The Relationship Advice Thread, by Dr. Calano

[Cinnamon]

1 minute ago, Being of Cacophony said:

were you planning on inviting me?

 

Just now, Edema Ruh said:

Yes.

Ha!  Who's the douchebag now?

NO ONE! THAT'S THE ANSWER!! WE'RE ALL WONDERFUL PEOPLE!!!!

[Immortal Platypus]

33 minutes ago, Edema Ruh said:

Yes.

oh. well now I feel a little bad.

Sorry for misjudging you Eddie! my bad!

[Edema Rue she/her]

3 minutes ago, Being of Cacophony said:

oh. well now I feel a little bad.

Sorry for misjudging you Eddie! my bad!

 

It's all good, besides it's hard to prove anything anyway.

[Immortal Platypus]

5 minutes ago, Edema Ruh said:

 

It's all good, besides it's hard to prove anything anyway.

YAY!! (this means it probably won't get brought up over and over again, and if it does, I'll just point to this post!)

How do I know the people, choir? Just knowing them? Associating with them?

[Edema Rue she/her]

3 minutes ago, Being of Cacophony said:

YAY!! (this means it probably won't get brought up over and over again, and if it does, I'll just point to this post!)

How do I know the people, choir? Just knowing them? Associating with them?

They's nerds, plus swim team.

...also like half the grade is probably gonna be there.

And now we should probably stop invading Calano's thread.

[Immortal Platypus]

13 minutes ago, Edema Ruh said:

They's nerds, plus swim team.

...also like half the grade is probably gonna be there.

And now we should probably stop invading Calano's thread.

I see.

That sounds like... a lot of people. Is this outdoors? Cause if not, I hope it is in a BIG house.

Probably. but... maybe not. INVASION!!!

[jamesbondsmith He/him]

If someone else can offer advice, this is something that took me far too long to realise.

Holding onto someone in the hopes their feelings will change isn't fair on anyone involved. They deserve people in their lives without ulterior motives and you deserve the chance to find someone who wants you back.

It sounds romantic to hold on and suffer in silence, but every day it doesn't work is a day your heart gets stomped on. Sometimes there are exceptions but expecting rules of life to not apply to you will lead to a rough time.

[That1Cellist he/him]

10 hours ago, jamesbondsmith said:

If someone else can offer advice, this is something that took me far too long to realise.

Holding onto someone in the hopes their feelings will change isn't fair on anyone involved. They deserve people in their lives without ulterior motives and you deserve the chance to find someone who wants you back.

It sounds romantic to hold on and suffer in silence, but every day it doesn't work is a day your heart gets stomped on. Sometimes there are exceptions but expecting rules of life to not apply to you will lead to a rough time.

Thank you. This seems like a very valuable thing. I'm glad you thought to contribute this.

[jamesbondsmith He/him]

In other tips, sometimes the hardest thing is taking your own advice

[InfiniteInsanity she/her]

20 hours ago, jamesbondsmith said:

If someone else can offer advice, this is something that took me far too long to realise.

Holding onto someone in the hopes their feelings will change isn't fair on anyone involved. They deserve people in their lives without ulterior motives and you deserve the chance to find someone who wants you back.

It sounds romantic to hold on and suffer in silence, but every day it doesn't work is a day your heart gets stomped on. Sometimes there are exceptions but expecting rules of life to not apply to you will lead to a rough time.

 

9 hours ago, jamesbondsmith said:

In other tips, sometimes the hardest thing is taking your own advice

Well sometimes advice is just hard to take anyways or takes time and effort (lots of it) to follow.

[Going_North_cal]

On 5/25/2023 at 11:42 AM, jamesbondsmith said:

If someone else can offer advice, this is something that took me far too long to realise.

Holding onto someone in the hopes their feelings will change isn't fair on anyone involved. They deserve people in their lives without ulterior motives and you deserve the chance to find someone who wants you back.

It sounds romantic to hold on and suffer in silence, but every day it doesn't work is a day your heart gets stomped on. Sometimes there are exceptions but expecting rules of life to not apply to you will lead to a rough time.

Very wise, good sir.

Very wise, and very true.

[Going_North_cal]

open for questions still

i’m a wise individual. i’ll help good.

[The Unknown Medallion he/him]

7 minutes ago, CalanoCorvus said:

open for questions still

i’m a wise individual. i’ll help good.

What do when Dad no approve of girlfriend?

[Going_North_cal]

2 minutes ago, The Known Novel said:

What do when Dad no approve of girlfriend?

make slideshow. invite girlfriend/person-to-become-girlfriend over and show that she’s cool. have her and your father chat.

prove to your father that your girlfriend is a good person.

[The Unknown Medallion he/him]

1 hour ago, CalanoCorvus said:

make slideshow. invite girlfriend/person-to-become-girlfriend over and show that she’s cool. have her and your father chat.

prove to your father that your girlfriend is a good person.

