Chinkoln

Suddenly Chinkoln collapsed, only to stand back up again. "I am Chinkoln's pet. I won't tell you what animal I am because you might consider it to be enslavement. Chinkoln is tired so leaves me in control of his body. I will serve you as best I can."

"Alright then, did I mention how great you are looking today? You are awesome and great and great and great and not going to hit me right?"

Look, Kim Jong Un said he would nuke all of America if we didn't send him a birthday card. You sent him that card, right? An endoscopy

Chinkoln starts to look bewildered. "Is there something I am missing? We have weapons that can summon tornadoes, are made of light, burn what they touch, are really lightweight, can suck your soul, and are in seemingly limitless supply. Why are we scared of this monster? And why am I going to be jumping around to distract it? Unless y'all have REALLY good aim, I think I am more likely to die than the monster."

In reference to both real life and "The Fellowship of the Thing", I am an otter. I don't need to obey the laws of the universe, it takes to much time and energy to obey those silly things.

"Well, we still have a minuscule, insignificant amount of time before the terrible, murderous monster gets here. Does anyone want some fish stew to get some energy?"

"Y'all look ridiculous right now, like heroes out of a storming comic book!" Chinkoln laughed. "I'm sure I will look ridiculous in a minute as I dance wildly around the thing, trying not to be eaten, dismembered, stomped, slapped, crushed, or maimed, but y'all look silly!"

"I'm an otter, I don't need to follow the laws of physics. The last time I sat down and talked with gravity, she decided I was so cute that the bottom of my feet needed to be visible, so I just started floating away." Chinkoln said off-handedly.

Chinkoln walks over and stands on the low blade while holding on to the high blade. “Perfect vantage point, thanks for the platform.”

“You know, this monster isn’t very smart” Chinkoln says as Queen and Kindness walk away. “If it were, it would just realize we have been walking in a straight line, then it would go ahead of us and ambush us.”

Chinkoln does a series of flips and maneuvers that can't be named, landing in a defensive stance. He pauses, then picks up a rock and throws it at Fadran's sword. It connects with a solid *pling*. Chinkoln nods his head appreciatively. "Maybe that long feather will be of use after all."

I know, but you said it was okay because it didn't have caffeine, but that isn't the reason it is okay. The reason it is okay is that it has been specifically pardoned by the prophet.

My deepest and greatest fears are 1. I will get a B in a class at school 2. I will not be in the highest degree of the celestial kingdom when I die 3. I will be dating someone that I am in love with, I graduate, I go on a mission, I get back from my mission and they got engaged to someone a week before I got back. 4. People will judge me too quickly (I know that everyone thinks that they are great and amazing people that should be liked, but I am serious, everyone who reserves judgment until they really get to know me thinks I am amazing. Everyone else who judges immediately thinks I am some annoying rich kid who is perfect and therefore, annoying.)

Well is there a general area that you live in? Maybe someone does live near you. I live in my house on **** Street, City, State, The Middle of Antarctica, 44444

I will take responsibility, you may rant your heart out at me if it will make you feel better.

Older than 5 would be... *computing* answer generated. Age = π

"Well, I will refer you back to an earlier post where I revealed *plot twist* that I have OCD, dyslexia, ADHD, ADD, and TMS" Chinkoln replied while doing a triple backflip.

"Mentally, physically, magically, or emotionally?"

While we were having some friendly banter at Fadran's sake, the monster had kept coming towards us, uncaring for comedic timing and humorous pauses. "Fadran, your sewing needle could really come in handy right now," Chinkoln said, sounding EXTREMELY worried. "I may be pretty powerful, but I may have also forgotten the tiny detail of my powers being really fickle and unreliable." *cough* "They aren't working right now. Our only viable plans are to kill it with your pencil sharpener while I distract it, or try to entice it with my fish stew. Opinions?"

"Like I said, I start to grow on you, like a Fungus, Fangus, Fadgas, Fadran. I start to grow on you like a Fadran."

"Well, I can't protect you directly, but I can distract it. You see, in case you didn't notice, I am an otter, and we are very flexible and acrobatic, so I can dodge and distract, while Fadran hits it with his big stick cookie cutter."