Usseewa
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Everything posted by Usseewa
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Yeah, I suppose. But, like, school is much easier to remember for me, even if I don't remember a lot. Maybe because of the structure and I really only have to remember which courses I took to trigger memories of some things that happened in those courses. But for general life? I mean it's not like I've done much anyway.. Just a few events here and there.. That's probably just an average life for ya, except I'm arguably at a loss with very very little social interaction Yeah I forgot what the dot was anyway, but I think it made no sense lol
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You've watched Good Place? (Spoiler for, like, the last episode or something) If anything, I'd want to just get another life. Hardships are what make life worth living, in my opinion. If, in some afterlife, there aren't any? Well, I don't want that. (I also don't even believe in an afterlife even though I'd perhaps like to.)
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Yeah.. I know.. but like what about the not-so-young ages? Like even just last year, I don't really know what I did, besides a few general stuff. Is that normal?
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It's not triggering but I know that I shouldn't be immersing myself in depressing stuff right now. It's.. like all that... stuff... I was talking about before wasn't really triggering but doesn't mean it was healthy for me to obsessively talk about it. Yeah.. I don't think anything fulfills me, but perhaps it does I don't remember all of my childhood. Like rn I just have a few.. like a flash of a video but it's like 2 frames of it and lasts a fraction of a second. Could just be current state rn, but yeah. I mean I.. like don't always remember what year or age something happened, but maybe that's normal idk. I guess each year it feels like the previous one.. didn't happen. Kinda. So distant.. So very distant.. For instance, despite COVID being, like, a few years long? Idk. Started in like 2020 right? Technically COVID-19.. but like I barely remember what I did during it. I remember.. like these two memories from near the start, and then the rest is blank. Like I guess if I... look for memories of certain things like school, then I remember a few things. But, like, what did I do? Was I even alive? There's no way I did nothing for years... And then like I don't really remember what life was like. Come to think of it, most of my few memories are about school.. Oh wait that was something. Yeah. Idk.
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That kinda sounds like self-hate/self-loathing not to diagnose you or anything. I may also be misinterpeting. Yeah.. I kinda get that. But also then you.. literally wouldn't exist, like I guess it's like sighing after a long day and finally getting to rest. Yeah.. Yeah.. altruism (haven't used that word in years, I believe) and the like.. well.. they make you feel good but I see them as largely useless. Depending. For stuff like donations, I see that as pretty useless in the grand scale of things. But stuff like being nice to people doesn't cost you anything and can spread like a good virus perhaps. Plus it makes you feel good. But sometimes it's kinda hard to believe that I've had any real joy in my life. Sure, I'm young, but also childhood is kinda a big part of life, right? Lots of missed opportunities... I could've also lived more than I think I have, but still. Anyway death and life purpose probably isn't the best thing to be writing about rn so yah
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@Through The Living Coder holy Veil why do I relate so much to basically everything you wrote in this entry... Also, I'm both a writer and a coder! I mean.. not Sanderson-level haha... That's interesting. Why wouldn't you want to live past death? I mean.. maybe not if it means eternal punishment, but if you go to The Good Place... hehe... Anyway, well ty, I'm glad. I guess it just feels like I've accomplished nothing and been no one. Which kinda makes sense.. but yeah..
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I've always been terrified of death; I've basically had several panic attacks throughout the years, even if they weren't full-fledged panic attacks. I once thought I was going to die and spent weeks depressed. Sometimes at night I would cry myself to sleep thinking about how everyone I know will die eventually, as will I--without having done all I want. When I truly consider what death means, it scares me. It's not like getting a virus or an injury; it's permanent (in my belief). You can die with a life unfulfilled. You could get in a car accident, catch some deadly illness, be stupid. It's especially terrifying for me since I don't believe in any form of afterlife. Sometimes I grow envious of those who do. I'm not sure if I've ever welcomed the thought of dying, because it would mean dying having lived a meaningless life. It would mean a wasted life, a wasted wonderful opportunity. I only get one life, and I should at least do something with it. I'll only be here for so long, I should be somewhat happy during that time--that time that feels endless and finite at once.
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i want hrt... I don't like my face i keep just shutting my mouth and biting my tongue or grinding my teeth or something because i keep having a stupid dull face when i shouldn't and i can't help it
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yeah i guess i haven't been following that at all..
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first? before what? I'll probably eat soon ig. ive been hungry for hours but ignoring/forgetting it cuz it's dull and i was occupied mentally unable includes thinking and talking more than basics I'll.. try making an effort to take better care of myself
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Thanks... I just feel sick and hungry and thirsty and tired and mentally-incapable of anything and depressed but can't do anything
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I think I'm feeling dysphoria but idk what's wrong, besides the last few days I just haven't felt like myself I guess. Or not the new self. Like I...don't feel... girly like I did before. I feel more depressed kinda or dull and different and for some reason... feel like a guy... but I don't like that.. Like idk even wearing new clothes doesn't bring me joy and I feel both helpless like I want to scream but not enough motivation, strength, or something else to do so. It's kinda hard to describe everything aside from that I feel different. Edit: and like when I write stuff (including this) it doesn't feel like me. It feels maybe like there's a layer between me and it. @Hmmm lies I was also trying out new meds that I'm stopping today so we'll see? I felt better last night/late evening so that's good.
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k
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ok..? why are u angy
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Which doesn't necessarily mean after everything I write... MUAUHF Anyway I absolutely hate the title "The Frozen Man" so I'ma actually change it
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... it's from https://www.17thshard.com/blogs/entry/1476-20260321-rightful-terror/
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You could just make them insane uwu actually wait a sec... Is this perhaps inspired by The Frozen Man? Also idk if taln has pings on
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POV firemoss
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I like ur pfp lol
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... I'd PM the mods.. and ask
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Hehehe...
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I didn't mean that way, I mean you worded it oddly "Try this new, FREE thing! Download with just a few clicks, and it's super simply to set up! HERE CLICK THIS LINK: UwU" sorry if i sound rude
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Sis that sounds like a paid sponsorship-type thing.. Ooh it has TAS? Maybe
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Are the controls easy on laptop/PC? Cuz sometimes games where I need to use like Z and X and C or whatever in addition to WASD, and then for some reason Space or some random key instead of W to jump, etc. are hard. I can prolly figure out how to hook up one of my janky PS4-controller-ripoffs to it. Also how do you mod it? Like.. is it like romhacking or more like Minecraft modding? Does it easily allow modding or do you have to figure it out yourself? I'm fine with either tbh. Also it's pretty cheap on Steam rn
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Guys I really wanna play Celeste for some reason is it good? Also I remember someone saying something about it being depressing/dysphoric?