But. What if father a judgemental piece of crem?

Alright, so there's a couple problems that I'll spell out better.

Me and my girlfriend (mostly, we don't see each other as much as I would like) met at Jiu-jitsu, which my father owns and teaches. He knows my girlfriend decently well, and doesn’t have any real problems with her. 

My girlfriend stopped doing Jiu-jitsu earlier this year. This has partly colored my father's perception of her (well, his perception of her dad, which effects his perception of her)

Unfortunately, for a variety of mental health reasons on his part, he somehow can't separate children from their parents in his mind.

I think my best option is just to wait until I have my driver's license, then I won't have to rely on him. And then I could 

I don't know. Maybe you have some more to add now.

[Going_North_cal]

i’m gonna say what i always say:

talk to your father. explain it very acutely. listen to what he has to say as well: both sides matter. hopefully you can come to some sort of agreement on this.

if not, i’d just be patient and find ways to hang out with her some other way until you get your license.

[Guest]

heh my parents would kick me out of the house if they found out i actively date 

i have a question. if i think a girl is pretty, how do i ask her out without knowing if she's into girls too?

[Going_North_cal]

oh that’s a tough one.

id try and like, discreetly find out if she likes girls or not. maybe like, ask her friends but like, indirectly.

or like, just be talking ab smth, and then show her a picture of a woman you find hot, and be like “yo is this woman hot or what?” or smth.

i uh. yeah, that could work. it sounds weird now that ive written it down. 

[CosmicShard8002 he/him]

How do I get over people I break up w?

 That’s the gist of it, is a bit more complicated, broke up due to mental health issues in my part, how they handled it bothers me, still like them and don’t know how to get over it. I def need to because it’s not healthy for me 

[Going_North_cal]

20 minutes ago, CosmicShard8002 said:

How do I get over people I break up w?

 That’s the gist of it, is a bit more complicated, broke up due to mental health issues in my part, how they handled it bothers me, still like them and don’t know how to get over it. I def need to because it’s not healthy for me 

That’s certainly a struggle. Luckily, I’ve been through a similar situation.

If you haven’t already gotten closure, then I want you to get in contact with your ex- I know, I know, the last thing you probably want to do- and schedule a time where the two of you can meet face to face. Discuss your reasons for parting ways, and try to part on good terms. 

Struggling with feelings that remain after breaking up for really good reasons is certainly something that sucks and is hard. I’d recommend convincing yourself every day the reasons y’all broke up, and don’t block out the feelings to try to suppress them. Feel them out, let them flush themselves out of your system.

Hope I helped, and good luck.

[Quivil]

16 hours ago, Cruciatus_heart said:

heh my parents would kick me out of the house if they found out i actively date 

i have a question. if i think a girl is pretty, how do i ask her out without knowing if she's into girls too?

I know someone who teases in ways that could be flirting or just a joke, and watches to see if they flirt back or treat it like just a joke

It sounds hard, and I have no idea how that would work, but maybe this helps a bit?

[CosmicShard8002 he/him]

On 7/3/2023 at 10:12 AM, CalanoCorvus said:

That’s certainly a struggle. Luckily, I’ve been through a similar situation.

If you haven’t already gotten closure, then I want you to get in contact with your ex- I know, I know, the last thing you probably want to do- and schedule a time where the two of you can meet face to face. Discuss your reasons for parting ways, and try to part on good terms. 

Struggling with feelings that remain after breaking up for really good reasons is certainly something that sucks and is hard. I’d recommend convincing yourself every day the reasons y’all broke up, and don’t block out the feelings to try to suppress them. Feel them out, let them flush themselves out of your system.

Hope I helped, and good luck.

I definitely default to hiding my feelings and ignoring them lol. We have talked with each other about that, and it’s mostly one sided why we broke up (me). It’s just the getting over it part that I can’t handle. Thanks for the advice! I’ll try it to see how it helps.

[Going_North_cal]

This is still open guys I've learned more in the past few months.

[The Wandering Wizard he/him]

38 minutes ago, CalanoCorvus said:

This is still open guys I've learned more in the past few months.

Me too

[InfiniteInsanity she/her]

2 hours ago, CalanoCorvus said:

This is still open guys I've learned more in the past few months.

Let's say that there was an experience involving a friend a few years ago that caused some definite anxiety issues last year and so you had some therapy for it last year and it got better.

But then a new thing happened this year with people you don't even know. And now these anxiety issues are starting to come back but less extreme and only when you run into this person without any prior notice that they would be there. And those sort of accidental run-ins aren't anything that can be avoided so.... 

Like what are you supposed to do?

Because you don't want to do anything that could be taken as rude or mean but you're worried you might accidentally due to said anxiety issues.