Alleyverse Character Discussion

[Wits instant noodles he/him]

27 minutes ago, Koloss17 said:

Another thing I notice is that there’s a lot of similar traits to my current character and main villain of the current era, Perses. He’s a post-Catecendre Scadrian that has also been spiked to augment his powers. The similarities I’m noticing:

-Twinborn (though mine is naturally born, A-Bronze F-Tin)

-Hemalurgist (Mine was spiked willingly with A-Steel and A-Iron, while yours was unwillingly spiked with feruchemantic abilities)

-Blind (Perses was born blind while yours was presumably made blind)

-utilizes steelsight to see (Perses relies on it less given that he wasn’t born with it, but yours was)

-gang affiliations (were actually pretty similar here. Poverty and not a lot of options leads to a need to seek power in unsavory places)

-emotional volatility (yours from spike experiments, mine from being essentially tortured by a demon)

I hadn’t checked with current characters when I started making mine probably should’ve done that ! I’ll probably change it up quite a bit then so it’s not just a copy and paste of an already existing character! Thanks for the heads up!!!

[Koloss17 She/They]

6 hours ago, Wits instant noodles said:

I hadn’t checked with current characters when I started making mine probably should’ve done that ! I’ll probably change it up quite a bit then so it’s not just a copy and paste of an already existing character! Thanks for the heads up!!!

Oh your character is still quite different! I’m just noting similarities between the two. If you keep them or not, that’s up to you. Our characters have quite different motivations, backstories, abilities, and personalities, so it’s far from a copy paste.

[Steel Speedster ♂]

With era 8 beginning, it's time to bring in the first characters I submitted! I thought I'd post them here to see if anyone has some feedback before I submit them (and because we don't have a new era 8 character thread.)

Without further ado, here they are.

Jerrin:

Spoiler

Name: Jerrin Tridner

Appearance: 25-year-old, 5’10” Scadrian male. Smooth black hair. Well built for combat, especially speed. He wears a hoodless mistcloak, which will tear free if caught. Underneath his mistcloak, he wears a generic short sleeved shirt and trousers. He wears a belt stocked with vials of electrum, which disengage if Pushed or Pulled on too hard. As a back-up, he also has an aluminum vial. He carries a pair of glass daggers, and a few back-ups, since he shatters them frequently. He wears bracers made of steel on his forearms, which pierce the skin to protect against Pushes and Pulls, as well as a few small implanted steelminds as back-ups.

Affiliations: His metalborn team, which was recently destroyed.

Personality: Jerrin is serious, stoic, and organized. He is a good leader and knows how to coordinate the efforts of his team. Though he is often silent, he has a presence that commands respect. He is confident in his abilities, but knows his limits. He tries to be cool-headed, but following recent events, he has become more short tempered and prone to outbursts. He is willing to operate outside the law, but nonetheless has a strong moral code and strong sense of justice. Jerrin is understandably proud of his accomplishments, though he conveys this through his attitude and actions rather than with words.

Concept: Former leader of an elite metalborn team.

Motivation (Short & long term goal):

• Short:
  • Get revenge for his team.
  • Find employment.
• Long:
  • Recover from the loss of his team and rebuild.
  • Make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Merits:

• Minor: 
  • Skilled melee fighter. (His weapon of choice is a pair of glass daggers, but he is also a capable unarmed combatant.)
  • Good leader;
  • Has contacts in the criminal underworld.
• Normal:
  • Oracle.
  • Experience with Invested Arts, but mainly the Metallic Arts. He knows the main strengths and weaknesses of each Misting/Ferring. He has a little experience with Surgebinding and Awakening (i.e. he would not be caught off guard against their abilities, but does not have much practice fighting them), and almost none with AonDor or other rare forms of Investiture.
• Major:
  • Steelrunner.

Flaws:

• Paranoid: he tries to keep electrum burning at all times to avoid being surprised, which means he spends a lot of money on metal and has little to spend on other things; dislikes running out of speed reserves as well.
• Somewhat socially incompetent: can come across as threatening or bad tempered. Rarely smiles, and comes across as completely humorless, which makes other people feel uncomfortable (though people who know him better tend to find this amusing rather than uncomfortable.) Annoyed by people who are undisciplined or won’t listen to and respect him.
• Somewhat arrogant. He sees himself as more competent and morally superior to most other people, an opinion which is not necessarily unfounded, but which can make him disrespectful to those who disagree with him.
• Bad aim with firearms.
• Anger can make him reckless.
• Afraid of losing friends; (he used to take losses in stride, but was shocked by the loss of his whole team at once.)
• Wants revenge.

Relationships (Eg. Family and Friends):

• Team: all of his teammates were friends, and their loss has deeply impacted him in many negative ways.
• Thav: Thav is the only one of the team remaining, and therefore Jerrin’s only remaining friend. Jerrin has concerns about keeping Thav safe, but knows that they both have to take some risks.

Home Planet: Alleyplanet. (Scadrian descent.)

Current Residence: Owns a decent sized hideout in Smokestack, left over from when his team was more prosperous.

