Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!

[Silverblade5 he/him]

First, a few clarifications I've received on my last post: while my girlfriend's allergic reaction was a lie, there were still pills involved. Instead of being 5 tablets of ibuprofen, it was a single tablet of magnesium.

Today had started really well. In fact, if it wasn't for the ending, this post probably ended up in either the relationship thread or the good news thread. Before school had started, we ended up having our first kiss. She gave me a love note (transcribed below) along with a song she'd written as a result of a conversation we had yesterday.

 

Today, she, her parents, her counselor, and the school psychiatrist had a meeting on her self destructive habits. The conclusion that was drawn by her parents: her self destructive habits are a result of the influence the people she hangs out with. They believe that for them to be able to help her, she needs to cut contact with all the people she's with regularly.

I am honestly unsure how to take this. On one hand, I really want her to be helped, and once I become involved on a level noticeable to her parents, I don't want to end up starting on the wrong foot with them. On the other, she doesn't think this is a good idea, and neither am I. She has said that talking with me has been really helpful, and that she feels safe when talking to me. Part of me wants to make cutting ties as difficult as possible by still going to her, even when she's not coming to me. And then another part of me just wants to call her mom, ask them to tell me her plan in full detail, then point out all the flaws I see in it and tell her that her logic is bad and she should feel bad.

 

Note:

Spoiler

 

Hey Alexander,
    I know I seem like I have so much to say but here is a few things I haven't told you yet. when I'm with you I feel like the old Alexandra. The me I feel like I haven't felt like for years now. Sure I'm sad a lot but I know you see  past that and see me for who I really am and for that I'm grateful. I'm so grateful. I don't think I could ever express how thankful I am to have you in my life. But deep down I know you know and that makes it okay. I finally feel like myself. I haven't written a song like the one on this paper in over 6 months. That's progress! And I haven't written a love note in over 8 months like this one (If you would call this a love note). Although the last one was in Chinese... lol. I can finally look in the mirrior and sort of smile. I'm slowly but surely am finding myself again in waves. I'm so very terribly sorry for Saturday night. The attempt. I can't imagine actuallly succeeding... just the thought makes me physically sick. 
             I know somedays I feeel like I can't/won't make it but I honestly believe with you I can and I will.

                                                                   Love, Queen Alexandra
                                                                                  to Alexander the great (who is indeed worthy of his name)

                p.s~ now would be an excellent time to see if I'm as sweet as we know I am... and not on the forehead! (just a thought)

 

Song:

Sing me a Song                                                                    An Alexandra original song

Random calls and midnight talks
Wrong roads and drives home
Describe the clouds to me

I'm only 14 told I understand nothing
About love about life
But now I know this is right

You said sing me a song
that lasts all night
So I can fall asleep
with illusion you're next to me

We will never change this love
to be better only stronger
so it can last longer

deep within our hearts

If only you knew 
what I think of you
Do you think of me too?
I hope so baby

I can't breathe with you 
next to me
My heart skips a beat
your smile makes me so damnation happy

Only 14 ya
understand nothing ya
about love about life
but I know this is right

You said yes you said
sing me a s-o-n-g
that lasts all night ya
all night l-o-n-g

 

 

Conversation  that inspired song:

 

 

Spoiler

 

Yay you're back

How was your math class?

Sucky. Stupid math test… other than that it was fine though

You know that I’m always available for tutoring if you need it, right?

I am aware

Alright. You said that you were constantly blushing during theater. Just what WERE you thinking about?

YOU! Just simply the thought of you.

What thoughts about me?

How much I like you. Duh. How sweet you are and how i like when you give me hugs.  

Yay for tasting good  

OMG you're weird. I Wouldn't know if you taste good… someone hasn't kissed me yet…. Lol

*Thinks back to just before you went to theater*

Oh YA! Well. do i taste good?

Forehead isn’t really a good spot for checking. Slightly salty though

Well what IS a good spot??? The lips...

This is true.

You have no idea how hard i'm blushing right now.

Mission accomplished.

How did i know you were gonna say that!

Because I’m a dorky moron.

