Sunbird Posted August 13, 2016 Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 True story: I put a note in my university's suggestion box that said, "My suggestion is to rename the suggestion box to the Johann Suggestion Bachs because the world needs more music puns." For programmers: 99 bugs in the code, 99 bugs in the code! Break it down, fix it around... 117 bugs in the code! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delightful Posted August 13, 2016 Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 On 12 August 2016 at 7:52 AM, Renoux said: Ok, so what do you call a criminal in an elevator? Hide contents Con-descending So bad it's good I see your joke and I raise you this: What do you call a snarky criminal in an elevator? a condescending con descending Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThirdGen Posted August 13, 2016 Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 3 hours ago, Delightful said: I see your joke and I raise you this: What do you call a snarky criminal in an elevator? Hide contents a condescending con descending What do you call a dwarf prisoner heading down the stairs to get snake antivenom? A little bit condescending. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renoux Posted August 13, 2016 Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 (edited) 3 hours ago, ThirdGen said: What do you call a dwarf prisoner heading down the stairs to get snake antivenom? Reveal hidden contents A little bit condescending. ...? Two cannibals were eating some clowns, and one cannibal said to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?" Edited August 13, 2016 by Renoux Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Assassin in Burgundy Posted August 13, 2016 Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 22 hours ago, The Honor Spren said: The Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." Hide contents But John came fifth and received a toaster oven. If I come sixth, do I get a vacuum? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renoux Posted August 13, 2016 Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 Person 1: "Did you hear about the newspaper story about the man who went to bed with a corduroy blanket?" Person 2: "No, I haven't" Person 1: "Really? It's making headlines!" This one is slightly vague. We'll see if anyone gets it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Assassin in Burgundy Posted August 13, 2016 Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 What does a cyborg composer say? I'll be Bach. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Assassin in Teal Posted August 14, 2016 Report Share Posted August 14, 2016 what dow you call a cow surrounded by velociraptors? Dead meat 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Assassin in Teal Posted August 14, 2016 Report Share Posted August 14, 2016 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thegatorgirl00 Posted August 14, 2016 Report Share Posted August 14, 2016 Where do you bury a dead rodent? Spoiler A mouse-oleum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverblade5 Posted August 14, 2016 Report Share Posted August 14, 2016 Not really a joke but.... https://www.destroyallsoftware.com/talks/wat 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightRadiant Posted August 14, 2016 Report Share Posted August 14, 2016 What are three keys that never open doors? Donkeys, monkeys, and turkeys. What do you call a cat and a parrot? A carrot. What do you get if you combine an alligator and a snowman? Frostbite. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunbird Posted August 14, 2016 Report Share Posted August 14, 2016 Mahatma Gandhi was a peculiar person. He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very bad breath. He became known as a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. *cue groans from everyone* 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delightful Posted August 14, 2016 Report Share Posted August 14, 2016 8 hours ago, Assassin in Burgundy said: What does a cyborg composer say? I'll be Bach. *when leaving the room* "I'll be Bach. You can be Mozart" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkness Ascendant Posted August 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 14, 2016 AAHAAA, AND HITHERTO, THE BAD JOKES HATH RETURNED!!!! I always believed. 4 hours ago, Sunbird said: Mahatma Gandhi was a peculiar person. He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very bad breath. He became known as a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. *cue groans from everyone* woah, woah,woah. Reused jokes are no-go jokes, everyone knows recycling accelerates global warming, next time, make sure noone else has said the joke before. And typing up "bad jokes" in google won't help you(like it helps me XD), take it from a professional. I bet the polar bears hates you and the scientists love you. And to add to the thread, last friday my rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption. This one took me a while to understand In 1957, several cities were vying to host the 1964 Winter Olympics. Candidates had been eliminated to the point where the only two left were Singapore and Nevers, France. The French venue had an obvious advantage for the games, but the Singaporeans were eager to host the games in their country, so they developed a snow-making machine. Because of technical glitches, the machine produced snow only part of the time. The rest of the time it produced steam, and you can't ski on steam. So they made a last-ditch effort to perfect the machine, knowing that the deadline for a decision from the committee was nigh. To bring moral support and entertainment to the workers, they brought in Elvis Presley, who mounted the stage and said, "Well, today's the day your machine must produce snow. If it belches out steam, the games will go to France. So this is it. It's snow, or Nevers. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunbird Posted August 14, 2016 Report Share Posted August 14, 2016 @Darkness Ascendant This thread has been dead for so long I think I can be forgiven for not remembering every single joke that was posted before the hiatus. What do you do with a sick chemist? A: If you can't curium and you can't helium, you'd better barium. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renoux Posted August 14, 2016 Report Share Posted August 14, 2016 3 minutes ago, Sunbird said: @Darkness Ascendant This thread has been dead for so long I think I can be forgiven for not remembering every single joke that was posted before the hiatus. Well, the joke in question was right at the end of pg. 2 of this thread, which was a while ago, however, the first time that joke was posted, it was posted by Darkness Ascendant, so you can see why he would maybe be more inclined to remember it being posted before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elenion Posted August 15, 2016 Report Share Posted August 15, 2016 On 8/14/2016 at 11:01 AM, Sunbird said: @Darkness Ascendant This thread has been dead for so long I think I can be forgiven for not remembering every single joke that was posted before the hiatus. What do you do with a sick chemist? A: If you can't curium and you can't helium, you'd better barium. But after you Barium, then they Argon! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThirdGen Posted August 15, 2016 Report Share Posted August 15, 2016 3 hours ago, Elenion said: But after you Barium, then they Argon! Cadmium gonna warn people about your humor until Iridium for ya. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverblade5 Posted August 16, 2016 Report Share Posted August 16, 2016 I've found the best pickup line to be y=0 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightRadiant Posted August 16, 2016 Report Share Posted August 16, 2016 What do you call a cow with no legs? Spoiler Ground beef! Why did Mozart kill all his chickens? Spoiler Whenever he asked them who the best composer was, they'd all say "Bach, Bach, Bach!". What did the fisherman say to the magician? Spoiler Pick a cod, any cod! What's the internet's favorite animal? Spoiler The lynx. Why was the rubberband pistol confiscated from algebra class? Spoiler It was a weapon of math destruction. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkness Ascendant Posted August 18, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 18, 2016 I just thought of this in the shower. What would you call Randy Orton if he wasn't a wrestler And Archaeologist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delightful Posted August 18, 2016 Report Share Posted August 18, 2016 On 17 August 2016 at 1:57 AM, KnightRadiant said: What do you call a cow with no legs? Hide contents Ground beef! Reveal hidden contents Whenever he asked them who the best composer was, they'd all say "Bach, Bach, Bach!". Hide contents What do you call a cow with two legs? lean beef! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkness Ascendant Posted August 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 19, 2016 Some of these are good bad jokes, the others, oh god, I think you all might actually be trying. Jacks Films always said that randomness isn't humour. But screw that Rutabaga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc12 Posted August 20, 2016 Report Share Posted August 20, 2016 (edited) On Sunday, August 14, 2016 at 0:15 PM, Sunbird said: Mahatma Gandhi was a peculiar person. He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very bad breath. He became known as a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. *cue groans from everyone* Oh. Storms. I was puzzling over this until my sister walked past and read it aloud. We both groaned. Ugh. You should be ashamed of yourself. Now let me try to make you guys groan! A blind man walks into a bar Spoiler And a table. And a chair Two drums and a cymbal fell off a cliff. Spoiler Badum - tshhh Edited August 20, 2016 by Doctor12 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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