Backstory: Born in the Mistwarrens, to parents who died when he was young. Before then, they instilled him with a great sense of justice and right and wrong. Around the time of their passing, he came into his Twinborn powers, which made him a desirable hire for criminals operating in the area. Needing money to support himself, Jerrin took these opportunities, but always had a lingering feeling of disgust at the way his employers behaved. His natural intelligence also made him quick to point out flaws in their plans, much to the annoyance of his superiors and colleagues, who only put up with him because of his great usefulness. Once he had enough money, Jerrin started his own team, determined to do better than his old criminal gang. His success as a leader allowed him to recruit the most highly skilled metalborn available, including several other Twinborn. He refused to do jobs that hurt innocent people, but was willing to work for criminals against other criminals. His team also occasionally served as bodyguards for gang leaders or noblemen, or pulled off heists. On their last mission, the team was attacked by a pair of mysterious Inquisitor-like individuals. Though Jerrin successfully killed one, the rest of his team was destroyed, except for Thav, one of Jerrin’s newest recruits. Jerrin believes that the entire mission was a set-up intended to destroy him and his team, and has set out on a quest to avenge himself against the second Inquisitor. He also suspects that someone might have sent the two Inquisitors, and is determined to track them down as well. In the meanwhile, Jerrin and Thav have found it harder to get a job. Not only is their team much smaller than it was, but the Inquisitor attack has scared away potential employers who no longer wish to associate themselves with the team.

Loose ends (What is unfinished in their life?): The ones responsible for his team’s destruction are still at large and Jerrin wants to see them pay.

Thav:

Spoiler

Name: Thavel “Thav” Talin

Appearance: 19-year-old, 6’2” Scadrian male. Messy brown hair. Not particularly muscular, as he prefers ranged combat. Wears a mist coat. Carries bronze metal vials and a pair of aluminum handguns. He has several implanted zincminds, as well as a small zinc bracelet that mainly serves as a decoy (piercing to protect against iron and steel.) He has a small steel spike in his ribs, which is only two or three inches long and easily hidden.

Affiliations: Jerrin.

Personality: Thav is charismatic, exuding an air of carefreeness, verging on foppishness. He is, however, actually much smarter than he appears, and knows how to use people’s perceptions of him against them. Beneath the facade of cheerfulness, Thav is more depressed, following the deaths of his teammates and friends.

Concept: F-zinc sharpshooter.

Motivation (Short & long term goal):

• Short:
  • Get revenge.
• Long:
  • Become stronger.

Merits:

• Minor:
  • Charismatic.
  • Calculating and resourceful.
  • Weak A-steel spike. (Allows for subtle redirection of projectiles, slowing falls, shoving people away from him, etc. Not strong enough to shoot projectiles with any significant force or allow him to fly. The limited strength of the spike helps keep anyone from noticing.)
• Normal:
  • Excellent shot. (Particularly when combined with F-zinc.)
  • Seeker. (He can differentiate Allomantic pulses, but can’t detect Feruchemy. He may detect pulses from other Invested Arts, but can’t differentiate them.)
• Major:
  • Sparker.

Flaws:

• Little physical strength.
• Somewhat naive.
• Occasionally reckless.
• Tendency to dismiss certain threats.
• A bit of a show-off.
• Keeps his Hemalurgic spike secret.
• Thinks he should have been stronger to help save his friends and blames himself.
• Afraid of needing to return to his old way of life among nasty criminals.

Relationships (Eg. Family and Friends):

• Jerrin: Jerrin is Thav’s mentor and only friend remaining. With Jerrin’s sharp decline following the disaster, Thav feels responsible for looking out for his well-being.

Home Planet: Alleyplanet. (Scadrian Descent)

Current Residence: Jerrin’s hideout in Smokestack.

Backstory: Born in the Mistwarrens. Worked for nasty criminals early on. Jerrin led a strike against that gang. He was impressed by Thav’s abilities, and offered him a chance to join his team. Thav accepted, impressed by the team’s competence and the fact that they seemed like good people, unlike the ones he was used to working for. Three years later, the rest of the team was destroyed, leaving only him and Jerrin. 

Loose ends (What is unfinished in their life?): The ones responsible for killing his friends are still at large, and Thav wants them punished.

If I recall correctly, one of Koloss' concerns was power level. I don't remember if we resolved that, but I have added a few more flaws since then, so feedback on power level would be appreciated in particular.

Edited October 24, 2024 by Speeding Steelrunner

[Steel Speedster ♂]

7 hours ago, Twinstorm said:

Hello, I am new to the Alleyverse and would like to get in on Era 8. I've made my first character and would appreciate feedback on him 

 

  Hide contents

 

Name: Leon Ferrion “the Shardthief” 

Appearance: a short, nondescript man with curly brown hair, with hints of gray, and a scar on his cheek, his smile seems warm but his eyes are cold and calculated. He is about forty, but still physically fit.

Affiliation: He leads a gang of Invested criminals who are known for pulling off impossible thefts, but they abandoned him to die. 

Personality: He seems warm with a twinkling smile and a rich laugh, but underneath is cold and quick to betray an associate if it is a means to his ends. He hates any Radiant, particularly Skybreakers and has a love for drama. 

Concept: A cold-blooded Twinborn thief.

Motivation: He seeks to kill any Radiant and has been seeking Anti-Stormlight for several years. Long term goals include finding lerasium, as well as Ascending (a secret dream he dares tell nobody else.)

Merits: 

—- Minor: decent with a rapier, an excellent manipulator, F-Electrum Hemalurgic spike

—- Normal: F-Zinc, an excellent gunman, 

—- Major: A very skilled Coinshot

Flaws: Having accidentally stolen from a Skybreaker in his youth, he bears an irrational hatred for Radiants, and will go out of his way to kill any Radiant and make a public display of it. He trusts no one and has a slight limp. He keeps a gun under his pillow. He considers himself to be a fierce Scadrian supporter.

Relationships: His closest friend was his right hand man, Maldon, who is an expert sprouter, who betrayed him.. His nemesis is a Skybreaker named Kelivar who is determined to bring him to justice. His ex-wife the Baroness Reana Elariel, who he betrayed to gain his spike, seeks to bring him back to the light. 

Home Planet: Raised on Scadrial, but his mother is from Roshar. He considers him a pure blooded Scadrian. 

Current Residence: The streets after he was betrayed.

