Mental health club!

[Verdance he/him]

1 minute ago, Usseewa said:

wait clean of what? sh?

also ditto verde, you good?

I assume so, at least thats what i was talking about

I did a whole thing two months ago, the scars look cool but im fine, remember?

[Usseewa]

1 minute ago, Verdance said:

I assume so, at least thats what i was talking about

I did a whole thing two months ago, the scars look cool but im fine, remember?

nice guitar thing/playing lol. way better than me (which... i mean I've never played a guitar so...)

yeah i remember.

[Verdance he/him]

@Akimikoisthecutest

Seriously though aki (thats your nickname correct?) are you okay?

[Aeoryi she/her]

9 minutes ago, Akimikoisthecutest said:

54 is quite a lot....

I'm only 13 days clean

3 days...

[Usseewa]

1 minute ago, Aeoryi said:

3 days...

am i misinterpreting this, guys?

[Aeoryi she/her]

1 hour ago, SpartanBrigade said:

A couple things

I think you can struggle but not necessarily have a disorder 
In the same way you can get sick but it doesn't necessarily mean you have a chronic illness

Secondly, don't let people (including us) tell you what you do or don't feel
Mental health is a field of science/ medicine like any other
Only you know your symptoms
But I will say that goes the either way as well
Only you know what you experience, but I don't know that self diagnosing based off what you read on google is the best thing to do

Spartan's post here is really good it hits all the right points 

[Verdance he/him]

1 minute ago, Aeoryi said:

3 days...

!!! !!! !!!

that’s… not good

Just now, Usseewa said:

am i misinterpreting this, guys?

Doubtful

[Aeoryi she/her]

1 minute ago, Usseewa said:

am i misinterpreting this, guys?

You're not. 3 days since last session of sh (although I was super close to doing it again two days ago)

Just now, Verdance said:

!!! !!! !!!

that’s… not good

Doubtful

Idk I needed to do it. Was stressed. It worked somewhat well to soothe me... for a bit

[Verdance he/him]

1 minute ago, Aeoryi said:

You're not. 3 days since last session of sh (although I was super close to doing it again two days ago)

Idk I needed to do it. Was stressed. It worked somewhat well to soothe me... for a bit

Nonono

dont talk like that

the one good thing that came from me SH’ing was realizing that it doesn’t do anything good for me. Please, please don’t. 

may i ask how? Cause stuff like knives can really easily cut a vein or cause infection by accident

[Aeoryi she/her]

2 minutes ago, Verdance said:

Nonono

dont talk like that

the one good thing that came from me SH’ing was realizing that it doesn’t do anything good for me. Please, please don’t. 

may i ask how? Cause stuff like knives can really easily cut a vein or cause infection by accident

Scissors :3 snip snip
I have a compulsion to do it sometimes... actually fairly often ... it's just that I finally picked up the call

[Verdance he/him]

3 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

Scissors :3 snip snip
I have a compulsion to do it sometimes... actually fairly often ... it's just that I finally picked up the call

Yeah please dont hurt yourself again 

at the very least you will have to pay thousands of dollars for a hospital bill

not that i know anything about that

Edited April 17 by Verdance

[Usseewa]

oh jesus

18 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

Spartan's post here is really good it hits all the right points 

yes i know

it's just painful to hear

[Aeoryi she/her]

13 minutes ago, Verdance said:

Yeah please dont hurt yourself again 

at the very least you will have to pay thousands of dollars for a hospital bill

not that i know anything about that

I am in canada I pay 0 dollars for hospital bills 

 

5 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

oh jesus

yes i know

it's just painful to hear

Never done it before but yeah it was fun

[Usseewa]

3 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

Never done it before but yeah it was fun

I sure hope you aren't talking about SH.

Plus it violates the code of conduct to encourage self-harm or suicide.

https://www.17thshard.com/forums/topic/89568-17s-code-of-conduct/#findComment-975375

Spoiler

 

And saying it's "fun" may count. Plus, if you are talking about SH, I'm not sure if you truly mean it..

And if u do it's not fun in the end

 

You should talk to someone about this.

Sorry if my tone wasn't the best. Also I'm not the best person to talk to about this, but others can help. Especially IRL, like a therapist.

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

Hey guys

I’ve been gone a while

I came in to pop in quickly and it seems I popped into a pretty dark conversation that I’m not really in any position to speak on

But I did just wanna take a moment to say:

For anyone who’s struggling. You are strong enough. It doesn’t matter how many times you fall down or give in. The only thing that matters it that you keep. Walking. Forward. And for that, you are strong enough.

