Mags

*sigh* went to book club

it was like 20 minutes long which was fine I guess.

It's just so . . . so weird because everyone else there knows each other and I definitely feel like an outsider. It's also almost entirely made up of preppy-taylor-swift girlys, which obviously stereotypes aren't good, but it's a group of people I've never really been a part of and so it makes me feel even more singled out. The people are super nice though, from what very little I interacted with them. It's just really hard to get out of my own head when it comes to this sort of thing. It's honestly really silly that I find these girls so intimidating when I'm older then most of them.

And on another note, you'd think that people going to a club for a specific subject would be passionate about a subject but . . . This clubs seems more like popular kids all being forced by their 1 or 2 friends who actually like reading to go. I know it's just a high-school club and I shouldn't've expected it to be super into reading, but on the other hand, why are you complaining about having to read the book when you're going to a book club? I don't know . . .

I was thinking of trying to go to the Shakespeare club instead one of these times, because I heard it's a much smaller group of people. Plus I feel like people who actively want to read Shakespeare are more likely to be . . . I don't know . . . nerds? Weirdos? And then I would feel less out of place??? But then that might just be me trying to deflect the reason I'm having a hard time from my own lack of social skills onto the club itself. It'd probably be the same with another club, even if the vibe is different. Maybe I'm just not made for highschool clubs, or at the very least highschool clubs that I don't already know people in.

Do colleges usually have clubs? I feel like I have heard that but not about mine specifically.

On another note, we're going to be reading Star Girl for the club, which is a book I have never read so that's lucky. It's like 200 pages, and we're supposed to read it over the next 6 weeks (We'll be meeting a few times to talk about it). One good thing about reading Brando Sando so early is that I've completely altered how my brain sees the length of a book lolol. I could definitely knock this bad boy out in a week, but I'll try to restrain myself so I can hopefully stay in the discussion.

Speaking of which, these first two meetings have mostly just been setting up the club, and next time we'll finally get in to talking up the book itself, so maybe that will make it better. (Like, instead of people just listening to instructions and staying with their friends we'll all sit and talk together? Or maybe that's wishful thinking).

In the end I just need to learn how to be less ashamed of myself for existing in new places, but I'm not sure how to do that at all.

They did have sliced apples with cream cheese marshmello dip stuff and it was really good though. I love free food