Still Having a Bad Day? Exchange Your Rants For Hugs Here!

[Kobold King he/him]

Sew your homework INTO your dress. Not sure what that'll accomplish, but it should be fun.

 

 

And sew an 'A+' into the front so the teacher assumes it's already been graded! It's foolproof!

[Pestis the Spider she/her]

My life is generally in ruin for a long time now, so I decided to (finally) turn to professional help (as I have no friends and my family ignores my problems). I ended up crying in the doctor's office, and basically was unable to say anything sensible. Fortunately the doctor more or less grasped what I meant, referred me to some counselling services, and told me to meet her in a week and if I still feel like *** then she'll refer me to a specialist. That's basically good outcome, but I'm angry with myself that I ended up unable to explain what my problem is.

 

I also decided to make an appointment with student counselling services (out of better ideas), and filled the whole application form with basically my lifelong ranting on everything possible, because this time I tried to explain properly what I feel. I used up so much of my precious time for that. Eh, and I don't even know what my actual problem is. 

 

I'm just going to go cry some more, because I'm out of better ideas. 

[kaellok he/him]

My life is generally in ruin for a long time now, so I decided to (finally) turn to professional help...

You get so many storming e-cookies for this.  I can't--no.  Don't feel bad.  Don't be ashamed.  You're a flipping hero.  I don't even care that you're a spider THAT OH MY GOD A SPIDER BURN IT WITH FIRE WITH FIIIRRE ALL THE FIRE HOLY CRAP RUN THAT SPIDER IS HUGE AND WE NEED MORE FIRE MORE FIRE BURN BURN BURN because this takes so much.  

 

You don't need to know what is wrong to start to get help.  You just have to realize that something is.  That's why you went to someone else.  I have some vague idea of how to build a house, because I feel I have some vague idea of how to do literally everything; that doesn't mean that I'd try to build a house or perform surgery without someone else helping.  And hey, if all you can do is blubber incoherently at someone because you can't stop crying, that's a really strong symptom and gives them a place to start from!  Much better than trying to guess what it might actually be.  So you were actually really smart.

 

Take some giant poster board and bright markers and write, "YOU ROCK!" on it and tape it to your wall or door or somewhere where you'll see it when you wake up every day and go to bed at night (or not, I don't know, I just pretend and act like I know everything).  Tell yourself that you do.  Take it from someone who knows--me.  I don't need to know anything else about you than just that line I quoted.  That's all anyone should need to know to know that you're awesome.

 

(Every storming word in this post is true and heart-felt, except for the bit about spiders.  I like spiders.  They eat bugs I hate.  I just have this really terrible reaction to seeing them, because my brain says that spiders must be cleansed from the world using fire.)

[Delightful]

I'm with kaellok on this. Keep blubbering till you've got enough of the emotion out that you can be coherent, then keep going and see if the professionals can work out what's wrong. Like if you have a pain you go to a dr and get tests done, you rarely walk in and say "hi I have appendicitis please fix me". You say "hi I have this terrible pain in my stomach and I don't know what wrong". You're doing the same thing, psychologically not physically.

And *hugs* and *hugs* and *more hugs* and we're here for you. Keep seeing professionals and work out what's wrong and how to look after yourself, k?

[Delightful]

We actually had a few days of quiet without a successful terror attack there. Now two people stabbed in Tel Aviv, one killed.

Stop. Just.....stop. Killing is stupid and uncivilised and it doesn't change anything because you dont scare us. So give up and storm off - or hang around and play nice, I don't really care - just quit it with the bloody stabbing!!

Edited November 19, 2015 by Delightful

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Didn't get the Maryland job….that I applied for 3 months ago….and they just now told me about, which to be honest, I'd forgotten about until they said "Nope, these are not the qualifications we're looking for" this morning. 

 

On top of that, I'm getting real sick of my mom's passive-aggressive approach to housebreaking Bruce. It goes like this: 

 

1. Let Bruce outside when Twi is watching to make her feel as though she doesn't let him out enough. 
2. Ignore his signals when Twi is at work. 
3. If in good mood, refuse to clean up Bruce's messes so Twi can take care of it when she gets home. 
4. If not in good mood, clean up his messes and give Twi a lecture. Be sure to bring up how much the ugly rug in the living room cost when you do this. 

 

And she wonders why I don't like talking to her.

