The Battle for the Sandwich

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

17 minutes ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

yeah seems impossible but COOOOOOOOL

I call it: magic. 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

ah-that too

[KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren He/Him]

3 hours ago, Ashkaloda said:

Then proceeds to start radiating out unicorns and ketchup packets at an alarmingly fast rate. It also turns the Maw from black to lime green, impossible though it may seem. 

The Lime Maw 6 Surgebinds and and hurls ultra-fast moving ketchup packets at you

[Unintelligenius he/him]

On 11/19/2025 at 6:33 AM, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

I steal the Maw 6, the Sandwich, and Vyzkel's legs

 

14 hours ago, KaladinsSenseOfHumorSpren said:

The Maw 6 steals your steal

I steal the Maw 6's steal that they stole from @YouCantHaveMySandwich who stole the steal from me. I give Vyz his legs back cuz I'm feeling nice but keep the Sandwich.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

3 hours ago, KaladinsSenseOfHumorSpren said:

The Lime Maw 6 Surgebinds and and hurls ultra-fast moving ketchup packets at you

But they phase right through me. 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I am outraged at this and give you a paper cut. While you are howling in pain, I steal the Sandwich.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

11 hours ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

I am outraged at this and give you a paper cut. While you are howling in pain, I steal the Sandwich.

I throw scissors, which beats your paper. 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

Spoiler

 

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

5 minutes ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

  Hide contents

 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I throw a rock at you

Spoiler

 

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

1 minute ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

I throw a rock at you

  Hide contents

 

I hold up a giant sheet of sinusoidal paper that I had so cleverly just invented, and the rock bounces off. Such is the way of things. 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I throw a diamond rock at it.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

The diamond rock, by definition, is still a rock, so it sees much of the same effects, with exception that this time, as it bounces off, a streetlamp falls onto it and smashes it into pulp. 

Edited November 21, 2025 by Ashkaloda

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I use Voidlight to just mysteriously make the rock disappear

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

5 minutes ago, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

I use Voidlight to just mysteriously make the rock disappear

There was never a rock in the first place, so I allow you to succeed. I also won our game of rock paper scissors and collect the sandwich as my prize. I take it back to Arrakis for safekeeping. 

[NerdSandwich she/her]

I follow you to Arrakis and take the Sandwich in revenge

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

I politely ask the space monkey army to vapourise Arrakis.

Edited November 22, 2025 by Ink and Embers
Spag

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

On 11/21/2025 at 11:12 AM, YouCantHaveMySandwich said:

I follow you to Arrakis and take the Sandwich in revenge

I catch you and give a long lecture about how taking the sandwich isn't considered polite unless I'm doing it. I then reveal the results of my experiments... sandworms with legs! AKA sandcaterpillars! I ask you to hold still so they can devour you. 

15 hours ago, Ink and Embers said:

I politely ask the space monkey army to vapourise Arrakis.

I appear next to you and politely mention that Arrakis is shielded from external vaporising, lazers, or anything of the sort. I then snap my fingers and the forces of the Banana Republic, who had, entirely forgotten, been at war with the space monkey army for a long while, disintegrate the space monkey's ships as a measure to ensure they didn't try anything anyways. 

[KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren He/Him]

Just now, Ashkaloda said:

I catch you and give a long lecture about how taking the sandwich isn't considered polite unless I'm doing it. I then reveal the results of my experiments... sandworms with legs! AKA sandcaterpillars! I ask you to hold still so they can devour you. 

I appear next to you and politely mention that Arrakis is shielded from external vaporising, lazers, or anything of the sort. I then snap my fingers and the forces of the Banana Republic, who had, entirely forgotten, been at war with the space monkey army for a long while, disintegrate the space monkey's ships as a measure to ensure they didn't try anything anyways. 

I imagine them looking like giant tardigrdes

Trout, having reached his God Emperor form, Commands the sandcaterpillar to hand over the sandwich.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

15 minutes ago, KaladinsSenseOfHumorSpren said:

I imagine them looking like giant tardigrdes

Trout, having reached his God Emperor form, Commands the sandcaterpillar to hand over the sandwich.

Now I can't see them any other way. 

The sandcaterpillars respectfully deny the request, noting that they no longer recognise his dominion over them and that they do not have the sandwich currently and so would be unable to hand it over, but offer Trout the chance to appeal the decision. 

[KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren He/Him]

5 minutes ago, Ashkaloda said:

Now I can't see them any other way. 

The sandcaterpillars respectfully deny the request, noting that they no longer recognise his dominion over them and that they do not have the sandwich currently and so would be unable to hand it over, but offer Trout the chance to appeal the decision. 

Trout declines.

I bring in the Seven Satrapies. Trout claims the title of Promachos and declares war on Arrakis.

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

I, as ruler of Arrakis, declare war on the Seven Satrapies. Then I shoot a giant friggin laser at them. 

@KaladinsSenseOfHumorSpren

Edited November 22, 2025 by Ashkaloda

[KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren He/Him]

1 hour ago, Ashkaloda said:

I, as ruler of Arrakis, declare war on the Seven Satrapies. Then I shoot a giant friggin laser at them. 

@KaladinsSenseOfHumorSpren

The Thousand Stars break the laser into smaller beams and refocus and reflect it back onto Arrakis, adding the power of the sun to it.

[Shalash Fell From Da Sky He/Him/Chicken]

I approach the massive laser beams and casually put one of my fake sandwich in to the laser toasting my peanut butter pickles and Saracha sandwich perfectly I then preform a chefs kiss.

I then enter and exit shadasmar as I do have the perpendicularity of ruin in my pocket and then truthwack my way to the sandwich and summon my swarm of Dak hor monks and send them to attack the enemy whilst I acquire win-thins cereal. 

Edited November 23, 2025 by Shalash Fell From Da Sky

[KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren He/Him]

12 minutes ago, Shalash Fell From Da Sky said:

I approach the massive laser beams and casually put one of my fake sandwich in to the laser toasting my peanut butter pickles and Saracha sandwich perfectly I then preform a chefs kiss.

I then enter and exit shadasmar as I do have the perpendicularity of ruin in my pocket and then truthwack my way to the sandwich and summon my swarm of Dak hor monks and send them to attack the enemy whilst I acquire win-thins cereal. 

I collapse the perpendicularity and swipe the sandwich with steel compounding

Now, for the ultimate loophole

On 10/20/2022 at 6:47 AM, AltonicKeys said:

The sandwich is whatever type that you love most. You like a PB&J? It becomes that when you take it.

What if my favourite type of sandwich is... the Nightblood+Bands of Mourning kind?

Cackling like a maniac, I stab a sandcaterpillar, compoundong nicrosil to fuel the sandwich

Also I've decided who some of the powerful folks in the 7 Satrapies are:

Promachos: Trout

Prism: Named, even though he's in TLT right now

White: Sentiend Chull Person

Black: The Maw 6

Sub-red: Also Trout I guess

Red, orange, yellow, green, blue and superviolet: No one, for now at least

Edited November 23, 2025 by KaladinsSenseOfHumorSpren