Correction: MY dorky moron

Because I’m a dorky moron who is the property of Alexandra White

YES YES YES

And because you also know those facts. That’s how you knew.

I know everything about you… except a few things maybe… so please do enlighten me and tell me something about yourself i don't know.

I am currently eating a sandwich

Alexander  be serious.

What? I am, and I can guarantee that you didn’t know that.

Tell  me a FACT about yourself. Something i could not have been able to guess about you even if i tried.

Sorry, I’m coming up blank. You’re going to have to ask me something.

Anything Alex. Is there anything about yourself i don't know?

Yes. There's a side of me that you haven’t seen. I can be very different once I finally lose my patience with someone. You know those people that become really quiet and intense when they’re really pissed or trying to make a point? That could accurately describe me then.

HMMM interesting. I might have to try to see this point of you…

Remember how on Saturday that I sometimes have a habit of saying things people don’t want to hear? If I’m really pissed, I start telling people exactly why they’re wrong about what they’re doing. If I know that something is true and will also hurt them in some way, I’ll end up  shamelessly using it against them.

OH COOL.. now if i made you pissed what would you say to me…?

It’s always in the moment. I can’t plan it out in my head unless it’s someone I’ve had a grudge against for a while. Because of this, I can’t accurately answer this question at this moment in time.

OH OKAY well lets keep it that way.. Shall we? lol

Yeah.  

Wanna know something about me now i presume…?

Sure.

I like to sing and dance and I ABSOLUTELY love how i sound when i sing (mostly)

Y U NO CHOIR?

I CHOIRED LAST YEAR?!

Why not this year?

THE SOCIAL ANXIETY I DEVELOPED OVER THE SUMMER

What happened over the summer?

I'm not sure… i just sorta hate being in the spotlight now which i used to adore when i was younger.

But they’re not even focused on you. Unless it’s someone you know and they’re specifically looking for you, they’re only seeing the group.

K I EMOTIONALLY DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY TO EXPLAIN TO YOU HOW IT'S NOT THE SAME!!!!!!!

Sorry for being a clueless moron. I’ll drop it.Thank you. Sorry for that. I've just had enough of everything to last me a lifetime and i'm not in the mood to validate my feelings. I'M gonna do enough of that when my mom gets home.

*calls*

Alexandra! Alexandra! Sing me a song!

Whaa?... No! lol

Aww, ok

*hangs up*

Well, that was random  

THAT WAS SOMETHING THAT I ONLY IMAGINED HAPPENING IN A MOVIE OR SOMETHING…. ALEXANDER YOUR MY MOVIE.

I hope it gets good ratings.

hAHAHA OH MY GOD I'M CRYING NOW AND I CAN'T STOP!!!!!

Wonder who’s directing though… Long as it’s not George Lucas  

?????

Maker of the Star Wars Movies

oh  never watched those

YOU’RE THE BEST DID YOU KNOW THAT?

Really? Because I thought I was Alex...I mean awww, thanks.  

Wow…

Can you sing at all????

Yes. I can sing. Can I sing well? Probably not.

Don't worry.. Neither can i.

Are you on a comp right now or a tablet?

Computer

Laptop or desktop

Desktop

Cant unplug it. Why?

I was going to ask you to go outside and tell me how you thought the clouds looked

OKAY HOW THE HELL ARE YOU SO PERFECT!?

I have no freaking clue.

So I’m just going to have to say 42.

NO I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING. I AM SCREAMING RIGHT NOW AND CRYING?!  LIKE YOU ARE SAYING EVERYTHING I'VE EVER WANTED A GUY TO SAY TO ME?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SP-Lmgqg5Do

Thank you for that i guess..

Tell me the worst joke you can think of.

I don't know any honestly

Hello? Are you busy Thursday? After school?

Not that I can think of. Why? What’s after school on Thursday?

GREAT. MY SISTER WANTS TO MEET YOU AND NO YOU CAN NOT SAY NO  

No

TO BAD I ALREADY TOLD HER YOU SAID IT SOUNDED AWESOME

Is she planning on meeting  us at the school?

Yes she gets outta school when we do so it will be about an hour before she gets there so we can hang out. Sit on rocks and talk about the clouds. Stuff like that.. .

