People you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley

[Voidus]

As the inaugural member to this group started by Kurkistan some time ago I thought that I should increase our recruiting, and to that end have decided to formally make it a group.
Come to the dark alley. We have cookies.
 

Denizens list - courtesy of Fatebreaker

 

Voidus^: Original Denizen, Head of Sales

Specialties: Sales and Research

 

Traceria: First Victim

 

Fatebreaker^: Head of Research and Advertising, Creator of the Slogan

Specialties: Sales, Research, and Advertising
 

MacThorstenson^: Head of Counterintelligence
Specialties: Sales, Recruitment, Counterintelligence

ZincAboutIt:
Specialties: Spying
 

Mail-mi^

Specialties: Sales and Research

ElephantEarwax^
Specialties: Breath Experimentation Expert

 

Killersquirrel59 

Specialties: Hemalurgic Theorizing 

 

18th Shard: Creator of the Disclaimer

Specialties: Hemalurgic Compounding Researcher

 

the Gleeman: Head of Shipping

 

Redbird3000

Specialties: Zoohemalurgy

Snoopy^/Kipper^
Specialties: Middle Manager of Public Relations, Head of Inter-Guild Commerce, Forgery/Hemalurgy

Blademaster

Ostrichofevil^
Specialties: Hemalurgy of non-Metallic magic systems

FrodoUnderhill^

Slowswift^

Winter Cloud^
Specialties: Trans-species Hemalurgy, wolfkind translator and ambassador of the Pack of the Cosmere.

Morzathoth^

Specialties: Eldritch Horror* and Researcher of Investiture of The Dark Alley!

*Pending office cleaning

 

Oversleep^

 

ChickenPlague
Specialties: Mistwraith research team, vampiric-Lucentia connection discovery.

iBambam

Kaazi^
 

JerleShannara
Specialties: Lerasium

ThatTinyStrawMan

Averyp1017

Secrets

 

@kenod 

Specialties: Kandra research

 

Endorsers

Queens Elsa Steelheart, Ruler of Newcago

Lord BreathTaker, ruler of the Raven Throne

 

Honorary(non-active) Members:

King of Nowhere

Kadorok

Swimmingly

SmurfAquamarineBodies

Quitecontrary 

 

' ^ ' denotes those who have made, sales.

Active members must either sell at the intro thread, or contribute more than one post to the science of Hemalurgy.

Regarding intro thread posts please refer to this topic for some guides on what is appropriate:

 

Let me know of mistakes, omissions, and updates.

Applications are always welcome.

 

 

The Dark Alley

Because upstanding moral citizens are about as interesting as furniture, and half as obligingly useful.

[Edgedancer he/him]

I´m not a bad person, I just know how they think and that is way I know that when you say cookies you mean something that is much tastier.

[Voidus]

 
Shhhhhh

[traceria she/her]

Around here you might be better off saying you have waffles, muffins, or donuts. 

[Voidus]

Around here you might be better off saying you have waffles, muffins, or donuts. 

What an excellent idea! Why if you'd just follow me into this dark alley I can show you our wide selection of available baked goods... 

[traceria she/her]

What an excellent idea! Why if you'd just follow me into this dark alley I can show you our wide selection of available baked goods... 

Do you have chocolate croissants?  I'll budge for nothing other than a chocolate croissant.

[Kobold King he/him]

Do you have chocolate croissants?  I'll budge for nothing other than a chocolate croissant.

 

* wildlife documentary voice *

 

And so here in the jungles of the 17th Shard, natural habitat of a wide range of strange fauna, the wild Voidus lures its prey with the sweet smell of chocolate croissants.

[SmurfAquamarineBodies he/him]

Just a quick question but is there a minimum of people we must kill as a part of this group? ( I could probably fit anywhere from 10 to 1000 in my schedule, but anything over that wouldn't really work for me. ) Or is this group not for those kinds of people?

[Edgedancer he/him]

*in GLaDOS voice*

 

Cookies how original. Tell me, where did you get that idea. Do your parents approve of what you are doing? I´m sure that if they knew about this they would open you up for adoption, you monster.

However, different from you, those spikes might be useful for science. Luckily, I still have enough test subjects in storage. Now, excuse me I still have testing to do. By the way, our test subjects get cake and their weight still isn´t as high as yours.

