Still Having a Bad Day? Exchange Your Rants For Hugs Here!

[The Honor Spren she/her]

Random anecdote time! I don't know if you've heard this before, but it cracks me up every time So there's this thing called the SCA, or Society for Creative Anachronisms, which is a group that dresses up like they're from the Middle Ages, pretty accurately, and gather to sing medieval songs and fight and such. So once, there was this little old lady walking home from an SCA meeting, and a mugger with a switchblade accosted her for her money. When she refused, he went to stab her... and the knife slid off of her real, actual chainmail. Thereupon she said, "A six inch knife? I'll see your six, and raise you thirty!" And she drew her real, actual sword and chased him off.

That is the most beautiful story I have ever heard.

  

I live in central Texas surrounded by cacti and mesquite trees. I'm good at avoiding them, but you can't go outside without loose thorns working their way into your clothes and pricking you.

Off topic question: exactly how southern is your accent?

[Cartith he/him]

Well, my mom randomly left my dad about a month and a half ago. Havent seen her since, and we got rid of her bed today. Feeling kinda down about it all. 

[Kobold King he/him]

Off topic question: exactly how southern is your accent?

 

 

Sorry to disappoint, but I don't have a southern accent at all. My parents both worked to get rid of theirs, my mother when she was being bullied and my father when he joined the work force up north. I was raised in rural Illinois, and I'm told I don't have anything more than the background "American" accent.

[Mistrunner]

Well, my mom randomly left my dad about a month and a half ago. Havent seen her since, and we got rid of her bed today. Feeling kinda down about it all. 

*hugs*

*hugs again*

[Kobold King he/him]

Well, my mom randomly left my dad about a month and a half ago. Havent seen her since, and we got rid of her bed today. Feeling kinda down about it all. 

 

 

Dang. I'm sorry.

[Briar King]

Ok Tanner your 35 yrs old and you should know by now that when you eat Lo Mien your going to over stuff your face every single time. Why can I never stop myself? It's so good and I always give myself a huge belly ache for a few hrs afterwards.

[Orlion Blight he/him]

Wow, looks like it's been a rough couple of days for quite a few people. Here's an old-timey, upbeat song that might put a skip in your step:

 

https://youtu.be/DvoYB1U1Wq4?t=30

[Kasimir he/him]

Just realised the final rusting link I needed to make my argument truly deadly...

 

...the day after paper submission. Really, brain?! Really? Haven't we been over this before?!

[Delightful]

Random anecdote time! I don't know if you've heard this before, but it cracks me up every time So there's this thing called the SCA, or Society for Creative Anachronisms, which is a group that dresses up like they're from the Middle Ages, pretty accurately, and gather to sing medieval songs and fight and such. So once, there was this little old lady walking home from an SCA meeting, and a mugger with a switchblade accosted her for her money. When she refused, he went to stab her... and the knife slid off of her real, actual chainmail. Thereupon she said, "A six inch knife? I'll see your six, and raise you thirty!" And she drew her real, actual sword and chased him off.

Well, I think going to a therapist is a good thing. Just have it be someone you pick, rather than your mom, and go to that therapist before telling your mom you have, so you get the chance to tell your side of the story first. It doesn't even have to be a therapist. Just go to someone you trust.

That's almost as good as the video going around of (China?) where a guy pulls over on a motorbike,grabs a woman's handbag off her, and runs in the opposite direction so she turns around and rides off on his bike.

Twi, find your own therapist and don't have your mother talk to her. You're over 18 and 21 whichever is the adulthood age of the U.S. and if it's anything like Australia, she can't talk to your therapist unless you agree.

And j wouldn't not do it just because she suggested it - even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

That's almost as good as the video going around of (China?) where a guy pulls over on a motorbike,grabs a woman's handbag off her, and runs in the opposite direction so she turns around and rides off on his bike.

Twi, find your own therapist and don't have your mother talk to her. You're over 18 and 21 whichever is the adulthood age of the U.S. and if it's anything like Australia, she can't talk to your therapist unless you agree.