Life sucks sometimes. But I promise that the light you cannot see at the end of the tunnel is worth fighting for. I know it is because I didn’t see it once. And looking back on my past self - at how sad, how certain he was - I am so happy I kept going. I am so happy I proved him wrong.

Just because you’ve tripped doesn’t mean you can’t walk, and you should just accept your fate. It doesn’t matter if you trip five, or ten, or twenty times in a row. Keep going. Crawl if you have to.

It doesn’t fudging matter if you don’t know what you’re hoping for, what you’re fighting for. It’s there.

Fight for it.

It doesn’t fudging matter if you keep on going forever and don’t make any progress, keep falling down.

Fight for it.

You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to be good. You don’t need to meet a single standard you set for yourself.

You just need to keep going.

Just relapsed after you thought you were clean?

Get back up, keep going.

Drag your feet for a year, don’t make any progress, wondering what’s the point of it all?

It doesn’t matter, keep going.

Please.

Promise me.

Promise yourself.

Our minds have an annoying habit of nearsightedness. They glorify the past, and bind the future to the small box of the present. The future is not bound by the present. There could be happiness around the corner, a month from now, that your mind today could not imagine.

Your mind today is wrong.

Keep going.

…

Also yes everybody get a psychologist even if you think they won’t help I swear they do

2 hours ago, Usseewa said:

wdym ?

 

—

so uhh guys, i kinda just have a desire to find out what's wrong with me or whatever and like when i research random mental disorders or conditions or stuff like that and fine an experience or a term that i relate to, i love it because i feel like it lets me describe what i can't otherwise, or i wasn't even aware was... a problem (or, alternatively, "not a problem" in the sense that... I'm not to blame?)

so anyway... been doing a deep dive the last few hours or so into... something that i won't say right now. but like i always feel like if i claim to be something (like, depressed) or i act a certain way, that I'm either faking it, "not as severe/important/real/etc." as others (like... if I'm depressed but not suicidal or self-harming, for instance. Thus, am I really depressed and do I deserve to... "act depressed"?) Plus I just don't know... Like, I constantly feel like I'm just a "normal" person who's simply obsessing over all this stuff, and that... in some cases, being ungrateful, other times being, like,... idk what the word is. Pretending to be in a bad situation? To yourself, and somewhat to others (but not a lot because you don't think you actually are and people aren't, and don't want to lie. And the moment someone actually expresses genuine worry for you, you kinda panic and stop and say you're fine or something. Maybe I just want attention. After all, why am I even writing this?)

I think part of the reason I try/want to figure out "what's wrong with me" is because I just want *an explanation* to why my life feels wrong. I want some term or word I can tell people that makes them instantly understand how I feel (or don't.. haha). ADHD is a good start, but I don't feel like it quite catches everything. Or maybe I just.. don't know all the obscure little symptoms. Same for depression/anxiety, and I even used to (and maybe still do) basically denied to myself that what I felt was actually depression, since I didn't quite feel like my life was hopeless and that I was on the verge of suicide or something.

And... as I said earlier I think, sometimes I feel like there actually *isn't* much wrong with me and I'm just... doing it for attention or idk. And also, after "reading the symptoms list" (or hearing about it), I relate to some/lots/whatever of them, but then sometimes don't feel like I can claim to feel it anymore, since... that would be lying or something.

Plus, sometimes things get so tangled that I don't know what's my memory/what I feel/think, and what's just something I read online and am saying it now because it sounds like the logical thing a <insert something, like "depressed"> person would say. Like I basically have a blacklist/filter for myself, or at least a list, that sometimes I use words/phrases from but usually avoid so I'm not copying others or lying.

(Some of them I'm fairly sure I *don't* feel, and others I'm... not sure either way because of the aforementioned tangle and stuff)

Stuff like...

"I feel worthless"

"Life is meaningless"

"I wanna die"

"I can't get out of bed some days"

Idk.. there's more but I don't wanna say them all cuz I fear embarrassment/sounding like an idiot (another common thing for me that I fear...)

Basically the list is everything on symptoms lists and any recurring themes/comments in the experiences of those who have/experience that... disorder/thing.

 

Uhhh yeah

Okay wait yes just saw this I feel you so much

Especially the whole not knowing if you’re just overreacting and not actually depressed or just wanting to be depressed for some weird mind reason you know what I mean

First off:

Looking back on it, I’m like 90% sure I was actually depressed so take that stupid mind

Second:

Like I said, your mind will play tricks on you. You don’t need a diagnosis for your pain to be valid.