What’s she like?

She is like me except prettier

Brb be back in 10 minutes

hola sorry about that

HELLO? TALK TO ME!!!

Hey.

Rich came home but then he left again… so how does Thursday sound? Sound like a date…?

It should work. However, there’s a chance I’ll end up needing to talk to my teacher after class.

That's fine. I will meet you there then. I know what class you have you know. I actually know basically your whole schedule.

...And I just remembered track.

That's fine. What time does track end at?

4:00

Great well then you can still meet Kaci cause last time she got here at 430.. Okay?

OK. Do you want me to dress up?

Yes you should. But don't if you don't want to

HEY MISTER YOU KNOW IT'S CONSIDERED POLITE TO RESPOND,  RIGHT?

*changes right to left*

GRRRR

Rarrrr

RAWR * thinks i'm a huge dinosaur...im a cat*

Rawr

Rawr I'm small and scared and maybe having a panic attack…

My dog is being silly right now.
*random topic because talking helps and I was out of conversation ideas*

Thats nice and NO i don't know what's causing it

Think it might be leftovers from the lockdown?

Ya i think so… what do i do…?

From what I’ve been reading, find a way to make yourself comfortable. You can’t make it stop, it’ll do that on its own. What you can do is try to make it manageable though.

OKAY… how do i do that mister reader boy

That’s something I can’t figure out.

*hangs head in shame*

* lifts head with fingers...kisses on cheek* it's okay… just talking to you helps A LOT

What did you eat for lunch?

Um… skittles?

Sweet

Ya i thought so. My parents will be home soon… Access tomorrow where will you be…?

Either history or Science

Okay cool i will look for you. What time do you get there

Got to go!!!!!!!!! Bye love you

*hug*

*kiss*

 

 

 

 

Edited November 16, 2016 by Silverblade5

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

Sorry, ugly to cute *facepalm%

Edited November 16, 2016 by Darkness Ascendant

[Delightful]

Do her parents know about you? I mean if she's cutting off her old friends she needs to make new friends. You can be a "new friend". 

[Silverblade5 he/him]

On November 13, 2016 at 0:13 AM, Delightful said:

 

8 minutes ago, Delightful said:

Do her parents know about you? I mean if she's cutting off her old friends she needs to make new friends. You can be a "new friend". 

They know that I exist, and they know that she brings her problems to me. They believe that this is a problem 

[Delightful]

6 hours ago, Silverblade5 said:

 

Argh. Of course support is a bad thing  

do you understand their logic at all that friends = destructive behaviour?

[Oversleep]

1 hour ago, Delightful said:

do you understand their logic at all that friends = destructive behaviour?

That's elementary. When your kid behaves in a way not covered in specification, such misfunction is attributed to bad influence. Obviously bad influence comes from people the kid interacts with.

EDIT: oh, and of course if there's someone the kid can confine in and talk to (like Silverblade in that example) it's also bad because it solidifies the bad behaviour by justificating it by social acceptance.

And @TwiLyghtSansSparkles in the post below gets it

Edited November 16, 2016 by Oversleep

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

35 minutes ago, Oversleep said:

That's elementary. When your kid behaves in a way not covered in specification, such misfunction is attributed to bad influence. Obviously bad influence comes from people the kid interacts with.

Because parents are never at fault and are always a purifying influence. Remove friends, replace all friends with parents, and problem will solve itself.  

[Kaymyth she/her]

OK, I'm going to make myself very unpopular right now and jump into the devil's advocate role.

You all know that I'm generally the first one to jump in and speak up if I think someone on the Shard is being mistreated.  This situation is a bit different, though; instead of firsthand accounts, we're getting secondhand information filtered in.  And I hate to say it, Silverblade, but she has established a pattern of lying in a manner designed to garner sympathy.

