People you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley

[kenod]

4 hours ago, Secrets said:

But wait. Did you just mention sentient machine cookie dispensers? Did you just make intro thread spam bots?

No, just meant it as a synonym for hemalurgic terminators. Actually creating spam bots would probably get me banned.

[Zennix he/him]

I plan to create a Sentient Awakened Object (like Nightblood) that feeds on upvotes and unleash it on the 17th Shard. (evil cackling) 

[A Secret Corner he/him]

51 minutes ago, Zennix said:

I plan to create a Sentient Awakened Object (like Nightblood) that feeds on upvotes and unleash it on the 17th Shard. (evil cackling) 

Did you just make a downvote spam bot through hemalurgy 

[kenod]

15 hours ago, Zennix said:

I plan to create a Sentient Awakened Object (like Nightblood) that feeds on upvotes and unleash it on the 17th Shard. (evil cackling) 

Can't you just let it feed on members of the Assassins in Technicolor Clothes?

[A Secret Corner he/him]

6 hours ago, kenod said:

Can't you just let it feed on members of the Assassins in Technicolor Clothes?

NOW!

That is a good idea.

[Fatebreaker he/him]

Remember, Fellow Denizens, to be careful with Spambots lest we incur the Wrath of Chaos and his mighty Banhammer. Be sneaky about it, and remember to use plenty of distilled pseudo-gelatin when insulating the central processors.

But otherwise, knock yourselves out!

not literally of course, we wouldn't want a repeat of the Great Coat Hanger incident, which, let me tell you, was a real headache. If you catch my meaning

Also, has anyone seen any zinc spikes with green ribbons tied around them? I put them down somewhere, but I can't seem to remember which psycho-temporal district I left them in.

[kenod]

8 hours ago, Fatebreaker said:

Also, has anyone seen any zinc spikes with green ribbons tied around them? I put them down somewhere, but I can't seem to remember which psycho-temporal district I left them in.

Check alley 36, 58m down in the 4th dimension, 32m up in the 5th dimension. I think I remember seeing some there.

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

*munches on cookie

Aha! I have found the perfect amount of iron and bacon to go in this cookie!

[kenod]

Bacon?

[Sparkrunner he/him]

The dark alley is breathing it's final breaths. The activity count is dropping. The bakers are shutting down their shops, it appears. Although we see the last guard of members out, fleecing new members in through the introduction threads, this thread is slowing down. @Hemalurgic_Headshot @A Budgie are succeeding in the introduction threads. I will enjoy watching the collapse of this horrible place.

[18th Shard he/him]

Collapse? Absolute silence is necessary for the ensured survival of our Master Plan. Sometimes you must make many noises to hide the ones you don't want noticed, the screams of terror delight, the roaring abominations ovens. Sometimes, you must remain quiet, in hopes that no one notices the haunting baker sneaking behind them, readying a cookie and plunging it into your back. So don't worry. Most of us are not gone, merely stalking those too unobservant to see their impending purchases.

@Cluny the Scourge

Edited April 28, 2017 by 18th Shard

[DrakeMarshall he/him]

The alley cannot collapse. Ruin would never allow it.

We wait in the shadows, poised to force feed an unsuspecting passerby some ruinous delicious baked goods.

[kenod]

As long as there are intro threads, there will be abominations people trying to sell cookies.

[Zennix he/him]

We are still very much around even though aren't often seen in public. We are creatures of the night. The whisper in the silent woods. The mist just before dawn. The howl on a full moon. The thing of nightmares. We are everywhere and nowhere. 

PS: Just ignore all the poetic ramblings. You only need to understand that if you underestimate us, you are....

 

[Farnsworth]

I was once like you. I opposed all forms of baked goods, not knowing their wonder. I roamed the Newcago court in joy. I was woefully ignorant of the Dark Alley and all its wonder.

Then @kenod  stabbed me with a cookie

[Fatebreaker he/him]

On 4/28/2017 at 9:07 AM, Cluny the Scourge said:

The dark alley is breathing it's final breaths. The activity count is dropping. The bakers are shutting down their shops, it appears. Although we see the last guard of members out, fleecing new members in through the introduction threads, this thread is slowing down. @Hemalurgic_Headshot @A Budgie are succeeding in the introduction threads. I will enjoy watching the collapse of this horrible place.

You see, the problem is your limited concept of the grander scheme. To take the circumstance of a moment as the substitute for the rest of an ever-twisting timescheme is to confine oneself to the illusion of knowledge. The Alley, may it's ovens burn perpetually, has endured trial and tribulation. At one point it consisted of a mere 3 people. But as long as the darkness of ignorance and the haze of prejudice against the Hemalurgic arts persists, we Denizens will be there to forge onward in the name of Science!

So fear not, my unenlightened friend. The Dark Alley, may its darkness illuminate the Multiverse, may seem dormant, but we've harvested enough bronze ferrings to make sleep a thing of the past, and enough cadmium ferrings to make sure the sweet, toasty, cookie-scented breath of the alley shall waft enticingly through the forums for eons to come.

So the question is not when we will perish, but rather, 

"Would you like a Cookie?"

[Staphylococcus she/her]

When I first came to the shard, I was offered a delicious cookie which I devoured with pleasure. I think highly of your noble cause and seeing your activity dropping, I would like to offer my help and support. 

[kenod]

@Staphylococcus uses thread necromancy, it's effectiveness remains to be seen.

[Staphylococcus she/her]

@kenod oh, sorry

[kenod]

@Staphylococcus why are you sorry, we use Hemalurgy, thread necromancy is encouraged here.

[Staphylococcus she/her]

@kenod ok then  I just had the feeling that it's generally seen as something one shouldn't do.  (I've been here for like 2 months, still kind of lost.)

[Fatebreaker he/him]

On 5/29/2017 at 4:25 AM, Staphylococcus said:

@kenod ok then  I just had the feeling that it's generally seen as something one shouldn't do.  (I've been here for like 2 months, still kind of lost.)

Fear not, you have committed no crime, as this thread never truly dies, simply oscillates in activity. Welcome to our enlightened darkness, we're happy to accept any who seek to further the baking cause!

[StrikerEZ he/him]

Hmm...I think I've sort of been acting as a lone wolf with hemalurgic baked goods for too long. I think it's high time I officially joined the Dark Alley.

[manukos he/him]

 i would like to join in as well, if you'd take me , 
i am manukos , silverlight's head chef i've been inspired by the research that you have been doing here , and i hope i can contribute 

[Inner Delysium she/her]

My question is: what sort of cookies are they?