Even therapists can’t 100% analyze your mind, even they’re just making really really educated guesses

On 4/13/2026 at 8:18 PM, Usseewa said:

if you are raised your whole damn life being told something is right, or just being told something in general, how the heck do you know if it's actually right? How do you know what's right at all? You wouldn't know it, I don't think. You would believe with all your heart and adamantly that you it couldn't POSSIBLY be the "wrong" side of things. It would be obvious to you that it's the "right" thing.

...But what if it's not?

 

 

uhh anyway that probably sounded weird so uhm yeah sometimes it's just hard ...

 

 

edit: so how do i know what to believe?

Okay so I can’t actually give an answer to this but

I’ve been reading this horrendously dense book “Rayuela” (Hopscotch, it’s a philosophical fever dream manifesto masterpiece highly recommend if you’re willing to not understand a load of it) and some of what I’ve gotten out of it so far is that a philosophical rabbit hole can be pretty bad

As depressed teens (don’t actually know how old you are but making an assumption and really this applies even if you’re like a sixty year old grandpa which I really doubt) we like to question everything and doubt everything and moan about stuff

That gets you nowhere

Sure doubting and questioning it’s important. Just don’t get so obsessed with those questions cause it can get you stuck in a really toxic spiral

So my solution is really:

Follow your gut, use empathy, and stop and think: does this really matter or am I just doubting and complaining for the sake of doubting and complaining?

Okay damn I’ve been yapping a lot I need to go to sleep

Lots of massive hugs guys

Also holy dangnation I feel like an inc this is messed up

UNC not inc

’Night guys 

[Aeoryi she/her]

1 hour ago, Usseewa said:

I sure hope you aren't talking about SH.

Plus it violates the code of conduct to encourage self-harm or suicide.

https://www.17thshard.com/forums/topic/89568-17s-code-of-conduct/#findComment-975375

  Hide contents

 

And saying it's "fun" may count. Plus, if you are talking about SH, I'm not sure if you truly mean it..

And if u do it's not fun in the end

 

You should talk to someone about this.

Sorry if my tone wasn't the best. Also I'm not the best person to talk to about this, but others can help. Especially IRL, like a therapist.

I say fun in a lighthearted manner because I don't really know what else to use for it. Whether or not it constitutes as encouraging self harm is not up to either of our discretion. 

But to be clear, I advise against it. (And am incredibly unlikely to do it again, stop worrying)

[Akimikoisthecutest]

14 hours ago, Verdance said:

@Akimikoisthecutest

Seriously though aki (thats your nickname correct?) are you okay?

Yep I'm fine :3

[Verdance he/him]

16 hours ago, Hoid Slayer said:

Hey guys

I’ve been gone a while

I came in to pop in quickly and it seems I popped into a pretty dark conversation that I’m not really in any position to speak on

But I did just wanna take a moment to say:

For anyone who’s struggling. You are strong enough. It doesn’t matter how many times you fall down or give in. The only thing that matters it that you keep. Walking. Forward. And for that, you are strong enough.

Life sucks sometimes. But I promise that the light you cannot see at the end of the tunnel is worth fighting for. I know it is because I didn’t see it once. And looking back on my past self - at how sad, how certain he was - I am so happy I kept going. I am so happy I proved him wrong.

Just because you’ve tripped doesn’t mean you can’t walk, and you should just accept your fate. It doesn’t matter if you trip five, or ten, or twenty times in a row. Keep going. Crawl if you have to.

It doesn’t fudging matter if you don’t know what you’re hoping for, what you’re fighting for. It’s there.

Fight for it.

It doesn’t fudging matter if you keep on going forever and don’t make any progress, keep falling down.

Fight for it.

You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to be good. You don’t need to meet a single standard you set for yourself.

You just need to keep going.

Just relapsed after you thought you were clean?

Get back up, keep going.

Drag your feet for a year, don’t make any progress, wondering what’s the point of it all?

It doesn’t matter, keep going.

Please.

Promise me.

Promise yourself.

Our minds have an annoying habit of nearsightedness. They glorify the past, and bind the future to the small box of the present. The future is not bound by the present. There could be happiness around the corner, a month from now, that your mind today could not imagine.

Your mind today is wrong.

Keep going.