I think we're missing a lot of key information here, information that her parents are privy to but none of us are.  And Silverblade, there's a lot of stuff that she's said to you that trips major red flags with me.  The suicide threats, the exaggerated danger, the fake allergic reactions - these are all things that are designed to get and keep your attention, and it's skirting the realm of emotional abuse.  I think it may be worth considering the possibility here that her parents might be trying to protect you - that their concern isn't necessarily that you are a bad influence, but that you are easily drawn into her dramatic narratives and thus feeding the problem itself.  At the very least, she's in a very codependent place right now, and they may very well be right in that she needs some extra space in order to re-learn how to stand on her own.

I think that if you are to plead your case to them, you need to be honest but diplomatic.  You care about their daughter, and you want her to get better, and you are willing to play by their rules in order to maintain your relationship with her.  Tell them that you are willing to place all of your interactions with her under their supervision and work with whatever plan they have.  And stick to it.

[marsoupial they/them]

2 hours ago, Kaymyth said:

OK, I'm going to make myself very unpopular right now and jump into the devil's advocate role.

You all know that I'm generally the first one to jump in and speak up if I think someone on the Shard is being mistreated.  This situation is a bit different, though; instead of firsthand accounts, we're getting secondhand information filtered in.  And I hate to say it, Silverblade, but she has established a pattern of lying in a manner designed to garner sympathy.

I think we're missing a lot of key information here, information that her parents are privy to but none of us are.  And Silverblade, there's a lot of stuff that she's said to you that trips major red flags with me.  The suicide threats, the exaggerated danger, the fake allergic reactions - these are all things that are designed to get and keep your attention, and it's skirting the realm of emotional abuse.  I think it may be worth considering the possibility here that her parents might be trying to protect you - that their concern isn't necessarily that you are a bad influence, but that you are easily drawn into her dramatic narratives and thus feeding the problem itself.  At the very least, she's in a very codependent place right now, and they may very well be right in that she needs some extra space in order to re-learn how to stand on her own.

I think that if you are to plead your case to them, you need to be honest but diplomatic.  You care about their daughter, and you want her to get better, and you are willing to play by their rules in order to maintain your relationship with her.  Tell them that you are willing to place all of your interactions with her under their supervision and work with whatever plan they have.  And stick to it.

She has a point. 

[Straw he/him]

3 hours ago, Kaymyth said:

OK, I'm going to make myself very unpopular right now and jump into the devil's advocate role.

You all know that I'm generally the first one to jump in and speak up if I think someone on the Shard is being mistreated.  This situation is a bit different, though; instead of firsthand accounts, we're getting secondhand information filtered in.  And I hate to say it, Silverblade, but she has established a pattern of lying in a manner designed to garner sympathy.

I think we're missing a lot of key information here, information that her parents are privy to but none of us are.  And Silverblade, there's a lot of stuff that she's said to you that trips major red flags with me.  The suicide threats, the exaggerated danger, the fake allergic reactions - these are all things that are designed to get and keep your attention, and it's skirting the realm of emotional abuse.  I think it may be worth considering the possibility here that her parents might be trying to protect you - that their concern isn't necessarily that you are a bad influence, but that you are easily drawn into her dramatic narratives and thus feeding the problem itself.  At the very least, she's in a very codependent place right now, and they may very well be right in that she needs some extra space in order to re-learn how to stand on her own.

I think that if you are to plead your case to them, you need to be honest but diplomatic.  You care about their daughter, and you want her to get better, and you are willing to play by their rules in order to maintain your relationship with her.  Tell them that you are willing to place all of your interactions with her under their supervision and work with whatever plan they have.  And stick to it.

I definitely agree with you. She has an established pattern of lying, going as far as to tell you she was in the hospital for attempting suicide. I don't mean to sound annoying but I can remember that many girls her age are attention seekers and can remember a few incidents very similar to the behavior you have described. I wish you the best of luck with her.

tl;dr What Kaymyth said.

[Pinnacle-Ferring he/him]

There are times when I am immensely grateful to have this fandom and the Shard because everyone in it is just so gosh darn nice.

But I'm posting in the bad day thread because another fandom of a show that is close to my heart, RWBY, is becoming putrid with vitriol and hateful shipping wars. It just really breaks my heart that people can take something so beautiful and precious to me and make it the subject of such discourse and anger.

I posted a kinda-sorta rant on a RWBY facebook group that I'm on here.

It has spoilers, so read at your own risk.