And j wouldn't not do it just because she suggested it - even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

That is amazing. Kind of like the time a woman had her car stolen in the morning, went to work at her McDonalds job, and later caught the thief taking her car through the drive-thru with over $300 worth of stolen merchandise in the backseat.

I'm well past the age where she'd be able to get information about my sessions (it's 18 in the US) but I'm worried that the therapist I choose will take her side when I share some of the stuff she's done. They might be professionals, but they're just people, and I've had complete strangers side with her before. Even when I opened with the really ugly stuff. Some people are just predisposed to side with the parent no matter what, and I don't have the money right now to do a lot of therapist shopping.

[Delightful]

I mean there's a remote possibility that your mum is right about certain things. Probably very little but still.

And.....professional strangers? Because they're there to help you, not to comment on who's wrong and who's right.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

I mean there's a remote possibility that your mum is right about certain things. Probably very little but still.

And.....professional strangers? Because they're there to help you, not to comment on who's wrong and who's right.

That doesn't stop them, if the stories I've heard are true. What I'm scared of is getting a counselor who is also a parent, because I know parents tend to side with each other. "What? No, that's not bad parenting. Your mother called you names because she was upset. Perhaps if you hadn't made her so angry, she wouldn't have done that." Maybe a professional wouldn't say it in so many words, but that wouldn't stop them from taking her side. And once someone takes her side, everything I say is suspect.

[Curious Anamaximder he/him]

That doesn't stop them, if the stories I've heard are true. What I'm scared of is getting a counselor who is also a parent, because I know parents tend to side with each other. "What? No, that's not bad parenting. Your mother called you names because she was upset. Perhaps if you hadn't made her so angry, she wouldn't have done that." Maybe a professional wouldn't say it in so many words, but that wouldn't stop them from taking her side. And once someone takes her side, everything I say is suspect.

Twi, you kinda have to just do something without superb examination. It is just how life goes.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Twi, you kinda have to just do something without superb examination. It is just how life goes.

I can't handle another person telling me "Oh, she means well" or "Try to see things from her point of view" or "Well, you only have one set of parents." I am not in a good place emotionally to have a professional with years of schooling displayed on the wall tell me politely that I'm a spoiled brat who doesn't know how good she has it. I could not handle that right now.

[ThirdGen]

There are a variety of therapists out there... I hope, in your neck of the woods.  If the whole town's Stepford, eff it and bail.

[Blaze1616 he/him]

I can't handle another person telling me "Oh, she means well" or "Try to see things from her point of view" or "Well, you only have one set of parents." I am not in a good place emotionally to have a professional with years of schooling displayed on the wall tell me politely that I'm a spoiled brat who doesn't know how good she has it. I could not handle that right now.

 

So here's the deal. There have been some of your posts where I've thought that maybe you were in the wrong, or that I understood where your mother was coming from (note here that I am not a parent, and am in fact a little younger than you). 

 

That being said, the majority of what your mother does is bad parenting. Your mother (and father) have been attempting to breed you into being younger copies of themselves, which isn't right. A good parent should be able to recognize that their child is a different human being, with different life experiences and as such will be different come adult hood. A good parent doesn't punish their child for being different. A good parent doesn't punish their child for thinking freely, even if it means allowing the child to have differing opinions (and should such a situation arise, a good parent would engage in meaningful discussion, and attempt to persuade the child's opinion like any other human being). A good parent isn't vengeful toward their child. A good parent doesn't take out their anger on their child. A good parent doesn't teach their child to be closed minded, nor do they punish their child for having an open mind or for being accepting. A good parent doesn't try to pit their children against each other. A good parent should trust their child, and should the child perform an action that loses said trust, a good parent helps the child gain their trust back.

 

A good parent isn't your mother. A psychiatrist that agrees with your mother for most of the issues you've brought up here is not a good psychiatrist. Though it should be noted that a good psychiatrist should try and help you understand where your mother is coming from, downright agreeing with you mother for the majority of the issues is just wrong. 