…

Also yes everybody get a psychologist even if you think they won’t help I swear they do

Okay wait yes just saw this I feel you so much

Especially the whole not knowing if you’re just overreacting and not actually depressed or just wanting to be depressed for some weird mind reason you know what I mean

First off:

Looking back on it, I’m like 90% sure I was actually depressed so take that stupid mind

Second:

Like I said, your mind will play tricks on you. You don’t need a diagnosis for your pain to be valid.

Even therapists can’t 100% analyze your mind, even they’re just making really really educated guesses

Okay so I can’t actually give an answer to this but

I’ve been reading this horrendously dense book “Rayuela” (Hopscotch, it’s a philosophical fever dream manifesto masterpiece highly recommend if you’re willing to not understand a load of it) and some of what I’ve gotten out of it so far is that a philosophical rabbit hole can be pretty bad

As depressed teens (don’t actually know how old you are but making an assumption and really this applies even if you’re like a sixty year old grandpa which I really doubt) we like to question everything and doubt everything and moan about stuff

That gets you nowhere

Sure doubting and questioning it’s important. Just don’t get so obsessed with those questions cause it can get you stuck in a really toxic spiral

So my solution is really:

Follow your gut, use empathy, and stop and think: does this really matter or am I just doubting and complaining for the sake of doubting and complaining?

Okay damn I’ve been yapping a lot I need to go to sleep

Lots of massive hugs guys

Also holy dangnation I feel like an inc this is messed up

UNC not inc

’Night guys 

This is some incredibly good advice, been trying to find a way to say basically just this, but that’s the mindset you’ve got to have

Although for me what this does is keep me from being suicidal, among religious reasons. Not much of a deterrent for nonlethal SH’ing. Only done that once though and uh there are many practical reasons why i shall never do that again

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

Heyyy guysssssssssss first off

hugs

for everyoneeeeeee

like sooo much squiz 

seconddd life’s been ok recently I’ve got a ton of things to be happy abt namely my family my friends and my gf, but sometimes just like rust shits yk and the other night I fell into one of those old holes of I’m gonna be stuck in this state and this body forever bc ik it’s only three years til I can start HRT but I worry that I won’t look the way I want and yeah and bottom dysphoria is soooo bad recently honestly the only reason I haven’t done anything is my gf but the other night when dysphoria got rly bad I went and slept outside, that was nice it made me feel a lot better.

other than that my grades are the best they’ve been since 5th grade, my music is going amazing I’m auditioning for my states youth orchestra in a few months and so yeah 

oh and I did get kinda rly depressed this week bc my school got two shooting threats and a bomb threat in the span of three days, none of which were serious but if stormed with me mentally that that’s even a concern but yeah sigh

hmmmmmmmmm what else has happenedddddddd jeez not much my life’s kinda boring lol OH I’m going to see Jack white sometime in October that’s exciting and I’m seeing big thief this summer so that’ll be funnnn I have a guitar amp now so noise is noisy anyways love yall im think abt trying to be on a little more maybe not as much as before but still a little bit 

[Denissimo He/him]

On 4/17/2026 at 6:44 AM, Usseewa said:

wdym ?

 

—

so uhh guys, i kinda just have a desire to find out what's wrong with me or whatever and like when i research random mental disorders or conditions or stuff like that and fine an experience or a term that i relate to, i love it because i feel like it lets me describe what i can't otherwise, or i wasn't even aware was... a problem (or, alternatively, "not a problem" in the sense that... I'm not to blame?)

so anyway... been doing a deep dive the last few hours or so into... something that i won't say right now. but like i always feel like if i claim to be something (like, depressed) or i act a certain way, that I'm either faking it, "not as severe/important/real/etc." as others (like... if I'm depressed but not suicidal or self-harming, for instance. Thus, am I really depressed and do I deserve to... "act depressed"?) Plus I just don't know... Like, I constantly feel like I'm just a "normal" person who's simply obsessing over all this stuff, and that... in some cases, being ungrateful, other times being, like,... idk what the word is. Pretending to be in a bad situation? To yourself, and somewhat to others (but not a lot because you don't think you actually are and people aren't, and don't want to lie. And the moment someone actually expresses genuine worry for you, you kinda panic and stop and say you're fine or something. Maybe I just want attention. After all, why am I even writing this?)

I think part of the reason I try/want to figure out "what's wrong with me" is because I just want *an explanation* to why my life feels wrong. I want some term or word I can tell people that makes them instantly understand how I feel (or don't.. haha). ADHD is a good start, but I don't feel like it quite catches everything. Or maybe I just.. don't know all the obscure little symptoms. Same for depression/anxiety, and I even used to (and maybe still do) basically denied to myself that what I felt was actually depression, since I didn't quite feel like my life was hopeless and that I was on the verge of suicide or something.