Backstory: Born in the slums of Elendal, he used his powers to become a talented thief, till he accidentally robbed a Skybreaker. The Skybreaker tracked him down and gave him a scar in the fight that ensued. Since then, he has an abiding hatred for Radiants. A year after, a master thief adopted him as his son and raised him in nobility. At twenty-five he fell in love with Reana, who he married. When she discovered him running an underground thieve’s guild, she tipped Kelivar, who brought several Invested police officers. Leon gained a spike and a new enemy that day. Shortly afterward, he discovered Reana betrayed him and left Scadrial for the Alleyverse. His gang betrayed him there and left him for dead.

Loose Ends: Reana is still alive and has a new husband, an Elantrian. Jars continues to hunt him and searches for rumors of lerasium, as well as several secret societies seeking to recruit him. He seeks a new gang and vengeance.

 

Again, would appreciate any or all feedback and critiques, especially for power level. Thanks!

Very cool! Here are my thoughts:

1. First off, there are a couple things that aren't mentioned in the backstory that probably should be. For one, what is the origin of his nickname "the Shardthief"? Secondly, who did he get the F-electrum spike from, and why did he want it? Lastly, what was the reason that his gang betrayed them? Was there some specific event that made them angry with him? Did they resent him for a long time and finally got fed up?
2. I'll note that as he stands, this character comes across as pretty much completely evil and unsympathetic. You could try to make him a bit more morally nuanced, but if you want him to be like that, I don't think that will be a problem.
3. As far as his motivations go, three of them involve finding some external item to make himself more powerful, and it might be a bit hard for him to actually go about trying to achieve these goals. Gettin his hands on anti-Investiture is one thing (there's going to be a guild in this era with anti-Investiture as one of their weapons), but I have no idea where you would find lerasium in Alleycity, and Ascending is downright impossible since there are no Shards in the Alleyverse. In his loose ends you mention that he seeks a new gang and vengeance. Those are good motivations, so I would add them to his motivations section as well as loose ends.
4. Personally, I think he looks pretty balanced, but you'll have to see what @Koloss17 thinks. I'm also curious about why you gave him F-electrum in his set. It's a pretty weak ability, so it shouldn't affect blanace much, but is there a particular reason you included it in his powerset?
5. His backstory states that he lived in Elendel, but no Radiants live on Scadrial at any point in time that we've yet seen. It would probably be a lot easier to just move his backstory to the Alleyverse. It's perfectly allowed to have your character be born in the Alleyverse, and it would barely require any changing. Change Elendel slums to the Mistwarrens and delete the sentence that mentions him entering the Alleyverse, and you should be good. (If you haven't yet, looking at the worldbuilding section of this thread might help you get a better idea of Alleycity.)
6. I'm a bit confused by the character of Reana. The first time she's mentioned, it says that she seeks to bring him back to the light. But in the backstory, she sold him out to the police. Obviously, she was in a tough situation, so it's perfectly possible that she still cared about him, but she then also went on to marry someone else, which really signals that she doesn't. This seems a bit hard to justify, although if you were to expand her characterization, you might be able to explain it. Otherwise, unless this Elantrian that she married is important, if you forgo the detail of her remarrying, I think it makes it a lot more believable that she still cares.
7. Lastly, who is this "Jars" mentioned in the loose ends? From the context, I would assume this is supposed to be Kelivar. An auto-correct error?

Hopefully this isn't too much to take in at once. I kind of let myself nitpick. I think that for the most part, the character is quite solid! If this wall of text is confusing, I would say that the main points to focus on would be points 3 and 5, which should be pretty simple fixes.

[TwinStorm He/Him]

4 hours ago, Speeding Steelrunner said:

Very cool! Here are my thoughts:

1. First off, there are a couple things that aren't mentioned in the backstory that probably should be. For one, what is the origin of his nickname "the Shardthief"? Secondly, who did he get the F-electrum spike from, and why did he want it? Lastly, what was the reason that his gang betrayed them? Was there some specific event that made them angry with him? Did they resent him for a long time and finally got fed up?
2. I'll note that as he stands, this character comes across as pretty much completely evil and unsympathetic. You could try to make him a bit more morally nuanced, but if you want him to be like that, I don't think that will be a problem.
3. As far as his motivations go, three of them involve finding some external item to make himself more powerful, and it might be a bit hard for him to actually go about trying to achieve these goals. Gettin his hands on anti-Investiture is one thing (there's going to be a guild in this era with anti-Investiture as one of their weapons), but I have no idea where you would find lerasium in Alleycity, and Ascending is downright impossible since there are no Shards in the Alleyverse. In his loose ends you mention that he seeks a new gang and vengeance. Those are good motivations, so I would add them to his motivations section as well as loose ends.
4. Personally, I think he looks pretty balanced, but you'll have to see what @Koloss17 thinks. I'm also curious about why you gave him F-electrum in his set. It's a pretty weak ability, so it shouldn't affect blanace much, but is there a particular reason you included it in his powerset?
5. His backstory states that he lived in Elendel, but no Radiants live on Scadrial at any point in time that we've yet seen. It would probably be a lot easier to just move his backstory to the Alleyverse. It's perfectly allowed to have your character be born in the Alleyverse, and it would barely require any changing. Change Elendel slums to the Mistwarrens and delete the sentence that mentions him entering the Alleyverse, and you should be good. (If you haven't yet, looking at the worldbuilding section of this thread might help you get a better idea of Alleycity.)
6. I'm a bit confused by the character of Reana. The first time she's mentioned, it says that she seeks to bring him back to the light. But in the backstory, she sold him out to the police. Obviously, she was in a tough situation, so it's perfectly possible that she still cared about him, but she then also went on to marry someone else, which really signals that she doesn't. This seems a bit hard to justify, although if you were to expand her characterization, you might be able to explain it. Otherwise, unless this Elantrian that she married is important, if you forgo the detail of her remarrying, I think it makes it a lot more believable that she still cares.
7. Lastly, who is this "Jars" mentioned in the loose ends? From the context, I would assume this is supposed to be Kelivar. An auto-correct error?

