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xinoehp512

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Everything posted by xinoehp512

  1. xinoehp512
    "I... yes, of course." Bacon coughed again. "Um. I suppose this is just, ah, normal glitter, then?" "I don't often think, as a rule! But I'm certainly up for the challenge! What is the nature of the assistance required?" *beep beep beep* *opens microwave door* *tastes food* *puts back* *presses 30 second button* "A wise decision! But anyways," he continued, gesturing towards the Plotblade, "what's the story there?" "I have, once or twice, though I've never explored it in detail. Have you ever become a squirrel, then?"
  2. xinoehp512
    "Say," said Bacon. "Have you ever considered what life would be like as a squirrel?" "Well, I'm always looking for adventure! Are there any adventurers hiring?" Bacon coughed. "Um. It would seem I am not, in fact, a vampire." Before Bacon could answer, there was a tearing sound. A person with white skin and black hair stepped through a hole in reality, carrying a crumpled invitation.
  3. xinoehp512
    "Help how? Monster vanquishing? Soul rescuing? Food delivery?" Bacon sighed. "Well, if you insist." He proceeded to suck on Symbol's arm. Absolutely no blood flowed. "Likewise," said Bacon with a nod. "Your fault, eh?" Bacon observed him with a closer eye.
  4. xinoehp512
    Bacon blinked and scrubbed out his ear. "Wow. So that's what profanity sounds like. So, Sera, what sorts of good deeds have you been perpetuating?" Bacon gasped. "Temptress! I fear lest my partaking saps me of all my humanity!" "Wow!" says Bacon. "That sounds like a lot of work." He chewed his smore thoughtfully. "So, what did that last sentence mean?" Oh, I see. It's just a way that Bacon Narrates sometimes, what with being a bard and all. "No problemo! If you need any new organs, just let me know. I've heard electroreceptors are all the rage."
  5. xinoehp512
    "I'll put that down as a maybe," said Bacon, making a note of it on his notepad. "Your compassion does you credit, my dear acquaintance! Alas, I fear I feel the blood hunger coming on! You must away, before I lose all self control and begin to drink your sweet sweet living juice!" Bacon exploded in a little burst of confetti. He reappeared a few moments later behind Cade, applauding furiously. "Well done, well done! Now, tell me- How do you feel?" He pulled out a notepad and some glasses, which he donned. "Ah!" remarked Bacon. "Not quite! Unless you mean the 3000 page party. That ended a long time ago."
  6. xinoehp512
    "Do you want to schedule a therapy session? I have an open slot this Thursday." "Woo!" said Bacon, wiggling his fingers. "New eyes!" Okay, now I'm confused. What exactly did Cricket want? "How tragic! I will have to dine on blood and shun the sunlight, yet my true inner turmoil will remain concealed behind my comic demeanor. Oh, woe is I...!" Bacon clapped appreciatevely. "Say, do you happen to do commissions?"
  7. xinoehp512
    Bacon's face deforms in the exact shape of Cade's fist. "That's it!" he said, voice slightly distorted by his face being punched in. "Take a deep exhale. Let the anger flow out of you and dissipate away into the world." "Oh! Well, here you go." Bacon pulled out a theremin and played Cricket a new set of entirely normal human eyes.
  8. xinoehp512
    "Well, you have those, don't you? Do you need another pair?" Bacon gave her a wounded look. "Your indifference is a dagger to my heart. Alas! I have been grievously afflicted, and none care for my suffering!" A single tear ran down his face, gathering glitter as it went. "Ah," said Bacon. "I see! You want a sandwich." He conjured a Bacon sandwich and signed it with the spectrogram of popular ragtime song "The Entertainer" by Scott Joplin, then proffered it to Meat. "No mayonnaise, I'm afraid. It gives the guinea pigs indigestion." "Only the ones that have bright neon signs that say 'Push Me!' I'm considerate that way. Anyways, I want you to know that I'm here for you, in case you feel like shedding a tear or two due to your sad and lonely existence. I have tissues!" He pulled them out for emphasis.
  9. xinoehp512
    "Not with any ordinary substance- that would show up in a chemical..." Bacon trailed off as he looked in the mirror with dawning horror. "Ah! Help! I've been turned into a vampire!" "Ah, of course!" said Bacon with sudden understanding. "You're a derivative! Well, I'm flattered." "Ah. Well, I'm not going to make it out of human meat! That would just be disgusting." He sighed and put the eyes away. "Perhaps I can help you in some other way. Do you feel like being an albatross, perchance?"