And... as I said earlier I think, sometimes I feel like there actually *isn't* much wrong with me and I'm just... doing it for attention or idk. And also, after "reading the symptoms list" (or hearing about it), I relate to some/lots/whatever of them, but then sometimes don't feel like I can claim to feel it anymore, since... that would be lying or something.

Plus, sometimes things get so tangled that I don't know what's my memory/what I feel/think, and what's just something I read online and am saying it now because it sounds like the logical thing a <insert something, like "depressed"> person would say. Like I basically have a blacklist/filter for myself, or at least a list, that sometimes I use words/phrases from but usually avoid so I'm not copying others or lying.

(Some of them I'm fairly sure I *don't* feel, and others I'm... not sure either way because of the aforementioned tangle and stuff)

Stuff like...

"I feel worthless"

"Life is meaningless"

"I wanna die"

"I can't get out of bed some days"

Idk.. there's more but I don't wanna say them all cuz I fear embarrassment/sounding like an idiot (another common thing for me that I fear...)

Basically the list is everything on symptoms lists and any recurring themes/comments in the experiences of those who have/experience that... disorder/thing.

 

Uhhh yeah

This is more relatable than one might think. It's an unfortunate thing to be going through: A constant feeling that something is wrong. Yet accompanied by the worry that the feeling is just caused by your ego to try to feel "special". 

My advice would be this: Seeing as you have identified the possibility that it could all be egotistical, I feel doubtful that it IS egotistical. Thus, if you can, get yourself diagnosed. Don't trust online quizzes though, those things are bad.
Even if it turns out there was nothing wrong, at least not in a physiological or psychological level, at least now you know. Better to be viewed as paranoid or attention-seeking by society, than dead or irrevocably mentally damaged from some sort of unidentified manic depression.
Sometimes you will feel like you are just trying to fulfill an archetype you read online. Well, whether you like it or not, human beings automatically are guided by ego and self-interest. It's what keeps us alive (I am of the personal belief that ego is simply an advanced survival instinct that has adapted to the development of human society). Those who are truly detached from such factors, are likely dead. 
I know, or can somewhat grasp the emotions you are likely feeling (I cannot claim to do so certainly, as humans are enigmatic, consistently somewhat to other human beings). 
I will say that (from personal experience, I admit), researching disorders and such usually ends up sinking oneself deeper into the spiral. You think "Ooo I might have this", when factually it is ridiculously easy to assign a disorder to oneself. You being aware of this is likely part of the reason you are worried that the "disorder" is an ego-spun illusion.
Its also rare that a singular disorder is able to fully encompass all your problems, whether they are "fake" or "real". All humans are somewhat neurodivergent, and crass labels like "Antisocial, etc." often succeed in only deepening the archetypes we adhere to. Humans are multifaceted in many manners: Someone defined as antisocial will have situations or scenarios in which they are very social. The labels frequently only succeed in nudging our biases towards what is encompassed by the label.
That was a bit of a tangent, I think. But I guess you could get the meaning. Feel free to ask if you wish.

I've forgotten what I was talking about. I will update when something else comes to mind.

[Denissimo He/him]

15 hours ago, Verdance said:

This is some incredibly good advice, been trying to find a way to say basically just this, but that’s the mindset you’ve got to have

Although for me what this does is keep me from being suicidal, among religious reasons. Not much of a deterrent for nonlethal SH’ing. Only done that once though and uh there are many practical reasons why i shall never do that again

Ah. I surmise you have the scars to show for it.

[Aeoryi she/her]

I apologize for everything I have said here. I believe not even half of it to be true anymore. best of luck

[Denissimo He/him]

6 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

I apologize for everything I have said here. I believe not even half of it to be true anymore. best of luck

A change in perspective? Granted, I haven't the foggiest idea what your previous perspective was.

[Verdance he/him]

5 hours ago, Denissimo said:

Ah. I surmise you have the scars to show for it.

Not to endorse SH, but they are cool

[Verdance he/him]

1 minute ago, Usseewa said:

  Reveal hidden contents

oh i want to suffer but idk why or if I actually do

but i want to do stuff

that i shouldn't

 

I've already...

done...

not SH..

not really...

but....

stuff kinda

 

!!!!!!! What

nonono