Hopefully this isn't too much to take in at once. I kind of let myself nitpick. I think that for the most part, the character is quite solid! If this wall of text is confusing, I would say that the main points to focus on would be points 3 and 5, which should be pretty simple fixes.

Thanks for the feedback, I'll break this down by every point. For the "Shardthief" I just thought it sounded kind of cool and that that was what other criminals would've called him for his lengendary heists.

I gave him F-Electrum mostly because he will be and has been in pretty dark places and he needs courage. He got it because he wants more Investiture (the reason he wants lerasium) and he has slowly become an addict to tapping his determination.

As for nuance, I wanted him to genuinely love Reana and to an extent, his former crew, and be betrayed and hurt by their losses, though I will probably add my nuance when I revise him.

Lerasium and Ascending are things he wishes for but may never achieve.

F-Electrum stores determination, which as I said earlier, he gained seeking more power and became addicted to tapping it.

The Mistwarrens are a good idea, thanks!

Reana originally saw his anger and passion and sought to redeem him of those, but didn't know about the syndicate till he accidentally hurt her (I think I'll relate his spike to her brother in the edits) and probably cut the Elantrian and say she seeks to find him again.

Jars was the originally name of the Skybreaker but it didn't fit Roshar so I changed it but I guess I missed a spot.

Thank you so much for the feedback it was very helpful!

 

 

Here is the new character sheet, I hid the old one because it couldn't save edits 

Spoiler

 

Name: Leon Ferrion “the Shardthief” 

Appearance: a short, nondescript man with curly brown hair, with hints of gray, and a scar on his cheek, his smile seems warm but his eyes are cold and calculated. He is about late thirties, but still physically fit.

Affiliation: He leads a gang of Invested criminals who are known for pulling off impossible thefts, but they abandoned him to die. 

Personality: He seems warm with a twinkling smile and a rich laugh, but underneath is cold and quick to betray an associate if it is a means to his ends. He hates any Radiant, particularly Skybreakers.

Concept: A cold-blooded Twinborn thief.

Motivation: He seeks to kill any Radiant and become the leader of a new criminal empire, as well as vengeance against his old gang. He also seeks lerasium (something that he will never gain) and bears a secret wish to reunite with Reana and seek closure with them.

Merits: 

—- Minor: excellent knife fighter, an excellent manipulator, F-Electrum

—- Normal: F-Zinc Hemalurgic spike, an excellent gunman, 

—- Major: A very skilled Coinshot

Flaws: Having accidentally stolen from a Skybreaker in his youth, he bears an irrational hatred for Radiants, and will go out of his way to kill any Radiant and make a public display of it. He doesn't people who haven't proven themselves and has a slight limp. He keeps a gun under his pillow. He considers himself to be a fierce Scadrian supporter. He's becoming almost addicted to tapping determination.

Relationships: His closest friend was his right hand man, Maldon, who is an expert sprouter, who betrayed him. His nemesis is a Skybreaker named Kelivar who is determined to bring him to justice. His ex-wife the Baroness Reana Elariel seeks to bring him back to the light. He genuinely loved Reana and used to his gang, before they betrayed.

Home Planet: Born on Scadrial, moved to the Mistwarrens when he was young, but his mother is from Roshar. He considers him a pure blooded Scadrian. 

Current Residence: The streets after he was betrayed.

Backstory: Raised in the Mistwarrens, he used his powers to become a talented thief, till he accidentally robbed a Skybreaker. The Skybreaker tracked him down and gave him a scar in the fight that ensued. Since then, he has an abiding hatred for Radiants. A year after, a master thief adopted him as his son and raised him in nobility. He became notorious for wanting lerasium, and people began to call him the "Shardthief." At twenty-nine he fell in love with Reana, who he married. Reana's brother, who was also a criminal and associate of Leon, betrayed Leon and Leon killed him and used a spike to gain his powers.  When she discovered him running an underground thieve’s guild and he killed her brother, she tipped Kelivar, who attacked Leon and burned his mansion. Shortly afterward, he discovered Reana betrayed him and left the Mistwarrens with his gang, who later betrayed him and left him for dead.

Loose Ends: Reana is still alive and seeks Leon for forgiveness. Kelivar continues to hunt him and Leon searches for rumors of Radiants and weapons that can kill them, as well as  hiding from several secret societies seeking to recruit him. He seeks a new gang and vengeance.

 

 I would appreciate all feedback!

Edited October 20, 2024 by Twinstorm

[Steel Speedster ♂]

16 minutes ago, Twinstorm said:

I gave him F-Electrum mostly because he will be and has been in pretty dark places and he needs courage. He got it because he wants more Investiture (the reason he wants lerasium) and he has slowly become an addict to tapping his determination.

Okay, that's definitely an interesting idea. That could actually go in his flaws as well.

16 minutes ago, Twinstorm said:

As for nuance, I wanted him to genuinely love Reana and to an extent, his former crew, and be betrayed and hurt by their losses, though I will probably add my nuance when I revise him.

That should definitely help.

16 minutes ago, Twinstorm said:

Lerasium and Ascending are things he wishes for but may never achieve.

I figured. They might not technically belong in motivations in that case, since it's more being used to show an aspect of his personality, but it probably doesn't really matter.

