Chaos he/him Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Share your puns, groan-worthy and/or hilarious, it doesn't matter! I'll start with two, but you can just post one at a time if you want. "There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did." And one from Jess: "What do you get when you cross mountain climber with a mosquito? Nothing! You can't cross a scaler with a vector. Don't you know that?" 2
CrazyRioter she/her Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 In the days of primitive tribes and grass huts, there was one tribe which was very warlike. They won many battles, and took control of many other tribes. One of their customs when they beat another tribe was to take the most prized posession of the enemy's chief. One time, after a particularly fierce battle they defeated a rich tribe, whose king had a prized solid gold throne. Our warlike tribe took the throne, and put it in the loft in their cheif's house. Unfortunately, the throne was much too heavy to be kept in a loft in a grass house, and it fell right through the ceiling, onto the cheif, killing him instantly. The Moral of this story is...... People who live in Grass Houses shouldn't stow thrones! 2
Joe ST he/him Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Once upon a dim stage dreary, while I twirled, weak and weary Under many quaint and curious gaze’s of voyeurs wanting more While I spun round, nearly falling, suddenly there came a calling the voice of which was quite appalling, appalling and it screamed out “WHORE” Tis’ some drunkard, I muttered, screaming out the insult “WHORE” Only this and nothing more. 1
Arcanist Lupus he/him Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 There were two people in a kayak. They were very cold, so they lit a fire. Unfortunately, this was a wooden kayak, and the fire burnt a hole in the kayak, and it sank. And the moral is: You can't have your kayak and heat it too.
FeatherWriter she/her Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 (edited) A man walks into a restaurant with three floors. The first floor was appetizers, the second was main courses and the third was drinks. As the man enters the first floor, a waiter comes up to him and says, "Hello sir, what appetizer would you like?" The man says, "I don't know. What do you have?" The waiter replys, "Well, we have a soup, which is really good. We have a salad, which is kinda good. And we have a breadstick, which is not really good at all." So the man chooses the soup and gets into the line for it. But, by the time he gets through it, he's so hungry that he ate the soup, salad, and breadstick and had to pay for all three. Disheartened, the man walks up to the second floor. Again, a waiter comes up to him and says, "Hello sir, what main dish would you like?" The man says, "I don't know. What do you have?" The waiter replys, "Well, we have a steak, which is really good. We have chicken, which is kinda good. And we have fish, which is not really good at all." So the man chooses the steak and gets into the line for it. But, by the time he gets through it, he's so hungry that he ate the steak, chicken, and fish and had to pay for all three. Rather annoyed, he goes up to the final floor. True to form, a waiter comes up to him and says, "Hello sir, what drink would you like?" The man says, "I don't know. What do you have?" The waiter replys, "Well, we have wine, which is really good. We have water, which is kinda good. And we have punch, which is not really good at all." Having learned from his previous experiences, the man decides to look at the lines before deciding which to get. The line for wine is incredibly long, the line for water is somewhat long, and there is no punch line. Also, my Grandfather was very fond of "Why do bees buzz?" "You'd buzz too if someone took your honey and nectar (necked her)" Edited January 6, 2012 by FeatherWriter 2
FeatherWriter she/her Posted January 8, 2012 Posted January 8, 2012 Haha! It's way more fun to tell than to be on the recieving end, I can tell you that!
Feloxia she/her Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Well...my AP Art concentration was visual puns, so I have quite a few of those here.One of them isn't on there, sadly. I don't know where the picture of it is, and I don't feel like digging through my stuff to take another picture at the moment. Anyways, my favorite joke happens to be a pun. It's better to tell it out loud, but here it is: What do you call a fish without an eye? A fsh. 1
FeatherWriter she/her Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Directly following that pun, what do you call a deer with no eyes? No-eye-deer. No idea-r, No idea I've always liked this stealth pun from xkcd, though you have to have heard the original joke to get it. http://xkcd.com/532/ The orignial joke is: One day a man walks into a bar and to his amazement, he finds a tiny person playing a tiny piano. Stunned the man asked the bartender where he got such a person. The bartender replied that if you go into the closet there is a genie that will grant one wish. The man dashed into the the closet and as the bartender said their was a genie. The man wished for 1,000,000 bucks, but instead, got 1,000,000 ducks. Infuriated the man stormed to the bartender and screamed "I asked your genie for 1,000,000 bucks but i got 1,000,000 ducks instead! "No duh", replied the bartender, "Do you really think I asked for a 12-inch PIANIST?" So in the comic, the guy actually asked for the 12-inch pianist to play his piano, but got something else instead... 1
Joe ST he/him Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Well...my AP Art concentration was visual puns, so I have quite a few of those here.One of them isn't on there, sadly. I don't know where the picture of it is, and I don't feel like digging through my stuff to take another picture at the moment. those are fantastic
Eerongal he/him Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 while we're at it, all hail the king of puns, groucho marx. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ikEBwdlmD8 1
Zas678 he/him Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 What's brown and sticky? A stick! A horse walks into the bar, and the bartender says "Hey. Why the long face?" What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Notch-yo cheese! (It works better if you say it out loud) A pirate walks into a bar with paper towel around his head like a hat. The bartender and the other residents of the bar are very confused. The bartender says "Hey. What's with the paper towel?" The pirate replies "Arrgh. I've a bounty on me head!" An atom walks into a bar, looking desperate. The bartender asks "What's wrong?" The proton replies "I've lost my electron!" "Are you sure?" "I'm positive!"
CrazyRioter she/her Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 my grade 10 science teacher told us that last one, he was awesome.
FeatherWriter she/her Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 The vlogbrothers have some awesome joke videos that have great jokes in them. Also notable for some groan-worthy nerdy pick-up lines! 1
Arcanist Lupus he/him Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 How do you catch a unique rabbit? U-nique up on it. How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way. 3
Feloxia she/her Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 those are fantastic Thank you~ I like the sublime. Thanks! That's also one of my favorites Also, FeatherWriter those videos are awesome
FeatherWriter she/her Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 The nerdfighters haven't failed me yet! I love that "under a rest" joke! I've never heard that before!
Arcanist Lupus he/him Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 (edited) The nerdfighters haven't failed me yet! I love that "under a rest" joke! I've never heard that before! Thanks! I first saw the joke on Facebook. The comments: Looks like he's in big treble. He better move or he'll Bb! I like this sharp sense of humor. You have the right to remain tacet. He's gonna be detained for forte years. Allegro! Allegro! Double Time! You're gonna get crushed! Also, more bad puns. Edited January 19, 2012 by Sir Read-a-Lot 1
dhalagirl she/her Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 A punny conversation snippet from work: Her: "I need a new spiel." Me: "Glocken?" 1
Tulir he/him Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 Why did the chicken commit suicide? To get to the other side. 1
Feloxia she/her Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 (edited) I saw one the other day that I thought was good: What cut the Roman Empire in half? A pair of caesars Edit: I got another one: How do you organize a party in space? You Planet Edited February 9, 2012 by Feloxia
Aeshdan he/him Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Mad Scientist: "I want to cross a rabbit with a bacterium. The result should be able to multiply and divide." 1
dhalagirl she/her Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Today my manager was craving glazed raised donuts. I announced that I would be glad to go on this, the holiest of errands. 1
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