Humorous Urithiru PSAs

[Snipexe he/him]

2 hours ago, Gasper said:

Don't you mean impalement? 

Having just because you have shardplate does not excuse you from having to clean out the airducts. The Truthwatchers have holed up in there again and the Windrunners are getting tire of having to try and remove them.

Dang it

[Subvisual Haze]

Windrunners: Passive aggressively stating that you will "protect even those you hate so long as it is right" is not a productive way to resolve interpersonal conflicts.

[Erandeni he/him]

Skybreakers, if someone is falling from the tower, please go and help them, and, no, "there aren't any rules against falling from the tower" is not a valid excuse.

Edited June 8, 2018 by Idealistic

[galendo]

5 hours ago, Idealistic said:

Skybreakers, if someone is falling from the tower, please go and help them, and, no, "there aren't any rules against falling from the tower" is not a valid excuse.

Skybreakers, this is doubly true if you helped them fall from the tower in the first place.  Nale is not a good role-model in this regard.

[Gasper he/him]

Memo to all Stonewardens, please, please, please stop blocking the hallways, the Releasers are getting tire of cleaning up your messes. 

[Vissy]

Due to multiple individual complaints about noise and, quote, "disgraceful behaviour", we regret to inform you that using child Edgedancers as bowling balls is no longer allowed.

Five minutes later...

That applies to adult Edgedancers too!

Edited June 9, 2018 by Vissy

[Toaster Retribution he/him]

Nale wants you all to know that he has updated the list of ”illegal stuff you are not alliwed to do in Urithiru” to include death penalties for offenses such as entering the lavatory of the opposite gender, hiding Vedels keys in the gardens and partying inside Oathgates. Please read the full 3,000 page document to make sure that you do not break any of the new (or old) laws. If you have any questions, please turn to the Skybreakers for more in-depth information.

[Broseph]

Can the Lightweaver who created an illusion of shadesmar in the elsecaller quarters please dispel it three of them have already gotten lost looking for a door that exists in another realm.

[ljósmóður she/her]

Whilst it is laudable that so many of our new Radiants are eager to destroy some evil, Szeth requests that everyone thinks *very* carefully before trying to borrow his sword-nimi.

[Toaster Retribution he/him]

The Sibling wants you all to know that he will go on vacation for an unspecified period of time.

Edited June 17, 2018 by Toaster Retribution

[Heretic he/him]

Would the nearest Willshaper please report to the Bondsmith's office to explain what it is you do already?

Any Edgedancer who is found applying the surge of Abrasion to balcony rails will be fined. The Windrunners cannot keep catching everyone who slips and falls because of you.

[goody153]

The resident bondsmith requests everybody to stop cursing using Stormfather's name. Now that the stormfather is active he gets very confused everytime and has taken a complain to his bondsmith

[Slimy_Slider]

To all orders of Radiant in the tower:

Please stop inviting Stormfather's Bondsmith to your parties. Honours Perpendicularity is not your personal disco light. You can make do with gemstones like everyone else.

[ljósmóður she/her]

Urithiru's Dental Service advise against the consumption of Horneater stew and/or ale. We, currently, only have one dentist trained in the surge of regrowth and don't want you all to have gaps in those 'radiant' smiles!

[goody153]

To all Edgedancers stop putting signs of "WET FLOOR" and then making the floor "slick" just because you can. It's causing traffic all over the place and you even blocked some of the only paths.

And NO not all have surge of gravitation others have to walk that's not an excuse

[Steeldancer he/him]

Windrunners- please refrain from eating on the ceiling of the cafeteria. Inevitably food ends up landing on someone’s head, and we have received numerous complaints. 

[Gasper he/him]

Please stop bugging the Nightwatcher for boons, it is extremely irritating to her Bondsmith. Yes, Edgedancers, that means you! 

[Steeldancer he/him]

Edgedancers- please refrain from growing forests in the common rooms. Some radiants suffer from allergies, and just because you can heal them doesn’t make it all right. 

[+ElephantEarwax he/him]

Please do lash a dun gemstone into the keyholes in the lifts, it makes it extremely hard for non-surgebinders to use them.

Edited June 18, 2018 by ElephantEarwax

[Obnoxiousspren]

This is the best thread since the "Nightwatcher Boon/Curse" Game!

-Lightweavers, we would ask that you educate your Spren on the social consequences of announcing every potential lie they hear in a conversation. It is difficult for various orders to remain civil when a Windrunner can't even say "Have a nice day" to a Skybreaker without every Cryptic in the area humming in unison.

-We would also mention that it is highly inappropriate to use a Cryptic as a lie detector in relatively unimportant conversations, like while questioning a significant other about their association with a particularly attractive Edgedancer. In relation to this, spren of any order should not be used as spies to determine the faithfulness of one's partner. To those wishing to find a more socially acceptable way to overcome relationship issues, we would recommend the use of the weekly group sessions with the Bondsmiths.

-While we understand that there is necessity in practicing the abilities available to the each order, we would ask that the maturity of one's calling be maintained. For example, we would ask the Stonewardens to cease morphing ceilings and walls into rude phrases, lewd images or even information on how to contact a specific individual via spanreed. Such activities can not be categorized as the "critical formation and maintenance of skill."

-On a similar note, the Edgedancer practice of "slicking" the objects of other individuals must be discontinued. The Skybreakers have submitted multiple complaints, citing these actions as "blatant violations of another's property, health and dignity." Incidentally, all these complaints were submitted following last week's meeting in the main assembly hall after the event was cancelled due to the "slicking" of the seats of the entire order of the Skybreakers.

[Slimy_Slider]

To the Radiant which sent a ball-pit as a get-well gift to our newest Elsecaller after their near-death experience in Shadesmar, could you please come forward.

You will be required to foot the bill for professional therapy, and one-on-one Bondsmith chats are not cheap.

[Steeldancer he/him]

Willshapers, would you please stop using cohesion to trace your and your partner's initials in the walls? The Stonewards are starting to get annoyed. They have better things to do besides fix the marks of a week long fling. 

[Nathrangking he/him]

Will the truthwatchers who go around and tell people to stay in their rooms lest they come to a bad end cease an desist.

Can the skybreakers who practiced division on the supposed grafiti/strata on the walls please step forward.

[goody153]

Attention to All Knight Radiants: 

Stop ordering your spren around to do pranks and petty revenge against other people. And no the excuse "but i did not order him/her" you are responsible of your own sprens actions. 

We are looking at you specifically windrunners and lightweavers

[Heretic he/him]

Windrunners are asked to stop flying out towards the Everstorm when it passes and making rude gestures