I just...why can't every fandom be like this one? It's not fair!

Ugh.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

1 hour ago, Pinnacle-Ferring said:

There are times when I am immensely grateful to have this fandom and the Shard because everyone in it is just so gosh darn nice.

But I'm posting in the bad day thread because another fandom of a show that is close to my heart, RWBY, is becoming putrid with vitriol and hateful shipping wars. It just really breaks my heart that people can take something so beautiful and precious to me and make it the subject of such discourse and anger.

I posted a kinda-sorta rant on a RWBY facebook group that I'm on here.

It has spoilers, so read at your own risk.

I just...why can't every fandom be like this one? It's not fair!

Ugh.

I feel your pain. The general attitude among Potterfans toward Fantastic Beasts seems to be, "If you don't want to see it, shut up about it, because if you say anything negative about this movie without seeing it, you're whining." Come on, people. Being in a fandom just means we all happen to like the same piece of entertainment. It doesn't mean we all share a hive mind now.  

Edited November 17, 2016 by TwiLyghtSansSparkles

[Quiver he/him]

1 hour ago, Pinnacle-Ferring said:

There are times when I am immensely grateful to have this fandom and the Shard because everyone in it is just so gosh darn nice.

But I'm posting in the bad day thread because another fandom of a show that is close to my heart, RWBY, is becoming putrid with vitriol and hateful shipping wars. It just really breaks my heart that people can take something so beautiful and precious to me and make it the subject of such discourse and anger.

I posted a kinda-sorta rant on a RWBY facebook group that I'm on here.

It has spoilers, so read at your own risk.

I just...why can't every fandom be like this one? It's not fair!

Ugh.

My only experience with the RWBY fandom is on this site.

But yeah. Sympathies. I don't really understand the emphasis there is on shipping in things; I know with MLP, my reaction to seeing fics other than my OTP is just "Eh, not interested," rather than "Must argue," so...

[Delightful]

1 hour ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

I feel your pain. The general attitude among Potterfans toward Fantastic Beasts seems to be, "If you don't want to see it, shut up about it, because if you say anything negative about this movie without seeing it, you're whining." Come on, people. Being in a fandom just means we all happen to like the same piece of entertainment. It doesn't mean we all share a hive mind now.  

Don't we?

[Silverblade5 he/him]

@everyone

Thanks for the advice. I'm not going to break up with her, as I truly believe she does need some support, but I'm going to try to push her towards not being as dependent on me and also be less gullible in the future.

[Seonid he/him]

So...waiting for baby #2. 4 days before the official due date. Already been to the hospital for one false alarm. The days seem to drag on endlessly...

Note: this will be cause for a post in the Good News thread as soon as something happens on it. My wife and I are just tired of waiting and ready to be done. Wasting 11 hours of paid leave on a false alarm didn't help...

[Delightful]

This guy who's sort of/trying to date my roommate was ignoring her wishes to not be in some stupid video he was sending a friend and I stepped in and he casually says "if there's one thing I've learned it's that no means yes" and I told him off and now my adrenalin is up and I need to calm down to sleep. He seemed kind of nice, now I just think he's a jerk. 

Edited November 22, 2016 by Delightful

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

3 minutes ago, Delightful said:

This guy who's sort of/trying to date my roommate was ignoring her wishes to not be in some stupid video he was sending a friend and I stepped in and he casually says "if there's one thing I've learned it's that no means yes" and I told him off and now my adrenalin is up and I need to calm down to sleep. He seemed kind of nice, now I just think he's a jerk. 

"No, sir, no means no. You seem to be a bit uncertain as to how words work."

[Delightful]

5 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

"No, sir, no means no. You seem to be a bit uncertain as to how words work."

More or less what I said. Then they went different ways so I left. Just spoke to roommate. She thinks he's mostly being silly - he treats basically everything as a joke; this past week hes been joking she's his wife and I'm the Jewish mother ("I'm taking her for a walk don't worry there won't be any drugs" so I told him to look both ways berore crossing the street) also another girl is his joke girlfriend so basically it's a running theme - but my roomate has nevertheless agreed to keep a serious eye out for other such incidents.

