The Aspiring Archivist

Well, that's also an issue. What isn't, at this point?

The main concern is a final essay that's due tomorrow morning. Revising an essay, especially since it's too late now to ask for feedback from anyone, is not something I feel like I can do.

I can give feedback

[hey I'm glad strides are being made here, but I've literally gotten 69 notifications from this SU already so imma kindly ask you guys to take it to a PM]

Okay, you all are just lying to me.

Hall-u-cinations *clapclap* good for the nations *clapclap*

*Rethrows Master ball at Shiny*

Maybe I could do that. I guess I just feel like that doesn't live up to my supposed potential. People would always joke about how I was gonna cure cancer or something. They assumed that I would at least somehow make something important of myself. I think I believed it. Now I just feel like a useless idiot.

You aren’t useless, Archie. You don’t have to do something the world will remember you for to be incredible.

That's the secret, Archie, we're all idiots. Despite whatever knowledge we may achieve, there's always something more. Something beyond the boundaries of science and human knowledge. So, therefore, we are all ignorant fools pretending to know things.

But you aren't useless, Archie. You don't have to do something the world will know and remember in the long term. Who knows, maybe you will make a difference. If not for the world, for at least one person. And if that person is yourself, it is still someone. 

I think Symph is refering to suicide. Which is was I was refering to as the alternative.

I don't imagine it'll ever come to that. Like I said, I could be wrong, And I have support available, I just need to make myself get it. I don't want you all to worry about that.

I loved that, Aspiring. 

It's a good poem.

It describes a mood I sometimes have too well...

ye, still got loads... and loads... and loads of cousins in Utah, so who knows! You might know some Ghostbloods (for lack of giving my last name)

Wow, @Edema Ruh that is a staggering number of secondary and tertiary connections.

It really truly is, I want to make something work so bad.

I think its a bit more complicated than that, but thanks anyway.

Unfortunately, none of my assignments are anything anyone can really help with.

Sorry, good luck. I hope it gets better 

The day has started and where I once felt pain, I feel peace.

Instead of feeling overwhelmed, I think I can do this

Maybe…but that voice still whispers

What if you can’t?

You know your tendencies

You know what you will do

I scream at the voice

Begging it to go away

But with each passing second

It only grows stronger

On and on it grows

Leaving me sick to my stomach

Skewing my view of the world

Tilting my vision

Hamstringing my ability to function

To do anything

Is there an end?

Is there a way out?

And the darkness seeps into my vision

Obscuring my view of all that was bright and beautiful

Ending my joy

Perhaps it’s my fault

No it was always my fault.

 

Suddenly a light shines through the dark

A friend’s radiant smiles falls upon me

And a little of the darkness begins to fade

Their hand reaches down

And I reach up

My mound of problems looms before

But with a friend by my side

I can do it

Or so I think

With a friend

The impossible becomes possible

The darkness turns to light

And they can turn my sadness 

Into laughter

Joy

And Excitement

It's better than what I was feeling most of today

That's good

I’m glad 

I hope your good mood continues.

*blinks* did I hear you right? You’ve requested more of my work??

It's fun to read and give feedback on

*bes happy* 

Kay, I’ll add that to my agenda. I keep getting distracted with side projects (funny cuz HS is a side project) but I’ll try to finish another scene. Hehe. Eventually. 

Thank you all for the kind messages.

I have no intention of doing anything yet. The poem is more of a combination of existential musing and worries I have about what might happen in the future, and are beginning to happen now,

And it's those kinds of worries that you all have that make me feel guilty about sharing this.

Don't feel guilty. Please, don't feel guilty. Don't feel guilty for making me say don't feel guilty because you said I don't want to make you feel guilty. I'll stop now. But seriously. It makes me, and I'm sure people on the Shard as a whole, so much happier knowing that you trust us to listen to the things you share and that we can try to help.

Sorry if I've confused you

I think I'll stick with this one

 

Quote

Also, did you just move your background to be same same alignment as mine?

Nope. I never changed it.

Wow, I really did copy you. I was just looking at the possible alignments and I thought having the star in the middle would be cool.

The only difference seems to be that mine is a little lower and a bit higher resolution.

*sits in the corner and thinks about books*

I just sat down nearby where I tend to sit and read. And he kept reading. And that was that.

Well it sounds like you’re similar people!

I don't know if there's anything I can say, but sometimes hope is small. I get stressed and confused when people tell me to hope because it seems so big and like there's no steps to get to that point. But I feel like sometimes hope is incredibly small and specific. You might not be able to feel any reason to keep going, but did you see a cool cloud that made you smile for a second? Did you read or write 1 good sentence? 

It seems impossible, but sometimes the tiniest things add up. 

I don't know if I'm making sense or if anything I could ever say might help, but I hope you find a thousand tiny things that make you happy for a thousand tiny seconds. 

You are the coolest person and I hope that things start looking up soon

I don't know if there's anything I can say, but sometimes hope is small. I get stressed and confused when people tell me to hope because it seems so big and like there's no steps to get to that point. But I feel like sometimes hope is incredibly small and specific. You might not be able to feel any reason to keep going, but did you see a cool cloud that made you smile for a second? Did you read or write 1 good sentence? 

It seems impossible, but sometimes the tiniest things add up. 

I don't know if I'm making sense or if anything I could ever say might help, but I hope you find a thousand tiny things that make you happy for a thousand tiny seconds. 

You are the coolest person and I hope that things start looking up

Thanks. There are the occasional moments, but I just can't hold on to them. They don't feel worth everything else.

