so, I'm excited! Nice! Glad to hear it! Hmmm yeah, I think this ties to one of the biggest things I'll need to work on as I work on the second draft. Unfortunately, it also seems that I will need to work on developing the magic system more.

First of all thanks for the critiques! These first couple of paragraphs are actually a little tongue in cheek reference to the prologue of "The Name of the Wind" by Patrick Rothfuss (which is also reference by the line when S talks about seeing what's behind the doors of stone). While it isn't a super obvious reference, I do wonder if it is in good taste or not haha. There's already been a number of references to other works in this story and there will be more in the future, so I'm curious as to what your thoughts are. Well thank you! That's a very big compliment and it made my day! That's super fair, I definitely think that this needs more setup and will be something I will work on in the second draft. I think this would be a good idea. I'm considering make the montage into more of an actual couple of chapters, but I do worry about taking too long to getting to the point. I've been a little lenient since I think what has happened so far has been interesting, but it is still taking like 150 pages to get to what I consider the main hook haha. yep lol, it used to have a bigger meaning but I decided to cut the subplot because it felt a little too derivative to me. And it didn't actually add all that much. Originally it was going to include L saving thirteen orphans from the palace as well, but it was too unwieldy a set piece to work around. You know, that's super fair! Thanks again for the critiques!

Similar thoughts to Mandamon with this one, I thought that the writing was very well done in this story! Very melancholic, and even though I didn't really know too many details about the characters, the emotions are still very strong. I think it also works without having knowledge of the other stories better than the other short story did. Again, it is a little confusing but that seems to be intentional and is to it's credit, I think. Overall, I don't have too many overall critiques or on structure, though I did catch a couple of confusing statements and typos on the LBL. Good work! Pg1 “girl sees herself” like her reflection, or a past version of herself, an out of body experience or what? (edit: I’m guessing its the later based on the next stuff that happens) Pg2 “centimeter further in like she is” I am a little confused by this wording Pg9 “that consumes all life it touches” I would suggest moving this clause to directly after “C water” because here it makes it sound like the colonized planets are what is consuming all life it touches Pg 10 “her face close both close” can remove one instance of close Pg 11 “appearing as a loved on” loved one

Hey all! Thanks again for reading. I don't think I'll be posting for most of november, so this might be the last one for a little while. Main tags for this one is a main character who is in a lot of pain. Anyway, thank again, and happy nanowrimo for those who celebrate!

Ooh! Exciting!

Same here, basically. If I could have a slot for this week that would be awesome!

I really liked this story! The prose was more elevated than your usual style, but it did not strike me as particularly "purple" or "fancy" which personally I think is a good thing, since it got across the lonely and melancholic emotions without being distracting. Overall, I would say that the prose was a step up from your usual style, (not that your usual style is bad) so good work. There are some things I was still confused about, but I don't think necessarily take away from the story since it seems like its supposed to be a little mysterious. So who was M? Was he just a calamity imposter? Why keep the cycle going if all the others are dead already? Why tell L that she is O? I would also suggest maybe putting quotes or something around the portions that are supposed to be spoken words. Overall, I think it's a pretty solid short story, even without the context of the longer story. Pg1 First sentence feels a little wordy. For instance, do we need to know in the very first sentence that it is low tide? So the intent for this is that it would be a stand-alone story correct? Without the context of the full story, this first page has a lot of information to take in. Not necessarily a bad thing since it cultivates a lot of mystery and the talk of fate, cycles, and psychic energy is interesting and mysterious imo, but it does raise a lot of questions. Which could just drive the reader to keep reading! Pg2 “bridge that emits” this seems like a tense-break to me I think it's cool that it mixes intergalactic empire with things like castles and towns Pg 3 “within our race” this confused me, since before it seemed like an 3rd person omniscient narrator, but this makes it seem like a person. Is it supposed to literally be the words that M is saying to O? If so, that went over my head until now Okay, yeah, later down that seems to be more obviously the case Pg 5 Yeah, i’m really digging the atmosphere personally Pg 9 upturning a patch of dirt in front of us” this seems to switch to first person even though its not in one of the storytelling sections I find it really interesting that it seems like everyone is just a copy of their originals. This setting reminds me of like dark souls or something, just a cycle that has gone on way too long and is decaying I like the last few paragraphs

Hey all! Tags this time for violence, language, (I think sexual references too?) and gore, including a potentially disturbing description of someone with no bones nothing super specific for this one. Just wonder how the characters come across and if it feels like the plot is slowing down too much. Thank you all again so much!

I'll take a slot for this week please!