  10. xinoehp512
    "I've had cherry cola before," said Bacon. "This is... well, chemically, identical to cherry cola. But there's something more! I'm sure of it!"
  11. xinoehp512
    "I guess they aren't. How peculiar! What kind of meat are they made out of, then?" Bacon blinked. "Ah! Hello. No, I don't believe we are the same individual. I've kept very close track of all of my clones, and none of them have gone rogue yet!" Bacon glared at the cherry cola in his hand suspiciously before taking a sip. His eyes bulged. "My goodness, Symbol. What is in this stuff?"
  12. xinoehp512
    "Are they not made out of bacon?" said Bacon, bewildered. "Mine are." "Well," said Bacon to Symbol. "That was disconcerting." "Sure, buddy. Whatever you say."
  13. xinoehp512
    Bacon went cross-eyed. "Oh... oh my..." "Wow," said Bacon. "Double rejected. That's gotta hurt."
  14. xinoehp512
    Bacon cocked his head. "The Middle?" "Totally unfair," grumbled Bacon. "At least if you don't bother Fate he doesn't bother you. How am I supposed to enjoy the wonders of cherry cola if an Author can drop in at any time and steal it?" "Whatever do you mean?" asked Bacon quizzically.
  15. xinoehp512
    "So you're independent as well as being corporeal? No being tied to Asher or anything?" "Oh," said Bacon. "Well then." He blinked. "Wait, is she allowed to do that?" "Well, I made a cool new set! Well, Tomato did, I suppose. I just designed the outer casing, really." Bacon proceeded to hover the eyeballs in question in midair. They were made of bacon. "These will show you the exact role of any character! Protagonist, Dark Lord, sidekick, love interest, you name it!"
  16. xinoehp512
    "Thanks," said Bacon, accepting his with a nod. "So, how did you become corporeal anyhow?" The party's been going on! Bacon approached Symbol. "Do you know a Narrator named Glass?" @Bird Furious
  17. xinoehp512
    "You see, the dreams of Narrators are so vivid they are indistinguishable from reality. So now I remember living a normal ordinary boring life." Bacon sighed. "Well, great," he grumbled. He went to find Symbol. Bacon consumed the bacon gracefully.
  18. xinoehp512
    Bacon offered her a sandwich. "Oh, I remember plenty! I just might be remembering a lot of things wrong." Bacon gaped, turning to Shoe and Beosta incredulously.
  19. xinoehp512
    "I have no idea! It's mostly my memories that suffered. You see, I dreamed that I was an ordinary boring person living an ordinary boring life. It was awful!" The light formed a giant hologram of Lady Bug in a statuesque pose. Bacon shot Glass a suspicious look while slowly reaching for another drink. "Who do you think you are?" He challenged. "No, really, who are you? Have we met?" "Not relevant! That sounds extremely relevant! I guess unless it wasn't that difficult to get back. Which, if it was Narrated back, I suppose it wouldn't be. Say, you wouldn't be interested in new eyes, would you?"
  20. xinoehp512
    "Well, I feel asleep for a while," said Bacon. "Cannot recommend. Absolutely terrible for my health." Disclaimer: Bacon is NOT a medical doctor. Bacon stared. "... the drinks! They're gone!'
  21. xinoehp512
    "Seraphina!" exclaimed Bacon. "Congratulations on your newfound corporeality! I see you're using it well." "Speaking of which," mused Bacon, looking around, "where did the drinks table go?"
  22. xinoehp512
    "Say, didn't you have a counterpart? Wherever is she at?" "Any time. Well, unless you steal my drink again." "You're not going to steal my drink again, are you?" The chickens began to sing a full choral arrangement of all Lady Bug's favorite songs, artfully arranged into a single whole. A flock of origami cranes craftily folded from stained glass flew through the air, refracting light intricately.
  23. xinoehp512
    Bacon sighed. "I suppose I will accept your apology on her behalf." He waved his hand, and suddenly Beosta was completely sober. Bacon raised an eyebrow, then a chorus of hundreds of tap-dancing chickens began to serenade Lady Bug with poems to her magnificence written in Bacon Code. (Which was like Morse Code, but named after Bacon instead.) How does it feel to be the person with the second most posts on TLT?
  24. xinoehp512
    Bacon doubled again. Then again. Then again. Some of his clones pulled out instruments and began to play (still dancing, of course). And the music just kept getting faster.
  25. xinoehp512
    "Did you trade it for incredible power?" asked Bacon curiously. "I could," allowed Bacon. "But... it was my cherry cola!"
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