[Elbereth she/her]

What does she even lecture you on? It's not like you could have let him out. You were at work. It is entirely her fault that she didn't see his signals.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

What does she even lecture you on? It's not like you could have let him out. You were at work. It is entirely her fault that she didn't see his signals.

 

Which is why she waits until he makes a mess while I'm home to lecture me for all the times he did it while I was at work. Even then, if he does it while I'm at home, it's usually when I'm upstairs getting dressed or changing my clothes for work—a time when she was the only one who could've seen him, let alone let him out. 

 

And seriously, it's not like the rug she complained about earlier is entirely Bruce's fault. She bought that thing when Mollie was still a puppy, IIRC, meaning most of the mess there is hers. 

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Apologies for the double post, but….

 

I hate my mother. 

 

I hate her. 

 

She just gave me a lecture about Bruce. 

 

I offered a solution. She got mad and acted like it was the dumbest thing ever. 

 

At one point, I shook because she wasn't storming letting me say a storming thing. 

 

She said I should see a psychiatrist if my anger problems were that bad. She said she wanted me out of the house sooner, if I was going to act that way. She said I worried her. She said I, she said I, she said I. She said the whole sparking thing was my fault, absolving herself of every shred of guilt. She's perfect, I'm a brat. 

 

"I'm afraid," she said, tears thickening her voice, "that you're going to move out and I'll never see you again. You've made it clear that you don't even want to live in the same state as us!" 

 

Yeah, Mom, that's the idea. I don't feel guilty. I don't feel upset. I'm just mad. Because you sit on your storming pedestal, throwing bits of garbage down at me, and when I get mad, you pretend like I'm the one who's been treating you like crap since I was thirteen and expecting to be adored for it. You say you want to "fix our relationship," but if you're going to put it all on me, it's beyond fixing. 

 

Maybe that makes me a terrible person, but I don't care right now. There's only so far a person can be pushed until they break, and I'm well past that. 

[Edgedancer he/him]

Apologies for the double post, but….

 

I hate my mother. 

 

I hate her. 

 

She just gave me a lecture about Bruce. 

 

I offered a solution. She got mad and acted like it was the dumbest thing ever. 

 

At one point, I shook because she wasn't storming letting me say a storming thing. 

 

She said I should see a psychiatrist if my anger problems were that bad. She said she wanted me out of the house sooner, if I was going to act that way. She said I worried her. She said I, she said I, she said I. She said the whole sparking thing was my fault, absolving herself of every shred of guilt. She's perfect, I'm a brat. 

 

"I'm afraid," she said, tears thickening her voice, "that you're going to move out and I'll never see you again. You've made it clear that you don't even want to live in the same state as us!" 

 

Yeah, Mom, that's the idea. I don't feel guilty. I don't feel upset. I'm just mad. Because you sit on your storming pedestal, throwing bits of garbage down at me, and when I get mad, you pretend like I'm the one who's been treating you like crap since I was thirteen and expecting to be adored for it. You say you want to "fix our relationship," but if you're going to put it all on me, it's beyond fixing. 

 

Maybe that makes me a terrible person, but I don't care right now. There's only so far a person can be pushed until they break, and I'm well past that. 

Take it from someone who's family situation is also a bit,,, complicated, it does not make you a terrible person. It just means you have a backbone.

[Elbereth she/her]

*hugs*

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Take it from someone who's family situation is also a bit,,, complicated, it does not make you a terrible person. It just means you have a backbone.

 

Thanks. I don't want to go back to how things were a few years ago, with me bowing and scraping at every trace of anger from her. She says she wants to fix our relationship, but I get the distinct sense that that is what she wants to go back to—what she sees as the ideal mother-daughter relationship. The mother in complete control, the daughter happily going along. And I want a relationship where we're equals, where I don't have to stand and shake in anger because I don't have to fear making her even angrier when I say my piece. (And yes, she got that mad when I wasn't even saying anything—because I wasn't even saying anything. If I'd said half the things that were going through my head, I'd still be waiting to hear the end of it.) 

 

I was going to say something else, but I've forgotten it now. I'm angry and numb. 