16 minutes ago, Twinstorm said:

F-Electrum stores determination, which as I said earlier, he gained seeking more power and became addicted to tapping it.

One thing you could potentially do is swap F-electrum and F-zinc so that F-electrum is his in-born power and F-zinc is from his spike. It doesn't make a huge difference, but it sounds like F-electrum is a lot more ingrained into his character than F-zinc is. In my mind, it also makes more sense that--considering that there's a limited number of spikes one can use--he would steal something really good like F-zinc rather than a weaker one like F-electrum. To me, this arrangement also seems a bit more thematically appropriate, with F-electrum, which he relies on and is addicted to, being a power he's always had, and F-zinc--one of the more powerful abilities--being one that he stole would highlight his desire to become stronger.

But really, it doesn't make much of a difference. Whichever way you want to do it works perfectly fine.

16 minutes ago, Twinstorm said:

Thank you so much for the feedback it was very helpful!

No problem!

Edited October 20, 2024 by Speeding Steelrunner

[Koloss17 She/They]

Yeah @Twinstorm, this seems to be an overall quite solid character. I would say that if you submit this to the era 8 character thread (which I will create shortly), I can give you some slight tweaks and you’ll be good to go. I’ll make sure to ping you when I make the the character thread!

[Through the Living Wrath he/him]

Spoiler

Name: Teon Asheol (Graceful Death in Aon...)

Appearance: Dula Elantrian, Single scar, one on his hand. Has a generally reserved air. 

Affiliations: None (yet...)

Personality: Like before, is generally reserved. Interacts well with people, and takes pity on those going through hardships. Has a ruthless streak, though. Brave.

Concept: Uneducated Elantrian

Motivation (Short & long term goal): Wishes to join the scholar's guild, but they won't accept him because of the fact that he isn't educated at all. Because of this he starts to seek backdoor ways to study AonDor. The reason of this is he wishes to learn aons, in order to make a difference in this world. He hates and resents what happens to him when he fell into the alleys, so he wishes for the power to help others back to their lives, this is his long term goal. 

Merits: MiM: 1) Teon can interact well with people, 2) is nearly passable at hand to hand (which he learned and or needed to learn in the streets), 3) and is perceptive of if someone should be trusted. NM: 1) Keeps a journal. Likes to record things, and his opinion of people, whether or not to trust them, 2) Knows Aon Ene MaM: Is an Elantrian. Knows the Aon Kii, but not much more.

Flaws: Is traumatized by the fall of Duladel and battles in Arelon. Does not know many Aons, and doesn't have any real way to learn them. Is young, living in the streets, basically an urchin. (This is another reason why it is hard for him to learn Aons)

Relationships (Eg. Family and Friends): Was cut away from family when came to Alley. He works with various organizations, so long as it can be considered in some way “honest”, to gain money for paper, ink, and food. Sometimes might work with police to find criminals, as he hates criminals.

Home Planet: Dula, Sel

Current Residence: Lives in the streets of the Mistwarrens, no home.

Backstory: Grew up in Duladel, until the city fell. Ran to Arelon with his family when he was 17, then was scarred in the battle in Arelon. The morning after, he became Elantrian and fell into immediately into the Alleys and then the Alleyplanet. Is now 18. Man who took pity on him gave him shelter for a while, when he was in shock. He never gave the man his name. Eventually, the man couldn't take care of him anymore, so he had to send him into the streets, which is when he got the name Teon Asheol from the man. He saw an elantrian use Aon Kii (on one of his fellow urchins) and Ene. Spends most of the money he can scrounge up on notebooks. Gets this money by doing various (extremely low level) jobs for various gangs. However, when he believes someone did something wrong, he might turn them in, using Aon Kii to gain a quick advantage over them.

Loose ends (What is unfinished in their life?): Wants to find family (but won't), and wants to learn AonDor, to guide people through the alleys.

Here’s a character idea I’ve had for a while now. Made some small modifications, though.

Aaaaannnooottttthhhheeeeerrrrr idea is one I most recently had, but I’ve waited to actually put it in a sheet until I get the okay that it would work in the UFO group. Here it be: A mad scientist (or something) that works with UFO to create anti-investiture weapons with which to destroy investiture and people who use it.

Spoiler

Name: Tulen Hental

Appearance: Drab. Has a generally jittery air, short. Mousy look, spectacles. Looks solely due to his drab state older, tired. Though he is 30, he looks 40 or so. He has blonde hair, brown eyes. 

Affiliations: UFO

Personality: Hates those who use investiture, especially Awakeners. Is against all forms of investiture, including awakened technology. He is a generally depressing character, and is often hateful. Slow to trust, but very smart.

Concept: Revengeful Drab Scientist

Motivation (Short & long term goal): Wishes to pull down investiture use, is one of the most radical of UFO. Motivated by revenge, but also wishes that what happened to him doesn’t happen to anyone else. Is haunted by his shorter lifespan, so he wants to make a difference while he can. 

Merits: MiM: 1) He has a general knowledge of the known form of investiture, able to identify them with relative ease 2) He takes notes with relative ease, using his own system 3) Notices little details NM: 1) he is very smart 2) is okay at the making of modern-ish weapons or traps MaM: Is a high up scientist in UFO, has access to resources from them. The main thing he does with this is create anti-investiture weapons.

Flaws: Is overly hateful of investiture, especially Awakeners. He has a shortened life span from being a Drab, so his weak in physical combat, and he also, though he notices small things when able, has lowered senses. 

Relationships (Eg. Family and Friends): He doesn’t have a family. His friends are those in UFO.

