Usseewa
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Everything posted by Usseewa
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This is the second day, I think. Maybe third, idk. Also I didn't do bandages for all of them, even if they bled a little, cuz I can't spare. Or I didn't notice the blood until later. Are u stressed? U can probs be stressed and depressed, idk. Also: Finally
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Just... one.. more... edit: hey, at least I haven't SH'd today. Huh, just realized. To be fair I also slept in and played Celeste for an hour or two. Also... I ate some lunch today! (I skipped the last two days...) Yeah, true.
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True, I think I get it. But you also can't really do anything in life. Maybe this next part applies to me more than you (or maybe both, idk), but is it better to be locked in a room writing about/reflecting on the outside world, or is it better to experience it yourself? For me, I write about wanting to live, and yet here I am, not living. Idk.
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Oh yeah, true Why would it not mean anything?
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I feel that too. But.. even if you make yourself depressed, in the end you're still depressed. If you're feeling very down one day, and you force yourself to feel happy, and it works, then is that so wrong? I guess it's a little different, or feels different, but also ask yourself why you're making yourself feel that way? For me, perhaps the most prevalent naturally-occurring emotion is anger. I think that's a side effect of depression or something. But, I'm sure you've sometimes felt genuine emotions you didn't have to force yourself to feel. Like, if you aren't paying attention to your mind and then you realize you're smiling at a joke or just.. something, like nature. Or the same but you suddenly realize you're sad. Idk if this is helping at all lol. Besides.. if you have a hard time with emotions and need to force yourself to feel them, that could be an issue itself. Maybe related to depression or something, idk. Have you talked with a therapist about it? I'm just saying you could probably get some help for it, if you want to feel emotions more. Idk, maybe I misunderstood or something. Yeah..
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If it helps, I feel the same. At least I did for a while. And, it doesn't matter if someone has it worse than you, it's not a competition, or shouldn't be. I know how you feel though.
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The cuts aren't that deep or long... do I need to keep using bandages for a while? I don't really have enough. Thanks It's kinda hard to type or use computer for a long time, because it gets uncomfortable. And of course I cut myself on both arms so my dominant one too...
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uhh.. well I want to say Shaped, just cuz that's the title of the story.
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It's... normal? Two of them are under bandaids so I can't check how they look unless I take them off. But they don't feel overly warm. If they are infected, is it serious? Can I just... treat it myself? I'll get medical attention if I need to, though..
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Wait what ohno
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Woooo nice (sorry I'm not the best at feedback) is this an original world/magic system?
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I like it Whill, Shaper, Willshaper?
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Yeah, I'm out to everyone at this point. Also, do you mind responding to my new MHC post?
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well... I was playing Minecraft with two other people, but we had our physical IRL bodies. One of the people was my teammate or something, and the other was trying to... kill us. The one trying to kill us could track us and had very good weapons, while we had nothing. My teammate had some stuff actually, but I had basically nothing. Me and my teammate ended up running very very far out, and got a little break. But then we saw the killer person was catching up (I guess we could track them too). We didn't have enough time to destroy the signs of our presence, so we started digging underground to hide (because I guess the tracking was off cuz dreams are weird, so we thought we could hide and the killer would pass by). However, it was very hard to dig and me barely made any progress and I tried covering up stuff and blocking view of me for when the killer would show up, but it didn't work and I was exposed on all sides basically... It was like if you've ever had a dream where you try running from something but you just can't. You keep slowing and having to... start running again. Or you are off balance or something. Then, I saw the killer a bit away (we were in a cave I guess). The killer saw us probably because they were soon there with us. I was basically panicking, because this was essentially my life on the line. There was... some inkling of being able to respawn but not really? Or maybe not. Idk, it was very dire. And I didn't really have any hope, I knew I would die. I was extremely outmatched, and could barely move aside or do anything aside from stumbling and fumbling. SH/Gore/Violence Before that (I think), it was IRL and people were deadnaming me by accident. And someone... said I should take pride or realize the importance in my old/dead name? And I was like "what!?" and they thought I was being rude or something... Yeah. Every time someone deadnames me (which isn't that often, thankfully...) it's just... it feels like I disconnect from reality? I also don't really know how to feel other times. But I just want it forgotten (my deadname). Then I had this weird thing that was... maybe a half-dream or something? Cuz I looked up sleep paralysis and hypnagogic hallucinations (which are common, usually harmless, hallucinations when you're falling asleep or something like that) a bit ago (cuz I look up random stuff and convince myself I have it...) So basically I might've been somewhat awake or completely asleep and just dreaming, idk. But I kept opening my eyes a little for like a second or less and then closing, and I heard stuff and imagined stuff... idk. The Minecraft dream was pretty terrifying cuz I was being chased, knowing I can't escape, can't rest, and will die (like, IRL die) if they caught me. What's 340?
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I do remember the nightmare from last night
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I agree with Aeo. You don't have to write a novel tho. You could do short stories. Though a "novel" would be fine too. Idk.
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CW/TW: Self-harm, depression, possible interpretation as suicide/suicidal ideation, dissociation I think. Spoilered for the above CW/TW's. Also note that it might be a bit long. Sorry if it gets repetitive or whatever. I'm still posting my writing... and I'm trying to improve with my newer stuff. Note that the next entries will be posted one-per-day in the following days. I also took a bit of a break from writing... so there'll be less than you may think. If you feel I shouldn't have posted this or other depressing stuff, let me know, I guess. - Lily
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SH
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"huh" "I... I don't know.." *her brain implodes into a black hole, causing Star's to do the same*
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The Longest Thread https://www.17thshard.com/forums/topic/68760-the-longest-thread-misadventures/ It's like an RP or something idk, but has been going on for a while and is literally the longest thread on the site These are totally tubular lol btw I added Star's Law and CG0Z's Law, is there any I missed? Looks like Coder's Proposition hasn't been fully accepted yet? What about Ink's proposed Law? Ink's: "Can I propose a law that no one ever understands what's happening, and if anyone begins to, Star immediately dies?" Coder's: "Yeah Physics kinda just... doesn't here. Tbh rules are kinda just arbitrary you can chose not to follow them, and that also applies to physics now, we decided" Sorry lol I can't keep up with this thread but I love it That's kinda sweet lol I agree
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What's an @Usseewa? What's a me?
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yeah, that's a good idea.. I'm talking to a crisis hotline again edit: update, I'm feeling much better, for now. I think it helped to talk about stuff. I'll try to.. stay strong until I can meet with my therapist. But yeah.
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yeah ... that could be something I'm feeling