 

*hugs*

 

*hugs back* 

[Kaymyth she/her]

Thanks. I don't want to go back to how things were a few years ago, with me bowing and scraping at every trace of anger from her. She says she wants to fix our relationship, but I get the distinct sense that that is what she wants to go back to—what she sees as the ideal mother-daughter relationship. The mother in complete control, the daughter happily going along. And I want a relationship where we're equals, where I don't have to stand and shake in anger because I don't have to fear making her even angrier when I say my piece. (And yes, she got that mad when I wasn't even saying anything—because I wasn't even saying anything. If I'd said half the things that were going through my head, I'd still be waiting to hear the end of it.) 

 

I was going to say something else, but I've forgotten it now. I'm angry and numb. 

 

 

*hugs back* 

 

Your mother is full of a whole load of rotten dead fish.  And this kind of makes me wonder what her relationship is/was like with her mother, that she thinks this is acceptable behavior...

[Voidus]

Got another cluster headache again. It's been a while so I was hoping they were gone.
Well I guess the upside is that I haven't been sleeping much lately anyway so it doesn't impact that much.

But I'm also just really tired of this shitty thing ruling my life, it just makes me barely able to function for weeks at a time and I've failed just a whole bunch of uni stuff in the past because of it. And now I have to make the crappy decision between horrible pain and drugs that make my brain feel all weird and unable to do any kind of study all day.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Your mother is full of a whole load of rotten dead fish.  And this kind of makes me wonder what her relationship is/was like with her mother, that she thinks this is acceptable behavior...

 

Well, she approached me while I was eating lunch. I hoped she was going to apologize, but no, she had some "observations" that she said upfront she wasn't going to apologize for. 

 

1. I wasn't always this angry. 
2. She thinks my anger is connected to embracing "worldly thinking" and drifting away from the beliefs I was raised with. 

 

And honestly, I think she's onto something. But I don't think drifting away from the beliefs I was raised with is a bad thing. Sure, some of them are good. But some of them are not, and some of them are downright harmful. I'm angry because I'm sick of being forced to keep my views to myself and pretend like I still believe everything my family does, and I'm sick of hearing my views dismissed out of hand because they're not views my parents share. 

 

And look, I see what those beliefs do to people. They've turned my parents into harsh, unforgiving people who believe they have a right to be right because they happen to be my genetic predecessors. How is questioning those views a bad thing? How is modifying, or outright rejecting, some of those views a bad thing? 

 

I just….ugh, I'm done. I'm done. I want a new job so I can get out of here. 

[Edgedancer he/him]

Got another cluster headache again. It's been a while so I was hoping they were gone.

Well I guess the upside is that I haven't been sleeping much lately anyway so it doesn't impact that much.

But I'm also just really tired of this shitty thing ruling my life, it just makes me barely able to function for weeks at a time and I've failed just a whole bunch of uni stuff in the past because of it. And now I have to make the crappy decision between horrible pain and drugs that make my brain feel all weird and unable to do any kind of study all day.

That's terrible.

 

Well, she approached me while I was eating lunch. I hoped she was going to apologize, but no, she had some "observations" that she said upfront she wasn't going to apologize for. 

 

1. I wasn't always this angry. 
2. She thinks my anger is connected to embracing "worldly thinking" and drifting away from the beliefs I was raised with. 

 

And honestly, I think she's onto something. But I don't think drifting away from the beliefs I was raised with is a bad thing. Sure, some of them are good. But some of them are not, and some of them are downright harmful. I'm angry because I'm sick of being forced to keep my views to myself and pretend like I still believe everything my family does, and I'm sick of hearing my views dismissed out of hand because they're not views my parents share. 

 

And look, I see what those beliefs do to people. They've turned my parents into harsh, unforgiving people who believe they have a right to be right because they happen to be my genetic predecessors. How is questioning those views a bad thing? How is modifying, or outright rejecting, some of those views a bad thing? 

 

I just….ugh, I'm done. I'm done. I want a new job so I can get out of here. 

Ya know, if she could make the third observation that those two points are because she's in the wrong, then she may actually be on the right way, until then...

[Voidus]

If I ever have kids then I just hope they're as awesome as you Twi, there's nothing wrong with having different views than your parents and I'm sorry you've been made to feel like that's some kind of crime.

*hugs*

[Kaymyth she/her]

Well, she approached me while I was eating lunch. I hoped she was going to apologize, but no, she had some "observations" that she said upfront she wasn't going to apologize for. 

 

1. I wasn't always this angry. 
2. She thinks my anger is connected to embracing "worldly thinking" and drifting away from the beliefs I was raised with. 