Home Planet: Nalthis

Current Residence: I’ll look at the locations, decide this. Imma need to re-edit this. (Is there any homebase of UFO? If so, then there)

Backstory: Grew up in poverty in Nalthis. He was one of the devout, willingly gave his Breath to a Returned. However, he accidentally slipped into the Alleys not long after, when he was young. He was soon informed of the downsides of being a Drab and the moral ambiguity of the Returned, whom he had viewed as the ideal person. This enraged him, and he dedicated his shorter life to making things fairer. He at some point joined UFO to do this, becoming an Anti-Investiture scientist.

Loose ends (What is unfinished in their life?): Wants to, maybe not kill all invested beings, but really get rid of their dependency on them and bring his “justice” to those he believes to be corrupt or evil.

@Stormlightsong

Here’s the concept. I was struggling a bit with the merits and how to balance them, since he doesn’t really have any miner “powers” or such. But I think I got something reasonable.

Edited October 29, 2024 by SpiritOfWrath

[Longshot97 he/him]

Hello, all. I promise I'm working on the epilogue posts.

In any case, I've had this idea bouncing around my head for a while. The reveal of UFO has given me a few ideas. @Stormlightsong I'd appreciate your input on the UFO sections. Do I have a plausible interpretation of the organization as a whole?

New character:

Spoiler

Name:

Fourth of the Fall

Appearance:

A slight, slim teenage girl, conditioned from years of trapping experience. Brown skin, green eyes, black hair, braided with Aviar plumes woven throughout.

Wears inconspicuous clothing with a leather cloak - the Pantheon Isles were a much hotter climate than Alleycity. Cloak is waterproof, with stranglecord hidden as a drawstring and a facemask concealed in the hood. Shoulders are padded to carry her Aviar, though she rarely does so anymore. Prefers soft leather shoes (think traditional moccasins) to heavy boots. Wraps her forearms, hands, wrists, ankles, and calves for protection and ease of motion. Carries basic supplies on her at all times.

Affiliations:

Uninvested Future Organization - Active Agent

Personality:

Fourth of the Fall has an intense, focused personality. Fundamentally, she is where she is to prove herself, and will let nothing get in her way. She is brisk and businesslike with allies, but will not hesitate to run ahead if she is with someone she perceives as “slowing her down.” 

It takes a lot to make her care for someone, as she views her past as filled with betrayal. Anyone she deems as close receives fierce loyalty, and anyone she perceives as treacherous is subject to chilly, distant silence.

Concept:

A bitter underdog out to prove herself.

Motivation:

Fourth of the Fall’s life is built around two desires - validation and trustworthiness. She tries to be successful and helpful for those around her, to eventually gain their trust and confidence. At the same time she fears betrayal on a fundamental level. 

Merits:

Eelakin trapping (Major)

Aviar-granted stealth (Normal)

Assassination experience (Normal)

Invested Entity Detector (Minor)

Aluminum machete (Minor)

Aluminum shot (for a sling) (Minor)

Flaws:

Self-critical

Hyper-fixative

Low self-esteem

Relationship anxiety

Relationships: 

Elmina Smedry - Aunt

 - Hates her for…complicated reasons

 - Symbolic to her uncle’s betrayal

 - Some level of jealousy

Eighth of the Eve - Uncle (technically first cousins once removed)

 - Hates him for denying her

 - Feels betrayed by his denial

 - A large factor in her desire for validation

Nalvii - Aviar

 - Connection-based stealth

 - For some reason, her new employers decided to separate them

 - Loves him

 - Complicated feelings about his origins

Home Planet: 

First of the Sun

 

Current Residence: 

UFO-granted space/homeless

Backstory: 

 - Raised the only child of a conflicted couple

 - Grandfather took her in even in his old age

 - Tried - and mostly succeeded - to teach her self-sufficiency

 - Heartbroken when her grandfather died, like losing her father all over again

 - Came under Eighth of the Eve’s tutelage

 - Learned quickly the skills of Pantheon trappers

 - When she asked to be trained formally, Eighth refused her

 - A betrayal made all the more pointed by her already having learned almost all a trapper's skills

 - By way of apology, she was gifted an Aviar by him

 - Hurt, she withdrew, continuing to learn in secret

 - Some things, like the creatures and paths of the Pantheon Isles, she would never know

 - Some time later, she would meet Eighth's fianceé, an outsider no one knew or trusted

 - Hurt even more

 - Chose not to attend Eighth's wedding out of spite 

 - Never heard or saw him again

 - Eventually snuck onto Patji himself

 - Had to flee the nightmaws

 - Accidentally fell through the Perpendicularity 

 - Awoke in Shadesmar

 - Nearly starved to death

 - Found and guided by members of UFO

 - Feeling indebted, she requested acceptance, and was granted it

 - Sympathized with their views on the elitist withholding of power

 - Came to be a valuable asset in survival, tracking, scouting, trapping, and - eventually - assassination.

 - Currently is based in Alleycity

 

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

Could you, theoretically, have an Elantrian who knows aons, and knows how to combine them –but can't draw worth crem– have invested ink tattoos of aons that he could use? Or be able to take time out of combat to draw aons with invested ink to use later? 

[Steel Speedster ♂]

1 hour ago, KnightSkye said:

Could you, theoretically, have an Elantrian who knows aons, and knows how to combine them –but can't draw worth crem– have invested ink tattoos of aons that he could use? Or be able to take time out of combat to draw aons with invested ink to use later? 

That’s an interesting idea. I don’t think we know whether or not you can draw Aons on a person. This is the section of the coppermind that would be most relevant:

Quote

In order to draw a functional Aon, the Elantrian drawing it must intend to do so, or else the glowing lines used to draw the Aon won’t appear.^[4]Elantrians can use their fingers to draw Aons, with each finger giving the lines different widths. Other objects like a quill or stick can also be used to draw Aons.^[8] Aons can also be crafted out of other materials by Elantrians, like stone or wire. In this way they can make amulets and the like, that have an actual magical effect.^[9] Leaving an Aon alone for a short time without completing it will cause it to disappear with no effects.^[10]

So, if I’m understanding correctly, your idea is that an Elantrian draws Aons as tattoos, and then activates them later, using them up. (Correct me if I’m wrong.)

