Professor Wilford crawled through the crumbling ruins, his assistant Crumley trailing behind him.
"Is all of this really necessary sir?" he whined. "We've been crawling around this dusty old temple for hours looking for your stupid relic. We ought to turn back and cut our losses." Professor Wilford turned toward his assistant, his faced wrinkled with horror.
"How dare you suggest such a thing Crumley? This 'stupid relic'," he scoffed, "Is a priceless artifact! It is an integral part of our society's culture." He punctuated this last bit with an indignant stab of his finger. Satisfied that his point was made, he turned to continue, only to walk straight through a particularly large cobweb.
"Of course sir", Crumley replied dryly as the Professor danced about trying to brush himself off. "It makes sense that an ancient civilization would leave something so valuable in the middle of their crumbling city." Professor Wilford pulled a final strand of web from his face, shooting a dark look towards his assistant.
"Your vote of confidence not withstanding," he sneered, "it will all be worth it once we find..." He trailed off as they turned a corner, revealing a path that opened up to set of stairs, upon which a large pedestal bathed in a beam of sunlight sat. Even Crumley's prepared retort was lost as they both glimpsed the large red button that sat on the pedestal. Quarrel forgotten, the two of them raced up the stairs, coming to a stop before the button. "I can't believe it" Professor Wilford breathed. With trembling hands he lifted the device close. "We've found the legendary McGuffin!" he crowed holding the device above aloft.
"We did it Professor!" Crumley cheered, his enthusiasm conveniently recovered. The Professor passed the artifact to him as he pulled a set of notes from his breast pocket.
"Now if my research is correct," He muttered excitedly, riffling through the pages, "We should be able to master the power of the relic." Crumley looked up from examining the McGuffin at this.
"Power?" he asked. Professor Wilford nodded, engrossed in his notes.
"Yes, power. According to legend, the McGuffin is said to grant the user any wish." Crumley's eyes brightened at this.
"Wonderful!" he exclaimed. Then, without so much as a second thought, he pushed the button. "I wish for some air conditioning!" He declared to the empty room. There was a quiet moment, in which absolutely nothing happened. Crumley glanced at Professor Wilford, who was staring at him in horror. "Why did nothing happen?" he asked. This seemed to snap Professor Wilford out of his reverie.
"You idiot!" he screamed in terror. "You have to make a wish before pressing the button! Otherwise there's no telling what could-"
The world ended, adorned by the sounds of out-of-tune goats and and bursts of AK-47 fire.
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Jeremy decided at that moment, as unspeakable terrors chased him through bowels of Hal's Hardware™, that he would never again wear plaid.