 

And honestly, I think she's onto something. But I don't think drifting away from the beliefs I was raised with is a bad thing. Sure, some of them are good. But some of them are not, and some of them are downright harmful. I'm angry because I'm sick of being forced to keep my views to myself and pretend like I still believe everything my family does, and I'm sick of hearing my views dismissed out of hand because they're not views my parents share. 

 

And look, I see what those beliefs do to people. They've turned my parents into harsh, unforgiving people who believe they have a right to be right because they happen to be my genetic predecessors. How is questioning those views a bad thing? How is modifying, or outright rejecting, some of those views a bad thing? 

 

I just….ugh, I'm done. I'm done. I want a new job so I can get out of here. 

 

Translation:  "You are no longer a perfect little clone of everything I think and feel, and therefore you are doing something wrong.  Clearly, you are making yourself miserable in your attempt to actually be a sovereign thinking, feeling being, and if you'd just give in and conform everything would be all right."

 

Your mother is the Borg.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Ya know, if she could make the third observation that those two points are because she's in the wrong, then she may actually be on the right way, until then...

 

Even if she were willing to actually discuss my changing views, instead of point out how I'm wrong, I wouldn't be so angry. But I avoid talking current events and opinion with her because I feel like she's trying to pin down and point out where I'm going wrong with my views. 

 

If I ever have kids then I just hope they're as awesome as you Twi, there's nothing wrong with having different views than your parents and I'm sorry you've been made to feel like that's some kind of crime.

*hugs*

 

Thanks. I don't feel like it's a crime—not anymore. My parents just treat it that way.  

 

Translation:  "You are no longer a perfect little clone of everything I think and feel, and therefore you are doing something wrong.  Clearly, you are making yourself miserable in your attempt to actually be a sovereign thinking, feeling being, and if you'd just give in and conform everything would be all right."

 

Your mother is the Borg.

 

She IS.  

[Pestis the Spider she/her]

Twi, I feel for you. I hope you can get a new job and move out of there as soon as possible. I've been in the similar situation, and I still think moveing out was the best thing I've done in my life. Once you move out, your relationship with your parents will inevitably change, so maybe that will make them think once again and realise their mistakes. And hopefully you can all make up then. 

 

All the best. 

[Kaymyth she/her]

Even if she were willing to actually discuss my changing views, instead of point out how I'm wrong, I wouldn't be so angry. But I avoid talking current events and opinion with her because I feel like she's trying to pin down and point out where I'm going wrong with my views. 

 

 

Thanks. I don't feel like it's a crime—not anymore. My parents just treat it that way.

 

 

She IS.

 

So here's what you do.  Every time she goes on a rampage, think back to the scene in First Contact where the Borg Queen is trying to get Data to turn.  Try and imagine it as ridiculously as possible, too, like the full weird baldhead thing and everything.

 

If you can start throwing your mother into satirical roles, it will help.  Keeping your sense of humor is vital. 

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

So here's what you do.  Every time she goes on a rampage, think back to the scene in First Contact where the Borg Queen is trying to get Data to turn.  Try and imagine it as ridiculously as possible, too, like the full weird baldhead thing and everything.

 

If you can start throwing your mother into satirical roles, it will help.  Keeping your sense of humor is vital.

 

Good idea. I'd been just swearing at her in my head, but I think your solution is better. It'll make it harder to let her see I'm angry, at any rate.

 

I just….if you don't mind my getting all soppy for a minute, I want to say thanks. For being here and listening, really listening. Having a group of friends I can vent to and receive support for it makes all the difference in the world.  

[ThirdGen]

In the words of Agent Smith, "One of these lives has a future.  The other does not."

[Edgedancer he/him]

Good idea. I'd been just swearing at her in my head, but I think your solution is better. It'll make it harder to let her see I'm angry, at any rate.

 

I just….if you don't mind my getting all soppy for a minute, I want to say thanks. For being here and listening, really listening. Having a group of friends I can vent to and receive support for it makes all the difference in the world.

Of course we're here for you Twi. You deserve just about every nice word we have said to you, with all the joy you bring to the forum.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

I...I think I just realized why Bruce makes messes in my mom's room, but rarely in mine.

He knows what she says upsets me, and he's sticking it to the man.

Maybe I'm wrong and I'm just reading more into typical puppy behavior than I should, but I like this version of events.