From the sound of it, if this were possible, the Aons wouldn’t go away after being used. Rather, they would act as a permanent effect. This seems like it would be extremely useful, which makes me a bit doubtful it could be done since we haven’t seen or heard of this. (Then again, just carrying around an amulet with a constant effect seems like it would be really useful too, and we haven’t seen that either.)

Tentatively, I would guess that this isn’t possible (probably some sort of soul interference, just like how Allomancy can’t affect metal inside a person), but it also easily could be, so I dunno, maybe you would be fine to do something speculative like this.

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

40 minutes ago, Steel Speedster said:

That’s an interesting idea. I don’t think we know whether or not you can draw Aons on a person. This is the section of the coppermind that would be most relevant:

So, if I’m understanding correctly, your idea is that an Elantrian draws Aons as tattoos, and then activates them later, using them up. (Correct me if I’m wrong.)

From the sound of it, if this were possible, the Aons wouldn’t go away after being used. Rather, they would act as a permanent effect. This seems like it would be extremely useful, which makes me a bit doubtful it could be done since we haven’t seen or heard of this. (Then again, just carrying around an amulet with a constant effect seems like it would be really useful too, and we haven’t seen that either.)

Tentatively, I would guess that this isn’t possible (probably some sort of soul interference, just like how Allomancy can’t affect metal inside a person), but it also easily could be, so I dunno, maybe you would be fine to do something speculative like this.

Pretty much. I was thinking of using invested ink (like Moonlight did with her forgery on Scadrial) to help fuel them and avoid soul contamination. I was thinking that he could either trace the son from the tattoo, then activate it normally, or have a set number of times he could use an aon before having to have it re-inked with more invested ink. 

If you've seen/read fullmetal alchemist, I'm thinking something similar to Kimblee.

[Lunamor she/her]

@Koloss17, you pointed out in the Episode 2 thread that Eza wouldn't be able to detect metal that came into contact with skin unless she was an iron savant. Since I've already dug myself into a bit of a hole and it would make sense based on her history of heavy iron use (especially in the past few months), I'd like to edit Eza's character to be an iron savant if possible. However, I'm having some trouble figuring out what that would look like. We haven't seen any iron savants yet, and the impacts of savantism can range from minor to extreme (see below WoB). Aside from sickness at not getting enough iron, would you recommend I include other consequences?

Spoiler

Kingsdaughter613

Hero of Ages, Harmony in the epigraphs says that brass and copper Allomancers can become savants and never even notice. I know that generally savantism is supposed to have really extreme effects, so how does that work that they do not notice?

Brandon Sanderson

So, most savanthoods have extreme effects, some of them it's just not as noticeable. It can warp your soul without you really even paying that much attention to it. I kind of have a push and pull on how debilitating it is in some ways versus others. In this case, those are two that you can become that it would not be very debilitating in your life.

Kingsdaughter613

What effects would that have for that?

Brandon Sanderson

I'll RAFO that.

JordanCon 2021 (July 17, 2021)

Apologies for not considering this stuff earlier, my Mistborn knowledge has gotten pretty rusty.

[Koloss17 She/They]

On 2/17/2025 at 11:27 PM, Lunamor said:

@Koloss17, you pointed out in the Episode 2 thread that Eza wouldn't be able to detect metal that came into contact with skin unless she was an iron savant. Since I've already dug myself into a bit of a hole and it would make sense based on her history of heavy iron use (especially in the past few months), I'd like to edit Eza's character to be an iron savant if possible. However, I'm having some trouble figuring out what that would look like. We haven't seen any iron savants yet, and the impacts of savantism can range from minor to extreme (see below WoB). Aside from sickness at not getting enough iron, would you recommend I include other consequences?

  Reveal hidden contents

Kingsdaughter613

Hero of Ages, Harmony in the epigraphs says that brass and copper Allomancers can become savants and never even notice. I know that generally savantism is supposed to have really extreme effects, so how does that work that they do not notice?

Brandon Sanderson

So, most savanthoods have extreme effects, some of them it's just not as noticeable. It can warp your soul without you really even paying that much attention to it. I kind of have a push and pull on how debilitating it is in some ways versus others. In this case, those are two that you can become that it would not be very debilitating in your life.

Kingsdaughter613

What effects would that have for that?

Brandon Sanderson

I'll RAFO that.

JordanCon 2021 (July 17, 2021)

Apologies for not considering this stuff earlier, my Mistborn knowledge has gotten pretty rusty.

Sorry for being late to this! I think iron reliance and not much else is fine, probably. But that is your call, as it is unexplored territory.

[Born of Mist He/Him]

Does anyone have any ideas on how to make my character better?

Spoiler

Name: Genali'poonulah'likum'kai

 

Ethnicity: 25% Terrisman, 25% Noblemen, 50% Horneater.

 

Born in Alleyverse.

 

Age: 19.

 

Gender: Male.

 

Merits: Seeker, steelrunner, 1st Ideal Skybreaker (Highspren: 8526, male)

 

Gunsmith, decent shot.

 

Can see spren, beginner swordsman.

