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Posted

"I see", said the blind man to his deaf dog, as he peed into the wind. "It's all coming back to me."

"I see", said the blind man, as he picked up his hammer and saw.

jW

Posted

I was in a a job interview and the guy said, "How good are you at using PowerPoint?"

"I Excel at it," I said.

"Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

I was all like, "Word"

Posted

Some geeky jokes for you

 

-Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there’s Google.

 

-Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product

 

-My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

Posted

People: obviously, computers are not yet sentient

Programmers: then why does this code not work for no reason whatsoever?

Posted

how about a knock knock joke?

 

Knock Knock

Who's there

Little Old Lady

Little Old Lady Who?

I didn't know you could yodel!

Posted

Ok, I've got some.

 

How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator?

 

Open the door, put the elephant in, and shut the door.

 

How do you put a giraffe in the refrigerator?

 

Open the door, take the elephant out, put in the giraffe, and close the door.

 

All the animals had a meeting. Who was missing?

 

The giraffe, because he was stuck in the fridge.

 

You are on an expedition in the jungle and come to a river infamous for its man-eating crocodiles. You need to get across, but there is no bridge, you're alone, and you have no tools. How do you get across?

 

Just swim across. The crocodiles are all at the meeting with the other animals.

Posted

Why is six afraid of seven?

Because seven is a registered six offender

 

What did the policeman say to his belly button?

Your under a vest!

 

Whats red, and bad for your teeth?

A brick

 

My grandand has the heart of a lion

And a lifetime ban from the zoo

 

What did one hat say to the other

You stay here, I'll go on ahead

Posted

What's the real value of a particular iDevice?

0 - the value is entirely imaginary.

  • 3 months later...
Posted (edited)

A collection of my favorites :)

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick. 

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus. 

Did you here about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa. 

I took a test on Soothing. It was a Breeze.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A-flat minor. 

Dear algebra,

stop telling me to find your X. She's not coming back. 

Knock knock. 

Who's there?

German border patrol. 

German borde-DONT ASK QVESTIONS!!

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

I am a STICK

Sorry if any were repeated. My bad. 

Edited by Assassin in Burgundy
Posted

What do you call it when a boy carbon asks a girl carbon out to dinner?

 

Spoiler

Carbon dating.

 

Posted

What is Beethoven's favourite fruit?

 

The BA-NA-NA-NA-NA!!!! :D

 

Why is music like a heart?

They both have a beat

 

Why the boy chicken cross the road

To get to the chick

 

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
 

They kept saying "BACH BACH BACH BACH BACH!" :D 

Posted (edited)
On 10 February 2016 at 11:29 PM, Mestiv said:

Image:

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12631515_10156496434370483_1510978173405

Your signature slightly scares me hahaha. How did you do that? :D

Edited by Queen Elsa Steelheart
Posted
6 hours ago, Queen Elsa Steelheart said:

Your signature slightly scares me hahaha. How did you do that? :D

Everything is explained here: 

:)

Posted

So this just happened on my Facebook, although I don't know if it really qualifies as a bad joke since all Star Wars jokes are innately fabulous...

Well Played Amazon Star Wars.jpg

Posted

What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?

Spoiler

I don't know and I don't care.

A farmer counted 196 cows in his field, but when he rounded them up he had 200

The Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life."

Spoiler

But John came fifth and received a toaster oven.

 

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