[traceria she/her]

* wildlife documentary voice *

 

And so here in the jungles of the 17th Shard, natural habitat of a wide range of strange fauna, the wild Voidus lures its prey with the sweet smell of chocolate croissants.

 

"I mean, have you ever had a chocolate croissant?  Even the knock-off American made ones are dang near the top of the pastry chain..." *rambles on while shuffling further and further into the dark alley*

[Voidus]

Just a quick question but is there a minimum of people we must kill as a part of this group? ( I could probably fit anywhere from 10 to 1000 in my schedule, but anything over that wouldn't really work for me. ) Or is this group not for those kinds of people?

We adjust the number of ahem... cookie sales expected for each member, you'd be started off with some pretty easy expectations.

[SmurfAquamarineBodies he/him]

So long as the 'cookie' sales don't swallow too much of my time, then I would like to apply for a position in this fine establishment.

[Delightful]

Just a quick question but is there a minimum of people we must kill as a part of this group? ( I could probably fit anywhere from 10 to 1000 in my schedule, but anything over that wouldn't really work for me. ) Or is this group not for those kinds of people?

I was under the impression you had to be significantly creepy or otherwise meancing in order to join. Is murder - sorry, cookies - now an official requirement?

[Voidus]

We sometimes expect our new recruits to provide... cookies, that or a metal spike that's stolen the abilities of someone else, i mean er... muffins.

[Quiver he/him]

http://th05.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2013/285/c/9/derpy_wants_muffin____by_lisartino2009-d6q54sd.png

 

Also... how much would it hypothetically cost for your Dark Alley peeps to "take care" of Babaji, Vashikaran and our Call Girl problem?

Just for the sake of argument. And totally not a case of the Herd putting out a contract on spam bots. That would be against our love and tolerance spiel.

Edited August 13, 2014 by Quiver

[Voidus]

It is done... for now.

[traceria she/her]

It is done... for now.

[spoken from beyond the grave.] Wow, I'm impressed it took under a half hour to complete that job!  Bravo!  

[+Quitecontrary she/her]

This looks like it should be under the Lords of Chaos to me.

I absolutely approve of the murder...ahem...cookies, being a fan of the culinary arts myself.

Does enslaving a fellow Sharder count as a qualification?

Does stabbing someone in the back with a butcher knife be considered?

Does serving food sprinkled with Wafflerasium (the secret ingredient to sentient Waffleborn) a requirement?

(I feel that LeftInch/LeftVash will appear here soon)

The dark alleys may not work for me, because I wear white all the time. I'd look like a shining beacon in the dark alley, luring the innocent with the delicious smell of homemade waffles...and oh okay, cookies.

I would love to feed on the screams of pain and torture of the innocents.

[Voidus]

^This is the type of Sharder we like to see in the Dark alley, all of your er... cullinary skills will be taken into consideration, and given their variety may I just say, welcome to the dark alley.

[+Quitecontrary she/her]

^This is the type of Sharder we like to see in the Dark alley, all of your er... cullinary skills will be taken into consideration, and given their variety may I just say, welcome to the dark alley.

 

Thank you Voidus. You are welcome in the Wafflesworn kitchen as well. My Accepted will be quite happy to have someone new to play with. I'm sure you will have some new...recipes...you would like to share. It's been a while since I've seen something new in the guilds. 

 

Just beware of the spice when you play. I wouldn't want to see a QuiteVoidus running around the forums.

[Quiver he/him]

Fear not citizens! That cowardly and superstitious lot who lurk in the shadows shall have reign on our fair forum no longer! For from this night forward, you shall a silent, watchful guardian, protecting your topics.

 

Dare the denizens of the Dark Alley duel with the daring and dynamic Mare Do Well? I think not! 

[Voidus]

Your Mare Do Well is no match for the might of Inquisi-Ponies!!

[Edgedancer he/him]

Fear not citizens! That cowardly and superstitious lot who lurk in the shadows shall have reign on our fair forum no longer! For from this night forward, you shall a silent, watchful guardian, protecting your topics.

 

Dare the denizens of the Dark Alley duel with the daring and dynamic Mare Do Well? I think not! 

This pony of the Night dares to differ.

[Quiver he/him]

No one ever suspects the Spanish Inquisi-Ponies.

[Voidus]

Australian Inquisi-ponies find the above remark to be insensitive!