It seemed like harmless silliness and now I'm wondering. 

[Erunion he/him]

@Seonid /hug. It'll be done soon, and you'll have a beautiful child. And reason for both good news and for 'I'm so exhausted please help' hugs  

@Delightful - good for you on telling him that! Establish proper boundaries and concepts of consent. 

Now, it's entirely possible that he's just joking. It's also entirely possible that he's testing the waters, or that he's legitimately a jerk. You did the right thing, so don't worry about that! 

 

 

Now onto me. I'm sitting here bashing my head against one of the three projects I have due next week. And I started coughing last night - I haven't today, but I'm worried. Forgot to get my flu shot, I work with 100+ kids and have a tendency to get colds and flus. And I just can't afford to get sick right now. 

Also have an ongoing series of appointments with a neurologist over some white matter lesions I have in my brain. He's pretty sure they're nothing to be concerned about (we ruled out the really scary possible culprit, MS, a month or two ago). Still, he ordered a bunch of blood tests/etc. The results of most of them were fine, but my blood showed up as a little thin so he's redoing that test as well as getting a CT Angiogram. 

Again, he tells me that I almost certainly have nothing to worry about and that he's just being super thorough and double checking things, but I'm really looking forward to getting the all-clear and having this be over

(not sure if I mentioned it here previously, but I spent most of the year with the spectre of possibly having MS hanging over my head. Which didn't help my overall stress none). 

[The Honor Spren she/her]

*sees everyone else's problems* *looks at mine* Maybe I shouldn't be posting here . . . But I need the advice.

I have gotten appointment set up for getting my wisdom teeth pulled. That shouldn't be a big deal, but I'm irrationally afraid of this. They will be cutting holes in my mouth. I just . . . Ugh. How can I get over this?

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

31 minutes ago, The Honor Spren said:

*sees everyone else's problems* *looks at mine* Maybe I shouldn't be posting here . . . But I need the advice.

I have gotten appointment set up for getting my wisdom teeth pulled. That shouldn't be a big deal, but I'm irrationally afraid of this. They will be cutting holes in my mouth. I just . . . Ugh. How can I get over this?

It helps that you'll be unconscious for the whole procedure. When I got mine removed, before they applied the anesthesia, they said that the next thing I knew, I'd be waking up to hear them tell me that they were finished. And they were right. I remember waking up, and being taken to a "recovery room" where I thought I was alone, but apparently there was another girl there because when another couple was shown in, I thought they were coming for me and that I was hallucinating them because they looked nothing like my parents what was going on. And then they escorted the girl I hadn't seen out of the room and I knew I wasn't hallucinating.  

You'll be fine. It'll take a few days to recover, but you won't remember any of the actual surgery. 

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

I have been Shard derived  I think I'm going into withdrawal.

Oh, and I am attracted to my cousins 0_0

Oh, and I got food poisoning, stupid Pakistani food.

Oh, my older cousins are all getting married and having kids nowadays, so I'm an uncle :/ or Mammu to be more precise.

Oh, and our family problems have escalated thousandfold.

[Delightful]

22 minutes ago, Darkness Ascendant said:

I have been Shard derived  I think I'm going into withdrawal.

Oh, and I am attracted to my cousins 0_0

Oh, and I got food poisoning, stupid Pakistani food.

Oh, my older cousins are all getting married and having kids nowadays, so I'm an uncle :/ or Mammu to be more precise.

Oh, and our family problems have escalated thousandfold.

You have a word for the relationship between you and your cousins children? I'm jealous. 

Eep. Well we're always here for you. Go shard family!

[marsoupial they/them]

23 minutes ago, Darkness Ascendant said:

I have been Shard deprived  I think I'm going into withdrawal.

Oh, and I am attracted to my cousins 0_0

Oh, and I got food poisoning, stupid Pakistani food.

Oh, my older cousins are all getting married and having kids nowadays, so I'm an uncle :/ or Mammu to be more precise.

Oh, and our family problems have escalated thousandfold.

Oh, man. That sucks. 

All of it. 

As Del said, we've got your back. Feel free to rant as you wish. We're here for you.