 

I guess my point is that sure, a psychiatrist might occasionally agree with your mother, but chances are they won't. On top of that, it's not a psychiatrist's job to tell you whether you are in the right or wrong, but rather to help you better understand yourself so that you can adjust your life, in both habits and mindset, to minimize negative feelings. At least, that's my understanding of their jobs.

[Orlion Blight he/him]

I can't handle another person telling me "Oh, she means well" or "Try to see things from her point of view" or "Well, you only have one set of parents." I am not in a good place emotionally to have a professional with years of schooling displayed on the wall tell me politely that I'm a spoiled brat who doesn't know how good she has it. I could not handle that right now.

In my experience, you can be upfront about such things with a competent professional. You can also frame the conversation so that it is: "how can I maintain my composure and deal with my frustration in a healthy way." Don't worry about patching things up, that's further down the road if out is even ever a destination you want to reach.

I hope the situation improves soon (namely that you get a job soon and can get out of there). In the meantime, when I get to a computer, I'll post some meditative techniques you can use (or not, you'll know I'd it is something you want to try:))

And remember: with regards to your own feelings, you are the expert. If someone else says otherwise, they are fundamentally wrong.

[Curious Anamaximder he/him]

I can't handle another person telling me "Oh, she means well" or "Try to see things from her point of view" or "Well, you only have one set of parents." I am not in a good place emotionally to have a professional with years of schooling displayed on the wall tell me politely that I'm a spoiled brat who doesn't know how good she has it. I could not handle that right now.

I'm sorry. Was I rude?

[Orlion Blight he/him]

All right, I'm on a computer! This site has some "guided meditations". Aside from the calming sounds which seem cliched, it also will have you do various light exercises (such as breathing in, hold, breathing out, and so forth). When the world fell apart around me, I was able to see a psychologist at my university (which you can probably guess the name of now) and aside from other coping techniques, he guided me to this site. They helped me a lot, and I'm presenting them to you (and I guess everyone else ) on the off-chance that they will be helpful to you as well.

 

It took a while, but I was able to get out of the terrible situation I was in eventually, and this stuff helped me out until then. Good luck, and remember you are awesome! And if you feel you are not, that just means you are hungry and need to eat something

 

https://www.ohio.edu/counseling/meditations.cfm

[Delightful]

Mosquitoes. They seem to think I'm delicious. I'm all for compliments but not like this.

[Seonid he/him]

Have to have my paper finished by tomorrow. Took the day off work to try and write it. Still nothing coming...

 

I hate school today.

[Briar King]

Mosquitoes. They seem to think I'm delicious. I'm all for compliments but not like this.

Don't come to Louisiana then. We ev had a super breed here the past 2 yrs that are freaking quarter size with over inch long legs.. When you glance down from the actual STING these things give it looks like a spider is on you. They hurt

[Kasimir he/him]

Don't come to Louisiana then. We ev had a super breed here the past 2 yrs that are freaking quarter size with over inch long legs.. When you glance down from the actual STING these things give it looks like a spider is on you. They hurt

Try here. Got a mosquito bite? Oh oops, it could be malaria or dengue fever. If it's the latter, you could be dead. Congratulations and try not to be too worried! Mosquitoes are a major disease-spreading vector here, unfortunately. Even if you don't get dengue fever developing into dengue hemorrhagic fever, you're not out of the woods, because a second infection could complicate things and then you die of the second one.

(For context, we actually have government officers whose job it is to go into people's houses and to make sure people aren't leaving breeding spaces for mosquitoes. That's how problematic dengue fever is.)

Welcome to life in the tropics.

[Blaze1616 he/him]

Mosquitoes. They seem to think I'm delicious. I'm all for compliments but not like this.

 

I too am a mosquito magnet. I once doused myself in mosquito repellent, using half a bottle, and leaving my skin feeling moist and greasy. After 30 minutes, I had accumulated more bites than my cousin, who wasn't wearing any repellent, with a count of 32-1. 

[Kaymyth she/her]

Mosquitoes find me to be delicious as well.  But!  I have found that the little Off fan thingies actually work.  I spent an entire evening outside this summer wearing one of those things, and didn't get mosquito-bitten at all!

 

...unfortunately, the chigger bites more than made up for it.