 

Backstory: Genali'poonulah'likum'kai, or Kai for short, was born and raised in Alleyverse. A Gunsmith by trade, he owned a shop/his house, near where his childhood friend, Vincent lived. Vincent was a coinshot and a swordsman, and taught Kai the basics of swordplay. One night, Kai went to visit Vincent, when he found Vincent's door askew and heard shouts from within. Kai rushed inside to find 4 figures in cloaks, 1 lying in a pool of blood Vincent's sword stuck in his chest, in Vincent's bedroom. 2 held Vincent down, while the other Pounded a spike into Vincent. Kai yelled and tapped one of his steelminds, and dashed towards them, tackling the figure that had just ripped the spike out of Vincent's chest. Kai slammed the figure against the wall, he turned and raised one of his pistols and fired a shot into each of the others chests. Then he turned back and slammed the butt of the pistol into the other figure's head, cracking the skull. He turned and hugged Vincent's corpse, crying. He hears voices outside, and he looks out the window to see other figures like the others. He looks around, and grabs Vincent's mistcloak, and flees.

 

Hates hemalurgy, and anyone spiked. 

 

[Steel Speedster ♂]

1 hour ago, Born of Mist said:

Does anyone have any ideas on how to make my character better?

  Reveal hidden contents

Name: Genali'poonulah'likum'kai

 

Ethnicity: 25% Terrisman, 25% Noblemen, 50% Horneater.

 

Born in Alleyverse.

 

Age: 19.

 

Gender: Male.

 

Merits: Seeker, steelrunner, 1st Ideal Skybreaker (Highspren: 8526, male)

 

Gunsmith, decent shot.

 

Can see spren, beginner swordsman.

 

Backstory: Genali'poonulah'likum'kai, or Kai for short, was born and raised in Alleyverse. A Gunsmith by trade, he owned a shop/his house, near where his childhood friend, Vincent lived. Vincent was a coinshot and a swordsman, and taught Kai the basics of swordplay. One night, Kai went to visit Vincent, when he found Vincent's door askew and heard shouts from within. Kai rushed inside to find 4 figures in cloaks, 1 lying in a pool of blood Vincent's sword stuck in his chest, in Vincent's bedroom. 2 held Vincent down, while the other Pounded a spike into Vincent. Kai yelled and tapped one of his steelminds, and dashed towards them, tackling the figure that had just ripped the spike out of Vincent's chest. Kai slammed the figure against the wall, he turned and raised one of his pistols and fired a shot into each of the others chests. Then he turned back and slammed the butt of the pistol into the other figure's head, cracking the skull. He turned and hugged Vincent's corpse, crying. He hears voices outside, and he looks out the window to see other figures like the others. He looks around, and grabs Vincent's mistcloak, and flees.

 

Hates hemalurgy, and anyone spiked. 

 

I’ll take a look!

In case you haven’t seen it, we have a character template over on the Era 8 Character Thread. There are a few things on there that you’re missing, so looking at that might help flesh things out a bit more.

So far, you have a solid backstory and power set. A few things that would be good to have would be a description of his appearance (currently you only have his age and ethnicity described), a motivation (your character having a goal is important for RPing), and a description of his personality.

Taking a look at his power set, I do think it’s probably a bit over-tuned. I’m not the person who makes the final decision on that, but that would be my opinion, looking at it compared to existing characters. A Steelrunner is arguably one of the strongest Metalborn, and combining it with a Radiant is a very powerful combination. (Seeker isn’t too OP, but it is another ability on top of everything else.) If you want to do this, you’ll probably need to add some significant flaws to your character in order to balance this out. Speaking of flaws, this is something else that would be good to add anyway. (These can be personality flaws or physical weaknesses.)

Lastly, I would just say, add more details to his backstory. You have a good start, but there are a few things that could be added, like, what was his childhood like? (You kind of skipped to his adulthood.) Where did he live? (The guide to the Alleyverse contains a description of different areas of the city, if you need it.) To me, the biggest missing piece is, how/when/why did he become a Skybreaker?

Fleshing out his backstory should also help you figure out other details, like motivation, personality, flaws, etc.

Hope that helps! Let me know if you need anything else.

[Born of Mist He/Him]

38 minutes ago, Steel Speedster said:

I’ll take a look!

In case you haven’t seen it, we have a character template over on the Era 8 Character Thread. There are a few things on there that you’re missing, so looking at that might help flesh things out a bit more.

So far, you have a solid backstory and power set. A few things that would be good to have would be a description of his appearance (currently you only have his age and ethnicity described), a motivation (your character having a goal is important for RPing), and a description of his personality.

Taking a look at his power set, I do think it’s probably a bit over-tuned. I’m not the person who makes the final decision on that, but that would be my opinion, looking at it compared to existing characters. A Steelrunner is arguably one of the strongest Metalborn, and combining it with a Radiant is a very powerful combination. (Seeker isn’t too OP, but it is another ability on top of everything else.) If you want to do this, you’ll probably need to add some significant flaws to your character in order to balance this out. Speaking of flaws, this is something else that would be good to add anyway. (These can be personality flaws or physical weaknesses.)

Lastly, I would just say, add more details to his backstory. You have a good start, but there are a few things that could be added, like, what was his childhood like? (You kind of skipped to his adulthood.) Where did he live? (The guide to the Alleyverse contains a description of different areas of the city, if you need it.) To me, the biggest missing piece is, how/when/why did he become a Skybreaker?

Fleshing out his backstory should also help you figure out other details, like motivation, personality, flaws, etc.

Hope that helps! Let me know if you need anything else.

Thank you so much for your feedback. 

One of the reasons I chose steelrunner is it is my favorite metalborn, but upon reflection, It would be a good idea to change it. I was also considering gold, zinc, bendalloy, bronze (changed my mind once I remembered compounding), or electrum.

I'm not really good at coming up with flaws (one of my flaws ) and was posting this in part for some ideas for flaws.

As for the rest, they are currently being reworked, I'll try to finish them soon!