If you're writing a book, yes.

In an RP? It can be good to have those kinds of things defined, but you don't have to.

Important thing to remember is that a person's investment in an RP is usually proportional to the amount of creation they've done for it. So if you don't leave room for player creativity, it will be harder to grab people's attention.

I don't know. I might just try to develop one city or area or so, but that's still hard.

Would it be better to let the players choose the magic? I feel like the only problem with that might be one of balancing.

Worldbuilding's a lot easier with someone to bounce ideas off of (if more fraught with potential conflicts).

There are a lot of ways to deal with balancing. Probably the simplest is just asking "don't be too OP" and working with people to keep within the limits you have in mind.

As a side note, I've been thinking of trying out a new style where the players have more or less complete control over their characters, but not the world. I don't know if that would fit well with what you have in mind, but it is something I would be invested in.

That is definitely going to mess with me

Wait whaaaat I just noticed . I use pfps and not names for people I recognize this this is very disconcerting 

 

That's very good, Wizzy

Thank you all for participating in the survey.

Yes ofc Mr. Archie!

Thank you. I'm still sorry, though.

You don’t need to be, though I know that won’t change the feelings.

I love unsolvable puzzles

Also I am totally going to find a song that people will kill my voice for

Probably

Sleep is death with ads though.

In the end it will all work out. Good luck and a focused mind to you!

Do not question the SansSparkles!

They're one of the old people of the Shard, one of the ancients.

They were one of the ones who really were a part of the Reckoners rp in its heyday. One of those who posted many memes when there were more active people who gave rep to everyone, apparently (that's what it seems like, at least) when everyone made more jokes and posted avidly on the meme threads...

Ah... Interesting.

@Ookla the Black Sock I was part of Reckoners' RPG. It was actually really good at teaching me how characters worked and how they perceive things. I did join after twi left, but it was the last few breaths of the RRPG anyways.

And no, we were not a cult that gave people rep for free. It just happened that most of the posts there were really good. 

For a good starter or idea, read the first post of "What happened in Portland." Twi is a legend for that.

@Ookla the Abstract Twi was the founder of the RRPG

huh, the new Shard link thing looks so cool.

Hey, that embedded Shard link has a rep count... weird.

You can also see rep count from your profile

 

Not yet

Humph 

Why

7000 is a big number…

Well yeah, but like...snow makes regular life so much better. 

Both those poems are amazing!

the average this winter has been around -15 (low) to 5 (high), though there have been some 30-40 days lately (today was 2 degrees

I love how Root has become a part of the Shard-

Maybe, one day, I'll tell y'all the origins of Root.

Isn’t it just rootbeer without the beer?

SHHHHHHH

ITS MORE THAN THAT

IT

IS

ROOT!!

Should I sleep?

YUP 100 PERCENT

good night Archie :).

I know about all of those reasons, but sometimes I just don't care enough to think about them or let them register. There are things like that that I do, and they can help for a little while, but they all just feel temporary and sort of meaningless after the fact.

What is meaning but something created by humans?

And... does there have to be a meaning? Do things have to all be a part of some big thing? I know that feels weird coming from the guy who always is going on about grand designs, but, well... not everything has to be there. Not everything has to mean something. And, in that, it makes it far more meaningful to me.

Everything is temporary and, from a lot of people's point of view, meaningless. Every single little thing is, in the end, temporary.

But that's the thing. Think of a song sung by a bird that you will never get to hear agin. Think of the life of someone you knew who you loved, but who you may never get to talk with again. Think of a delicious food that you at that you will ever eat again because you simply can't find it.

All of these things are meaningless and temporary, but they are still worth experiencing. They are still inherently wonderful.

I know that probably didn't help, but I'll continue here with something that might.

If you can't walk, crawl; if you can't crawl, roll; if you can't roll, inch forward as much as you can. If you can do none of those, fight for the ability to do those things. It's all about doing your best.

Pro tip: don't focus on what you're doing wrong, what you've done wrong and what could go wrong. Focus on what you've done right, what you could do right and how it all would go right. It's hard, I know, I truly know, my friend. I've been there more times than I could explain. I've been in the hard moments, though perhaps not as hard as you are describing. Nonetheless, I can emphasize and at least get extremely close to knowing it. 

If everything is meaningless, so are your mistakes. So are your victories. But, then, why do people think they have meaning?

Because, in assigning it meaning, it gets a million times more meaningful to them. Importance is whatever the storming rusts we want it to be, for the most part. 

If people assign meaning to things, then, well then, why not start valuing those victories. Why not start discarding the failures like dirt coming off in a shower?

Another tip: find what's relaxing and focusing to you and do that thing as often as you possibly can. Do those things that help as often as possible too. It may not work at all at first, but as you continue to do as many of the things as you want to and can, then I can bet that it will at least get a little bit better.

At least a little bit.

That inkling of an iota of things getting better can mean more than the moon, the sun and the stars. It means that it is possible to get better. Those brief moments of getting better are not a sign of happiness being temporary, they're a sign of happiness existing. They're a sign of the possibility of being there always.

This response was a bit scatter brained, but I need to go finish Biology, so I can't edit it at all.

I think about my own psychology a lot, so this is stuff that's fine to mine before. I have my understanding of what gives something meaning, and I recognize that the perspectives I've mentioned are pessimistic. But sometimes I just don't feel the meaning, and sometimes I have trouble believing in the more positive perspective. I don't know what to do about that.